Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
4 entries this month
Afterlife *unfnished*
11:24 Apr 23 2011
Times Read: 634
Death is merely a dream.
Blood gurgled from my mouth while my
hands wrapped itself around my body from the pain. The raindrops felt like acid
falling from those grim skies. I struggled to breathe while I heard people from
the distance yelling as their footsteps disappeared. I was alone in a place I'm
not familiar with.
The pain will
soon go away.
The pain is
washing your sins away.
The voices I heard were familiar to
my mother's and the many whom I lost to death. The pain was burning me alive. But,
I believed those voices. The burning sensation was washing the sins away. Something
came out of my throat that sounded like a whimper. I could feel the tears
dripping down my cheeks, having itself mix with the blood that was oozing out
my skin. I didn't fear death. I feared what came after death. People say when you are dying, your
life flashes in a several moments. But my death was something like a lullaby. I could hear all those voices that were hushing and humming. The sky suddenly turned into grey walls that slowly closed in. My body was numb, the burning sensation was gone.
No Angel, No Grim Reaper.
Just nothingness...
The Memories
15:29 Apr 21 2011
Times Read: 639
The Memories
In the mist of fighting the urge, I somehow fall asleep, relaxing everything in my mind and body. That’s when I had the dream.
A seemingly beautiful yet terrifying sight
I dream every night of this little girl. I think she is between the ages of 13 or 14. She’s beautiful, long black hair, tanned fair skin, but her eyes, they show something of a demon inside. I know this girl, and I simply wonder maybe if she is me. She can’t be though. She is different. She’s an Egyptian and the way people bow to her makes me think she has a high position. Perhaps a priestess or something of royalty. What bothers me the most is always the ending of this painfully vivid dream.
And the nightmare begins now
All I see in a temple being burnt down as people ran everywhere. A man and a woman ran far as they called her name. I wish not to state it. In moving on further into this nightmare, a man grabs her and she screams for her father. Yet he is nowhere to be found. Probably being tortured just as her. This powerful man rips off the robes that clothe her but he does not rape her. He opens her mouth as if to prove something and begin to stab her repeatedly in the stomach over and over again. I found taste the blood coming out of her mouth. So sweet, yet it is the blood of a sinner. The blood of a girl who is damned and will forever be damned.
It doesn’t stop there.
At least she is dead but they mutilated her body and burnt her. I wonder what this girl has done, to deserve such a treatment as this. Such animalistic treatment they have done to her.
As the dream comes to an end, I wake up in tears. My skin burns, my arms show scars that I cannot explain. Can a mind sincerely fool the body. Or was it what I think it could have been…
The Thirst
14:50 Apr 21 2011
Times Read: 643
The Thirst
I’ve lost count of the days. I even lost track a time after it started progressing. I almost couldn’t fight the urge especially since your breath it daily, see it daily…the need to have it daily. It’s almost like it is teasing you in some type of sexual way. But then again, this is me personally I presume. Whenever there is others who feel the same way, I suppose so. Maybe or maybe not. Either way, I feel it.
Blood
If only you knew the way it smells, the way it’s so tempting. Then you’d understand why I can’t seem to take my mind off it. Not like I want to become a blood thirsty fiend…wait..I already am one. Moving along. The first time of blood made my head spin; it made my mind fall something into a hallucination. My sight became blurry but then it improved. I didn’t need my glasses much anymore. The noises surrounding this moment became so loud from the girls talking down the street; to voices I haven’t heard in centuries, down to the slow breathing of this beautiful person before me, it was almost unbearable. I could smell everything around me. I had to stop, I knew I was taking too much then what was given. Although it became hard to walk, almost as if I was in a drunken state. It was at first a frightful experience. But It was exciting and enjoyable at the same time. Whatever the case may be, I wanted it. I wanted to do it again. I wanted to have that feeling again. I wanted blood like I wanted to recreate a new life. I wanted blood like if I didn’t have it, I’d eventually lose my mind.
Yet I didn’t
But somehow I reframed myself. It took many hours of self isolation. I seemingly won the battle for now. Lying in my bed looking at the ceiling, I almost doze off into a peaceful sleep until the urge came back again. It feel like I was a junkie all over again, the sweating, the pacing. I made up my mind
This was the final straw
I had to have it
Lifeless Dead
17:02 Apr 17 2011
Times Read: 651
Forget it. Your nothing but trash heading down to the paved hot road to hell. Your nothing but Earth's scum that should be thrown away. You are not one of us. Your one of them. Your a junkie. The only thing you live for is prescription pills and a smack needle down your arm. You live for that heroin being shooted inside your disgusting veins. You live to open your legs or someone else's legs for a simple quick fix. Humor me. Because I was just like you. A junkie whore. Couldn't stay with one drug at a time. You had to have them all. Somehow I've got out of this mess. While your simply a shadow of a burden past.
Yet don't be surprise that I hate tomorrow. Only Satan, and I know I tried to find a way out but I sunk back into a nightmare.
And not a nightmare of drugs. A nightmare of a thing we call life. I used to be one of you. Now I am not even one of them. I've became the lifeless dead corpse only faking emotion of which I cannot produce myself. It's called self-hatred. But as the years moved on so did the agony and anger. So did the plain meaningless eyes. Skeletons begin to reburst out of the closet and crept up on me so fast I had no time to disbone them once and for all. Instead I embraced this old time burden.
Yet don't be surprise if I hate tomorrow and the years to follow. Only Satan and I knew I tried to escape, but I sunk back into a personal hell.
Living life through a hazy fog so thick you can't even cut it with a knife. Buried deep into timeless shit I can't even crawl out of the coffin because it's been nailed shut. I cannot speak because i lost the will to long ago so now, my mouth has been stitched shut as I sit here and wait for just another moment to be free.
Yet don't be surprised If I hate tomorrow, the years to come, and my life. Only Satan and I knew I tried to find a way out by escaping this damnable curse. But it weighed three bricks on my body I laid to rest.
So the sun only shines a bit more dimmer. The moon disappear instead souless eyes. Life is nothing once you are Lifeless. Once you become dead.
Yet don't be surprised if I hate tomorrow, the years to come, my life and myself. Only Satan and I knew I tried to find a way out.
I know what I have done wrong. Yet I allowed it to happen. I know what was to come, yet I embrace it. I knew what the future holds, and yet I toss it away.
I won't be surprised if I hated tomorrow, the years to come, my life, and Satan himself. Only I know I personally tried to find a way out. yet I continued to push my coffin for an early grave.
COMMENTS
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Angelus
16:21 Apr 23 2011
maintain that style, for another hundred or so pages, you have me.. for sure.