Okay lets begin that it has nothing to do with anyone here okay.
I got a message Sunday from a friend who decided to move to the States, he met a woman on line and this was about ten years ago now. Yes we did date but we just were not ready to be together so we parted but anyways he messaged me that his wife wants to dump him and make other arrangements etc etc. Stupid me I felt sorry for him well it has been ten years and people change hell I did. So we are talking non stop and things going well and I messaged him saying hugs cannot wait till you get back here and then he tells me he was almost busted because his cheap phone did not lock in which is bullshit they all do in someway...... he said you are going to get me homeless and this was yesterday night. He told me I will message you when I am alone and she is not around.........okay red flags went up and I knew right then the fucker just wanted to have fun on the side and wanted me to eventually take him in and pay for his trip back here. I was so caught up in all this I know now the red flags appeared but I ignored them......I guess loneliness makes you act so stupid and you really miss the romantic and blah blah blah bull crap.
He told me he was afraid to be homeless and if she found out she would do that and all the while he lied to me in the first place and was too afraid to leave his wife and blah blah the whole pity me game. He says he so broke and no job, he is a musician he can busk on the street and get some coin and just get out there and try!!!!
I do not want to break up a marriage, I do not want a chicken shit of a man who cannot stand on his own too feet. I do not want a man that has to rely on me for anything, I do not want a man to sponge off me and not love himself enough to grow a set of balls and just get on with it. I do not need a man period to make me happy and he thinks I can make him happy sure I can but if he cannot make himself happy and rely on me to make him happy no way in hell is that going to be my burden to bare. He is a healthy man strong enough to pick up rocks or shovel shit I do not care what he would have had to do.
The only time I would ever be a man's care giver if he was terminally ill and we have been together forever, or a man whom is ill but he knows still how to take care of himself and not feeling sorry for himself. My god what he was telling me was and could be a fucking sad typical country song.
So now he is blocked and gone. Bye Bye now.
You know that saying people tell you when you have a baby to relish the time you have with them as babies because they grow up so fast? Well that is so true so true. My little witchlet is growing up so fast and becoming more and more independent everyday. I remember her so helpless and small and so so needing me. Watching her take her first steps and being so proud she did and saying her first words, as a parent you are so proud and happy you no longer have to change that yucky poopy diaper and they can feed themselves. Then when you watch them make their own peanut butter sandwich, getting dressed and using the bathroom all on their own makes you sad and wanting to hold them again and doing things for them. You are so happy when they do all those things then your sad because they are getting more and more grown up. One day they will be on their own and independent from you.
I am so proud of her for doing what she is doing now, and sad at the same time and now I know how my own parents would have felt too. I know she will always need me in someway as she grows up because she will still have to learn from me like my own mother and I still have so much to learn from her. I am so glad i have that close relationship with my mother because she has taught me so much of my own self because she was taught by her own mother and it goes on and on.
It is so funny how the circle goes on and one and the connections with each generation of the female kind. You know we as children are the only ones that has ever been close to our mother's hearts and litterley. We are the only ones that heard it from inside of her.
Elizabeth knows my heart from the sound when she was in my womb and now she knows it from my own actions as a mother outside of it. I know hers too when I see her look out from the bus as she leaves and she wants to stay home with me but little does she know she is growing as a young girl and facing the world like I did when I first went to school.
I told her be proud of yourself for doing what you are doing. These are your first steps leaving mommy for a new adventure and new chapter in your own book. I just hope as she grows that I can be like my mother was with me and she takes what I learned from my mother all the good things she taught me into her own life.
Truth hurts when you love someone like your child right to your very core. A bittersweet truth
I do not know what to title this one but, this is what happened yesterday with a spelling test Elizabeth did last Friday and she was very upset about itL
We where walking home from the bus stop and she said mommy I think you might be mad at me. I said why would I be mad at you did you do something wrong at school and she replied yes mommy.
I said to her well lets wait till we get home to talk about it okay? She had tears in her eyes and I thought oh oh what happened. I did not get a call from school today to let me know something happened.
We get home and she said it was in her backpack. I open her backpack and looked into it thinking that there was a letter from her teacher but there was nothing there, puzzled I asked her again what did you do wrong?
