Honor: 144 [ Give / Take ]
53 entries this month
07:11 Jan 31 2022
Times Read: 190
I have a new favorite thing xD
I love a big, comfy hoodie. And the pink is a really nice touch. Because while I love the Gothic aesthetic, I'm also kind of a short Barbie so getting both in one is something I completely adore. It also kinda reminds me of Sailor Moon ^^
And my new dress from Dark in Love.
I do love this dress. It's kinda girly, ruffley, princessey, but also kinda badass. I am probably going to chop off the straps though.
A - Wolfie loves me in a strapless dress.
B - I don't do grommets. Grommets to me are very teen, Hot Topic goth. Killstar also overdoes it with them. I just think they're ugly so I generally don't buy things that feature them, but this is an easy fix since it's only the straps. Grommets are more basic, industrial goth. And I'm dainty, witchy, spooky, kawaii, moon goddess goth.
But otherwise, it's a beautiful dress, it can easily fit into my wardrobe especially paired with fur. I was wondering where I might even wear it. Maybe a club, but the clubs Wolfie likes to take me have more of a lingerie, leash, and collar dress code. Which is funny because when we first met I told him I wasn't going to be a part of any "Eyes Wide Shut" shit xD And then he said he'd never seen that movie so I had to show him which made him laugh. From what I've seen, and experienced I have no personal knowledge of anything that extreme, but I'm also sure it definitely exists somewhere. And Wolfie is ok with a lot of stuff. Cage dancing in public or stripping, totally fine. But full on laying me out in front of everyone? Big no. And he definitely doesn't want to share me, which I appreciate. He used to tell me that it was ok if I had the urge to explore things with another female sub because a lot of subs end up being switches, and he is never going to be submissive, he needs to be in control so if that's a side I wanted to indulge in then he would ok it because he'd rather I be up front about it if that's what I choose rather than him come home, and find me with another sub behind his back. And it made me really sad that he even for one second thought I would do that to him, behind his back or not. And honestly, if I did want to be with another sub I would only truly enjoy it if he was there watching me so... And I can occasionally have a very dominant personality, but I have no desire to explore that sexually. I love being a sub. I'm happy as a sub. I'm comforted as a sub. I'm completely fulfilled as a sub. So he really has nothing to worry about. I know that he's had subs betray him, use him, steal from him, all the terrible things, but I don't want him to ever say it's ok for me to hurt him. Don't give me permission to do something that will hurt you to justify it being ok if it happens. It's not going to happen, and he should know that. I hate that he's been so traumatized by women. I'm trying my best to make up for it. And I am pretty bitchin, he got pretty lucky when I landed in his lap❤
Ah, with the return of my face my confidence is coming back xD
03:50 Jan 31 2022
Times Read: 227
My mother was the one to drive me to the doctor, and on the way home she was telling me about all these conspiracies that her, and my oldest sister have been discussing, mainly something about the return of Jesus, and the world becoming perfect. And I said to her, mother... no offense, but everything being pure, and perfect, and flawless sounds really, really boring... Wolfie, and I were discussing this the other day. He said to me, "I just want to rule my urges, not be ruled by them. Just as human ingenuity created fire to warm us, cook our food and stave off predators, so too can we move further.. But only through control can humanity truly transcend its horrible existence. If we would teach and pick dominants and subs, in terms of character, not sexuality, there would be less rape. If we would share things, instead of ripping them apart like two angry dogs, there would be no need for war. If we removed those that hinder and destabilize society, we would have no need for enforcement. If we removed men who preach god, but are monsters, we would have no need to feel sin. A new mankind would emerge, controlled and ascendant..."
Yeah... And that's when I started humming the Darth Vader theme
Settle down, Anakin xD You can't just force people to be good. People need to choose to do right. If you're being good out of fear of punishment, or promise of reward, you're not really good at a base level. And who decides what's right or wrong anyway? And yeah, it sucks when they choose wrong, but taking away choice is taking away what makes us human. It's taking away the humanity of being human.
"Humanity is the cause of pain, my love... Is the beauty of humanity worth the pain and loss of so much?"
If we're perfect, unchallenged, whole, where do we develope our personality from? What is there to learn anymore? What is there to find if there's no need to grow? I don't like it. We wouldn't be human anymore. Humanity would be gone. Is that what God wants? To destroy humanity? How can you trust something that wants to annihilate you? All the while telling you that it'll be for your own good to take away your choices, your freedom. No, I'm not ok with that. But my mother is. Which... makes me sad. I don't want to be an unquestioning sheep put in a perfect green pasture, rewarded for blindly following the herd, and I don't want to follow a diety that demands I be mindless. Wolfie means well, but this is one thing we are totally separate on. He thinks people need to be controlled in everything. And I say to him, you love me because I'm impulsive and wild, would you love me if I were anything less? And he says to me, "I don't think I would love you if you were anything, but exactly what you are." Exactly. I hate that terrible things have to happen to people. I understand that Wolfie has a lot of trauma, a tremendous amount, and it would be amazing if the things that happened to him didn't have to happen to anyone so I get why he feels the way he does about control. But if things had happened any differently would we have met? Fallen in love? Can there be true love between two people if everyone is perfect and exactly the same? How can you love someone if they have no self? What makes a person themselves? How do you become yourself with no experience, no struggle, no conflict? It really boggles my mind, I'm starting to sound like my schizo brother xD It's interesting that I love to be a sub so much considering I value my freedom so highly. Wolfie says domination gives most subs the freedom they've craved their whole lives. And it's hard to explain, but it's true. I may be physically restrained, but I've never felt more emotionally, and mentally free than when I'm in subspace. It's everything running raw, and wild, chaos under the guise of control. That is my perfect❤
01:57 Jan 31 2022
Times Read: 259
I finally gave in, and went to urgent care for my face. I woke up this morning in actual pain. It hadn't been hurting before then. And I could hardly keep my left eye open, and every time I sat down I was drifting off to sleep almost immediately. So I felt it was probably time before the infection managed to invade my eye or my blood. They said it does look like a bad allergic reaction, but it's interesting that it's only on one side of my face, literally making me two-faced. So they gave me a shot, and some antibiotics, and it's already looking a lot better, my eye is nearly back to normal after only a couple hours. And it only cost about as much as my new Hell Bunny dress, less than a typical order I usually make from Killstar so not too bad. Wolfie wanted me to get a copy of the chart to send to him so he could have his own people look it over. He was worried it would require surgery for whatever reason, and he claims that getting surgery in Russia is better. Yeah, I dunno about that xD Thankfully, it's easily treated, and should look a lot better within the next couple days. I'm debating taking tomorrow off work. I guess I don't really need to... I just hate subjecting the customers to my face like this xD I wouldn't want someone with a face rash handing me my ice cream even if it's not contagious. I wore my sunglasses to work on Saturday, but that just makes everyone feel the need to ask me why I'm wearing them. I let the owner of the shop know what's up so I'll let her decide if she wants me to stay away from work for a couple days or not. Being slightly facially disfigured has humbled me a bit though. Being unattractive full time must really suck. Wolfie says that all physical beauty eventually fades so you have to love people for more than that or you're doomed to be alone, miserable, and live a very shallow existence. I'm glad that through everything he could still look me in the face, and tell me how beautiful I am, and how much he loves me. He really, genuinely loves me. I really hope his booster comes through on Tuesday, and he'll be back within a couple weeks. But ya know, I say that every week so yeah xD
23:44 Jan 29 2022
Times Read: 301
My gorgeous new Hell Bunny dress...
Oh, I'm in love🖤
Totally worth the $117. Decent Hell Bunny designs have been seriously lacking in the past several years, there's usually one a year that I really like, and this year it was this one, the Lost Whispers design.
I also sold both of my Little Apple Dolls.
It was tough deciding to sell them because I've had them... I dunno, over ten years. I intended to collect them all, but never got around to finding the rest. I knew when I started clearing out my bedroom that they weren't going to be going with me. I honestly just don't want to pack them that far, and I don't think they'd go with our aesthetic. I do want our apartment to be gothic, but the Dolls are a bit much. I thought about giving them to my nieces, but I have 4 nieces, only 2 Dolls, and I don't think any of them would take care of them. And the girl offered me over $100 for both so I think they're better off going on to a new life.
My eye is still fucked, my nephew is calling me Two-face xD Kinda accurate. The rash on my face is split right down the middle, it's all on the left. I nearly went to the doctor this morning instead of work. I told Wolfie if he wanted me to go then I'd go immediately. We sat on video for like an hour looking up different things it could be, and I honestly think it's just an allergic reaction which can take up to 4 weeks yo clear up. I don't think it's spreading anymore, but I'm going to mark my face tonight just to be sure. I feel fine, that's what's important, but sometimes you can feel fine until you suddenly don't. I'm gonna give it til Monday, see if it looks any better by then. Wolfie is really worried, my mom is really worried, the old lady at work is worried xD I'm fine... I think😐
02:01 Jan 29 2022
Times Read: 338
I woke up, and my eyelid looked worse than ever. Super puffy. I haven't been having any trouble seeing, if I cover my good eye I can still see perfectly with the other, but the puffiness is not at all physically appealing. I showed it to him again today, and Wolfie keeps telling me to go see a doctor, but I feel like, at this point, it's unnecessary. The problem is that I have an extremely high tolerance for pain so little things that send most people running to the hospital, I just tough it out, and handle it myself. I've spent enough of my life being examined by doctors, it's not something I do unless I actually feel like I'm dying. And I'm not in any pain. I've been icing it all day, and that seems to be helping a lot. Sunglasses also help a lot to cover it xD I walked in yesterday to work, and told my boss I needed a half mask so he was humming Phantom of the Opera all night. He says I'm being dramatic. Well... it's my face. When you're used to staring at perfection every day it's hard to see anything else looking back at you xD Ok, I'm not seriously that narcissistic... I'm so glad I don't have to work tonight. I've worked every day the rest of this week. Which I don't mind because my check next week will be pretty great, and I did kinda splurge last weekend... But with sales this week I'm already nearly back up to where I was, and my check should put me over. I was so close to my goal, but like... what am I even saving for? It's not like I need it to move, Wolfie is handling all that, and he definitely doesn't need any money from me. He said they finally told him, after he got very angry over the phone, that he could go in on Tuesday to get his booster done so hopefully it actually happens by then. He's also waiting on some money to get transferred from his Russian bank to his European bank, but that really shouldn't hold things up, he said anything left he can do over the phone. Til then we just have to wait. I really wish I didn't have to work tomorrow, I'm just not feeling it. I could call in, I know they'd let me take it off, but... It's not my way. They're going to make me make more cookies though. The absolute horror😱
03:24 Jan 28 2022
Times Read: 387
My boss says it looks like a spider bite. But it's not warm or itchy, and I feel fine. It was a bit puffy, but that's gone down. My eye is puffier, and watery which I think is probably drainage. It doesn't hurt, it's mostly just cosmetic. Wolfie is really worried.l, but I feel like as long as I feel fine then it's probably ok.
