Honor: 197 [ Give / Take ]
41 entries this month
03:52 May 27 2022
Times Read: 54
I fucking love my boyfriend :3 He's just amazing. Like... the most amazing. Since I was off work today we got to spend several hours on video which is obviously my favorite thing because looking at him, and hearing his voice is almost feeling him again. He's talking very seriously about the whole getting married thing. He's talking about having the wedding in this temple in Vienna then taking a private jet to our honeymoon, and I'm just like... Slow down xD Because we need to take my family into consideration. He said it won't be a big deal to fly them over to Europe, but I know my dad will absolutely not let Wolfie or myself pay for that, and my mom won't go without my dad... So I'm thinking maybe we have a small ceremony here as well. Like I said, having a wedding doesn't really matter to me, but if we're going to have one in Europe, it's only fair to have one here for my family as well. And Wolfie wanting to have a wedding kinda makes me excited to have one... He blushes so hard when I tell him I'm gonna marry him, it's adorable. He says he only intends to get married once so we should go big. Why do I get the feeling he's going to be a bigger Bridezilla than me... But there's a lot that we'll need to further discuss, A LOT. We looked at plane tickets back to here as well tonight, but he's still got some things to finish up in Slovenia. Apparently his contractor kinda screwed him on some things around the apartment so he's sorting that out. He's also having the apartment in Russia completely redone so there's no rush in getting back there with no apartment to live in. Well, it's there, but it's not livable right now. So that's fine, I'm not rushing him. I'm perfectly happy where I'm at until he sees fit to come retrieve me❤
People who attempt to criticize our relationship by telling me, "Well if he really loved you he'd be there with you," have a really childish, immature, selfish view of relationships. It must be a real gift to be so simple-minded. Wolfie has been building up for the long haul, he tells me I'm the only woman in the world he's ever felt deserved the best of everything, but you don't get there over night. Not to mention all the trauma, and darkness around his heart. That's not something you just, "Well if he really loved you," away. You don't just move in with someone like that instantly, like having you suddenly makes their trauma all better, your love, and presence doesn't magically heal anyone, this ain't a fuckin fairytale. Real, committed, faithful, adult relationships are about more than instant physical gratification. Real love is so easy, but work at the same time.
I'm going to look at what will hopefully be my new horse this weekend with my boss. He wants to buy a horse from this guy too so he's hoping he'll give us a discounted price for buying two from him. He said other than that he's got all the tack, and everything so maybe by next week I'll be riding regularly again :3 I love horses, I've always loved horses, it just feels wrong when I don't have one in my life. That's going to be a tough thing about moving to Moscow, can't really keep a horse in the middle of the city. Maybe we can find a place outside of the city to board a horse, that's basically what I'm doing with my boss, he's just not charging me boarding fees. And he only lives like five miles away so that helps xD Plus my boss has other horses that my niece can ride. She's been taking riding lessons so she thinks she's all pro now, and I'm just like, ya know... Riding an extremely broken horse that's well trained with kids is a little different than an actual, average horse. So we'll see how she handles herself on a real ride. I know she'll do great though, she's a natural just like her auntie. I keep telling my boss to get me a fucking picture... I mean, I'll love it no matter what it looks like, but... It'd be nice if it was like, really pretty xD
18:33 May 26 2022
Times Read: 90
My new Lore Olympus mini backpack💗💙
This is actually one of my favorite scenes...
And I love how colorful it is :3
I do also really like the first one I bought.
I'm not sure which I like better... But the first was $40, and the second was $72 xD That's not even really much for a mini backpack, there are Loungefly mini backpacks that go for hundreds. Realistically, I don't need all of these mini backpacks, but emotionally they make me happy xD
My Disturbia order also came in today, and again, Disturbia is really stepping up their designs🖤
Smaug Cropped Hoodie
Fucking gorgeous... The exact second I saw it I knew I would have to have it, I love it, it's so beautiful.
And because I felt weird only ordering one thing from them xD I also got the Thanatos Hoodie.
Which is also beautifully designed, I personally love when they put stuff on sleeves. Sadly, these are both cooler weather items, and it's getting uncomfortably warm here already. But it is cold in Russia quite often so... My wardrobe will be perfect for there. Wolfie is worried about taking me to the big city since I've lived in a pretty isolated small town all my life. It really kinda is like Hades and Persephone, that would make Russia the Underworld xD I mean... I could see that. A big, dark, cold place that people are afraid of. Wolfie assures me it's nothing like the US represents, and I trust him. It's kinda fun learning Russian, it's like cracking a secret code, and learning how to read all over again. It's exactly like when I help my nieces, and nephews learn to read, sounding out what every symbol is supposed to sound like, and what they sound like next to each other, trying to grasp that before I move on to actually putting words together. French is definitely easier, maybe I was a French mermaid in another life xD
01:29 May 26 2022
Times Read: 121
No work til Friday ^^ And I get paid today💗
I've started Russian. It's... a lot xD Definitely harder than French just because you have to learn the Cyrillic Alphabet. I'm trying to do it on my own before I have Wolfie help me just to show him that I'm serious about learning, and moving there, and embracing his country, and being able to handle things on my own. Even though he's spent more time in the US than anywhere else, Russia is his homecountry, it's where he feels like he belongs, I get it. It's interesting because before he went back he hadn't been back since he was a kid, and he had all these really bad memories of how terrible it was there, and because of that he never wanted to take me there. But he's completely changed his mind. He says they've come a long way there, that everything is so much more modern than he remembers. Of course now he has to get his apartment there worked on. He had been staying in his Aunt's place which is right across from the building that has his apartment which he had been renting out, but if we're going to move there then it needs some slight improvements. We're trying to figure out what the plan will be. While getting to live in Russia should technically be easier than Europe, it's still going to be a whole process. I need to make sure I'm at my best by the time he gets back so... I have some work to do.
I'm working days again this weekend. I will say, I was unsure about having split shifts on Friday and Saturday instead of working just one 8 hour shift either day. But it is nicer only working 4 hours a day on both, it makes me feel like I have more time to get shit done though less actual time at work to get stuff done there. Unfortunately, they rely on me to do just about everything, and I can only get so much done in 4 hours. My boss's wife was telling me I should actually come in two hours early or stay two hours late to catch up on things that they've run behind on over the two days I'm off. And I'm just like... where the fuck is my coworker in those two days? Why is it not her responsibility to make sure everything is ready for the weekend? I make sure she has everything she needs ready before I leave Tuesday evening, why does she have no personal responsibility to do the same? I'm especially tired of coming in Monday, after she's worked Saturday night, and find nothing is stocked, nothing is prepped, nothing is fucking ready, nothing is wiped down, like I fucking leave this place with at least 3 fully capable adults there, and everything is wrecked when I get back. And then I get to hear from the owner that my coworker is constantly bitching about how she does everything... Which my boss always backs me up on, that she's a fucking liar, but it's really annoying how she's so latched in there, they'll never fire her. My boss finally went off on her a couple weeks ago because she's always saying how she could go enjoy retirement if only we didn't need her so much... He told her to go fucking do it then, like for real, she's more of a hindrance than anything. The owner has asked my opinion on her, and I've said flat out that we need to chop her hours, and hire someone else.
I totally love my job. It may not sound like it, but I genuinely do. I was telling Wolfie how antisocial I am, despite dealing with people constantly, but dealing with them constantly makes me not want to deal with people ever xD I told him... Ya know, it's totally fine if we just stay home, play video games, and eat snacks every day, I'm good with that❤
04:27 May 24 2022
Times Read: 168
It was a pleasant day at work today :3 I got to slack off, and talk to Wolfie a bit which is always my favorite thing to do at work xD My boss doesn't care as long as I don't actually have anything to do, and it was pretty slow all day. When I left it was eerily quiet, dead outside. I was so exhausted yesterday I went to bed at like 8pm, and slept to around 8am. I had a really intense dream last Friday where I knew I was sleeping, and I just remember screaming at myself to wake up from inside of the dream. And I did... But I don't know if I actually woke up or if I woke up in another dream because I fell back asleep. And then I dreamt that something was chasing me through the dark, but then this bright light suddenly flew over me. I thought it was fuckin aliens xD I should really write my dreams down regularly. I haven't been sleepwalking lately.
