The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my grandfathers passing. He gave me so much yet cancer took him away. Twelve long years that beast called cancer claimed body parts, slowly eating him away. What was once a proud and relentless man; weakened to the knees in pain. I cried for hours, knowing I would never hear his voice again. Knowing I would never be able to beat him in a game of name that band. The man who gave me my music taste, I had to borrow cds such as Puddle of Mud, Rancid, and Goldfinger from him. He was a hero, no doubt at all. I walk each day, wondering if he would be proud of me. Wondering if he's up in heaven looking down at me; shaking his head and saying, that dumbass. I make it through the days, as hard as they were to begin with. I've created something of a shell instead of a shelter. I no longer see things as they once were, no sugar coated fantasy's about life; no cotton candy dreams of the future. I have to face this reality, yet again that he's gone.

I made the mistake of reading entries on my favorites journey's list. Three of them stated recent posts about lost. I can't feel as if I relate to their problems; I know in my heart I don't. I've never lost a lover-in death at least- I've never had a child to lose. My experience with losing my grandfather can't be compared. I am very grateful I left the hospital within minutes of his passing; I wouldn't be able to handle seeing the life leave him. My family described it as if he was trying not to go, but obviously he couldn't help it. I hated hearing that. As a child of an abusive alcoholic mother, I find weakness...strange. I don't like admitting weakness, it bugs me. But I digress. The point is, I realized how little I have in common with those who I once knew and that even in death my grandfather still finds ways to make me laugh. His death was not easy to overcome, I'm still recovering. I'm just happy he's not with us anymore suffering.

Till the next writing bug bites;

Angelica