Thankfully, I don't work tomorrow. I did so many cookies tonight, and she wanted me to do even more tomorrow, but said it could wait til Saturday. Suddenly I'm wishing I had never shown them how well I bake and decorate because now it's another thing on top of my job. But I guess getting paid for it is nice. I'm glad I can stay home tomorrow though. My face really doesn't look that bad, like I said it just looks like someone punched me in the eye, but being anything less than myself is... difficult. And Wolfie tells me, "Bun, you're beautiful, and people love you because you have a beautiful heart more than anything, and I'll be there soon to take care of you." He's so sweet to me. He always does his best to build me up, especially when I'm feeling at my worst. He still hasn't been called in for his shot, but hopefully soon. Then he says he can come right away. He's just obsessed with making sure he can give me stability. His fear of instability is as bad as my fear of abandonment. He was jerked around from place to place constantly as a kid, he never really had somewhere that felt like home so making our home perfect is important to him. He was talking about some ideas he has for decorating the apartment, and I was so proud because every place he's had, at least since I've been around him, has been very aesthetically bare aside from my stuff that was there. He said it's because those places never felt like home, they were just a place to sleep. It's kinda sad. But with our place now he's really trying. It's kind of adorable. We just have to get there. Just a little bit further.
20:00 Jan 27 2022
Times Read: 429
Oh here we fuckin go xD
The world is conspiring to drain my bank account. But hey... I'm working extra hours so... I told Wolfie yesterday that I had bought that red lingerie KS just released, and he's like, "You know I'll never be disappointed in you spending money on lingerie." Yup xD I really don't need anymore jackets... But the Harley one is guaranteed. I'm gonna have to think on the rest❤
I'll be the one to say it though... KS... what the fuck?
It just doesn't quite look right. I do like this at a base level. But... I absolutely hate the chunky leather straps. Veils, and masks can be incredibly seductive. This just looks awful. I want so badly to like it, but the straps completely take away the appeal.
02:53 Jan 27 2022
Times Read: 470
I woke up this morning with my forehead broken out, my eye slightly swollen, basically a mess xD Probably allergies. Of course, Wolfie wakes me up, wants to jump on camera to see each other for a bit, and I told him how hideous I looked. A bit overdramatic... I mean, it's not that bad, it's mostly just red bumps on my forehead, and a slightly swollen eye like somebody punched me. That's what my boss asked as soon as I went into work, who I got in a fight with xD But Wolfie assured me I'd still be beautiful, and ya know, if someone can't bear to look at you when you're looking less than perfect, their affections are pretty shallow. Not that I was worried about that anyway, he's seen me full on ugly crying so. And as soon as I turned my camera on he said, "Bun, you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and the best thing that's ever happened to me." I had this conversation with my oldest nephew a few weeks ago. The kids were over, and we were talking to Wolfie on video because they love to see him too, and Wolfie is telling me how beautiful I am, and my nephew, who is gagging, says, " Well I don't think my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world, and she likes that I'm real with her about it." I about thumped that little boy. Yeah, thanks kid on your worldly advice from your two week Middle School relationship. Real my ass. The woman you love should always be the most beautiful woman in the world because you love her. Because beauty is more than physical attraction. Obviously something a 12 year old hasn't learned yet. I hope she dumps him. He cracks me up with how dramatic their relationship is. Like if she doesn't respond within 15 minutes of him texting her, he loses his shit, and starts texting her friends. I told him that desperate, and clingy are not attractive attributes in men... He'll learn.
But it made me happy that despite my gross face, Wolfie was... Wolfie. Granted, I tried to point the camera down away from my forehead so it was more towards my boobs xD But still❤
Work was easy. I was called in to make cookies. And everyone loved them. I decided to make them look like the Sweetheart Conversation Hearts, and this mom came in with her like 10 kids, and they were all amazed at how awesome I was at frosting cookies. Oh, I've had a ton of practice. See, I have seven nieces, and nephews, and they're always saying they want to make cookies. Which usually means they want to put sprinkles on cookies while doing none of the rest of the work. So yeah, I've made a lot of cookies, I'm pretty professional xD And I only ate one. And a half... The old lady who works there said they were prettiest cookies they've ever had in the shop. After talking me how horrible I look xD Bitch.
04:53 Jan 26 2022
Times Read: 500
03:18 Jan 26 2022
Times Read: 519
I had a very long day... But not bad. It started with me falling asleep around 3 am. And then Wolfie waking me up to video call around 5 am xD But I love when he's the one to wake me up, he usually is. It's really cute because while I'm getting ready to turn my camera on, he'll be sitting there patiently, looking so handsome, politely chatting away about his day, our plans, the situation in Russia, business stuff, things like that. And as soon as I turn my camera on, and he takes one look at my face, the jacket comes off, and it's like Dom mode just takes hold of him. I love that I have that powerful of an effect on him. It's so easy for us both to slip into those sides of ourselves with each other. Eventually I got to go back to sleep for a few hours before I had to go to work which was surprisingly steady. I was supposed to have the day off tomorrow... But the owner asked if I'd come in, and decorate cookies for a couple hours. They were all very impressed with my Christmas cookie decorating skills so now they want me to do it every time. And getting paid to decorate cookies is easy money. I dunno what they're gonna do without me once I'm ready to leave. There was a guy who came in, and applied tonight, but he was pretty young so probably not. I'd like it if they hired someone new so I could help get them trained, and then feel less bad about leaving when the time comes, but they're dragging their feet since we're still doing Winter hours. Wolfie says after he gets his booster he can leave whenever, the problem is that there are millions of other people trying to get it there too so he can't just walk into the doctor, and have it done. He's basically on a waiting list right now, and they're supposed to call him when he can go in, hopefully by next week. He said something about his cousin having problems, and maybe he'd stay, and try to help him out. At which point I was just like, no... No, no, no, no, no xD It's my fucking turn. I straight up told him, I love that you're a good guy who does your best to help your family, that's awesome, but I need to take fucking priority here. It's been long enough, I've allowed more than enough things come up before me for the betterment of our future, but it's my turn. He's always saying he wants to make everything up to me, the time has come. I feel for his cousin, but he's a grown-ass man, handle your own shit. So, my stance has been made pertectly clear to him xD But ya know, we'll see. Right now I'd just like to snuggle in my bed til Wolfie wakes up.
03:31 Jan 25 2022
Times Read: 548
Wolfie says his bank stuff is finally settled :3 And he goes in for his booster next week. So after that he should be clear to leave Russia again, pending a clear covid test. He's only been there a few months, and going back has been good for him, but he's ready to get back here. He said he can't wait to feed me mini eclairs xD Which is funny because he's always telling me I need to stop being such a sugar bunny, but then he wants to handfeed me pastries. I mean, I'm fine with that... I really miss him. I hope it'll only be a couple more weeks, but like I said, it might be better to wait a bit longer. It's not his fault that everything is taking so long, he's just being careful. It's definitely been a long couple of days. Work has been really busy which is good, but I'm kind of exhausted.
19:23 Jan 24 2022
Times Read: 588
They made them in red😍
Bye-bye, savings... I'll see you next paycheck❤
06:54 Jan 24 2022
Times Read: 641
Ok, So maybe I caved.
And $250 in orders later...
But I DIDNT order the boots. So I'm proud of myself :3
I mean, I kinda only didn't order them because it said they wouldn't be shipped til the end of next month... But still. It counts. And I didn't order anything to sell, just these three things all for me. I finally went last night, and bought a new clothing wrack. Because the weight of everything I was trying to sell actually snapped the last one. I have enough I'm trying to get rid of, I'm not looking for product while I'm trying to clean out. I am pretty close to hitting my savings goal, but I've been really good, I haven't really ordered anything all month except a pair of leggings for work, and some makeup. I really wanted to get that Hell Bunny dress, I've wanted it since it came out last October, but never committed to buying, but I saw it was nearly sold out, and since it may be a seasonal item with no restock I felt like I may as well splurge on it.
Because moons and bats and magic🖤
And we all knew I was going to get that hoodie. It was pretty much made for me. And I can guarantee it's going to be one of those things that sells out within a couple weeks. And it'll look darn cute with a pair of pigtails💗
I've been working more too, and selling is going really well even when dealing with some people makes me want to rip their faces off xD Like this one lady... I had a bundle of a skirt, and a crop top for sale for $45. She messages me, and says, "What size, and can you do $15?" And I was so ready to completely verbally annihilate her for being so fuckin cheap because wanting, I dunno, 25% off is one thing, but 68% is ridiculous. I'm not running a thrift store, take it to Goodwill, honey. And I had my majorly snarky, sarcastic, awful reply all typed up, but then I went, and looked through her stuff which was mostly kids toys, and crappy clothing. Used bras for fuck's sake... So obviously someone who doesn't have much money or nice things. I've been there. I've never been a beggar when I was there, and I for damn sure never asked anyone for any 68% off anything, but it was enough to make me take pause, and simply not respond. As much as these people probably need to be sold that it's incredibly impolite to ask for an insane amount off something, I'm gonna let this one pass. But lady... Better not make me fucking regret sparing you xD
My boss said to me on Saturday, "When I first met you I thought you were this tiny, sweet, polite girl. I was so wrong..."
Aw... Come on, I'm super nice :3 Generally the more I insult you, the more I like you, my friends can attest to that xD Well, that's not always true, but I'm always a justifiable bitch when I am one. I don't just attack people for no reason... You must have been behaving like an absolute hypocritical, dishonest, mean-spirited, high level dumbass for me to actually go after you. But I am naturally a major sarcastic smart-ass. And the more comfortable I am with you, the more sass you get. One of my more endearing qualities❤
But my boss also thought I was 16-18 when he initially saw me.
So just goes to show what he fuckin knows.
07:25 Jan 22 2022
Times Read: 684
There's so much cute shit coming out😭
But I'm so close to my savings goal...
And I already have so much to take.
What would Wolfie say?
"I'm proud of you for being such a responsible bun. But if you really want them you should have them."