Tomorrow will probably be a long day. It's supposed to rain, rainy days aren't usually busy. Going to be boring, and go to bed early tonight😴
Wolfie is a bit down. He's feeling bad over putting so much work into this whole Slovenia thing just to realize he'd rather be somewhere else. I told him, it's silly to feel bad over it... If something isn't what you want, why mourn the time you've put into it instead of just going forward with what you really want? If he wants us to move to Russia, fine, let's start that process instead of worrying about shit that's already done. He really didn't put that much time into it, it took him a couple months to get his residency approved, and sure, he put a lot of work into getting the apartment fixed up, but now he can easily rent it out for lots of money so it's not a loss. Wolfie tends to get stuck on things like this whereas I look at the bigger picture. You know what you want to do, let's make moves towards that now. Which he is, he's working out the details with his lawyer. Unfortunately, the Russian government really, REALLY doesn't want to let outsiders in right now, but since he was born there, and he's a citizen we're hoping legally they literally won't be able to deny me when we get married. He wanted me to have a Russian passport eventually anyway so I would have rights to his property there. Wolfie tells me not to worry because despite what the media tries to say, Russia is a very nice place, and Moscow is relatively safe. He says that the people there are good, that no one had anything against him having an American girlfriend, that people wanted to meet me. But we'll see. Having to learn the language will be a pain... But if Wolfie will come back, and stay here for a little bit then he can help teach me before he takes me over there. He said to me, "You're not angry or scared about moving to a new country with me?" Honestly, no. A little nervous maybe, but also ready. It'll be an adventure for sure. It's always an adventure with him. He always says to me, "You just had to fall for the crazy one. You could've settled down with a simple, boring, normal guy." Yeahhhh... That's not really my thing xD Been there, not interested in going back. In fact, every guy before Wolfie was painfully average. I love our crazy life💗
15:20 May 23 2022
Times Read: 195
Wolfie was reading me the news yesterday, as he tends to do when we're on video. But for the first time ever I felt like this old married couple...
Wolfie: Looks like there's a huge asteroid passing by us soon, dear.
Bunny: Only passing by, darling?
Wolfie: Wouldn't be the worst thing for this planet if it crashed into us, and wiped humanity off the grid.
Bunny: True... But isn't a life here with me worth being here for?
Wolfie: A life with you is the ONLY thing worth being here for, moya koroleva Vasilisa xx
Ok, maybe a bit more morbid than the average married couple xD He was so cute before I left for the wedding.
Bunny: Okies, Wolfie, I'm leaving for the wedding :3
Wolfie: Be safe, my love. Who's getting married anyway?
Bunny: My cousin.
Wolfie: Ahh. As long as it's not you. Cause that would mean I'd have to use a meat cleaver on someone.
Wolfie: Although my first thought was a flamethrower...
Bunny: That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me~♡
Wolfie: You sexy lil psycho xx
I think, perhaps, he's spent too much time with me xD My possessiveness has completely rubbed off on him. And it's adorable :3 He always says he's corrupting me... Pretty sure it's the other way around💗
23:48 May 22 2022
Times Read: 238
What a long-ass weekend. A cousin of mine was getting married so we made the five hour drive there Friday, and stayed over the weekend. Which was nice because I got to see a bunch of family that I rarely see. The wedding was boring as fuck, but I've never been a wedding person. I really personally don't need a wedding. If Wolfie wanted it then I'd happily do it all with him, but it's not necessary for me, I don't feel the need to make people sit through cliché, overused songs while we awkwardly stare at each other xD We did talk about the whole getting married thing though. It was a long drive back, but when I finally got home I grabbed my cat, got into bed, and Wolfie video called me for a couple hours. We talked a lot about Russia vs Slovenia. Wolfie says that Slovenia is beautiful, and peaceful, and safe, but also extremely boring. Moscow has fuckin everything, and shit going on constantly, but if there is a huge war involving Russia then Moscow is going to be a huge target. But then there's also the other stuff I've mentioned, moving to Slovenia requires months long residency process that may ultimately get denied, moving to Russia requires just us getting married basically. He also said his lawyer said something about a visa for intent to marry so you don't necessarily have to be married, you just have to show that you're planning on doing it. He said if we do just go ahead, and get married it would be better to actually do it in Russia so that's a lot to think about. He's really undecided right now, and I want him to really think it over before he decides even though I was picking on him because he's always sorting, and figuring, and overthinking everything into fucking oblivion xD And then he was apologizing for wanting to uproot my entire life, but it's like, I'm ready, let's go. I've already had my emotions out about that, I've been ready for awhile. Moving to a big city would be a huge change for me, but I can handle it. Wolfie sometimes treats me like this dainty, fragile little thing that needs my hand held, needs to be protected, and cared for every second. Which is adorable, and I appreciate, but I am capable, I can handle myself when I need to. Now... in Russia that is more difficult xD But I'm just going to learn Russian, and it'll be fine. I told him, if nothing else, I'll have his number, he's just a call away from, "Wolfie help, come save meeeeee😣" Because I don't expect him to always follow me around like a puppy, eventually after he's taken me out enough, and I'm comfortable, I hope I can navigate around the city by myself. He says I'll fit right in with Russian women, they're small, and sassy, and make their men carry all their bags from shipping. Hey, we've got that covered xD Wolfie is great at carrying my stuff, and reaching everything on high shelves for me :3 And many, many other things that don't need explicit details.
I'm exhausted. I'm working tomorrow and Tuesday before two days off. I wouldn't be surprised if my boss calls me in Wednesday afternoon too. Which is fine since I'll be missing a day next Monday, and then a week two weeks from today. Then my boss wants me to go look at a horse he's got lined up for me this weekend. The guy wants $1000 for it, and he says we can probably talk him down a couple hundred, but if it's a decent horse that I immediately feel something with that's good with kids so I can hopefully leave it to my niece then I don't mind paying that much for it. The problem is that people are asking $2000+ for 20+ year old horses right now, and I'm just like... No? I really don't want one that old. My boss's wife really wants a Gypsy Vanner, and they are gorgeous horses, but ya know... I'm not picky. And I definitely don't need to drop over $10,000 on something like that. She comes from money so she's got expensive tastes. And of course my boss wants a pretty horse to breed to make pretty little horse babies. See... this is how fuckin much I love Wolfie. Cause I could stay here with my job I love on top of daily working with horses and horse babies. I could have my own horse baby go raise, and train with my boss's help. For me to give that up, you really gotta be something. And he is. He's absolutely worth it💗
22:44 May 19 2022
Times Read: 281
17:08 May 19 2022
Times Read: 314
When ya put ya quarter in, and ya just get lucky...
Although I'm not sure if I love it or if it's real fuckin creepy that he's missing most of his facial features xD
17:01 May 19 2022
Times Read: 315
05:28 May 19 2022
Times Read: 345
04:39 May 19 2022
Times Read: 370
17:57 May 18 2022
Times Read: 406
Some new Emily the Strange in today❤🖤
Obviously, I needed these because kitties :3 I don't think I'll ever outgrow looks like these, I'm gonna be 65 years old in a crop kitty ear hoodie and mini skirt xD Wolfie was telling me that Moscow is a pretty windy city so I may not like to wear skirts there. It really doesn't bother me, I'm sure I accidentally flash people all the time. As long as I'm wearing cute underwear, it's fine💗
I also got this cute dress.
I figured I could incorporate it into my Gothy wardrobe.
And a new shirt.
Because cute blonde evil angel girl in a skirt reminds me of me xD
They also sent me this...
I did not order this xD
And it's a $25 hat on sale on their site right now so I'm kinda thinking it was a mistake... But hey, free gift :3 A bit odd, but I do love me. Maybe that's the Universe telling me to love myself. I got it covered❤
So now I'm waiting on a Killstar order, my Lore Olympus mini backpack, and my Disturbia order. Which... I kinda wish I'd waited on that because Disturbia just released this yesterday.
