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When I was younger it was the allure of eternity that attracted me to vampires.
As I get older that is less interesting to me.
Personally I don’t want to live forever anymore. To me it’s the history and things that a vampire has seen in that amount of time that interests me. One often thinks what’s so bad about living forever. Plenty..not that I have clear memories of my past lives. I get flashes of memories but I chalk it up to false memories, a glitch in the brain. Yes I logic and reason it away but it still is that program running in the background when I run across someone that gives me those “you feel familiar to me vibes”. That someone that stirs that something in the pit of my stomach. That someone that draws me to them like a puppet on a string. That has always been more real to me than any church service, any encounter that has been falsely brought about by some kind of hyper aroused state during worship but even still I push it away because I have been told feelings aren’t facts. Just because I feel a pull towards something doesn’t mean I should just follow it blindly into the cold dark night even though everything in me is screaming to do so. Screaming to step out of this skin and allow the shadows to subvert me into whatever they please. Oh yes it is there every. single. day.
The feeling on the tip of my tongue, the taste.

I feel better after sleeping. Something still feels off. He has never shown this kind of restraint. I hope that means that he is truly over everything. Over me. I want him to move on. To find happiness whatever that means for him.
There is also an emptiness there as well. It’s strange after someone has constantly violated your boundaries and space for so long. He was always one step behind. I wished it had been in a good way. To protect and not harm. That it had been a mutual thing. It unfortunately wasn’t for me. I think he has always had this preconceived notion of me because of my former beliefs. The stereotypical “Christian” girl. Whatever that even means. I’m as far from Christian as you can get. It’s stupid actually that is something people still bring up about me.
If I really allowed my shadow to fully take over it would be over for you hoes just saying.
I still have a certain amount of restraint left but it’s slowly being eroded. One thing I can say though I care less what others think of me than before that’s one way he helped me. I mean if there was a silver lining to this. He actually made me stronger with his constant criticism, put downs and smear campaigns to get others to follow and believe him.
I don’t care what HE thinks. He’s like two separate people. Like two face, two opposing forces in the same body fighting it out. Is it DID? A form of psychosis? You get to know someone after dealing with them for 7 years of them being your constant shadow.
He was always there unlike people in my life that should have been. Too bad it was for the wrong reasons obsession not love. Love would respect that someone didn’t want to be with someone. Love wouldn’t force it. It isn’t possessive or jealous. But it was never love. We are talking about a vampire though. I use that term loosely. There’s still a sadness that has been sitting on my chest though still something left unsaid. Despite everything. Yes there’s the anger still. I think this may take some getting used to not having two shadows.

COMMENTS

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StormWatchers
16:37 Apr 20 2025

Great song.

Sad words. 😢

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I’m restless tonight. Sleep isn’t coming easy.
I feel numb but also confused.
I do try to understand others to try to look at their perspectives. I’m at a loss. You assume I have narrow views and live in an echo chamber of ignorance. I can tell you I have had massive growth in that area. The black and white thinking. The “grey areas”. I am more tolerant than I was even a few years ago. But I won’t change my values. I think because of my former belief you have always had a preconceived notion of me. You have set up this whole character of me being this perfect, pious, innocent church girl. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I left the church. It never helped to relieve my guilt or shame if anything it only amplified it. The only time I have peace is when I am far away from it.
I don’t have to strive to be something or someone I just am not. It’s a source of anxiety for me not a source of happiness or anything positive. There’s a lot about the Bible I just don’t agree with personally but people always assume the wrong thing every time I say I was going to be a pastor. It was nothing I did wrong. I just realized I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. It wasn’t there for me like it was for everyone else despite my best efforts and intentions. I just don’t belong in that world. I feel like you don’t even want me in yours either. I have spent all this time running from who I really am even had others tell me I don’t belong with them either. It hurts. I don’t belong anywhere. I feel like a ghost stuck between two worlds. I feel things for you so many things that are hard to define to even begin to put into words. It doesn’t matter though. It’s not important anymore after all this time after everything. It’s my own personal secret that I have never told anyone let alone even admitted to myself until now.
This isn’t some romance novel. Our relationship has never been based on the actual real things that really matter in a proper relationship… trust, respect, accountability, communication. I doubt that will change anytime soon. I want more but it won’t happen with you and I won’t force you to be someone you can’t.
I know you can’t help yourself so I leave. I want to leave so I don’t say things I will regret later. It is never just black and white. I don’t do uncertainty. I can’t do unsafe. Probably not making any sense but I don’t care. Now I think I can sleep because I’m nodding off.

She was already smiling when he looked down at her—soft and bold, eyes aglow with that unmistakable spark. The kind of look that didn’t ask permission, just knew. It drew the truth from him without effort, without a word.

Time had unraveled between them, forgotten somewhere in the heat of touch and tangled breath. Now, she knelt before him, radiant and unapologetic, her gaze steady and unflinching. There was something regal in her posture, something sacred in the way she offered her mouth - not as an act of submission, but as an exchange of power.

“Let go,” she whispered.

Two syllables, low and steady, cutting deeper than any shout. It wasn’t a plea. It was an invitation. A promise.

His hand slipped into her hair, slow and reverent, as if touching something fragile and infinite. She held him with quiet strength, grounding him, opening him in a way that was terrifying in its honesty. She made space for all of him—the hunger, the need, the ache he hadn’t even known was there.

And when it came—the wave crashing through him—it stole his breath, stole his balance. His body tensed, every nerve lit and singing, surrendering to the moment without shame.

She took all of it. Every pulse, every tremor. Never looking away. Eyes locked on his, heat rolling between them like a storm held just beneath the skin.

When it passed, she wiped a single drop from her cheek and smirked, mischief dancing at the corner of her mouth.

“You needed that,” she said, her voice low and knowing.

He exhaled, a rough laugh escaping as he dropped to his knees in front of her, drawn not just by gratitude, but by something deeper—something primal. His mouth found hers in a kiss that tasted of afterglow and confession, slow and searching, like he was memorizing her all over again.

The space between them hummed, alive and electric, thick with everything they didn’t say—but both understood completely.

There it is again… that wicked, relentless ache blooming deep inside me like a curse. He stands by the window, his body carved in shadow and streetlight, every muscle etched with temptation. My heart pounds so hard it threatens to tear through my chest.

His touch is fire—hot, unmerciful. My skin begs for more even as it burns. I’m dripping with anticipation, the need curling through me like smoke. Breathing becomes the only thing I can control - and even that is slipping.

He kisses me like he owns me. Like he’s tasted the end of the world and decided to devour me instead. We’re alone in the universe now. His mouth, my body, and the unbearable space between surrender and possession. I feel like I could vanish into him, become nothing but need.

There’s no reason left. No logic. Only the way he moves lower, deliberate, unhurried, as if he’s unraveling me inch by inch. My legs fall open without a thought, hungry, exposed - his to command.

His eyes are obsidian, brooding and merciless, and they promise pleasure laced with punishment. He knows exactly how to make me beg—how to make me squirm with nothing but a look.

I ache to feel him inside me. To be taken. But I know this is his game and I’ll suffer for the sweetness of it.

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
19:58 Apr 16 2025

Powerful

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