You're right Wolfie voice in my head... I should have them💗
04:26 Jan 21 2022
Times Read: 744
Wolfie's waiting on his booster now before he can leave the country now. He's trying to get it scheduled, but it's a bit difficult right now. He also needs to get tested negative within 72 hours of his flight. And his bank is still holding stuff up. First they told him to give them 3 business days last Friday. Now they're saying it can take up to ten business days to see the money in his account so he doesn't want to leave until everything is secure. But at least it's moving, and it is getting there so that's good. I'm trying to figure out my fucking taxes. What I've sold, how much it sold for, how much I paid for it initially, how much fees were, what packing material has costed me for the year, it's a lot. I'm trying to figure it out myself before I cry to Wolfie for help xD He's already stressed enough. He said he just wants to get back, and hug me, but everything is making it impossible. It'll be ok though. His therapist literally told him he needs more hugs, and physical affection. Not sexual contact, more intimate and loving affection. He said his doctor basically gave him a prescription for hugs xD And that is what I do best :3 So I told him that when gets back we're going to be good, and focus on that, and not the sexual stuff. At least until we leave. Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts xD We're both constantly insatiable for each other in the other's presence so...
Although... This guy cut in front of me at the post office today, and I really wanted to completely destroy him. Like, yeah, I'm small, but I'm standing there with my arms full of packages... Motherfucker, you think I'm standing there for fun? Nah, sure, I'm not in any rush, and you getting your one fucking piece of mail is definitely more important. Wolfie reminded me that starting a fight on federal property, and getting arrested would compromise my visa getting approved... So I opted for the classier action of simply flipping him off as he walked back by me. If you refuse to be a gentleman then I'm happy to treat you like the clown you are. But of course, that little bitch wouldn't even make eye contact. Something I've noticed is that people I dislike usually have really terrible things happen to them after they've pissed me off. I don't necessarily delight in the downfall of my enemies. Well, sometimes... But I like to think that's the Universe having my back. Hopefully that guy's fuckin house burns down. That's right, JUST for cutting in front of me, the disrespect xD
05:21 Jan 20 2022
Times Read: 779
I'm playing through The Evil Within again. I haven't played the first one since right before I met Wolfie😱
Then I remember playing the second one while Wolfie was having a massive breakdown. We had a big fight, and didn't talk for like a week. Now it's like we can't even go more than a few hours without talking to each other xD He was extremely emotionally volatile those first couple years. Not like violent, just super unbalanced. Constant moodswings. But he's gotten a lot better, he's much more stable. And fluffy :3
This is the only game besides Silent Hill 2 that ever spooked me. Like I've said, not a fan of big dudes with chainsaws chasing me, and having to sneak past them. It's childhood trauma.
I guess chainsaw zombies are kinda spooky in Resident Evil, when you hear it suddenly rev up, and you know he's running for your ass. I'm just not crazy about this first-person horror trend that's been going on for... ever. It was cool when PT did it. Could we possibly do anything else now?
21:34 Jan 19 2022
Times Read: 832
It's like actually killing me though not allowing myself to buy any new shoes xD
I actually sold another pair yesterday, that's 4 pairs gone in a little over two weeks💗
I'm torn between thinking these are either really hot or really hideous...
I mean, rhinestones for $3,000? Feels a little tacky.
It kinda looks like chainmail... Not necessarily a bad thing. Dark Souls inspired outfits? That gives me ideas...
Of course, I'm more about the skin tight black leather armor❤
Yep, this is why Wolfie says, "You're such a dork. That's why I love you." xD
My boss was telling me yesterday about how he used to get beaten up in High School for being a gamer nerd.
Uh huh... try being a girl gamer in the 90s. You have no idea how many guys would say to me, "But girls don't play video games. Girls don't like D&D. Girls don't read."
Back before any bitch who could get to level 2 on Candy Crush wanted to get paid for bouncing around, and screaming on stream.
That just ain't classy.
I had to help my twelve-year-old nephew get past a boss in Arkham Knight last weekend.
On one hand, it's kinda cute that they still need me to get past certain things in games.
On the other, I'm like... Who is raising you? Twelve years old, and you can't get past one boss, you can leave this house in shame xD
07:05 Jan 19 2022
Times Read: 865
I love when he calls me Bun :3
It reminds me of Usagi and Mamoru
19:13 Jan 18 2022
Times Read: 911
If it gets your tits in a twist to have men compliment you then maybe don't publicly post your overhanging belly bikini pics.
22:09 Jan 17 2022
Times Read: 954
I appreciate when someone is upfront about their budget before we talk about a sale, but this bitch tonight messaged me on a $35 nightgown, tells me it's overpriced, but she'll take it if she can get it with a dress, and a skirt. Oh, but she only has $50-60 to spend. I generally sell one dress for $50-60 at minimum. Also, the nightgown sells for $37.99 on site so I'm actually underpricing it, but it's too big on me so I wanted to get rid of it. I was willing to work with her, but she comes back to me with a $98 dress, and a $75 skirt outta my closet. And she wants them all for $50, free shipping. I try to be professional, but I could not control my laughter on her asking for $200+ worth of stuff for $50. Sure, just take $150 off my price, you're clearly entitled to that. I know I'm trying to get rid of stuff, but I ain't that fuckin desperate. I'm willing to work with her, but she doesn't want any of my cheaper budget friendly stuff. This isn't Target, I don't remember running a buy 3 get 75% off sale. Freakin people.
They also put me back on Saturdays at work, possibly Thursdays too so I might get up to working four whole days a week now which is what I was working through the Summer. I suspect the old hag there will probably have a fit if I get more hours than her. She doesn't need them though. She's on SSI, she has her husband's pension, she has her retirement. She works to get out of the house which I completely understand because that's a big reason I like to work too, but I also like having money that I've made myself to buy myself pretty things. I've vouched for her. I've told my boss, and the owner she definitely shouldn't be fired. But they get tired of her desperate attempts to control everything by telling them how terrible I, and anyone else who works there is. I've taken over most of the shit she used to do so when she comes in she sits there and eats all shift, but if she finds one thing I haven't done that she has to do, she goes off about it to them. Thankfully, they take up for me every time, and tell her to back the fuck off, but it's ridiculous. When I first started working there she was the one who trained me, she made me feel like family. Now I feel like anytime I'm there she resents my presence. I am 100% not interested in any of her pathetic, delusional control, I don't plan on being there much longer anyway, I just want to do my work, and get my check. I dunno why petty people gotta make things so difficult. Yeah, I'm awesome, I do our job better than you, people love me, still not a threat. My boss says there's something up with her, that she's just been weird lately so I don't take it personally. I always laugh evilly when I tell him that after I leave he'll be left alone with her xD He's like, "No, you're not allowed to leave, ever, tell your boyfriend I said no." Hmm, no. I know Wolfie would move back here if I told him that's what I wanted, he'd come back to the US if I told him that's what would make me happiest. But it's not where he wants to be. And he's worked so hard building up our home, and making everything perfect, and I'll be happiest wherever I can be with him. And like I've said, moving to this beautiful country to live in a top floor apartment, and given everything, it's a fuckin fairytale. I'm no one, I come from nothing, but he makes me feel like a queen every second we're together. He makes me see the potential in myself, that it's worth investing in myself, in my happiness, in my dreams as much as he does. So wherever he wants to go, I'll go too, I'm happy to go too.
21:05 Jan 17 2022
Times Read: 983
I've had every one of these connections with different people. People who had impact on my life, my character, my soul. Some who are still in my life, some who are long gone. I think that a person coming into your life doesn't necessarily have to be for you, maybe you're there to show them something. And they may not realize it for a long time, maybe months or years or up til their deathbed they might look back, and see what you had been there to teach them. I hope my connections have learned as much from me as I have from them, I hope they've grown. I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm getting there.
07:27 Jan 17 2022
Times Read: 1,010
Wolfie has a lot of nightmares. When he tells me about them he'll hug his leg to his chest, he'll make himself look so small. Sometimes it's like we're kids again, and everything around us is so big. I'll show him something cute. Something to make him smile.
He calls me a dork. Tells me he loves me.
I'm glad I'm the one he comes to when he's scared. He says in Russia men are taught never to show your emotions, that it makes you weak to be vulnerable to anyone. But with the woman you love, especially the women you love, you should be able to be whatever you are, feel how you feel, not bury it all. Happy, sad, scared, depressed, unsure, whatever. You're supposed to be able to lean on your mate, that's your family.
08:36 Jan 16 2022
Times Read: 1,047
Wolfie says I'm a spoiled brat xD
And when I told him I spent over $100 just on a couple lipsticks... He really wanted to discipline me.
Which I absolutely encouraged.
But they were engraved. There's just something incredibly classy about having Bunny engraved on my lipstick.
But. Then he told me, "Though in all honesty you work your pretty, sexy little ass off, so you kind of deserve it."
Hmm, kind of.
I don't think he could be any more perfect❤
I love when he tells me that I'm his favorite person to talk to. The woman you love should obviously be your favorite person to talk to, but I do love hearing it all the same.
And that moment when the exact same horrendously dirty thought crosses both our minds at the same time, and he gives me that smile, THAT smile with that fiendish look in his eyes, and I know he's thinking exactly what I'm thinking.
Since our apartment is technically two apartments separated by the terrace/balcony he said we could use the smaller one as a bdsm playroom/art studio.
He said he could definitely find me buyers interested in bdsm paintings. That would be pretty awesome. I just don't know if I'm talented enough for that. Wolfie believes in me so that means a lot to me. He says I just need to figure out my style, that style is everything. He really wants me to have things that fulfill me, but I don't know what those things might be. I'll have time to figure it out.
05:00 Jan 16 2022
Times Read: 1,073
My first precious collar❤
I've had it since maybe two weeks after Wolfie, and I met. It didn't take him long to decide I belonged to him.
Wolfie says it's time for a proper, permanent collar after we move. He's got one in mind from Switzerland that they make out of Spanish leather. But I'll still keep this one. It's always been my favorite. Kitten is my most natural sub state. It's where I'm most safe and comfortable. I always feel most safe, and comfortable with him, but especially as his kitten. I feel like things have finally really stabilized between us, we stabilize each other. Sometimes my heart hurts so much. But not with him. He makes the hurt stop, the chaos quiet. I have no legitimate reason to feel so bad, I have no significant trauma other than being treated like garbage, and abandoned by any man who claimed to love me. If Wolfie hadn't found me that's what would have happened. I would've met up with my ex again at some point, I never would have realized the extent of what a horrible person he is. Someone with absolutely no desire to see me happy, to see me grow, to see me be more than the shell that I was. So when over the years people have tried to get me to give up on Wolfie, they didn't understand the depth of love I had, and have for him on so many levels for so many reasons. My entire life my heart was a cage, and he didn't set me free, instead he made me realize I could free myself. He's helped me be the exact person I need to be for me. And I'm gonna marry that man. Just you watch❤
22:55 Jan 15 2022
Times Read: 1,101
I thought for sure they wouldn't make me go into work today... I was so comfy, warm in my bed talking to Wolfie, and they text me that they need me there at noon. So I have to get out of my warm snuggle zone, happy with my boyfriend, to treck outside into what can only be described as a fucking blizzard, and go to wwork. Who wants ice cream when it's snowing out? Ok, I can eat 24/7, any weather/season/temperature, but most people aren't going to drive somewhere in the snow to eat ice cream out. And after being there for 3 hours with not a single customer they decided to close til Monday. Which personally I think is the most silly thing of all because if there were people who would go out for food it would probably be closer to dinner time, may as well have stayed open a couple more hours since we already had everything set up, but that's just me. These people don't make sense in like 90% of the things they do. But I got paid for pretty much doing nothing so I guess that's fine. It's supposed to warm up by Monday so hopefully, as much as I love it, no more snow. My poor kitty refuses to stay inside, he demands his freedom, but I worry about him being too cold out on the porch. Wolfie said he had glass put around the balcony/terrace of our apartment so our kitties should be safe outside. And it'll be nice for watching the moon, and stars together since it's on the top floor.