Like I said, I'm not normally a fan of their designs, but lately they're putting out some cute stuff, dragons and skeletal unicorns and reapers. And their shipping is only £10 which really isn't bad so I'll probably be putting in a other order soon for that set. I had another nice $250 sale yesterday, and payday is next Wednesday... We'll see. I need to get packed for this weekend, but I'm fucking lazy. Wolfie saw the state of my bedroom last night... which is a fucking mess. Look, I've been buying a lot, and selling a lot so yeah, there's shit everywhere. He looks for any reason to punish me. Not that I mind :3 But how does a Dom punish their sub at a distance? Wouldn't you like to know❤
Most importantly... He got lots of candy from Russia to bring me ^^ He got me these little Red Riding Hood chocolates, so cute :3
05:12 May 18 2022
Times Read: 442
People are so fuckin rude. It's like... they're completely oblivious to closing times. If it's 15 minutes to close, sure we're technically open, but that's not an invitation to come in, and order a bunch of stuff that's going to take me 30 minutes to make. And my boss could tell I was pissed when those people walked in, and started ordering xD But I had video date with Wolfie, and these fuckers were going to make me late, possibly so late that he could fall asleep before I get home because 8pm here is like 4am there. Normally, I have no issue staying late, but when you're keeping me from my man, I get a little irritated. I'd worked a long day, I just wanted to spend a little time with the man I love. So I didn't end up getting home til almost 8:30, and Wolfie was still awake, and spent a couple hours with me before he passed out. But I felt kinda bad because my boss text me to tell me he was sorry, and not to be mad at him. Which I wasn't. I was annoyed, very obviously annoyed, but it wasn't on him. I didn't tell him I had plans or anything, not that it would've mattered because I'd never just ditch him with a room full of customers. And we usually get hit hard within the last 30 minutes so I should've known better, I guess I was just hoping it would be one of those dead nights. But it all worked out in the end. Wolfie is safely back in Europe, he seems mostly stable, and he's supposed to be looking at flights soon. I told him that I don't expect him to come here immediately, he had a long flight, and he's got shit to do there before he can leave, but I'd like for him to at least think about it, start figuring it out. He's pretty torn on whether it's best to go to Europe or Russia. I asked if he was sure he didn't just want to come back here. Yeah, no xD He's pretty done with the US. I support him either way, I just want him to be happy. I'll be happy anywhere, I'm not picky. He said he could talk to his cousin about building me a house with an indoor pool in Russia... Trying to persuade me xD I have nothing against Russia, it's not really any worse or corrupted than anywhere else. And I think it's been good for Wolfie going back to his homecountry, he was away for so long, I think he enjoys just being there. Maybe it feels like home to him. Plus he has a good therapist there, some of his family, and good work. Maybe it would be for the best. But you know Wolfie, he changes his mind constantly. He's a perfectionist, and a control freak, and I told him things are never going to be perfect, if you keep waiting for things to be perfect, you'll be waiting forever, we just need to go for it, and figure it out as we go. I'm great at that. Him... He doesn't like being forced into situations he can't control. But I think it's important for both of us to do things that make us uncomfortable to grow.
I love seeing him though. No matter how much I've seen him, I can just stare at him forever xD
And then he slips into his Dom voice, and I'm just like mm-mm, I'm done❤
16:21 May 17 2022
Times Read: 474
Wolfie made it safely back to Europe ^^ So my anxiety has gone way down. He says Europe is a mess right now so he's not sure about bringing me there, that it might be better for us to go back to Russia after all. I'm just like, dude... You are worse than me with not being able to make up your mind, pick a place, and let's go. And I'm a Libra so that's saying something xD He brings up the very good point once again though, it would be 1000 times easier getting me into Russia rather than Europe. Since he was born there, he's a citizen there, we just have to get married, and I'm basically in. With Europe it's this long process of filing for residency that may never even get approved. So Russia would be easier. I'm not crazy about how unstable it is there, but it's really pretty unstable everywhere, and not any safer anywhere else, and I don't want to just blindly believe what the US government is telling me, that Russia is bad, it's a bully, it's an evil place. Because Wolfie is telling me that's not true, and I believe him. I think you're an idiot if you believe what the news is feeding you without question. I told him, he's Alpha so I will follow him wherever he chooses to go. But he needs to get back here first, that's first priority. It was a long trip so I'm letting him catch up on rest, and I have to work in about an hour. I've been sleeping really well lately :3 Things are good overall, hopefully getting even better soon💗
06:27 May 17 2022
Times Read: 508
I got to sell a dress today to someone giving it to their sister as a graduation gift :3 I fucking love things like that, that I get to help someone find something for someone they love, it's one of the best parts of my business, helping people. The money is obviously great too, and getting to shop for a living is basically a dream come true, but being a part of things like that makes me feel all fuzzy. Wolfie has been saying he wants to invest in me, help me expand, but the problem there is inventory space. My bedroom looks like a fucking tornado cane through, there are clothes, and shoes, and stuff everywhere ranging from my personal stuff to my actual inventory. See, the problem is that I'll buy stuff strictly to sell, but then I'll try it on, and be like, fuck, I look amazing in this, I have to keep it xD Focus, Bun, you can't keep everything... Although Wolfie did say he's giving me every closet in the apartment so I will have plenty of room for my stuff. Maybe... We may need to convert an entire room into a closet, we'll see. I'm not sure if he sold the house in Denver yet. I kinda wanted to go see it one more time. Once upon a time, he bought that house for us, his dreams were so different then. He was working on his Master's, building his company, basically working himself to death becoming a billionaire. Then one day it's like... he looked at me, and said that no amount of money would ever bring him true happiness. He wanted time, more time to spend with me, to do things he liked, to travel, and cook, and game with the woman he loves. But he needed to get everything settled first. He needed to find us the perfect place, and make sure everything was stable. When Wolfie was young, his parents really struggled because even though his family had money, it was expected that you'd earn your own success, you weren't just given the family funds. So they struggled, they were very unstable, and their marriage was extremely chaotic in a very bad way. It's left him grown up with the need for complete stability before anything. He doesn't want to end up like his parents, very successful people now, but they hate each other, their marriage ended very badly. I understand that so I try not to rush him because I don't want us to end up in a bad spot either. People in his family say that his parents were once very different people, but even so, I don't believe we'd ever end up like them. Still. I want him to be comfortable, and feel safe in whatever we decide next. The kids are ridiculously excited for him to come back, they completely adore him. I'm glad. If my babies don't accept you... You must be bad news. But they've always been quite fond of him, they're always eager to see, and speak with him again. I told him to bring us lots of Russian candies xD But knowing him he'll probably eat them all before he gets here, he loves candy. He said he needed to find something to present my parents in exchange for me, and I swear he's being serious. Beloved, I don't think they'll let you bring a waterbuffalo onto the plane😐
23:55 May 16 2022
Times Read: 536
So I had to change my phone number yesterday. I was actually in the market for a new phone anyway so I figured... may as well. It was pretty long overdue. Granted, I'll have to change all that again when I move, but it unfortunately needed to be done. It's good though. I didn't have to work today. My mom had to go get X-rays done on her back so I went with, took her out to lunch. I made another huge $600 sale over the weekend, and a couple more smaller sales today. I'm headed to my cousin's wedding this weekend so I'm only working Tuesday and Thursday this week. I feel kinda bad leaving my coworker to work the whole weekend, but... I had to do it for her a couple weeks ago when she went to a wedding. So it's fair. And it sucked so... good luck to her xD
I've made zero progress in Elden Ring over my weekend. The kids were here so they tend to take priority. Look... Playing Minecraft by yourself, kinda lame. Playing it with other people is lots more fun. And if I'm not there helping organize them in game then they generally all end up dead by nightfall xD Usually from killing each other. One accidental punch, and they all start swinging at each other. It's pretty great. But yeah, I don't even know what I'm doing in Elden Ring anymore, I wanted to get to Deep-root Depths for something, but I have absolutely no idea what it was now.
