birra's Journal

birra's Journal


Honor: 13    [ Give / Take ]


10 entries this month

07:10 Sep 27 2013
Times Read: 724

Today turned out amazing.


Tomorrow will be even better. I can feel it!




Phil Collins

19:53 Sep 26 2013
Times Read: 728

Did anyone besides me sing Phil Collins's song with the lyrics, "Can you feel me coming in your hair tonight?"

Ok, just me then? Great.

Anyway, I just wrapped up a professional portrait session at the University. That was stressful. Getting... paid for photography? Whoa...

....tonight will be the last two shows of fashion week. I've been asked to both photograph it, and video it at the same time....

Uh.. no? Too much. Let me do one or the other.

Tomorrow I will hopefully be embarking on a completely different direction for photography and art... I'm excited! If I do this right, it could be, dare I say, awesome?

I do dare! It could be awesome!





06:25 Sep 19 2013
Times Read: 754

1:22AM. Just wrapping up photo editing and heading to bed. I get to my bedroom and find my sheets strewn about the room. Pillows everywhere. Clothing still in a pile on the floor and I think... about how I spent my day.

It was one of those good days.

But it seems so far away now. Those moments always do once they've past.

Good thing I have more to look forward to...





02:10 Sep 17 2013
Times Read: 763

I love making new friends that I can have deep conversations with. Surprisingly, this one started out talking about yesterday's football game...

P: Apparently I love disappointment

M : Do you ever.

P: Apparently

P: Or,maybe I've just grown used to it

M : I prefer to think of it as living with high expectations that few things/people can ever meet and still refusing to give up what you see they are truly capable of if they reach for it.

P: Yet, I feel as if I've lowered my expectations everywhere in life.

P: Especially with my sports teams

M : It will lead to hurt and disappointment 90% of the time but on the rare occasion you hang in there and it comes to fruition...magic and so worth it.

P: I mean, I know the Bills and Sabres will just always be the underdogs

M : I refuse to lower them in some things.

P: Same here. I expect a lot from myself.

M : As for the Bills though, that's kinda the fun.

P: I expect a lot from my kids.

M : Me too.

P: other things like... you know... the government, politicians, the Bills... I expect the worst and they usually deliver on those expectations.

M : Lol me too but it still bites.

P: I didn't say those disappointments didn't continue to disappoint... they've just become the baseline...

M : Isn't it sad though?

M : I'm mean sports teams is one thing, but governments, relationships, corporations...

P: It is

P: Well, the system we designed was a wonderful concept, but no less susceptible to what the greed in human nature than any other government before it

P: stike that "what"

P: No idea why I typed that word....

M : :) I got it.

M : We support a system that places the very type of person that does not get it in power and then get disappointed when they do exactly what they were raised to do.

M : It's frustrating.

P: ....I have a rant started in my head...I can't... I can't do that to you

P: exactly

M : Lol too exhausting. I'm barely on the planet today. :)

P: and the entire system, just like every one before it, it designed to maintain the status quo first.

M : We can switch to fluffier topics.

M : Right. Rich stay rich...

P: Right

P: I mean.... gah.. I use the example all the time. Some people get it, others don't.

P: The Roman Catholic church... IS a government. It is what it was designed to be.

M : I get it but can't figure out how to change it either.

M : Yep

P: The power structure of the church is based on the fear of eternal damnation and the wrath of God

P: God loves you... however, he spent 90% of the Old Testament fucking with people and killing civilizations

M : Lol and who goes against that? I do but I'm the exception not the rule.

P: Yeah, I go against it too

M : I look at the bible like the game of telephone.

P: The Church convinces people they should live humble and modest and give to the Church so it can help those less privileged.

M : It started out a great concept I'm sure but pass it to the next guy in the retelling and the next and they write it as interpreted by their own understanding and base in what's excepted at the time...

M : Lovely fiction.

P: Then it says that the Church is God's house and God deserves a nice house, so that money goes into building these opulent houses of worship owned by those in power

M : And the Pope rides in a tricked out throne! Lol

M : That just helps so many.