I finally messaged the app about the buyer I suspect is a scammer. I just think it's incredibly convenient that they bought two things from me, they shipped at the same time, went out for delivery at the same time, but only one was actually marked as delivered so she's refusing to rate me thereby confirming deliver, and releasing my money. And again, it's pretty clear to me that they were both delivered, and this buyer is trying to get the one that wasn't scanned for free because she has yet to confirm delivery on it despite having already rated me a week ago for the other one. So scummy, so freakin gross. So I contacted customer service, told them I suspected all this, and that if nothing else, I did my job, I'd like my funds released, and so they went ahead, and marked it as delivered. So now we just have to wait, and see if she disputes it within a couple days. Either way, I shipped, it tracked right up until delivery, so it doesn't really concern me anymore beyond my funds being released. Maybe she didn't set out with the intention of scamming, but she's trying to cheat the system, and that's just as bad. The boots also arrived in Florida today so I'm waiting to see if this guy is going to be a pain in my ass now. Hopefully he's just a guy trying to do something nice for his wife, but I've seen so many stories lately of buyers saying they received an empty box or a box of rocks or they'll order your brand new item, switch it with their heavily used one, and claim that you sent them the used one so they get their money back + your brand new item. And it's like... But I have pictures of your shipping label literally right next to the perfect thing I sent you, every angle with zero damage. So obviously this was what the thing I sent you looked like. So fuck you. It's sad that most people refuse to just do things honestly, like they're owed everything for free, and who cares who else gets burned in the process. It makes being in sales really hard sometimes. Makes me want to run away with Wolfie, and never have human interaction again xD
16:20 Jan 15 2022
Times Read: 1,134
No matter how old you get, how much you grow, some things never change💚🖤
I can still remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV with my brother watching the first episode the very first time it was aired.
Fuck I sound old xD
Back when you could get candy for a penny, and cheeseburgers for a nickel.
Ok, I'm not that old...
We actually still have a candy for a penny at the shop. Tootsie rolls xD Yeah, no body buys them. I mean, 10 tootsie rolls for a dime really ain't that bad. If they were the fruit flavored tootsie rolls then I'd be on board. Lime and cherry are S-tier. Fuck vanilla.
09:07 Jan 14 2022
Times Read: 1,158
03:31 Jan 14 2022
Times Read: 1,182
Finally... I get the day off tomorrow. I had gotten used to only working two days a week, as pathetic as that was. But with the other girl gone my boss says I'll be working her days. So... Yay. I mean, Wolfie said give him another two weeks before he can get back, but in Wolfie timeline that probably means another six months xD I love him more than anything, I honestly do, and I probably cut him too much slack, but I don't feel the need to rush him. He said he needed to get some papers from his lawyer, but his lawyer just got back from the New Year's holiday he took so that's been holding things up, and now they had to file said paperwork with his bank, and he said it should only take three business days, but who freakin knows. He's been working for two weeks on getting his money sorted out before he comes to get me so I'm trying to be understanding of that. And like I said, it might be better to wait until after Winter to go traveling through multiple international airports. I also would hate to leave my job when they just lost someone. I was telling my boss earlier that what we really need in the shop is some arcade cabinets. And wouldn't you know it, he actually has some that he used in his former shop. The problem is that there's nowhere currently to put them. So what he wants to do is put a stair case in so we can access the second floor, turn that into our storage room, and make the back room an arcade. I'm gonna be so pissed off if they put in an arcade there after I move away xD It's probably better after I leave though. If there were video games at work then that's where I'd be which is fine when we're not busy, and usually we're not. Tonight was the first night all week we had a lot of people in. I did agree to work on Saturday because it's the responsible thing to do. But moreso because it'll make my check next week even better. The owner was in tonight making cookies so naturally, because she loves me and thinks I'm adorable, she lets me taste-test every flavor xD I really do love my job. It'll be nice to be taken away, and treated like a spoiled kitten, but I really don't mind working. I told Wolfie I want him to bring me a cute bear plushie from Russia❤
07:55 Jan 13 2022
Times Read: 1,219
I had the random thought as I laid down for bed...
I don't think I've ever successfully completed a game of Caravan in Fallout New Vegas.
These are the important things that weigh heavy on my mind...
04:42 Jan 13 2022
Times Read: 1,241
Work tonight just dragged on forever... I dunno why, it just felt like I was there forever. And then they asked if I'd work tomorrow and Saturday. Kinda didn't wanna work Saturday... But I probably will.
Wolfie's right, I need to learn how to say no to people xD That's why he sometimes questions if I genuinely like the things we do or if I'm just going along with it. I do 100% love, and enjoy being his sub. Sometimes when we decide to try something new I'm a little... I wouldn't say afraid, moreso nervous I guess. Like dunking. You gotta completely trust your Dom to allow them to hold you under water, you have to know they'll let you come back up, and even with that trust it can still be a little unnerving because things can go wrong especially if you panic. It's not meant to be sadistic or painful, taking away, and then giving someone the ability to breathe again is like the ultimate control. Being held under water isn't a natural desire for most people, it's ok to be nervous about it, that definitely doesn't mean I don't like it, and I'm not afraid to tell him if I'm not interested in something, but also, I'm the kinda person who loves to try new things so for most things I'm like, yeah, let's try it, if we both like it then we'll incorporate into our sessions more.
My thing about work is that I like being the reliable one that they know will work if they need me. I love my job, I like the people there. I feel like the other girl who recently left for a different job is going to be in for a reality check when she starts her new job. It's an extremely relaxed, chilled, casual vibe at the shop, my boss is very cool about things. If you're late, he doesn't care, if you need time off, he doesn't make a fuss, if you spend three hours talking to your boyfriend while he has a meltdown, he's very understanding xD As long as I do my job, he doesn't care what else I'm doing. And this chick, no offense, but she's fuckin awkward as Hell, she doesn't interact well with customers. I thought she was mentally slow when we first met because she's just super stiff, and quiet and emotionless. She's going to work at a gas station now, and I hope she's working in the back making pizza because I can't imagine her up front interacting with people. That and, you have to constantly be on her about doing things or she'll just sit down, and do nothing. That's one thing my boss, and the owner love about me, I come in, and do everything I can think of before I sit down, if I even sit down at all. Sometimes there's just not much to do. Like when my boss's wife is there. My boss will turn things on around the shop, but he doesn't prep anything, doesn't stock anything, doesn't clean beyond maybe wiping some stuff down occasionally. But his wife will have everything done by the time I get there so if she's been there then there's really nothing for me to do. But if there's stuff to do I automatically do it, I don't need to be told, I'm a fucking adult that doesn't need to be told to do my job that I'm being paid for. But my boss never gave her a hard time for it. He complained about her behind her back, but never attempted to correct the problem. I feel like other places might perhaps be less lenient. I told him he wasn't doing her any favors by babying her. I dunno, hopefully she'll be fine, but it's pretty shitty of her to be like, "Hey, got a new job starting next week, I quit." I specifically told Wolfie that I would prefer him tell me a couple weeks before he plans to head back here so I can tell them, and they can replace me before I leave. I'll even help train my replacement. I wouldn't just be like, screw you, I'm out, to people who have treated me very well. But that's just me. I'm happy to take her hours though. They are planning on hiring a couple new people come March, but hopefully I'll either be gone or leaving by then.
Actually someone did complain about me recently or more specifically they complained to my boss that I have a tattoo on my neck.
And that's your fucking business because?
It's nothing offensive or hateful or, I dunno, gang related. It's just a symbol. Get the fuck over it. To be fair, we get a lot of old people in the shop so I'm sure my appearance may offend some of them, but I am as nice, and sweet as I can be so honestly whoever is bitching about me can shove it up their ass xD I didn't realize we had gone back in time 80 years when tattoos were all offensive all the time, my bad. Most people love me there, I have amazing personal skills so whatthefuckever. I have lip rings, and tattoos, and I wear way too much black eyeliner, so what?
19:33 Jan 12 2022
Times Read: 1,274
I don't think I've ever made it past the first maybe 2 hours of Alan Wake. Every time I try I get so bored... People shouting daily chit-chat at me isn't scary, if anything it's kinda comical, and I just can't take it seriously. I'd say the main thing that gets me in horror games is having to sneak past big dudes who can one-shot me. Running from big dudes is also a bit unpleasant, takes me back to the Castlevania 64 gardener, and his dogs. And then there's Pyramid Head. The best thing that works for PH us that there's no build-up to him coming after you, he's just suddenly there in your face. You see him a couple times before you interact with him, but there's no, oh, he's coming, better get ready. Nah, he's just fuckin there, unkillable. It's always funny watching someone fight him for the first time, waste all their ammo, and question what they did wrong, what they were supposed to do, why wouldn't he just die? The elevator scene is the worst when he just suddenly appears behind Maria in that narrow hallway. I would've kneecapped her, and ran if it meant blocking him while I escaped xD I can run through SH2 now like nothing, but the first time I played it was the scariest thing I'd ever done in my life. BTs in Death Stranding are a little unnerving, but eventually you realize it's just more inconvenient when they drag you into a boss fight. I did like the proper boss fights in DS though, that whale was pretty awesome. And I like that the game tells you that using guns outside of these fights is a really bad idea so instead it's better to plow into the Mules with your truck xD Batman taught us long ago that slamming into people at 90+ mph doesn't actually kill anyone, just knocks them out. If Batman can do it then it's totally legit xD
The saga continued with boot guy this morning. Eventually he offered me $189 for the boots. I said my lowest was probably $200, but $189 is only $11 lower, and it would be pretty petty to deny a sale over $11, and worse to lose a sale over $11. That combined with my current extreme urge to declutter pushed me into taking his offer. But for whatever reason his payment wouldn't go through. Twice he tried, and was denied. So that was a whole thing with him asking me why it wouldn't accept his payment. I mean, usually that means you don't actually have the funds necessary in your bank account. But I'm not customer service, I can't really help with that. Then I noticed that he was from Florida. And these are snow boots I'm selling. Not really much need for snow boots... in Florida. Maybe they would be for vacation? Or maybe he's just a reseller looking to flip. Most flippers don't invest that much money in something they won't make much more in flipping. I had these listed for $250, I don't think they'll sell for any more than that, after paying $18 in shipping, and 20+ in tax, he definitely wouldn't make more money than he put in unless he marked them way up. So maybe not a reseller, maybe he really is just doing something nice for his wife, maybe they're vacation boots, I'm getting paid so it really doesn't matter what he does with them. Wolfie told me to get a great price for everything, don't just give stuff away just because we're moving, but at some point I do just want, at a base level, for all this stuff to fuck off xD And a knee high pair of boots is a great getridof.