Trying to figure out what I'll wear on Saturday... You know, you're not supposed to outshine the bride at her own wedding. But it's me so ya know xD
23:15 May 16 2022
Times Read: 570
It must really suck not being able to move on for... I dunno, several years now. To have to continually cling, and harass, and beg for a woman's attention who very obviously hasn't wanted anything to do with you in years. Who has never sought you, called you, reached for you once in all that time. But you just keep forcing yourself on me.
Here's my attention, honey. Soak it up.
I mean, I get it.
You've got a wife that clearly doesn't satisfy you, kids that probably don't like you much because let's face it you were never a very good father constantly lying about your children and all, a sad little meaningless job where you make zero impact on anyone or anything. You're boring, you're stuck, you ain't gettin' any younger. I get it, I understand why you feel the need to desperately leech on me, to try, and take my loyalty, my heart, and turn them against me. It's so typical of an abuser to take everything they've done to you, and tell you, you deserved it, it was all your fault. Everything they did, your fault for trusting them, shame on you for being loyal, for defending them at every turn instead of just seeing them for the less than shit they really always were.
Well I know what I am.
I'm a fucking goddess. And you are a weak, pathetic, little bitchass abusive coward.
Because I know you're reading this, because you're a fucking stalker creep who won't take no for an answer, who feels like it's your right to force yourself on women, my final words to you in this lifetime:
We both know you're trash... So take yourself the fuck out.
22:07 May 16 2022
Times Read: 606
Actually, I prefer your Most Holy Goddess Supreme Empress❤
05:14 May 16 2022
Times Read: 647
He said to me, "You might have to get used to me hugging you... a lot. I basically have a prescription from my therapist for hugs."
Oh, I'm ready :3 I'm ready for him to wrap me up in his arms for about a week straight xD I mean, I try, but Wolfie is a bit like a wild animal, you gotta move slow. It's interesting because when it comes to sex, bdsm, domination, he has absolutely no problem with physical contact, but intimacy we're still working on. The thing about bdsm contact is that it puts him wholly in control. When I'm tied up, held down, restrained, he's completely in control, there's nothing I could possibly do to him. But holding someone, kissing them, falling asleep next to them, it's different for him. Obviously I've never had to sleep in another room away from him or anything extreme like that, and he even tells me that my presence makes him feel very peaceful and relaxed. But still. We're still working on gentle physical contact, on complete trust. We both have trust, and abandonment issues that I feel we've helped resolve quite a bit in each other, but they're still there, they're not completely gone. I think moving in together will help a lot. I told him flat out before he left for the airport, we're moving in together so you have to get your shit together. And I'm usually much gentler with him even though I'm a pretty brutally blunt person, I try to be a little kinder with him, but like... Yeah, it's time, it's now or never, let's do this. And getting all this stuff settled in Russia and Europe has helped a lot, it means we don't have to worry about money, we've got a place to live, we can basically do whatever the fuck we want. He is planning on going back to work because it's Wolfie, he's a workaholic, but he promised he's going to take a sabattical, and we're going to do whatever I want. And first, and foremost is getting my residency approved, the actual move to Europe, getting settled, maybe traveling a bit. There's a ton in Europe he wants to show me, and he has so many people he wants to introduce me to, it's going to be completely overwhelming, but we all know how irresistibly charming I can be so it'll be fine. I want us to get our kitties finally, he says there's a really nice place in Ljubljana we could get them from. I'm gonna have to learn the language. Wolfie wants to help teach me all the languages he knows, and that's... That's going to be fucking work because he knows like ten languages xD I have made progress in French, and my oldest nephew was telling me yesterday he's learning French now so we can talk without other people understanding us. Little weirdo. But it's kinda cute. Wolfie can switch between languages without even thinking about it, he'll get a call, and go from English to French to Russian to German to fucking Japanese like nothing. Maybe I'll get to that point, eventually... But he says Slovenia is pretty English friendly, especially the place we're moving since it's just like a big fucking resort town, so I should be ok. That's what Google, and translation apps are for, I can be lazy, we have the technology xD And I don't plan on going out much without him although I would like to get a little motorbike like I have here so I can be somewhat independent, and not have to completely rely on him for everything. He says that his new job there will be a lot less time consuming, but still, I need to be able to do things on my own too. It's funny, he said to me earlier, "You can't just assume that you know what's best for someone if you don`t talk through things with them."
Remember you said that the next time you try to take yourself away from me because you think I'm better off without you.
It's my choice.
And I choose you
02:10 May 16 2022
Times Read: 672
Wolfie finally leaves Russia tomorrow ^^ I'm so anxious for him to get out, I told him to let me know when he gets to Dubai safe if he can, I'm not sure how long the layover from there to Slovenia will be. Once he's safe back in Europe we're going to figure out flight plans for back here. So it'll probably take a few weeks for that. That'll give me time to start getting things ready though. I have so much I need to get rid of, and then I'll have to help train someone at work to replace me. They do currently have someone they're thinking about hiring so I feel like the Universe is setting that up nicely, hopefully it throws them someone at least halfway capable to take over for me. My boss keeps saying he's just going to close if I leave, and I feel bad about that, but like... I gotta live my life. So I hope he's not serious, they're a great part of this community, and I'd hate to be the thing that brings them down. Like seriously, I know I'm pretty great, but surely someone else can do my job. I know my boss will be heartbroken when I leave, but he'll hire a new perky blonde, and he'll be fine xD Actually, the funny thing is the new girl has pink hair, and when I was hired I also had pink hair so maybe it's a pink hair thing. I love my job, but I love my boyfriend just a bit more. They'll be fine without me. I have too much other shit to worry about xD But first, Wolfie. I'm not going to worry about anything other than him getting safely to Europe❤
23:35 May 14 2022
Times Read: 725
My knife bunny mini backpack is here ^^
I fucking love it. My favorites are bunny, ducky and hedgehog :3
Obviously I didn't need another mini backpack, but fuck it, I've gone full blown collection. I also did order the new Lore Olympus one. I might sell the other one I bought because I do like this design better. It was $70, buuuuut... I needed it :3
And more to my knife bunny collection xD
You can really tell the Universe loves me, it keeps giving me literally the most perfect shit I could ask for. You could not get more spot-on to me than fucking adorable bunnies with knives💗🔪
I had a great day at work, and now I don't have to be back til Tuesday because I'm working Tuesday/Thursday next week. So I'm going to enjoy my little break. Hopefully will finish Elden Ring, but probably not xD I had just made it to Deep-root Depths last time I played, I could definitely go straight for the end, but... that's no fun. The point of an open world game is to explore everything. The problem I have with that though in regards to Elden Ring, the one problem I've had since the beginning, the story is toi obscure to be so far, and in-between. I feel like in doing all the little things on the side, you kinda lose the main story a bit. So I'll definitely be doing a more story focused ng+ run. For now though, just taking my sweetass time, enjoying the journey. I'll be really interested to see how Wolfie feels about the whole game because we've had lengthy conversations about other Souls games so I'm excited for him to finally play it when we get settled, and hear his thoughts on it. As for me, the kids are all here tonight so that means Minecraft and pizza❤
06:54 May 14 2022
Times Read: 774
Work was easy today. I love a short 4 1/2 hour work day, it's pretty awesome. So I'm kinda glad the owner decided to give us half days on Friday and Saturday. Those are our busiest days obviously, and being on your feet 8 hours is killer. I felt kinda bad though, the owner had all this stuff she wanted me to get done today, and it just wasn't possible. Of course, my coworker refuses to do a lot so... It all falls on me. But as a result of that my boss prefers working with me, and the owner works the schedule around me. And they keep asking me if I think they should hire someone else, and it's like... I love my job, I love my hours, but with the possibility of me leaving looming in the air right now it feels selfish to tell them not to hire someone else, and then me just leave them hanging. I don't expect Wolfie to be back suddenly, it'll definitely be a couple weeks at least heads up, but is that enough, is that fair to them?
