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Littledevil427's Journal


Littledevil427's Journal

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1 entry this month

 

The reality of my unreality

17:18 Jan 20 2018
Times Read: 168


Denial became my safe haven
I denied the truth and lived with the lies
I thought if I did eventually things would be ok
I was numb, I had reached the point where...
I stopped thinking of tomorrow
And only thought of the day I was in
Anytime someone brought up a painful memory
My body burned with anger
I instantly shut them out with the typical
"I don't want to talk about this" or "Get out"
Even the good old "Shut up..Shut up..Shut up!"


Reality became my hell
And my dreams became my heaven
It's no wonder sleep threatens to take me
From minutes to hours
It almost became easy to just fall into the dark
To sink and sit at the bottom
No matter how much my mind screamed out
And hands reached to the remaining light
The light to continue forward.


These invisible chains keep me still
The reality of being in my unreality
The fake happiness I let my mind conjure
An imagination that gave me an easy way...
Away from reality
From my numb and broken body
Back to the life I used to have
From all of the things I couldn't do
Back to holding the world in my hand
To the dreams, the plans, the warm happiness
Even though dark clouds came whispering by
Reminding me I can no longer be what I was.


I'm a broken person
A toy that was used and now thrown away
No more laughing and talking
No more jokes and laying together
Talking about where we'll go
And what we'll be
And no matter what we're always going to be
family
Nothing but memories


Falling I no longer have the urge to reach out
I no longer carry my old dreams
And the ones I carry now
Are nothing but a fake fantasy
Crying no longer saves me
No more eventualities
It's clear the path I had no longer exists
And the dark is where i'll reside
Blindly getting by
Living in my past lifes shadow.


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