09:40 Jan 12 2022
Times Read: 1,297
Now I want one💗
04:09 Jan 12 2022
Times Read: 1,336
After giving my boss shit for taking my picture, and giving it to one of his friends he felt the need to elaborate on what happened. He said that before he had hired me, I had come in one day with my nieces and nephews. His buddy was headed out the back door when he saw me walk in, and said to my boss, "Hey, she's kind of a hot goth girl, she looks like she's only 18 though, are those all her kids?" And my boss told him what little he knew about me at the time, and dude asked him if he'd take a picture of me, and send it to him which my boss complied to. I really don't think that makes it any better xD Like, ok, you took my picture after talking to your friend about me being hot, and sent it to him? And I post pictures pretty freely, I've been told by many guys what they do while looking at my pictures, that does not offend me. But specifically taking a woman's picture, your customer, and sending it to someone is fuckin creepy. I know it's not against the law or anything, we were in a public area, but taking it without my knowledge, and distributing it is weird, it creeps me out. And he's like, "Well now that I know you, I feel kinda bad about it," as he should xD
So inappropriate. It's funny because when his mom is there he is a lot more careful about what he says, but when she's gone we have some very inappropriate conversations. And then he'll ask me, "Why am I telling you all this?" That's just how people are around me, they get this impulsive need to tell me all their weirdness, and dark secrets. For some reason, I bring it out of people without even trying.
One thing I never understand is people who ask the question, "What's the lowest amount of money you'll accept on this thing you're selling?"
It's just kinda rude to assume I'm willing to go any lower. I get it, you want to buy my thing for as little as possible, but being cheap is just kinda gross.
This guy asked me about a pair of boots I'm selling, saying he really wanted them for his wife for their anniversary, but Christmas totally wiped him out.
So... I should give him a huge discount because he's bad with money. That's basically what I'm hearing. Sorry, dude, sucks for your wife being married to someone who can't afford $250 boots. Which sounds mean, but compared to some things I've seen, that's honestly pretty cheap, and they're brand new, completely sold out. So. I politely told him I'm willing to consider offers if he'd like to make one. "I don't want to offend you with a low offer." Ok, but if your offer is so low that it's offensive maybe don't even bring it up hoping I'll be the one to offer you a huge discount. I'm asking $250 which is really the lowest I want to go, if I wanted to sell these boots for $100, they'd probably sell within a day. I'd maybe go down to $200, but I'm not going to willingly tell someone trying to buy them from me that, that's really stupid. It's like playing Poker, and oh, hey, could you just show me your cards because I think I'm going to lose. Uh... no. I love people who just buy things. I'm always willing to negotiate, but people who simply buy the thing they want with zero fuss, they're the best. And then he gives me the old, "Well I'll see how much I can scrape together," when I tell him I'd be happy to consider his best offer. No one enjoys guilt trips. And I don't feel guilty because what I'd really like to tell him is, hey, maybe, if things are that tight, you should consider something cheaper, buy within your means. Things are hard on most people, I get it, and if it's that hard that $250 is going to break you then I'd feel worse selling them to you than not.
I'm also having an issue with a person I suspect is trying to scam the postal system. She ordered two purses from me, both shipped at the same time, went out for delivery at the same time, but only one was scanned as delivered. So I'm thinking that the delivery person didn't scan the second one upon delivery. Even if it's delivered, if it doesn't get scanned then the buyer can claim it was actually never delivered. I feel like it's pretty obvious what she's trying to do, hoping she'll get a refund, and a free bag, but if they can't prove it was delivered then they're kinda screwed. What pisses me off is that it's holding up my money. Whether they refund her or not has nothing to do with me, I'll get paid either way because I did my job, I shipped it, past that the situation is beyond my control. But since she's refusing to be honest, and accept that it was delivered, and I'm 100% sure it was delivered with the other one, it's holding up my money. And it's just pretty fuckin scummy. To be fair it was a $100 purse so getting that for free would be pretty awesome, but when you cheat these apps, and the mailing system, it eventually makes fees goes up. The more people scam, the more honest people have to pay to make up for it in the end.
And then I've got this woman who every time I repost a certain skirt she asks me if it has a zipper. No... no zipper. I've told you three times. It's stretchy, it doesn't need a zipper. Sure enough, soon as I repost, she'll ask me again. I'm not like this when I buy something. I never ask stupid questions, I never guilt trip anyone, I never ask for discounts. If I want something, I buy it, simple. I don't feel like I'm automatically entitled to $50 off just because I'm buying from an actual person instead of a department store. Hey, YSL, could I get this lipstick for $5 instead of $40? Money is really tight right now, and I need it for a very special anniversary date with my boyfriend so I'd appreciate it if you could help me out... Yeah, that doesn't work xD I'm also gonna need free shipping because how dare anyone ask me to pay for something I want to ship to me, that's outrageous, it's practically criminal to expect me to pay for my own shipping. Yeah, the entitlement of people lately is just... nauseating.
07:19 Jan 11 2022
Times Read: 1,374
I'll admit, having Bunny engraved on my makeup really appeals to me
I was browsing around for a higher end travel palette because it would be nice to have eyes, lips, and face in one compact. Unfortunately, there aren't any being sold directly. Plenty from second-hand sellers, but... I don't want to pay $100+ for something that's probably not authentic. Fake makeup is a huge thing, and generally if the price is too good to be true, it's probably fake. I found a really nice one from Chanel, but the reviews on it aren't great. There's a point in higher end brands where you're really no longer paying for any better quality, you're paying for the name. I have mascara, and lipstick from Too Faced, and KVD that I love. But... none of them are engraved with Bunny... Actually, the clearance stuff from YSL really isn't any more expensive than Too Faced. I wish I liked Black Opium, I always smell it when I'm in Ulta, and I want to love it, but I just don't. Which is weird because coffee + vanilla are generally great smells, but something in the perfume turns me off. I also didn't care for Libre. My favorite perfumes tend to be fruity/floral, Very Good Girl by CH, and Night by VS are my main ones.
Kinda wanna try these.
02:36 Jan 11 2022
Times Read: 1,417
My boss so freakin crosses the line sometimes xD
He told me that before I had started working there, he took pictures of me, and sent them to a friend of his who was looking for the "suicide girl" type.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, on top of massive violation of, I dunno, my entire person.
Then he says to me, "Well I'm glad I never gave him your number because he turned out to be a huge creep."
Oh... he's the creep, huh? Not you, randomly snapping pictures of me, your customer at that time, while I sit in your shop? Yeah, you're right, he's definitely the creep here.
Then he tells me he's a marine.
Ya know... I can't even begin to tell you how disinterested I am in marines or even military guys in general xD That's a pretty big no-go, no offense. Been there, fuckin done that, 100% not into it. Ten years ago I woulda been all on top of that, but now, nahhhh. Even if I was single, big nahhhh.
He's so lucky that I'm so easy-going. Some people might be much more creeped out by that. That's just how he is though. Super nice guy, no regard for boundaries.
But I may be getting more hours. The other girl who works there got another job. I was totally not listening while the owner of the shop talked to her on the phone... After the owner had just got done telling me that I'm her favorite employee :3 Which you probably shouldn't do, but obviously I'm everyone's favorite. People who know me, like really know me, either tend to absolutely love me or hate me, there aren't many who are in between. And I told her that I have had other job offers, but I really love my job, and even if I took another job I would still make them my priority. I was hoping that Wolfie would be back by now, but I told him it might be better to wait tip Spring or Summer before he goes traveling through anymore international airports. I don't want him to get sick, and I definitely don't want the both of us getting sick so it just may be better to wait at this point. As much as I want him, I moreso want to be as safe as possible. I had covid, and it wasn't a big deal at all on me, but still, I'm just concerned that moving to another country may not be for the best in the dead of Winter. So I'll be happy to pick up some more hours, maybe get back to my old schedule. I'm covering for the other woman who works there on Wednesday since her daughter-in-law tested positive over the weekend. Working all these days is really going to cut into my sitting around time xD They do get people applying there all the time, and he tells them to try again in March when they'll be open full time again. Right now, because of the season, we've been doing half-days, but it'll pick back up when it starts getting warmer. And if I do end up moving by Spring then they should have a whole new group of people ready to work. So everything may work out for the best that way. We'll see.
08:42 Jan 09 2022
Times Read: 1,491
My nephew was playing Arkham Knight, and he was talking about how hard Batman punches people. So I had to bring out my phone, and show him... Chris Redfield punching the boulder in RE5 xD
Whenever people try to tell me they like Jill better, they always play her in RE1, and I'm just like... yeah, we're not gonna be friends. I'm sure you're a great person, but nah.
And I walk away xD
Jill's fine. But she's not Chris Redfield so... That's really all that needs to be said about that❤
He's been playing through Death Stranding at home so I was trying to explain all that to him. The problem is, I really can't fully, competently explain Death Stranding to even myself xD I did tell him though... Ziplines. That's where it's at. You put ziplines between every settlement, and you're pretty much done. As much as I enjoyed Death Stranding, I don't think it's a game I'll ever need to play again. Once you know the ending, the mystique is kinda gone. It's definitely more a game you play for the story, not the gameplay, unless you really, really like torturing yourself. Until you get ziplines up everywhere. Roads are nice too, but being able to simply fly over everything after struggling the whole game over every obstacle... It's pretty amazing.
23:10 Jan 08 2022
Times Read: 1,515
Know what I really want?
A Kuromi mini backpack😍
I'm kind of obsessed with mini backpacks.
21:36 Jan 08 2022
Times Read: 1,550
Wolfie says he wants to buy me some Prada. So I'm browsing Prada boots. And I found these.
