The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

one liners
09:18 May 17 2007
Times Read: 518

I say no to drugs they just don't listen



A friend in need is a pest indeed.



Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.



Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.



When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.



The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.



Born free taxed to death.



Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.



Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.



Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.



If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble

putting on your pants.



It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.



I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.



A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper

tray

and the blinking red light.



The hardest part of skating is the ice.



My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.



The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.

The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.



The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to

appreciate

it.



In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?



If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe,

he'll

believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been

painted,

he has to touch it to be sure.



I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.



If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?



Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!



If you can't convince them, confuse them.



It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.



I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.



Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt

Fingers



Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large

groups.



The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.



Someday is not a day of the week.





Complex problems have simple, easy ways to understand wrong answers.

Interesting Laws
09:17 May 17 2007
Times Read: 519

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.



Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.



Kovac's Conundrum:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.



Cannon's Karmic Law:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.



O'Brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.



Bell's Theorem :

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.



Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters :

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



Willoughby's Law :

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.



Zadra's Law of Biomechanics :

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.



Breda's Rule :

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.



Owen's Law :

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.



Howden's Law :

You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

Thought you might get a laugh out of this one...
09:16 May 17 2007
Times Read: 520








In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of

Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call

Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful

consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that

it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered

were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,

Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in

liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable

for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour

himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink,

and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and

just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new

concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast

implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by

2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge

erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.