When I write stories, I always feel like I'm at a loss for decent terms to name human genitals.
Cock and pussy work, but seem so over used. I don't like using dick, or cunt, and so many others feel like I'm reaching, or just sound childish.
Purple helmet solider. Love canal. Whoo-Haa. Willy. Pee Pee. Boy parts. Girl parts. Vah-jay-jay.
Using Penis and Vagina just seems clinical.
What is a writer to do?
Lol Right? I feel the same way and how to make it sound romance without sounding like an actual porno...
Even if I'm going for straight up porno, it's awkward.
We need more romantic sounding terms to describe those parts...
"Her blossoming Tiger Lilly of Love"
"Her Snap-Dragon of Passion."
"His Softly Sheathed Iron Ramrod"
The best laid plans.... ugh.
Like pulling teeth from an angry walrus....
Pearl Jam - Vitalogy. Such an underrated, under appreciated work of art at the end of the 90s grunge culture.
I think I'm going to listen to it a few times, and sink into it.
I should probably shower for the third time today.
Active day between soccer, kayaking, and fitting in some time at the gym.
Tonight I'm going to go see JP Sears doing standup... this should be interesting.
Tumblr is torturing my brain today. My emotions this week have run the prism from Infrared to black, and mucky as river silt.
I honestly think I'm far too aware, and intelligent to exist in the current world without losing my sense of balance every other moment. I see what surrounds me - the fevered egos, the value placed on blind faith, and ignorance, the self-absorbed, yet soulless pursuits of people who should know better. People who should understand more. People with the capability to become more than they are, but have built walls up surrounding their core, thinking it will protect them from the very fears they allow to dictate their lives, their thoughts, their self-narratives, and their actions.
And here is me, simply wondering what my value is to anyone in this world.
The internet is full of memes, and quotes, and inspirational sayings, and self-help videos telling us we need to be happy with ourselves, and we need to love ourselves, before we can find love, and happiness in others. Well, what happens when you've been there, and done that, but you still see yourself as not valued, not appreciated, and not seen as worthy of love, and effort by others? That's not necessarily a self-perception if the behaviors of those around you support it as true, is it?
I ask these questions in a rhetorical manner, as I feel like intrinsically I already know the answers, and understand it. I just don't like the answers. I don't like understanding what my value actually is. I don't like knowing that my role in this life is what it is, and no matter what I've tried, no matter how much effort I've put into this, it will never change. I don't like knowing I am relegated to being a utility to others, and nothing more. I am a complete person. I have value beyond what others see, beyond what others have sought, and were willing to receive, or willing to allow into their lives.
But in times like these I have to wonder, what is it going to take to find the right person, or people, that will actually see that, and match my effort? To desire this enough to put in the effort? To want to understand, and have patience, and yes, even take down those walls, and stop letting their fears dictate how they think, and act toward me.
What does it take?
You believe in souls now birra?
I wonder those exact things Birra.
I genuinely wonder what someone who calls souls, soles, really has to offer besides the most basic surface experiences of life.
My date night with myself didn't go as planned. However, I did get through quite a bit of the book that I'm reading.
A guy came up to me, and said he thought it was great that I was reading on the patio of a microbrewery, listening to live music. He asked me what I was reading. I showed him. He said, "Wow, you must be an incredible person."
He was drunk, obviously, but in thinking about it, I'm pretty sure most serial killers are well educated, and well read... just saying.
I should take myself out on a date tonight. A nice romantic dinner, maybe some live music, have a few drinks.
I'm bound to get lucky, right? HAHA!
Whoops. Well, that was awkward....
I shouldn't be surprised that the things that were supposed to happen with work this week really haven't.
Time to make some new stuff happen.
Things got really busy for a while.
Ran an amazing show on Friday.
My daughter's grad party was a cluster'f but pretty much anything their mom plans out turns into that because there's no such things as relaxing and just enjoying something in her world.
I had a nice two days planned at Oneida Lake with the diva, but got called into meetings this morning so had to leave at 5:30AM to drive back.
It's going to be a rough week. But I'm here. I'll try to be more present in the moment.
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