But why? Why do this? Why take out an entire chunk of shoe from the back? Aesthetically, and functionally they just don't look attractive. I've never in my life thought, damn, the back of my foot is so sexy, I gotta show it off... Even foot fetishests I know, they're usually more into toes, please don't make me go into detail xD And this is my problem with most big brand name stuff, it looks like garbage. Or it looks extremely uncomfortable. How do women wear heels that basically point straight down? Ow. No. I love me some heels, but if I can't walk in them for more than 15 minutes, there's no point no matter how beautiful they are.
I will admit, these are mad cute though.
And they're in my size... You know I'm a sucker for stripes. If I was going to spend $2000 on shoes, these might be the ones. Obviously not Prada, but I'm not really seeing anything from them that stands out to me. Kinda digging the Chanel, Gucci, YSL more. But there's nothing that I'm like, omg, I need this now. It's a flex, all this brand stuff, that's all it is. Wolfie wants me to have the best of everything, but he also wants for people to see that he works hard, he's successful, he can afford to buy his beautiful girlfriend the best of everything. And there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. The thing is, I'd be just as happy with a $100 pair of shoes.
But then there's also that primal part of me that's like, you wanna buy me $1000 shoes? Yes, please xD So I get it. You also have to realize that Wolfie comes from a wealthy, successful family, that's a lot of pressure. He had gone to visit his great-aunt in Moscow last week, and was talking about how they were trying to get her to move out of her apartment, and into one of her houses outside of the city away from all the covid. So I asked him if everyone in his family had multiple houses, and he says to me, "Well I only have one house, and a few apartments so I'm kind of broke compared to everyone else." And I'm just like, what xD That's... still the opposite of broke. Living in a shack in your parents backyard eating cold spaghetti, that's kind of broke, not luxury penthouse apartments. You don't have to live like Bruce Wayne to prove anything to anyone. I sure as fuck have never cared what anyone thought of me, and I'm the wrong girl to marry if you're looking for status, I'm never going to live up to anyone's expectations, but my own. I'm loud, blonde, chaotic, impulsive, slightly aggressive, a little crazy, just a little. I know how to act like a perfect lady, I can morph, I can be as classy as I need to be. But I'm never going to be the timid, quiet, do-as-anyone-says kinda girl. I can be perfectly obedient, I enjoy doing so, but I equally enjoy driving him fucking nuts. That's balance❤
And it's nice to have nice things. But Wolfie is already the nicest thing I could ever have. That's right, he's mine, my thing xD
09:03 Jan 08 2022
Times Read: 1,587
Well. Got most of my clothes to fit into one box. All the dresses and skirts. So I figure if I get a slightly larger box then I'll be able to fit the rest in. Problem is, I moved said box from my bed to the floor, and it already weighs like 50 pounds xD
Ok, not really, there's no way I could lift 50 pounds... Get fuckin real, Aiyana. I can barely lift my 3 year old niece, and she's like 30. Poor thing tested positive for covid earlier today along with my brother, and his wife. So their house is on lockdown. I'm pretty sure they didn't get it from me since I haven't stayed over since Christmas. My oldest sister's kids decided to pop over for a sleep over tonight like they do pretty much every weekend. My oldest nephew likes to hang out with me, whenever he's over he sits right beside me, and we watch YouTube or horror movies or play video games. It's funny because his dad basically abandoned him, and his sister over a year ago. Just kinda left them to go be with some other woman. And since then he hasn't really tried to be in their lives, which they've been totally fine with because they now have a really awesome step-dad who has taken on that role for them. But now, after all this time, this scumbag wants to come back into their lives, and I've told them both to try, and be forgiving because even if they don't particularly like him right now, he's still their father, they may want a relationship with him someday, and everybody fucks up. But... this spineless little manbitch, when my sister is reminding him of all the terrible shit he's put those kids through, he brings ME into it, and tries to say that I used to lock them in the pantry. Pretty hilarious since our pantry doesn't even have a door xD Like, what? No, see I used to put them in timeout in the dining room when they were much younger, I'd make them sit at the table, and think on their crimes. Never locked them in anything. Oh, but there was a snowman cookie jar in that room that my niece was terrified of for whatever reason, so if he wants to play the snowman cookie jar card, that's fine. First of all, they don't fuckin live with me even though they're here every weekend because guess what? They love being around me. Sounds crazy since I'm apparently so abusive towards them. Fuckin idiot. Hey, how about we talk about his skank. He met her online, and within only a couple weeks of knowing her, moved her into his home with his children. She brought along a little shitbag who is the same age as my nephew, and one day while I was sitting at the kitchen table, playing with playdough with my then 3 year old niece, she starts talking about how said shitbag has been touching her. Before I can even say anything, my nephew runs into the kitchen, and tells her they were told not to talk about that. Oh no... No, no, no. So I get my mom involved, and she calls their mom, and they're both saying this little bastard has been touching them inappropriately, threatening to kill them, and getting them in trouble every chance he gets. And their father, instead of protecting them, also threatened them to keep their mouths shut. And when my sister called CPS, and they went to speak with him, and his mother, they had both left town. So nothing was done. They told my sister, call back when it happens again. Like... that's how you protect children? I've heard a lot of stories from both of them about stuff that happened in that house, and there's no way in Hell they should go back there especially since he's still with that drugged up skank. Yeah, putting them in timeout is super hard-core compared to all that you useless skin wrack. His own mother is helping my sister with a lawyer, even she doesn't want them going back to him. My oldest nephew, and I didn't get along great when he was younger, but now his behavior has improved 1000x since he's been stable with his mom. He even tells me too much at times. Like last weekend his girlfriend's 15 year old brother was texting him some highly inappropriate things, and he was telling me about it, and I told him, look, I don't wanna have to be a narc, but don't make this a situation where I feel like I need to tell your mom what's going on. Because a 15 year old little shit should not be asking if a 12 year old is a virgin or a "freak" or telling him that his 12 year old sister wants kids at 15. I'm not ready to be a great-auntie. I told him, I'll talk to him, and scare the shit straight outta him, but your girlfriend may not like you much after xD Fuckin punk. I'm glad that I'm the "cool aunt" and they feel they can tell me anything, but they should know better, they should know I'm extremely protective, and will intervene so don't tell me that shit unless you want me threatening to rip someone's balls off, and feed them to the chihuahua down the street xD
This is why Wolfie is always telling me to be nice. This is why he says he needs to keep me on a leash xD
I mean, I'm fine with that❤
03:31 Jan 08 2022
Times Read: 1,612
So I'm looking for an Urban Decay lipstick palette. Specifically the Blackmail palette.
Because I really like Disobedient, Firebird, EZ, and Ex-girlfriend.
And most of them are pretty cheap. But most of them also look like this...
Yeah... That's pretty disgusting. I never understood selling used makeup. And buying something that's probably touched someone else's lips to put on your lips... No. The worst part is that people mark them in this condition as "Like New." Motherfucker, this is very used. And you can get it brand new for $20 so... I hate to be one of those, "You know you can get this cheaper," people, but usually when people say that to me it's not true, and my stuff isn't used. I have an entire box of used makeup that I would never consider selling. Cause ew. Even if you can't afford new, it's not worth the risk using anything used that's been on another person's face. Most brands have decent sales, and anything you want will eventually go on clearance if you wait long enough. Then again, I was thinking about spending a couple hundred on some Chanel mascara, and eyeliner earlier today so I probably shouldn't talk xD But... I got paid today so it's justified. Shh, I'm allowed to have nice things.
07:39 Jan 07 2022
Times Read: 1,645
Someone told me earlier that a dress I had sold for $88, she had the exact same one, same size, same condition, and she had hers up for months before someone finally bought it for $42. She wanted to know how I sold things for so much money. Retail, it's a $65 dress, and I tend to list things higher which gives me a little wiggle room if someone wants to make an offer. People always feel good if they can get $10-20 off something, it makes them feel like they won when really I would be totally happy with selling it for $10-20 less. Also, I'm not desperate to sell anything. A lot of the stuff I sell I would just asceasily keep. This particular dress I do like, but I also have a closet full of dresses so if someone else wants it then I'm very willing to sell it for the right price. I would never sell this dress for $42, $42 on a $65 dress is way too low unless I'm really motivated to get rid of it, and even then I don't think I'd drop it below $60 because then it's still below retail, but you're getting most of your money back. It's also now nearly completely sold out, and is, in fact, sold out in the size I'm selling, that raises the value a bit because suddenly you can't get it from the website, suddenly I'm the only one selling it, that means I set the price. I didn't expect $88 on it, I figured someone would offer me $75, but will totally take $88. This is like Business 101, if you're the only one who has something, you control the value of it. You can try to sell that same dress for $150, but you need to kinda be realistic on what people will be willing to pay, you can only push it so far. Some people just shouldn't be selling, and as my competitor in selling, you really shouldn't be asking me, "Oh hey, you're doing great, so what's your secret so I can steal all your customers?" Like, really? It's not even a secret, it's just doing things with an ounce of intelligence. I'm also naturally highly charismatic, and that's something you can't teach. I'm starting to sound like a D&D character, high intelligence and charisma stats xD That is usually my build with ultra high dexterity, pretty, smart, and sneaky as fuck. My boss has this friend who comes in almost daily, and he's trying to set up a D&D campaign at the shop fir Sunday evenings. If I wasn't possibly moving, I'd totally be down for that. We were supposed to have a mandatory meeting today before they opened, but I never heard from them until about 7 when my boss text me to tell me my check was in, and, "You don't even know." So I'm assuming there was some drama. The drama always happens when I'm not there xD When I'm there it's usually just me, my boss, and his mom, who is the owner. I do most of the work, they bicker back and forth, I tell him to stop harassing his mother, everything is very casual. He really wants to fire their family friend, the old lady who likes to lie about me, and if I were planning on working there longterm then I would agree, but if I leave, and the other girl leaves, she's gonna be all they have. It won't be hard to replace us, they get applications every day from kids wanting a job, but they don't wanna hire kids because, in their experience, they're lazy, that's why they fired the 17 year old who used to work there. And like I've said before, you pretty much do everything in my job, cook, clean, customer service, all of it. I get kinda tired of seeing waiters/waitresses tell people they shouldn't go out to eat if they can't tip, that's a little ridiculous. Tips are nice, I like when people tip me, but I never ask for or expect it, that's rude, and it's entitled. And that's coming from someone who takes your order, runs the cash register, makes your order, serves it, cleans up after you, makes the whole shop a clean/welcoming place for you, and I try to be pleasant, and helpful. Hard to imagine, I know, like I said, high charisma xD And I'm on my feet my entire shift usually. I don't just take an order then deliver food to you, I do EVERYTHING so I kinda wanna be like, stfu with this tip or don't go out nonsense. If you gotta guilt people into giving you extra money when you already get paid, get a better job. That happened to my mother once at Olive Garden, she had paid for everyone with her card, and so we collectively were going to leave a cash tip on the table, like you do, but the waiter saw she hadn't tipped him with her card on the receipt, and publicly tore into her at our table before we were even getting up to leave about how in his country people treat their servers with respect, and how terrible of a person she was for not tipping him because he had a family to feed, even though we were leaving him cash on the fucking table. My sisters had to hold me down because I was going across that fucking table at that point xD Like no, no, no, you little manbitch, we're going out to the parking lot, we gonna settle this outside of the Olive fucking Garden. But then he ran away to the back while my mother, in tears, spoke with the manager. So they gave us our food for free, and the next night my dad went up there, because he hadn't been there, to settle up with this dude, but they had already fired him. And then they gave her a $100 gift certificate. So ya know. Was it really worth it? If someone can't afford to tip me, I don't want them to feel bad about it, and I don't want them to not give business to our shop because of it. Times are tough, sometimes going out is the only little treat you get in life after a hard week, you shouldn't be harassed for not having an extra couple bucks to throw on the table, excellent service or not. I don't feel bad when I provide excellent service, and don't get tipped, I don't take it personally. But that's just me. It's like with ratings on these selling apps, people get so butthurt when they get rated less than 5 stars. You can rate me whatever you want, I got your money, I'm good. People are easily fuckin offended, it's unreal. I guess I'm just not that sensitive. If I wrapped your item nice, and shipped it within a couple days, and you're upset about that, it's fine, I know I did everything right. People are just... unbearable xD
20:20 Jan 06 2022
Times Read: 1,680
I'm really struggling right now...