Then the local horse auction is tomorrow, and I'm like... I really want a horse. But do I want to get a horse just to leave it? I know my boss would take great care of it, he absolutely loves horses as much as I do, and I'm thinking I may leave it to one of my nieces because she's exactly like me, she's so natural on horses, just like I've always been since I was a kid, and if they'd be fine with me leaving it there for her then that would be pretty perfect.
Wolfie is busy getting ready to leave Russia. Like I mentioned weeks ago, he unfortunately can't fly directly here so he got a flight to Dubai, and from there it's on to Europe, and then hopefully within a month or two it's back here to me. And as much as I've missed Wolfie this time he's been away, I also think it's been good for us having this physical separation because we've both grown a lot. Me personally, I've become so independent, I've really come into my own in the last year especially. I've done things on my own that I never thought I'd do, I've had my own life, I've been my own person without everything depending on him. I've finally started to realize who I am, and the things I can accomplish on my own. And it's good to have that, to know that before you go into a life with someone. It's good to know you can be fine on your own if you have to be. It's good to have more in life than just one single person that makes you happy. I have been ridiculously happy, and confident with myself finally, and I'm ready to take mine, and his, and make something together that's healthier than what we were a couple years ago. I definitely think we're at that point, and without the distance, and figuring myself out, I'm not sure we would've gotten there. Sometimes, occasionally, the Universe does right by you even if you can't see it at first. We still have a lot of work to do, Wolfie's depression is going to be something to constantly manage, but I'm confident in us, and let's face it, no one else can possibly handle either of our crazy asses so we're kinda stuck with each other no matter what xD I don't mind that he's not coming straight here, I'd rather he makes sure everything is perfect at the apartment before he brings me there. He showed it to me before he left so I'm anxious to see the progress because this could be our longterm home. I do love that it's a top floor apartment so we can sit outside. Wolfie says to me, "Yeah, we can snuggle outside, and drink lemonade."
It's kind of adorable that that's his simple fantasy, just me, and him, and lemonade❤
He already found a doctor in Slovenia for me, there's a clinic 10 minutes walk from the apartment so I won't have to worry about getting my meds. And he said the basement of the building has storage rooms, of which he owns one, so I'll be able to keep my inventory there for my business. He also really wants to give me an art room so I can focus on that. I was watching a glass pen painting session, and it blew my mind, it looks so gorgeous so I'm kinda interested in trying that. He says that taking care of someone means helping to take care of their dreams. Whenever I ask him what his dreams even are anymore he always says...
06:03 May 14 2022
Times Read: 796
17:04 May 13 2022
Times Read: 838
Goddammit, I need it xD
I'm going to die under a mountain of mini backpacks.
07:30 May 13 2022
Times Read: 894
No work for me today :3
But... I have to work tomorrow and Saturday 11-5. I chose day shift, and normally I wouldn't, but one of my nephews is spending the weekend here which means all the kids will be here so I'd rather have the evenings off to spend with them. And that means I don't have to close. Closing means cleaning shit up, and I am not a fan xD I don't think I'm a messy person... Maybe a little. But there's a difference between a little messy and like dirty gross. I'm not messy, I'm chaotically organized :3 Wolfie needs to understand that because he's a perfectionist, control freak, and I'm really not something you can fully control. Trust me, I struggle to control myself all the fucking time.
More progress in Elden Ring, slightly. Well, more unnecessary fucking around more like. I finally went back, beat the Valiant Gargoyles. Mimic Tear really is OP, like, I get why people say it's the best summon because I've been knocking off bosses left, and right just me, and my clone. Rykard especially is an absolute joke with two of those swords. I feel like at this point I could definitely go to the end of the game, but I prefer to fully explore, and destroy as much as possible before then. I'm the same way in Fallout, it takes me a month to get through a full Fallout session because despite having beaten the game, especially New Vegas, many, many times, I still like to do everything. Now I really want to play Fallout xD Or Mass Effect. I'm really torn about Commander Shepard possibly returning for ME4. Obviously, like most people, I love CS. But. I also love his crew. And I don't think he'd be the same without them. It's also pretty dismissive of Ryder to just bring him back... Ryder is not our good Commander, but I didn't hate them, I don't think they deserve to be completely pushed aside just because Andromeda wasn't great. It's a good game, it just had a tremendous amount to live up to that honestly any sequel would fail at. I'd like to play through Andromeda again eventually, I've played 1-3 about a billion times each, and Andromeda did have some issues, but I still enjoyed it. I may even love it if I played it again. When I first played Fallout 4 I did not like it at all, I was extremely disappointed by it. But... After I played it again, it grew on me a lot. It's no New Vegas, but it's still pretty great. I never had that problem with Elden Ring, I've always loved it. I still think Bloodborne is better... But it's not because Elden Ring did anything wrong, it's just personal with Bloodborne, it always felt like the Universe made it just for me, it's literally the perfect game for me. I'm excited to finally move, and get gaming PCs for me and Wolfie so we can play together :3 He was talking about wanting to make a two-person gaming chair so we could sit next to each other while we play together. Yeahhh, I think he may be a bit distracted if I'm right up next to him...
"Well as long as you keep your clothes on, my love."
17:58 May 11 2022
Times Read: 1,006
Wolfie called around 3 am, and I had to claw my way out of a dream to get to him. You know, when your consciousness wakes up, but you're still stuck in your head, and you can feel yourself laying in your bed even though you're still in your dream. Like being two places at once. It's a really weird feeling trying to will your eyes open from one world into another. Dreams are fascinating.
Wolfie is ok. He's dealing with a lot. He's still set to leave on Monday then he's going to check in on the apartment in Slovenia once he's back in Europe. I already knew he wouldn't come straight here so it's fine. Just getting from Russia to Europe is going to be a whole long trip for him, I don't want to force him to then immediately come across the ocean as well. Once he's in Slovenia we can start figuring out him coming back here. I'm just glad he's getting out of Russia, that's my main concern. I'm fine where I'm at if it takes him a few more weeks to leave Europe. Knowing him it'll probably take a few more months. He's a perfectionist, he needs to make sure everything is ready before he presents it to his queen. When he left the apartment in Slovenia several months ago it was still being worked on so he wants to make sure everything is right, and ready for us to live there.
Speaking of several months, in July I'll have been at my job for an entire year. I also started playing Death Stranding last July. And it feels like neither of them have been that long ago, where the fuck did the last year go xD
But hey. Today is payday :3 I think I deserve something pretty. I did end up ordering the knife animals mini backpack. I'll probably have to get rid of most of these if I do actually end up moving. I'm always torn between taking a few boxes of stuff or just selling absolutely everything, and starting completely over. I mean, they have clothes in Europe, I don't need to take 100 lbs of clothes, shoes, purses, whatever with me. Wolfie knows people in Italy who will make me anything I'd like instead of spending thousands of dollars on mass produced designer garbage. I could design my own shoes and clothing which would be pretty interesting...
04:24 May 11 2022
Times Read: 1,083
No work for me til 4 tomorrow🖤
It's supposed to be my day off. But... My boss never gets time off. So occasionally I'll cover for him on a nice afternoon so he can go fishing or spend time with his kids or whatever. I really don't mind going in later, it's going in early that I don't like so he takes off in the evening when it suits us both.
Wolfie has been MIA a couple days now. That doesn't really surprise me since he was really depressed missing his grandpa. Hopefully he's busy getting ready to leave Russia on Monday. Hopefully that's still the plan, but you never know. I'd like for him to come straight here after he gets back to Europe, but it's pretty unlikely. I think it would help his depression to be back, to be close to me, but I can't push him. And I shouldn't have to. He should want to come back on his own. I know he does, but he's also afraid. But ya know, gotta get over that, just fuckin do it, it'll be fine. It's just me... I'm just a little Bun :3
I even got a pretty new red dress.
I love it. Despite the fact that it's obviously not for short girls xD But in a nice pair of heels, it doesn't drag. It's hard to wear longer dresses when you're only about 5 ft tall, but heels definitely help, and it gives me an excuse to buy the super high ones❤
Also, new rings.