P: If you believe God created everything, then God made the Pillars of Creation - 600 Million light years from end to end, giving birth to billions and billions of new stars larger than our own.... is he going to be impressed by a buttress, a gothic arch or a golden statue?

P: Think he gives a shit where you pray to him?

M : Nope

M : But you contradicted yourself. You said atheist.

P: So put more of the money we work for in a collection plate every Sunday to make sure the church stays nice, while you scrape by

M : Ah you were being general.

P: No, I said IF you believe in that

P: I don't

M : Now see someday we'll debate that. :)

M : I think you believe in a little more than you say but different from an almighty power.

P: Gallileo was condemned by the church for showing us only what already existed, because it contridicted their theology. But it was already there - so God obviously created it....

P: No, i don't

P: What are we going to debate?

M : You don't believe in a spirit or collective energy that all together makes up a whole?

P: Oh, I do.

P: I think life in the universe is of all one energy

P: It is that circle of energy that keeps life going

P: Without it, we cease

M : See a higher power so to speak only in its connection to all things. A part of us all and we of it.

P: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together

M : Right

M : As we cycle that energy/life force gets closer to the top. We experience a d take in new life light as we evolve through lives and there is an overall intelligence in the process.

M : A spirit or more evolved self that we can draw from.

P: I feel that

M : God could be a definition though not in traditional form. It could be called anything.

P: It can be. But I don't believe it is the definition given to us by the Church.

P: Not christian, catholic, jewish or muslim

M : I call upon a higher power. I am asking the universe, others, my higher self to help.

M : I don't either.

P: And what I really want to say to people that believe so profoundly in everything the Bible has to say is....

P: ...you're living today to go to heaven tomorrow. But your God created Eden, which was perfect solely for us. He gave us heaven already - we're fucking it up.

M : Ha!

M : I like it.

P: Stop living for another day and realize what you seek is already in front of you, but you're never going to have it when you spend your time trying to take more of it for yourself.

M : Exactly

P: *kicking the soapbox back under the couch*

P: sorry

P: I always tell my kids, we are but a stepping stone in evolution

M : I enjoyed it. :)

P: It is written in the rocks - our time here is fleeting and our purpose is to evolve to a higher being.

P: A better race.

P: Be part of the positive evolution, and work every day to be a better person, and make the world a better place.

P: It's such an uphill battle

M : Right and we are far from the only one that exists. To think otherwise is just arrogant.

P: Every step forward we take, our religions and our governments knock us back dozens...

P: No, my goodness, no

P: with the amount of life on this planet, and the number of planets we've found through relatively crude detection techniques... there are thousands, if not millions of planets just like Earth out there

P: And it's a cycle

P: Even through the vastness of the cosmos... there is a cycle of life and life energy

M : I think so.

M : We are probably one of the baser civilization respectively even.

P: If there is any one thing I believe in that I can't prove

P: It is that

M : I think we may be one if the most emotional though but that's just a feeling.

P: We are not alone. We might be relatively unique, but we're probably not even that unique

M : Give it time. We're close.

P: And throughout the universe there are civilizations on a spectrum... some newer and growing like ours, some that might still be in the stone age and finding themselves... finding their collective consciousness. And many that are probably older, more advanced, more evolved, and perhaps even on the verge of extinction

M : That's exactly what I meant.

P: The physics of the universe hold no sentiment for life. We are just part of it. It will come and go in cycles, just as we've seen civilizations rise and fall on our own planet

P: Do you need a joint? I think I need a joint... or a hit of acid or something at this point.

P: We're getting deep

M : Right the universe will always survive and as those civilizations destroy or try to prices of it they will in turn perish and the planets will become whole again with their extinction.

M : We overvalue or importance.

P: You're right

M : About what? I'm right about a lot of things. ;)

P: We overvalue our importance because these cryptic old belief systems that we've already blown away with knowledge still have a stranglehold on us, and make us believe that there is this magical being that created us to be his cherished possessions

M : Hehe. Yep. It's just silly.