She said look at my spelling test. I looked at it and she only had two words wrong and the rest right.
I said baby girl you did a great job!!! You did good.
She looked at me and said you are not mad at me? I said why should I be mad?
I did not get all the words right. I laughed and put her on my lap and I said to her we all make mistakes and it takes a bit to learn words especially when you first start learning to spell, you are only just begun to learn to spell words. As long as you keep trying and learn the words you got wrong you will be a great speller.
I said to her look how your printing is becoming so much better and your learning how to print nice. I told her the rest will come in time and just printing better is worth a lot more than getting the words right right now. We will study more and practice more and you will get it.
Be proud of your little accomplishments. I am proud of you and you should proud of yourself that you are growing.
Mommy looks at her daughter run to a tree and hug it.
Mommy says Elizabeth what are you doing?
Elizabeth: Mommy you said everyone needs a hug right?
Mommy: Yes I did
Elizabeth: Well the tree needs a hug too.
With a warm loving smile she gives the tree a hug and looking at it I could actually feel the tree hug her back
You know I think if we listen to our kids once in awhile we would actually maybe perhaps change our perceptions and how we few people's appearances as they see in us. So many of us judge each other on our looks and how we dress and talk and generally the outside of ourselves. Here is a perfect example of what I am saying and what I mean.
The other day I wanted to go and get my hair cut and I told her I was, she started to cry. I asked her why are you crying? She said mommy I do not want you to cut your hair because I love you the way you are. She says the same thing when I told her mommy has to loose some weight and be healthier and she said to me and this made me so proud of her.
Mommy you are so beautiful, daddy loved you the way you are, grandma and poppa love you the way you are. Why do you want to change, why do you have be someone else? I love you mommy with all my heart please dont change.
Now that is what I call unconditional love.
Hey there folks....I would like to say a few words about my life and make things clearer about myself. I have been around for a very long time and have experienced a lot in my life, things I am very proud of and things I am not. I will admit my mistakes here in this site with men and did stupid things....yes folks I did. I was not a angel. Lol. I cybered and flirted even met up with one guy and god that was a mistake!!!! I grew up through out the years and met two amazing men in my life one was my Dom not in here and then my husband.
I am not ready to move on yet with anyone either relationship wise or especially cyber fun. I really do not want to be a bitch or go down that road again with anyone!!! My daughter is my life and anyone that comes into my life has to take on the roll her father left. No one can ever replace him to her or me but unless someone can be what I want and I have a right to be selfish because it is not just me anymore. I can’t allow anyone to come into my life wanting something I am not prepared for nor want.
Yes I am a very healthy woman just like any other woman in her let’s say late prime of her life but that does not mean I want to play. I am a different person as I have aged throughout the years. It gives you a bit of satisfaction but it is empty and hollow, many men think not all of them that a woman needs to play and be the way some do on here. I am not that woman guys. A lot are good about not wanting that with me and are gentlemen some need a slap in the face. For the most part of anyone here has been great at being just my friend and some well try and then they get the door slammed in the face.
If I ever wanted a man to return into my life he has to be something extremely different and live up to my now very high standards. He cannot just walk into my life with compliments and or flowers and candy and promises he will not keep. He cannot say to me yes I will be a father to your children or yes I work and can give you anything you need or want in life. Promises are so easily broken, it is truth and loyalty and honour, unconditional love, growth, never a competition.
Unfortunately for this place finding someone to play with is very easy but true unconditional love is very very rare. I know of only two couples here that have survived inside this place and in real life. Also because I live in a totally different country and how far apart I would be from anyone if I ever met anyone it was never work. I am not saying for anyone it would not work but fir me it would not work.
So please to anyone that thinks just because you see a woman in here or a man just assume they want to play don’t. Someone said that people will lie about if they are single and cheat on their partners that is so true they do. I will not fall into that category. For me I am not single. I am a mother. I am not single in my heart or soul. I am still married to a love that will always be with me whenever I look at her.
I am very flattered at the attention but....only to a very certain point. I will block anyone whom does not take no for a answer.
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