Really depressed and in a bad mood today lucky I have been home alone since this morning …been napping off and on since just feel drain and blah.
So I get a package in the mail. I didn’t order anything. I jokingly said maybe it’s a dead animal from my stalker. Then I saw it was from my aunt whom I haven’t spoken to in about 7 years.
But all I sensed is that it was indeed something dead. So I open the box saying out loud it’s probably someone’s ashes.
There was a card enclosed and surprise but no surprise it was more of my dead Dad’s ashes which I already had some in my possession so I can fulfill his wishes to be taken to the pier and released.
I guess she thought my children would want some of his ashes but wait there’s more there are marbles and sea shells mixed in these small jars of his ashes.
All I’m thinking is why do this after all this time? My kids don’t even remember him he wasn’t around them he lived out of state and only visited one time and that was only when my oldest was a baby.
They didn’t know him. I’m trying to process what the fuck it is I’m supposed to do with all these pieces of him in small mason jars.
I had moved on yes I still have bad days but more good days now. I was satisfied with what was given to me. Now I don’t even know how to feel or what to do.
I wanted to be cremated but now I think I may just want to be buried to keep this from happening to my remains. I keep shaking my head thinking what the fuck. Yes the anniversary of his death is looming near within the week. Honestly I’m not sure if this was just another under handed way to get to me or just her trying to think what she has done to wrong me and maybe she thinks I feel like I wasn’t given enough when it came to losing him when I was literally given what little that he had that was sold and given money for in return. None of those things will ever make up for the fact that I can’t call him up and hear his voice again. None of it will make that he’s gone any less painful. Just what the fuck?
Thank you Neinmortlan for my updated avatar image. I love it! ;)
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