Because I want them... But I don't fuckin need them xD
That's one thing I'll give Killstar, their plushies are decent sized, they're not mini, you get your money's worth. But because they're so big they take up a lot of space in the moving boxes. I only have two right now, and I've already considered selling them because they take up so much space, so I'm like, really Aiyana, two more?
And then it's like, ok, you spend £60 on these, and they do what? They just sit there in the apartment.
My logical brain really knows how to take the fun outta everything.
05:54 Jan 06 2022
Times Read: 1,720
So I've got et, es, est, en down, and I think I'm comfortable with prends VS vais, am taking vs am going.
I'm not quite comfortable with speaking it xD But I feel like if someone wrote me something in basic French I could kinda tell what they were saying. I need to have Wolfie test me. He'll say cute little things to me like, "Je t`aime aussi, ma petite Lapine," and obviously I know that by now. But then he'll pull out some Russian, "маленкая королева целую," and I'm like, haha, nope, not ready at all for learning Russian, fuck that xD
Every time I sell something big like shoes or a purse I feel awesome. Especially when it's an old pair of shoes that I was going to throw away, but figured someone might give me $30-50 for them. It also gets rid of another shoe box because even if I don't have the original box I still like to send them in a shoe box for protection, and I have lots of those laying around. And I have a ton of Hot Topic bags from when I used to go to the mall constantly, and if you flip them inside out they make perfect packaging. So all around getting rid of a bunch of useless stuff in my room. Wolfie told me, "You don't need to sell anything, we can figure it out when I get back," but I enjoy selling things, I'm doing it anyway, and it's good for me to let go of junk I don't need. I really don't wanna have to worry about this when he gets back, there are much better things I'd rather be doing, and if I don't get this done then who will? I'm already getting things sorted, and mostly packed so that we won't have to worry about it, and so I know how much I'm taking, and how much it's going to cost to ship it all. I'm a little stressed, and I definitely don't want that to pass onto him. I'm stressed about doing my taxes too. Apparently I'm going to have to go through everything I've sold last year, and figure out cost vs profit so they can tax me on anything I've made me profit on, but anything I've sold at a loss can be used as a deduction... I think. It's already making my brain melt xD Wolfie, heeeelllllp... I probably play the "Wolfie help" card too much, but he's good at that stuff, he was working towards being a CPA at some point, then he fucked off, and left the US for two years. And here we are. It's just going to be annoying going through everything. The threshold for being taxed on this stuff used to be if you made $20,000 in a year, but since so many people are overcrowding into reselling they've taken it down to $600. Wolfie wants to take a year off, and open a resale place for me after we move, but I'm not sure it'll be worth it, and I'm really not sure how well stuff will sell in Europe. He says we'll be living rent-free though, and he'll definitely make enough so we can live comfortably. I'd just like to help if I could, and I like selling things, it's as much a hobby as it is a business. Wolfie really wants to give some kind of business to keep me busy, and make me feel fulfilled. He also wants to take the time off to take me around Europe, and up to Moscow, and basically do whatever we want. That's why he's trying to get his investments sorted out now so everything is taken care of, and we won't have to worry about money. I'm trying to be patient, but it feels like things have slowed down again.
06:17 Jan 05 2022
Times Read: 1,775
This is my only profile. Just one. That's all I need. It's interesting when people ask me if other people are me.
I mean... I have that sorta sparkling personality you just can't replicate. If you take five minutes to speak to me, you'll know.
Then there are pictures. I'm pretty free with my personal pictures. It's hilarious when people ask if I'm one someone in particular... "Hey, are you another profile of so-and-so? Because they like to cover their profile in beautiful women too. " First of all, I'm much hotter than any of those xD Also, I don't feel the need to decorate my profiles with beautiful women, I'm quite enough for myself as it is. My profile is covered in actual pictures of me. I never understood using fake pictures on your shit when you could just take pictures of yourself. If you do it, that's your prerogative, live your life. I just think it's a bit silly to have your profile decked out in pictures of other people, and then go to your portfolio, and there's actually you. Why not just use your actual pictures? But hey, it's a vampire site, I guess it's role-playing, portraying yourself as something you're not, nothing wrong with that. If you have a certain theme then I guess I get it. It's not for me though, not something I'm into. Kinda like having 30 profiles, not into it. Just this one for me. I don't have the time or desire to put more than this out there. Honestly, the only reason I get on here anymore is pretty much to write, maybe respond to a message or two if I feel like it, but mostly it's just habit to get on, write something and leave. It's an outlet. I'm not really involved on any other social media, it's not my thing. I think maybe after I move I might get more into it, maybe start a YouTube channel or something. I generally don't really take selfies for myself, I take them for Wolfie because he enjoys daily pictures of me, but I could get into some kinda social media, maybe. I told him, because he loves photography, I'd like if he started taking proper pictures of me, including some tasteful bdsm shots. And Slovenia is such a beautiful country, and we'll have all of Europe to explore so I'd love to take pictures everywhere. The problem is that Wolfie is a very private person, and as much as I'd love to post pictures of us together, it would probably completely mortify him if people actually like had his face to put to all the stuff I've said about him over the years. I'm just a very open person, I'm not ashamed of our lifestyle, but I get it, it's not something most people like to broadcast. Wolfie says that it's different for subs and Doms. It's easy being open about being submissive, but people treat Doms like they're sadistic monsters who beat, and mistreat, and use people. The worst people usually say about subs is that we're weak, and easily get used, and taken advantage of, which isn't true. But that's not as horrible as being told you're a monster. There are people on both sides who embody all those things, but for the most part, absolutely not true. My relationship with my Dom has been the most loving, and open, and trusting of any relationship I've had. There are subs who are horribly mistreated, and there are Doms who are terrible people, but that hasn't been my experience at all. Wolfie makes me feel safe and cherished, something I hadn't ever felt with a man before. And that's the baseline of our relationship, not the sex or pain or control, the baseline is our love for each other.
He said he was going to buy me a pretty kitty bowl, and give me rainbow Swedish Fish as kitty treats.
He's so adorable❤
20:53 Jan 04 2022
Times Read: 1,813
Two more purses gone, and then I sold two dresses headed to a Gothic wedding.
In a cemetery.
I just... I don't see the point of getting married in a cemetery. It feels a little too, "Look at how obviously goth as shit I am!"
You sure are. I guess?
I just feel like it's a little bit disrespectful, but that's just me. I love the Gothic aesthetic, I've embraced it since I was very young, but some people take it a bit far. I guess if someone important to you was buried there then maybe? But like I've said, me personally, when I'm dead I hope I'm not hanging around my rotting body in some graveyard waiting for people to visit. No offense to the people in life I may leave behind, but that's just depressing. I hope the same for any soul, don't cling to what you've left behind, move on to something new if you can. I certainly wouldn't want to hold anyone to this planet if they're finally free.
But I'm happy sales are going well, that's a few more things out of my hair. My clothing wrack, the one I use for the items I'm selling, snapped a couple days ago xD So... needless to say, I still have too much shit to sell. Once I have a solid date I'll probably drop prices pretty dramatically, but until then I'm not feeling too pressed yet. I have to work today, then I'm off til Monday. Got a late start today since Wolfie didn't wake me up til noon, and then I laid in bed talking to him til almost 2. I like to be up a little earlier so I can take care of my cat, eat something, jog a bit, and get stuff ready for post before I get ready, and head to work. No jogging for me til later. I have about an hour til work now, but I'm feeling entirely too lazy.
06:59 Jan 04 2022
Times Read: 1,870
Your guess is as good as mine as to what the fuck this is...
Outwardly, it appeared to be an old makeup case wherein laid a baggie filled with water, and what looks to be white fabric of some kind. A shirt maybe...
It was shoved all the way in to the very back of my closet. Probably hadn't seen daylight in 10-15 years. I'm actually surprised there's still water inside. I recognize the makeup case, it belonged to my oldest sister at some point. But the thing inside... I have no idea what this is. If I had to guess, I'd say it's probably some witchy shit from back when I was much more intuned with my craft. But then there was an incident with a fireball in my bedroom when I was probably 18/19, and I realized it wasn't something to fuck around with anymore. In the last few years it feels like everyone is suddenly a "witch." Which is fine, like D&D it's suddenly become a very mainstream, almost normal thing to br a part of. I felt called to it when I was very young, around 11 or 12, and unfortunately I don't practice like I should, like I used to. I had some experiences that made me pull away from it years ago... So this could very well be a remnant of that.
But... I also thought, what if it was my brother? Like my mother, my brother had some severe mental issues. He's a diagnosed schizophrenic, he talks to God, and the devil, and whoever else he's got rolling around in his head. He's also prone to, when he's off his meds, homicidal thoughts about women. I'm not saying he ever would actually hurt anyone, he's very stable right now, married with three kids,
but it's a known fact that he has the inclinations due to his mental problems when he's not properly medicated.
