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ABHORASH's Journal



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PROFILE




3 entries this month
 

02:37 Mar 25 2019
Times Read: 61


Cara, I don't know why but today has been extremely difficult. Perhaps, it is because i perused a couple of profiles on the website where we met. Perhaps, it is because I spent a couple of hours here, reading your posts. Whatever the reason, it had me contemplating things that would have disappointed you. I miss you. I am going to continue to miss you for the rest of my miserable little life. I have so many happy memories with you and yet, at the same time, have so many regrets. I hope that, sometime in the near future, we will be reunited. Life has very little meaning without you in it so I find myself desperately grasping any parts of your life that I can to hold close.

Hush now as the grown man weeps
remembering the images
that come in his sleep.

Hush now as the grown man weeps
feeling the loss of a love
that once ran deep.

Hush now as the grown man weeps
in a fleeting moment of happiness
as he takes that step and leaps.

Hush now as the grown man weeps
a failure even in death
for it wasn't his to keep.


COMMENTS

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BarefootMisfit
BarefootMisfit
03:06 Mar 25 2019

It is wonderful that you have these outlets where you can come and read things that she has said. I found myself doing that the other day as well. Hugs my friend





HellsReign
HellsReign
03:58 Mar 25 2019

If you need someone to talk to feel free to track me down I’ll listen





xMissingHeartedx
xMissingHeartedx
21:51 Mar 25 2019

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling.





 

08:00 Mar 24 2019
Times Read: 78


It would seem that I am ill equipped to cope well with her passing. I had thought that my mourning period had, perhaps, ended. There are so many things that spark memories. I've been trying to control my emotions and have been failing, miserably.
I want to come back here and spend some time. I don't think I'm quite ready.

Never before have I loved someone so much nor will I again.

I.F.L.Y.


COMMENTS

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Saetan
Saetan
19:40 Mar 24 2019

No words, H. Seriously. I wish I could hug you, my friend. I am always an ear if you need me.





BarefootMisfit
BarefootMisfit
03:07 Mar 25 2019

You take as long as you need - there is not set time to grieve the loss of such a wonderful loving person as Cara. As Mary said, we are here, should you need an ear to bend .





ABHORASH
ABHORASH
03:35 Mar 25 2019

Thank you, both. It is greatly appreciated, as are your friendships.





 

Vampire Rave / CAJOME

17:35 Mar 15 2019
Times Read: 167


I came to this site 12 years ago, originally under another profile name. I was only looking for a place to spend some time, as I was unable to work at the time, but found so much more. I found Cajome. It took many long nights of speaking both online and over the phone to convince her to meet me in person. I am so glad she finally gave in. We met at The Cheesecake Factory. We spent 4 hours talking and sharing different cheesecakes. When we decided to leave, I walked her to her car. It was parked next to mine though I didn't know it was hers when I parked. I leaned down to kiss her goodnight and knew she was "the one". Somehow, during that long kiss, we ended up with her on the hood of my car. I wrote a journal entry about it and compared her to Demi Moore, who happens to be my lifetime celebrity crush. I have NEVER loved a person as I love Cara, nor will I again. She was such an extraordinary woman. I have made many mistakes in my life, and made many during our relationship, but she stayed with me through it all. I have asked her, on many occasions, what it was she saw in me. I have lived my life riding Harleys and raising Hell, committing crimes and being incarcerated. Her answer was, " someday you will see what I see". To this day, I still don't get it. I didn't deserve such a warm, kind, caring, giving woman. She wasn't into my lifestyle. She didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, or much of anything of the sort of things I did. What she did do was capture my heart. I have been married twice and cheated in both of them. Since I met Cara, I have never been with another woman. There have been many opportunities. When you ride a Harley, have money in one pocket and dope in the other, there are always opportunities.

Cara had many friends here. She had a few different profiles here, as well. If you had any interaction with her then you got to see a portion of the kind of woman she was. If you are reading this, and knew her, I ask that you please share your love and friendship with her, here in the comment section. If you know anyone who was her friend, I would love for you to send them here and ask them to do the same. When she died, my heart died with her. This is where our love started and I really, really, need this from all of you. I have been unable to do much but cry. Even admitting, to other people, that I am crying is a HUGE step outside of my comfort zone. Asking for your help????? It's not something that I thought I was capable of but I am so far down in a hole that I'm begging for a way to climb out of it.


COMMENTS

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xBriareiosx
xBriareiosx
17:43 Mar 15 2019

I met her here when I first joined. She helped me to understand some of the goings on here and helped me when I was going through drama many years ago here. She grew to be a dear friend. She took me into one of her givens and it has been home ever since. She listened to any problem and tried her best to help no matter if it was small or large. I could always count on her. When I got the call last night.. I couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it. I will miss her greatly. I am so very sorry for your loss.





KatherinexArduxBloodwolf
KatherinexArduxBloodwolf
17:50 Mar 15 2019

Its a very difficult road to get over when you lose the love of your life to Cancer. Unlike you, I never knew the love a man had for me, but he was always there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and a bad breakup, always waiting for me, until the day he breathed his last breath. The last words I heard from him the night before he died in his sleep were "I love you". It was if he had to make sure I knew. ( sorry crying right now). It will be 20 years in August. Each year gets better, but it will always hurt. I thought I'd share my experience in hopes it will help you get through this rough time. You will be angry, you will cry, and you will blame yourself for not being there more.