Well, the one on the far left isn't new, but it's one of my favorites which is interesting because I've never been one for large rings, but...
This is my new one from Restyle. Despite being really cheap, I've never had an issue with Restyle jewelry, it's always beautiful, and pretty amazing quality for the price. I think this ring goes for $10, and it's just gorgeous. I like them a bit better than Rogue and the Wolf. R+W also makes beautiful jewelry, but it's so lightweight that I'm afraid it's going to break. They assure you that their designs are very durable, and they do also do some pieces in actual silver so maybe I just need to get those instead, but I really like the black. My knife bunny earrings set I ordered has the actual bunny holding a knife, and also little knife studs, they're so cute. My coworker said a bunny holding a knife is so me xD Yeah, it really is💗
17:03 May 10 2022
Times Read: 1,121
I don't know what to say to Wolfie when he gets like this. Gee, I'm sorry for making you feel alive. Like, no body just gets to have good emotions, you unlock the bad with the good, that's part of having a heart. And when he's stable he'll say to me, "Bun, I'm so afraid of going back to the way I was before we met." Back to alone, emotionally repressed, barely functional. Yeah, I don't want that for him either. But it's also agonizing seeing him go through these extremely dark mindsets. He tells me that no one deserves to have to deal with him. Well, I'm a big girl, I get to determine what I can or can't handle myself. I understand that in his messed up brain he believes that pushing me away, and giving me a chance at a normal life without him is what's best for me. But it's really not. If I wanted normal then I'd find that for myself. I happen to enjoy our crazy life together. I don't enjoy that he's in so much pain, but I love our relationship. He worries too much about protecting me, somebody needs to protect him. And it really sucks because he was finally pulling himself out of his last depression, now he's sunk into another one. It's not his fault though.
Aside from that, things are good. Work is great, money is great, family is great. Got the wedding trip coming up next weekend, then vacation next month. I need it, I need to lay waterside in my bikini. Actually, I never do that, I love to swim xD If we're by the water, I'm usually the first one in, and the last one out, I swear once upon a time I was a mermaid💗
04:12 May 09 2022
Times Read: 1,226
I haven't put in an order to Disturbia for years. I'm not really a fan of their designs usually, but this... I need.
I've been dragon hunting for a couple hours in Elden Ring. I love it when a game gives me good dragons, it makes me so happy :3
My best friend is like, "I'm just dying so much😵"
Well... be better xD He's afraid to fight Radahn, but that's like actually the best boss fight in the game, it's so much fun. Bunny's guide to Soul's boss fights... Just fuckin do it. Go on, run in there, it'll be fine xD What's the worst that happens, you die? Dying has zero consequences, it's fine, just run back in, and do it over, and over until you win. Easy.
My 13 year old nephew says he wants in when my boss gets his D&D game set up, and ready to start. It's adorable seeing him blossom into a little nerd, makes me a proud Bun❤
01:16 May 09 2022
Times Read: 1,245
Wolfie was perfectly fine on Thursday. Then Friday hits, and he has a massive breakdown. I knew he was feeling depressed about the 9th coming up. I forgot about Mother's Day though... Mother's Day is especially hard on him since his mother is basically a monster. This day usually sends him spiraling into despair. I'm sure he spoke to his mother, because he always tries to reach put to her despite all the awful things she's put him through. I beg him not to do it, but he does, and the consequences are severe because it sends him to a very dark place. Unfortunately, he pushes me away very, very hard when he's feeling like that.
As harsh as it may sound, the best thing for Wolfie when he's like this is usually just to cease contact. Don't indulge his behavior, don't feed into it, just let him ride it out. And that's difficult to do because I love him, I want to help him. But I can't help him when he's melting down, and trying to take everything down around with him. He'll either make it out or he won't. There's absolutely nothing I can do. As much as you may love someone, you can't fight their demons for them, it's all in his head, it's on him to get through it. What I've learned lately is that I'm fine on my own. I can be emotionally stable on my own. Wolfie may be the love of my life, but I've got a good life here, I've got a lot going for me, a lot that makes me happy. Pinning all your happiness on one person isn't healthy, you need more in life than that. He may make me happiest, but if he chooses to fuck off, which is absolutely his choice, I'm not going to be miserable. I'll be sad to see him go, I'll miss him tremendously, but I have a life to live. I hope he makes it through. I believe in him. I can't pretend to know all the pain he has, all the trauma, how hard it is to live in his head. How afraid he must be of everything because when you're a kid with no one protecting you, you grow into an adult who is constantly afraid. He told me he's tired of having emotions, it's just too hard to feel, it's making him crazy. You can't really turn them off though... And even if you could, would you? Would you be willing to press a button, and purge yourself of all feelings if you could? Because I don't want to be with someone who would do that. He says to me, "Well, we could still live together there just wouldn't be any emotion, and definitely no kinky stuff."
Wow, what an offer xD That legit sounds like the most boring thing ever. Like, if that's the life you wanna live, I wish you well on your future endeavors, I will not be there with you, my dude. I know it's not, I know he's just dealing with a lot, and talking out of his ass, and that's exactly why I have to not deal with him because if I deal with him it's just gonna push him further over the edge. No, the best thing is to simply carry on, on my own, doing my own thing, and if he pulls himself out of this, he'll rejoin me. If not, then I guess I just go on alone. There's always that possibility when he gets like this, that he won't come to his senses. Like I said, absolutely nothing I can do. Mental illness sucks.
But. Since I had the day off yesterday, I finally made some progress in Elden Ring. Rykard, Fire Giant, and Astel all dead. Interestingly, I was very underwhelmed by the Mimic Tear when I first used it, but after I bumped it up to +9, she's a beast. Not quite as good as me, I don't think the AI understands my character xD But still, we're really rolling now. I hate that feeling when you know you're close to the end of a game, but also I've been playing since the exact second it released so it's kinda time to get it over with. I've just been really busy the last few months, video games haven't been a major priority. Never thought I'd be able to say that, but hey, it finally happened, I'm finally nearly a functional adult xD I'm finally getting my own shit together. Whatever else happens, I have that at least❤
07:41 May 07 2022
Times Read: 1,288
04:58 May 07 2022
Times Read: 1,311
I know I swore no more mini backpacks...
But it's freakin Knife Bunny❤🔪
Annnnd earrings xD
Bunnies with knives has become really popular within the last several months. Like, animals with knives in general, but especially bunnies :3
04:34 May 07 2022
Times Read: 1,330
Work was a fuckin mess. Car shows are always our busiest nights. They even had an extra girl there, an 18 year old, and she was having like a mental breakdown xD I was just like, "What's your problem, this is the fun night to work!" Line put the door, so many people talking so loud you can't hear yourself think, I enjoy being that busy. I tend to thrive in chaos, I'd rather be moving my ass than standing comfortably still. And I don't have to work tomorrow. Technically, tomorrow was supposed to be my Saturday, but since I covered for my coworker last Saturday, I get tomorrow off :3 Which makes me feel kinda bad for her since she worked all day today then worked the car show, and now has to work all day tomorrow, but I don't make the schedule, my boss's wife does, and she thought I deserve tomorrow off. I wouldn't have minded the money from working tomorrow, but I had a really awesome week of sales, another over $1000 week, and I already put in some extra time last week so my check on Wednesday will be decent. I told my sister I'd help pay for the hotel when we go to my cousin's wedding in two weeks. And then there's vacation which will take money. It'll cost like $50 just in snacks xD But ya know... It's for the kids too. It's funny because I never really spend much money when we go on vacation. I'm just not one for trinkets, it's not my thing. But I will absolutely spend money on stuffing my face. Wolfie says he needs to take me to Russia, and feed me yummy Napoleon cake :3 We just needs to do a European sweets tour, go to every country, and try all the best desserts. He's a bit depressed right now. I'd like for him to be excited about leaving, but it's pretty stressful too. I'm just kinda a little on edge waiting to see if he actually gets to leave. I wish he would've taken an earlier flight. It would've been a bit more expensive, but at least he'd be out sooner. Waiting another week isn't terrible, I just hope his flight won't get canceled. So I understand his anxiety, I'm there too, but I'm trying to be positive. When he's back, everything will be ok. Everything will have been worth it. Maybe by the end of the year we'll be moved, and comfortable in our new life❤
05:00 May 06 2022
Times Read: 1,367
Another great day of sales ^^ I felt like treating myself, so I bought myself an ice cream cupcake💗
And when I show Wolfie my adorable lil ice cream cupcake he says to me, "I swear on Samael that if you don`t eat properly I will leash you and feed you from a kitty bowl."