The funny thing is, when I told my mother about what I found she also immediately mentioned my brother... More than likely it was something I was doing years ago so I threw it out without looking into it. Because I really didn't want to know either way xD Whatever it was... It gave me a very eerie feeling. Wolfie told me I should just throw it away so I did. And now the curiosity is killing me. Some things are better left alone. Some things you don't need to know. If it were something sinister then why would he put it in my closet? I'm overthinking it, I'm sure. I love my brother, he's not a bad person, he's just mentally ill. Mental illness runs rampant in my family. But you know, that's probably why I handle Wolfie so well. He said something to me the other day that really hurt my heart. He said, "You know, bunny... People don't realize that this is an illness. I don't choose to be this way." He was talking about his depression. And he's right, so many people don't understand that a mental illness is something you have very little, if any, control over. You don't wake up, and choose to be sad, and spend all day wishing you were dead. No body wants to feel like that. People don't even try to understand that. This world is such a selfish place. I really don't like being here any more than he does. But it is what it is, it's what we've got. At least we're in it together.
But yeah... Whatever this is, it looks like some Blaire Witch, SCP shit xD What was I doing 15 years ago?
06:02 Jan 04 2022
Times Read: 1,886
03:36 Jan 04 2022
Times Read: 1,914
David Bowie came to me in a dream... I had this dream last night that I was lost, and I came across him putting away some chairs like he had just had a concert in this big building. I didn't recognize him in my dream, like, I knew that I knew who he was, but my dream brain couldn't remember who he was. He wasn't dressed up or anything, he was just in normal clothes, almost like an old-fashioned brown suit. Of course when I woke up I was like, shit, that was David Bowie xD But in my dream I walked up to him, and I asked him if the exit to the building was nearby because I was lost, and couldn't find the way out. And he stopped, smiled at me, and said, "Young girls shouldn't be wandering around lost. You never know who you might run into."
Thank you for the ominous message, spirit guide David Bowie xD
And then I found the door, and woke up a few minutes later. It was pretty weird. But also kinda rad.
I've been sleeping really well lately, like 10-12 hours a day. Probably because I've been taking an allergy pill before I go to sleep. But I also just feel very stable right now. I feel like things are going well. For now. It's probably also because the holidays were so stressful, and things have calmed down a lot so I'm decompressing after being so emotionally strained. I can handle a lot, but when Wolfie gets suicidal it just... It means I spend 24/7 being scared and worried and stressed. That's just the effect the holidays have on him. Honestly, this was one of the better years he's had since I've known him, I really do feel like he's slowly gotten more emotionally stable. That's all I really want, for him to be more comfortable and stable, and less depressed. Depression isn't something that just goes away, but I want him to find happiness in life. We're working on it. He's doing great. I'm feeling good too :3
07:45 Jan 03 2022
Times Read: 1,952
Packing is already a nightmare. I really should've waited until we had moved to buy all this ceramic shit. But... it wouldn't have been available by the time we got there, and I really wanted the things I got. I managed to pack most of the housewares into two boxes so I've raised my number of boxes from 3 to 5. Absolutely no more than 5. Because I have more than clothes, shoes, and housewares to take. There are a few purses, and plushies, and blankets, and other little things. Shoes have already taken up an entire box, but I can probably squeeze some stuff in between each pair. Or small things can fit inside them. I'm going to use all the space I can. Like I said, I could sell everything, and buy new stuff after, but I feel like it'll be cheaper just to ship the stuff I have. Wolfie tells me not to worry about the money, take whatever I want or he'll get me whatever I want, but still, I want to do things as efficiently as possible. I'm hoping to have at least $10,000 saved up by then, I've pretty much cut myself off from most spending. I just have no desire right now to buy stuff to sell, all I want to do is get rid of what I have which is unfortunately still a lot. I'm still working, but not much. It snowed here finally yesterday, and it's been below 20 degrees. Most people don't really want to leave their warm houses for ice cream, and candy when it's that cold out. It was actually pretty warm all week last week, and everyone was on Christmas break so you'd think that would've been a prime time to be open... My boss isn't very good at running a business. This is his third ice cream/candy shop. Probably won't be his last. Their problem is that they refuse to teach anyone aside from my boss, and his wife how to open, and close shop. They don't trust anyone else to do it, but then they don't want to have to be there every day. Also they want grown adults to work there for $10 an hour, and they want them to work hard, but only give them 2-3 days a week. Like, most adults can't really live on that. So they get upset when the good people find better jobs, and all they can get are teenage employees. Yeah... Because teenagers don't need full time employment. Then there's the fact that if you work there you have to do everything. Take the order, run the register, make the order, serve it, clean up after the customers, clean the entire shop, and make sure everything is fully stocked. You're not just a waitress or cashier or cook or buser or custodian, you're everything. When I tell people I work at a candy store they laugh like, "Oh, you just stand behind a counter, and pass stuff out." Yeahhh, no, I do a lot. But it's not really demanding work, it's not hard labor. I enjoy it. Even with the creeps who come in, and stare at my ass while I'm bent over the freezer, and they will do that xD But hey, if you tip well enough, stare away. My niece is always asking when she can go to work with me again. I'm glad she likes it, but I don't think it's really appropriate to have her there every time. My boss doesn't care, but the old hag who works there would probably have a fit. I guess they've been talking about firing her now too. I don't necessarily think she deserves to be fired, but my boss, and his mom are both kinda tired of how she treats me, and the other girl who works there. They see it. She's constantly complaining about us, she at out lies about me, she steals his mom's adult diapers(allegedly xD) and she's kinda driving business away. Costumers will ask her what she likes to eat at the shop, and she'll tell them she never eats the food there... Which is, first of all, a big fuckin lie. Whenever it's just me, and her there she is constantly stuffing her face while I work my ass off. And even if you don't eat the food there, lie, tell them something is good so they'll try it, selling it is kind of our job. I don't love all the ice cream flavors that come in, but if someone asks me, I tell them what I do like instead of, "Ew, no, that one is gross." Like... are you stupid? And she majorly skimps on the toppings. I get it, it's a business, you're not giving shit out fir free, but people aren't going to come back if they feel like they didn't get what they paid for. I like to make things big and pretty, it's not going to break the bank giving a lil extra hot fudge, and that makes people want to come back. And I've explained that to my boss, how she barely puts toppings on everything, and he agrees that she's kinda ruining their business. But she's also a family friend so it's like... They don't really want to burn that bridge by firing her. I don't think she should be fired, she just needs a major reality check that her way is driving customers away. It's a big joke that every time you try to tell her anything she goes into a rant about how she ran a restaurant for 10 years. A resturant that is now closed, and demolished so... And, ya know, the shop isn't hers so it just blows my mind that she thinks she should control everything. I feel so bad for my boss, he's constantly surrounded by dominant, outspoken, bickering women xD I realized that a couple weeks ago, aside from him it's all women who work there. Poor bastard. To be fair, he was the one who asked me if I needed a job so. And he has a thing for small blonde women, his wife is also small and blonde. He likes to give Wolfie a hard time when he calls me at work, and Wolfie has already threatened to gut him xD
I hope Wolfie gets his bank stuff settled soon, that's what's currently holding us up. It's probably not the best time to travel anyway, it's supposed to snow all week in Moscow. But... it'd be nice to know when he'll be back. I'm just very anxious.
02:42 Jan 02 2022
Times Read: 1,993
You don't realize how much worthless shit you have until you have to throw most of it away. I'm trying sell the stuff I can because I hate to see things go into the trash that someone might take for $20. Shoes and dresses that are slightly damaged, but still have a lot of life left in them. I take good care of my things, but a pair of shoes from 2009 that I wore once obviously aren't going to be like new. They're not really used either, they don't deserve to go into the trash. I've already started to feel out what I'm going to take, I filled the one box with shoes so now I'm trying to get rid of what's left. Purses are another big one, I've got lots of purses I could get rid of. And then I'd like to give some things to my nieces. My oldest niece is nearly my size so I'll probably let her have whatever she wants out of my closet. I'm going to leave most of my plushies to them too. It's weird, it almost feels like I'm dying, and I'm trying to figure out who gets what xD
I'm also back to practicing my French every day. It helps when Wolfie speaks to me in French, simple phrases. It's all the little words that are so similar that really trip me up. Et, est, en, es, English just feels so much easier because everything doesn't sound exactly the same xD Wolfie says that English is boring. Maybe that's true, but it's easy to speak. I'm at the point where I can confidently ask where is my suitcase, in French xD Still working on the rest. Maybe it would help if he took me to France... Yeah, that's right, taking me to Paris, and stuffing me full of pastries will definitely help me learn :3
22:14 Jan 01 2022
Times Read: 2,012
08:34 Jan 01 2022
Times Read: 2,042
01:42 Jan 01 2022
Times Read: 1,580
It wasn't a bad year for me. Things were actually pretty stable. Wolfie got a lot done for us, and we're almost there. I got a job, got rid of a lot of crap, survived getting covid, and got my platinum in Bloodborne and Dark Souls.
Yeah. It was pretty rad.
It sucks that so many people hated 2021. It went by super fast for me personally. I can honestly say I spent more time happy than not.
It feels really good to end the year getting rid of so much stuff. It feels like... letting go. I think sometimes we hold onto memories more than we hold onto actual people. A fond memory can make you temporarily forget how shitty a person was to you. Little trinkets build up over a lifetime, and we end up holding on to things we should've let go of a long time ago. I'm ready to start fresh, to go somewhere new, to experience amazing things. I want to keep growing, to blossom into the woman Wolfie sees in me, that I know is in myself. I want to help Wolfie continue to heal. You know what Wolfie wants?
"You convinced me that I matter, that I`m not just someone who works because he wants to feel safe. That I can enjoy things, take care of things, and people, and maybe wake up to someone feeding me breakfast. I want you to be that someone. I dont know what it's like to be cared for. It scares me, it hurts. I like things to be predictable and controlled. You`re a fucking roullete and that uncertainty scares the shit out of me, but I realize that it makes me want to keep going."
He really sounds like a romance novel protagonist❤
But you can tell he's getting better. He says meeting me, and falling for me was like waking up from a coma. He didn't realize he wasn't really feeling, and wasn't really living until I burst in with my all my warmth and light. And it's scary, it's overwhelming, but it's exactly what he needs. I'm glad it was me he found. Despite the occasional drama, we've been really good for each other, we help each other, lean on each other, keep each other going. We hold on no matter what. I'm doing things I never imagined I would because he gives me the strength, and confidence to do anything, and be myself.
I hope it gets even better. I hope more people break out of their miserable cycles, and find what really makes them happy. Whatever it is you want, whoever it is you want to be❤