P: When in all likelihood, we're simply a blip in space and time, like millions of other blips out there

M : And the people toting it are so serious when they spout such crap.

P: They are

P: Their seriousness is humorous

P: Such an oxymoron

M : We are but with one exception. We each individually have the ability to change everything.

P: We do

P: So few realize it, fewer act on it.

P: Even fewer act on it with good intentions.... Selfless intentions.

M : Humans are an amazing race when they rise to their capabilities. We are just so damn inherently lazy.

P: We've made ourselves that way. But that takes us back to government... government wants us to be lazy. It's easier to manage us, thwart any significant change and disturb the status quo.

M : Lol oh the turns we take in conversation.




06:26 Sep 15 2013
Times Read: 779

I just spent 7 straight hours photographing two runway shows.

I am sore. Feet, knees, back, shoulders....

....no one here to be nice to me and work out the kinks except my friends Johnie and Jose....

....Walker and Cuervo, that is....



09:08 Sep 15 2013

Been there many times...



05:09 Sep 13 2013
Times Read: 794

Almost finished with the framing of the boys' new bunk beds. They will be able to sleep in them tomorrow night, which will be fun and awesome!

Just need a couple of finishing touches, which means I shorted myself on my lumber and I have to get one more piece for the top bunk. Then they will be done.

There is one weekend in October they won't be spending here, so I will sand and stain them then.




05:00 Sep 08 2013
Times Read: 803

Spent a bit of time today working on building bunk beds for my boys. Starting next weekend, I have them just about every weekend until March. So, new bunk beds and a cleaned out room is theirs.

It has been a while since I've built something. Today was painful - none of my drill batteries are very good anymore and they die quickly. It tested my patience.

I also spend time today on a new art project I'm hoping to showcase with a local merchant. We shall see....




03:22 Sep 07 2013
Times Read: 814

Took the day off today. My morning was filled with sadness. A long time customer of my tech business is closing their doors. Not just a customer, but an institution in the area. And I'm not just losing a client, I'm losing friends.

My duties for them today were to organize all of their IT equipment and label it all for auction. To kill all of the hard drives - wipe them clean with no chance of data recovery. I walked them through everything that needed to happen, what everything is worth, but what they can expect to get for it.

When I told her I was taking the day off to do this, she decided to take the afternoon off as well. She encouraged me to finish up quickly so I could spend time with her.

I had just enough time to clean up a bit and start lunch before she arrived. I made us chicken wraps with caponata, and a fruit salad to keep it light and refreshing.

We spent some time in the sun on the deck, then lingered in bed for a couple of hours.

It surprises me how we both push each other forward. Each time we get together we explore something new. We make things more intense. We challenge each other, both mentally and physically.

I'm addicted to what she brings, and who she is.

Time will tell if we can keep up this pace....




02:27 Sep 06 2013
Times Read: 823

She noticed I struggle with how sensitive my skin can be, so she bought me soapless soap.

Just ordered it and had it shipped to me so I couldn't say no.

It is amazing how things change when you're with someone that sees a relationship and the person they're with as a priority.

In other news, I just got back from a 3.5 hour drive home from Toronto.

Yes, Toronto. A city only about 90 miles away. 3.5 hours. I would blame it on bad metric conversions, but unfortunately I had to actually experience the ridiculousness of that commute.

So I'm treating myself to barbecued chicken, teriyaki egg fried rice and pan fried veggies.

Delicious. I should have taken a picture of the magnificence of it, but.... well.... I ates it all gone.



03:17 Sep 06 2013

Next time you're scheduled to be out this way, let me know- I'll make arrangements to visit :)


Finally some time....

02:21 Sep 03 2013
Times Read: 842

We finally got some good time together today. Six hours. She wore me out.

I can't say any woman has physically worn me out before, but she has managed to do it a couple of times.

And then a big dinner... I need a nap.

Too bad I have all this work to do.



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