I'll admit, my eating habits aren't always the best anymore. But hey, I work in a fucking ice cream store, what do you expect? I usually take a huge salad with me to eat around 3, and it generally sustains me through the day with maybe a bite or two from a milkshake I've made too much of... But then sometimes I'm lazy, and I either I don't make one or I get called in early, and don't have time. Like Tuesday. It was 11, and I was laying in bed, getting ready to get up, shower, make my salad, get ready to leave for work. Then my boss texts me, "I wouldn't mind if you came in early, if you want to." Which really translates to, "There's a line out the door, get your ass here now, I need help." My boss offered to buy me a salad from the pizza place down the street, but it wasn't MY salad. So I just ate a grilled cheese instead. So ya know, I do try. I don't have to be at work til 5 tomorrow. It's technically not my day to work, but there's a car show happening, and that means it'll be really busy so I get to make milkshakes for 4 hours because I make the best shakes so that's always my spot when we're busy. The owner ordered me an apron that says Milkshake Queen xD I told her it should've said My Milkshakes Bring All The Boys To The Yard. I could've refused to work of course, but I'm already taking the 20th and 21st off, and then the 5th-12th of June for vacation. Unless Wolfie is back by then. Well actually... If he's back by then then I'll make him go with us :3 That would be the perfect opportunity for him to spend more time with the family. But like I said, I don't expect him to actually be back soon. If I allow myself to get excited about seeing him then it'll crush me when he tells me, "Oh, but I have to go to Switzerland or Japan or fucking Australia first." I mean, really, I've been patient, and I don't wanna say he owes me, but he kinda fucking owes me big time. But whatever, I'm not expecting him back, I'd he does make it back here within the next few weeks it'll be a surprise, to me most of all. But I don't even want to know he's coming until he's like landed in the airport here, until he's in the area, in a car, on the highway to my house. Ok, I would like a little notice... Because him showing up while I'm at work, walking in to me covered in milkshake, that ain't sexy xD I'm just saying, I can't allow myself to believe he's coming here until he's here. So I'm carrying on as normal with work, and my vacation plans. And like I said, we could both go if he's back by then. If he was back by the 20th he could meet all my mom's side of the family. I honestly don't give a fuck about my dad's side. Wolfie was telling me how sad he is that it's almost Victory Day in Russia where they celebrate veterans of WW2 because it makes him miss his grandpa, and I realized... I live about 5 miles away from my grandparents, and I just don't ever care to have anything to do with them. Now, my grandparents have always favored my aunt's children, and they've never made any attempt to hide that, so I really don't feel like I owe them anything, if they died tomorrow I would honestly not care at all. Harsh but true. I'm not going to kiss ass just because they have a lot of money, my cousins can handle that all they like. But my mother's side has always been the nicer, gentler side. That's kinda how it is with me, and Wolfie too. My family is pretty normal, his family is... cold. But not all of them. He says he has family in Israel that are really nice, and his cousin in Russia seems ok, and his aunt hasn't pissed me off yet which is surprising because it's his mother's sister, and we all know how little tolerance I have for that shriveled up old whore. Then there's his dad which is a whole fucking thing, and Wolfie actually has a half-sister, and a niece that live in Denver, but he never has any contact with them. His family is so scattered, and distant, it's really sad. But it's ok because he has me :3 I'm really all anybody needs❤
02:54 May 06 2022
Times Read: 1,392
02:19 May 06 2022
Times Read: 1,414
I was having trouble deciding between the three of these...
Til I realized the first pair freakin light up💗
It's funny because my boss, and I were just talking about finding adult light-up shoes xD
05:35 May 05 2022
Times Read: 1,455
Like I said, bundle lady never came back, her loss really. But the Universe righted itself by throwing me bundle lady number 2 who bought over $500 worth of stuff from me. And she didn't ask me any annoying questions or engage me in idle fucking chitchat, she just paid. Thank you... I don't mind talking to a buyer, but I kinda hope it'll eventually end in a sale so when someone talks to me over a period of time, asks me multiple questions about my products, and tells me how much she loves everything, but that she also just can't afford anything right now, I'm kinda like... ok, not to be a bitch, but why the fuck are you talking to me if you have no money xD You messaged me to talk about things I'm SELLING, like dude, I'm not just gonna give my shit away if that's what you're aiming for, and I really don't appreciate the waste of my time. You wanna be buds? Start with that next time, I'm not a monster, I understand there are a lot of lonely people out there, I will 100% have a simple conversation with you for free. But don't fuckin make it seem like you're an interested buyer when you literally don't have the financial means to buy anything from me, and only bring that fact up after an hour long conversation. That's why I love a buyer who immediately buys from me, no hassle, no questions asked. Over $500 for five things may sound crazy, but that's just how I roll. That's why Wolfie wants to invest in my resale business, expand it a bit. And Wolfie is incredible when it comes to good investments so I must be doing something right. But he also says that part of taking good care of me is helping me with my dreams. He wants to help with my business, he wants to give me an art studio, he wants to help teach me new languages, and take me out into the world for new experiences. And I love that he believes in me because sometimes I feel really useless, like I shouldn't even be here. But he's always been the one person in my life to see potential in me, to be truly proud of me. A couple years ago I could barely keep $50 in my bank account. I've really turned myself around, and Wolfie's support has helped a lot in that. So when people ask me how I possibly get through the darker times with him, times when his depression takes him so far away from me... We're a family, him and I. We're a pack. Everyone deserves to have someone who has their back...
02:32 May 05 2022
Times Read: 1,486
I'm trying to decide on a Harley Quinn tattoo. I haven't gotten a tattoo in awhile, I feel like it's time. And we need to get Wolfie his first tattoo... I told him after you get your first it definitely becomes like an addiction. He already has my ass, above my ass, below my breasts, my back, and above my... ya know, spoken for, he has ideas he'd like for all of them. I'm not even that tattooed, but I guess he thinks it's really hot that I do have a few, and wouldn't mind me getting more. I'd definitely like more, not completely covered, but more. I want something for Harley, some for Dark Souls and Bloodborne, I dunno about Elden Ring, I'm just not in love with it. It's a phenomenal game, but... I'm not connecting with the story yet. Maybe something for Fallout, definitely Castlevania. I need like an entire video game piece. My boss knows some really good tattoo artists so I may ask him to introduce me. Ya know, before I completely break his heart by telling him I'm leaving xD
18:39 May 04 2022
Times Read: 1,512
Not a bad day yesterday. Tuesdays are awesome because after that I have two days off. So I get to rest up. Made some decent sales, bundle lady never came back so I'm over her. I didn't block her though, she can buy whatever she wanted piece by piece now, but I'll be giving her absolutely no discount.
Wolfie gave me the great news that he has his ticket out of Russia, set for a week from Monday. So if everything goes smoothly then he'll be out soon. I still don't expect he'll make his way back here yet though. He says he's coming straight here, but I'm sure he'll have other places in Europe to go to first. I just... I know my boyfriend, I know better than to get excited about seeing him before he's literally in front of me. Wolfie is like me playing Elden Ring... I could just go straight for the main story which is incredibly satisfying to just bang through, but there are important sidequests to do, and I need to level up anyway before I can take on the main story elements so those sidequests are also important. Thank you, video games, I can explain all things through you xD All this time away Wolfie has been earning XP, growing as a person, gaining new skills, stabilizing his character, and saving up lots of money so we can progress without any issues through our main quest together❤
And there's going to be a lot to do once he's back. It's slightly overwhelming. It'll be fine though. It'll be amazing once everything is settled, we're moved, and things are stable. But getting to that point is going to take some work, and we can't really get that started until he's back. I'm really nervous about getting approved for residency in Europe especially with how crazy things have been around the world the last couple years. Russia was kind of our backup plan, but now I really don't feel comfortable moving there if this doesn't go through, and Wolfie doesn't want to live in the US anymore so... I dunno. He still wants to take me there after things have calmed down a bit. It's a lot. I gotta start liquidating everything again. And that's A LOT😵
But I got a new Bun lippie :3
So now I have Grumpy Bun and Happy Bun.