I did not know Cajome. I was just a peon when she was very active and I was scared to interact with sires at that time, but respected them.





LadyDarkRayne
LadyDarkRayne
18:07 Mar 15 2019

My dear friend - I know that you are heartbroken, because she was one in a million. Cara was one of the very first people I got to know here on VR as well some 13 years ago. I have so many heartfelt memories of her. Our late night conversation, sometimes just so silly we were laughing so hard we were crying. She will forever be My Buttercup, which came from a late night VR Chat box conversations. She still has a profile in my coven and that is where it will remain. When she called me and told me the news back in July, it took a minute to sink in and then we both just cried. When the Mimosa trees start coming into bloom, she will be the person I think of, as she loved them, the pink little flowers dancing like fairies.





BatsInTheBelphry
BatsInTheBelphry
18:17 Mar 15 2019

thinking back them many years ago, is a bit foggy but it was somewhere around end of 2004 early 2005, I was on a trip visiting family in Arizona. My uncle had let me use his computer and one night I was browsing chat rooms (which were kinda a thing at the time, but was my first time trying them)..I had been fooled a few times by bots messaging me, when I got a message from her...My first thought was that it was another bot and so I reacted saying "Is this another fucking bot or are you real?" as it turned out she was real and we chatted and became friends..we spent many hours chatting and talking on the phone. She was a very kind hearted soft spoken lady. in our talked and chats it was her who discovered this site and told me about it..I was a rookie and had no computer of my own back then and relied on a library computer and so I messed up and she never got the credit for referring me here that she should have..Over the years we had drifted apart into our own lives but I still considered her a good friend and she will be missed...





xXxPaynexXx
xXxPaynexXx
19:08 Mar 15 2019

I was heartbroken to get this phone call yesterday. Words aren't enough to even describe her. I was honored to have been one of her friends.





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
00:06 Mar 16 2019

She and I were never close, but I knew her and I respected her. She was always so kind and caring. I knew her from Lux, and she welcomed me back time and time again when I wanted to stop by for a spell. She was a wonderful person and I am truly sorry to have heard of her passing.





BattleBorn
BattleBorn
01:02 Mar 16 2019

She was one of the first people I met when I first started here as tattooedmommy. She helped me figure out which covens would be good for me and helped me figure out the site better. She was there for me through a lot. We talked all the time for the first few years that I was here. I left briefly and I didn't reconnect with her as quickly as I wished I had. She is missed and loved. I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. She was such an amazing woman.





SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
03:12 Mar 21 2019

I first spoke to Cara when I was sixteen or seventeen, hell maybe I was younger than that. I can’t remember. What I do remember is that Cara was sort of like this beacon of light, she was just pure energy. She was hilariously witty, and so dang intelligent. Now that I’m talking about her, one thing I respect the most about her is while I was very young when I found my way into Lux Aeterna, she did not discount me because of my age. She took me for what I was, and was constantly reminding me of my worth and my potential. As time went on and I became older, I like everyone else took on more responsibility in the outside world...the real world if you will. I became one of three managers at a store in my area and had that job for eight years, until recently. I was constantly working and not on here as much as I used to be and as a result all of my Vr friendships fell to the back burner. I will always regret that I didn’t talk to her more in these final years. I was stupid enough to have this childish mindset in which I took it for granted that she, along with my other Vr friends, would always just be here. Sadly, that was not the case and I must bear the burden of knowing that I didn’t reach out as often as I could have. I’m sure she knows, but I sincerely hope Cara is aware of just how much her friendship meant to me, in the early days here and always, even if I were inactive. Cara meant a lot to me. Even though our friendship was an online friendship only, as a teenager when I first spoke to her I was absolutely wrought with insecurities and questions and turmoil and she helped me just by talking to me. It was people like Cara that helped me come to terms with who I am as a person, and because of that acceptance from her, and a few others, I have been allowed to freely be myself at all times, in my day to day life. I will always miss Cajome. She was an excellent friend, and a real asset to this site, just by being a member here. It was through her friendship, her humor, and her perception of the world that I came to see value in myself, and I was able to come to terms with my sexual orientation. That’s pretty personal, I know, but being a frightened teen that wasn’t sure of how to come out to those I care for, Cara was a source of reassurance and inspiration and that meant everything to me. I will always remember the time I spent in Lux Aeterna. Rest In Peace Cajome.





Saetan
Saetan
19:44 Mar 24 2019

Cara was one of the few people in my circle I knew without a doubt I could trust. She was one of those people who never had a bad word to say about anyone, even if she didn't like you. If someone said something in light of drama, she would always quickly steer the conversation away to something else. She refused to be a part of it in any way. Not to say she wouldn't listen if you had a problem, though. She was always there for her friends.

She hasn't completely left us. Although Heaven gained an angel, we all did, cause you can bet your ass she's up there watching over each one of us she considered to be a part of her life. We all feel extremely blessed she became our friend, and always had our backs.





ABHORASH
ABHORASH
03:40 Mar 25 2019

Thank you all for posting here. I am desperately trying to hold on to any parts of her that I can. This helps.








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