The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i dont get this...rom the time i can ever recall,my mom keeps sayin that am a saddist..i havent yet figured out y the hell does she keep sayin that and keeps makin me feel that am not at all good and am some kind o thing that attracts evil not only to me but aqlso for those who love me and is around me....am i real evil?

i dont believe so...am a believer of God...i dont pray much...but i consider God to be my guide and friend and i ask His help every time to calm me down myself and be stronger after every little fall i have in my life..but i dont understand onething..no matter how much i try and whatever difference i bring about in my life,everything goes even worser.....i once thought that i lknew what true love was..but now my lover denies me,my parents does....OMG....what is really happening to me...no one has really time to listen to me nor hear what am saying...this is the only place i can actually say what i feel in my mind..no matter if anyone reads it or not..i used to write diary but others keen to find it n read...n when i get pissed i have a very bad tendancy to wish bad for those who pissed me off n it does happen as i wanted sooner or later and i feel sorry and guilty...my anger exist only for few min....but its very hard for me to control it...................all says that they r fed up of life bcoz of me..all means my parents actually....n i donyt have any interest in living too...am living bcoz am not dead....n love...i dont trust it anymore n i think i dont know what real love is....as for now...

i tried to find my life aim ..but no way out...n thought of suicide many years back..but understood its not the right way out...

i may not b so gud ,but i surely dont wanna b evil....but things that fancy me is odd..according to others around me....i love animal more than humans...i am comfortable talking to animals and love staring at their eyes...n i believe in all myths,witch-craft,magic,curses..n all..i believe that they r real...miracles and unexplained things...super natural things...i believe in strongly....just as much as i trust in God......



my mom says that i act weird at times..as if am possessed..but y?i just outburst bcoz i cant hold my anger for self anymore n she says that am possessed....or else she keeps sayin..am saddist,evil minded,bad luck...........whats this...why is it always like this.....y do peaople digging up my past...i regret many things that i have done in my past..but am trying to accept what i learned n go on further expecting better...but all keep digging up my past n drives me crazy....yelling at me literally...............



now he is lookin frwd to get me to some psych hospital....somewhere far from where i live....she really thinks am nuts????OMG ....i just cant believe it.......i wish i could finish my degree soon n find my way out...i love them...i really do love them a lot.....................but ......i need peace..............





ok i am feeling so good now....my outburst..its calmed...thanks vr....that i din have to think all these over n over n fight with my parents....n so on....i hope i will b able to clearly speak out my voice once am independent....hhoooooooo........now...i cant even like things of my interest ..my parents starts saying .."ya....the people r different now...they love only the bad n evil..." what d f***ing hell?/?????i wish i had a small life span.........n if anyone has read this...ya do comment....watever u feel like....that may make me feel better...i hope so....

guess what,my life is so funny.my lover loves me like hell and he doesn't wanna lose me at any cost .....he came and talked to my parents and said he needs few years to settle down before he marries me.now,just now as we were chating he is saying not to give false hopes to my parents that am gonna marry him...he says i love you for sure but marriage is something i haven't thought yet......he says that i can marry anyone i want and still continue the sex relation between us as nothing as ever happened....i just dont know what the f*** am to do now...what am i to say my parents,or the one who would marry me...........................i don't wanna be a bitch ..i wont cheat on my husband ever................................but i wonder how the hell could my lover talk like this to me......................am confused and dont know what to do...........................

i feel so unwanted in this world...its all my fault,those things i did so far were acceptable to the society and my parents....i feel like am the biggest waste of the world...i thought of ending my life..but my heart doesnt give up...i dont know what to do..........i wanna live but,but when my actions hurt others ..i feel am not someone who deserve to be with anyone or anywhere......................i just dont get a trust worthy friend nor anyone to talk to..................................i have a lover ..i love him so much..but now he also dont get time to talk to me bcoz of his duty.....and overloaded work..i am feeling so lonely and self pity..still another part of my heart says that am fine and am capable of handling myself......i just dont know what to do......things were just the right way i wanted it to be ,4 years back...the mother's day..i did everything to keep her happy and still.............am still useless and unwanted.........i just feel like running away to somewhere but cant do that too..i dont want to cause a bad name for the family.............