And a couple cute new dresses.
So... clearly getting rid of stuff is obviously going well xD
04:23 May 03 2022
Times Read: 1,551
The world knew I needed an easy day after last week... So it threw me a nice chilly, rainy day. Lotta people don't want to drag their asses out for ice cream in the rain, and that suits me just fine especially since I was feeling extremely fatigued when I woke up. Then Wolfie started messaging me which immediately made me feel a lot better. He found a plane ticket for next week through Dubai, but for whatever reason it wasn't letting him buy it, his information won't go through. He thinks it's because he's trying to buy from within Russia. So he called his banker, and his banker offered to buy it for him. I told him, give me the information, I'll fucking do it. Maybe that's the reason I've felt so compelled to save up money, maybe Fate knew I would need it for something important. He's supposed to let me know tomorrow if everything is set, I really hope so. Unfortunately, there obviously aren't any direct flights from Russia to the US right now, but hey, as long as he gets out, and gets on his way. We can figure everything out once he's back, there will be time for that. I don't really know what I'll do when I see him, he's been gone so long. A lot has happened in the last couple years, I feel like I've grown a lot. And he's changed too. But he's still Wolfie. I just wanna touch him xD Like, not dirty... Well, yeah, that too, but mostly just like, hug him, and feel his kiss on my forehead. Wolfie kiss on Bunny forehead means order is restored, peace at last, everything is finally ok💗
07:19 May 02 2022
Times Read: 1,598
As soon as I saw it I thought to myself... Yep, that's a Bloodborne-ass boss right there...
Basically. My bestie is playing Elden Ring, and the first thing he said to me was, "This may be the greatest game I've ever played."
I wouldn't go that far... I still think Bloodborne is S-tier, you'll never be better than Bloodborne. But, yes, Elden Ring is phenomenal especially if you've played the other games. Which he hasn't xD So I told him the most important thing to figure out in any Souls game is what weapon suits you. Fuck shields, armor is merely for aesthetics, the weapon is most important, you build your character off of that. I'm always a Dex character, it just suits me best. Scythe is not the best scaling Dex weapon, there are weapons that scale better with Dex, but I gotta have my Scythe. I dunno why, I've tried swords, daggers, bows. Usually in RPGs I prefer a bow, and in Elden Ring bows are a bit more realistic to use, I do still always have one secondary, but my Scythe is my main, and that, in my experience, is most important to figure out when starting these games. And then we got to talking about how I'm 100% sure that Elden Ring is Dark Souls 4 xD Like, I don't care what they say, there's too many coincidences. Even if Miyazaki himself sat down in front of me, and told me they're not connected, I'd be like, no... you lie xD
I shouldn't even be up playing, I was so exhausted after this weekend, when I got home this afternoon I grabbed my cat, went to my berroom, and we took about a 5 hour nap together. So I woke up around 9, and now I'm fully awake. Last week was just a beast, I worked every day except Thursday, and I'll probably be working most of this week too. They asked me if I'd rather take the extra hours or if they should just go ahead, and hire someone else. And I do enjoy my job, and I love having the extra money, but it's a lot when it's just me. My boss tries to help, but he has MS and Psoriatic so he's in a lot of pain all day long so when it's just us it's up to me to do most of everything which is fine, but I think I sat down 5 minutes in 10 hours on Saturday, and that's a lot for me. We're a real ramshackle crew xD There's my boss with his issues, his mom is completely blind, his wife has asperger's, my coworker who may be getting dementia, and then there's me with my stew of health problems. And we're all fuckin nuts xD It's like a requirement to work there. And my eye has been bugging me today so that'll probably be another fucking ulcer this week. They already told me they want me to work Friday and Saturday, and I hate working both because it leaves me no time in my weekend. On top of which, Wolfie has finally pulled himself out of his depression episode, and I kinda like having time to spend with my boyfriend. He'll usually spend a few hours talking to me when he lays down for bed, and at that point I'm in the middle of my shift, and my boss doesn't care if I'm on my phone, but fucking customers gotta interrupt me, make me do things for them like it's my job xD And ya know, it's harder to take dirty pictures at work. Not impossible, there is the bathroom, but still. Wolfie will hopefully hear something about leaving Russia this week. Mentally, and emotionally I'm ready to go, but physically... I still have a lot to get rid of. And I just put in three huge orders for stuff because Killstar was having a $15 sale, and buying skirts for $15 that I can sell for $50 is pretty basic profit. I'm actually pretty annoyed with one of buyers right now... A few weeks ago she wanted to buy this huge bundle off of me, but for whatever reason I ended up blocking her. So last week she gets a new account, messages me, tells me she'll pay $400 for several things so fine, I agree to it, make her the bundle, tell her it's ready, annnnd nothing. I take it down. A day later, "Hey, where's my bundle?" Ok... I put it back up. "Oh, I'll be busy all weekend, I won't have time to buy it right now." You're literally messaging me when you could be buying it RICHT NOW. Ok, whatever... I took it down again. I'm hoping someone else buys something out of the stuff she wanted so I can be like, sorry, you snooze you lose. Like yeah, $400 is a nice sale, but she's been a pain in my ass multiple times now, and still has yet to buy from me. I'm very strongly considering blocking her again or just refusing the bundle, she can buy it all full price separately from me piece by piece. I hate to be that way, but for fuck's sake. Why message me asking where your shit is if you're not ready for it? Annoying. I can sell everything she picked out for more separately so I'll probably just end up blocking her unfortunately. I gave her a chance.
But I've got a wedding to go to in a couple weeks, and a vacation next month. It would be nice if Wolfie could be back by then. I absolutely don't see that happening, but ya know, it'd be nice. He's always saying he wants to spend more time with the family, it's kinda sad that my side of the family is normal compared to his xD He's family has a lot of money, but they're also pretty cold to each other. And Wolfie is pretty much the man in charge since his grandfather died even though his dad is still alive, but his dad wants nothing to do with the family. He got remarried, didn't tell anyone, Wolfie was really upset about that so I told him, fuck it, we'll get married, and not fucking tell him. I don't think he'd care. Which is sad because Wolfie is his only son. And he's his mother's only child which... If we do ever get married, I kinda don't even want a wedding because I already know he's going to say we should invite her, and I just don't want to go to prison on my wedding day. I just can't allow the woman who abused the man I love anywhere near me, and especially him. Wolfie has a good heart, he's always telling me it's the honorable thing to make sure she's ok despite everything, and she has him trained to act through guilt. See. That doesn't quite work on me. I feel absolutely no guilt in telling her to go fuck herself. I don't feel bad at all for hoping Covid would bump her off. It didn't happen, but I sure hoped it would. I can't have her be a part of our life, the emotional trauma she gives him, he plummets into depression anytime he has to deal with her, and I just can't have that. He tries to make things right between them, to forgive her, and she throws it all right back into his face every time. So I'm done with that bitch, it ain't gonna happen between her and I. Which I'm fine with, I have an awesome mom, I don't need a mother-in-law. But because his parents are such garbage he has a lot of family responsibility on his shoulders without having much actual support from any of them so it's important for him to spend time with mine. Mine isn't perfect, but we're pretty much mostly normal so it's good for him. He needs some healthy family relationships, to be accepted. He's always saying that we're a pack, the WolfieBunny pack, he and I are a family just us two. But other people should love him too. My nieces and nephews already adore him, and my mom is on his side so that's a good start❤