Nyx's Journal


Honor: 0    [ Give / Take ]


11 entries this month

"I think Bob's a fish"

16:57 Apr 26 2006
Times Read: 747

This commercial is just funny - especially due to recent events. How easy is it to cover up your nasty, slimy, fish stench with a little help from a friend - even if you look like a big, freaky fish in a suit?


Me thinks those office workers need to open their eyes..




Yeah, another log

22:42 Apr 25 2006
Times Read: 762

Log from March 6, 2006 between ElyriaBloodShadow and JessaTremere (posted with permission from Elyria)

lady_kaetar: you wished to speak to me?

j_13_79: yes will you listen?

lady_kaetar: I always listen. How I respond, if at all, depends on what I hear. But go ahead and say what you need to say Jama.

j_13_79: i need to know something

j_13_79: and you know how it works people have shown me your posts and words and everytime i see that you say, "if its found to be true" or "if it comes out".....your the only one waiting to see

j_13_79: the only one not rushing to judgement

j_13_79: damnit i dont know how else to say this and you have to know the football size amount of pride i had to swallow to do this

lady_kaetar: then just say it and get it over with so you can breath again

j_13_79: just tell me that all the phone convos you and i had....the personal ones.....that this wasn't all a test....to prove all along to me how kathy and ryan are

j_13_79: dont get me wrong i'm eating crow for it...jesus

lady_kaetar: The chats I had with you were because I believed that you were my friend and that you had a legitimate problem

lady_kaetar: I wasn't talking to you for or because of anyone else.

lady_kaetar: that's all there was to it.

lady_kaetar: At the time I wasn't even speaking to Kathy or Ryan much if at all anyway so no they had nothing to do with it

j_13_79: let me ask something, if you were in my place and kathy and ryan demanded proof, would you give up the most intimate details in case it blew up in your face....like this did???

lady_kaetar: If I was in your place, I would not have told that sort of info to anyone in delphi in the first place

lady_kaetar: you should know how the secrets and rumors fly there.

j_13_79: i know....

lady_kaetar: if this sort of thing goes on in a persons real life and not in their imagination they should never bring it into delphi

lady_kaetar: rl has no place there

lady_kaetar: rl gets used against you if you reveal it and lies get caught sooner or later if you tell them

lady_kaetar: either way it gets you more trouble then it is worth

lady_kaetar: face it Jama

lady_kaetar: if you what you said was the truth you should never have brought it to people in delphi. if it was lies then you should have known they would be caught sooner or later.

j_13_79: i really cant believe you think its all lies

lady_kaetar: Jama honestly I have seen so much and heard so many versions of things from you and your "Family" alone (not even counting what tales are told by others of what you said to them) that things just don't make sense to me

lady_kaetar: either you were telling some truth and covering things or expanding on things with lies or misinformation with a basis somewhere in truth

lady_kaetar: or you were lying from the start

lady_kaetar: either way

lady_kaetar: it's not right

lady_kaetar: the stories I got from you andd yours alone didn't make sense

lady_kaetar: they changed with the day of the week

lady_kaetar: what am i supposed to think

j_13_79: i know

j_13_79: it was all stupid

lady_kaetar: then why do it at all?

j_13_79: something would be said and i would panic and try to cover it up....for stupid reasons

lady_kaetar: But Jama really come on be honest with me here....the pictures? If that was a legit happening in your life... passing around pics real or pulled from online?

lady_kaetar: what the hell were you thinking?

lady_kaetar: did you think peopel would not jump all over that shit?

j_13_79: for me it boils down to me not trusting people even after time and again the proved it

lady_kaetar: and things like the fact that one person hears you have two boys and a girl

lady_kaetar: another that it is two boys no girl at all

lady_kaetar: they are your ex's kids

j_13_79: what???

lady_kaetar: then one is banes

lady_kaetar: i mean come on

j_13_79: you talked to them on the phone

lady_kaetar: now i am told you have aids?

lady_kaetar: where does the truth stop and the lies begin

j_13_79: jesus....

lady_kaetar: and how can anyone trust anything after that?

j_13_79: i guess your mind is made up then

lady_kaetar: Jama

lady_kaetar: I have seen these things for the most part

lady_kaetar: said by you in your own words to people

lady_kaetar: How am I supposed to take that?

lady_kaetar: How can you think that I could just trust that you are honest with me when even what you tell me to me changes so often.

lady_kaetar: I could understand lying to cover a shame or a mistaken confidence shared

j_13_79: yeah and look what that got me???

lady_kaetar: but there is so much that just well conuses the hell out of me

j_13_79: i'm sorry it was ridiculous of me to think i could start anywhere....

lady_kaetar: I honestly don't know why you shared these things with so many people many you should have known you couldnt trust to stay silent if these things were true

j_13_79: i know i was an idiot

j_13_79: i cant say i'm sorry enough

lady_kaetar: It's like this in my mind...

lady_kaetar: if those things went on in your real life

lady_kaetar: then you should have gotten the hell out of the situation, gotten help legal, mental, and so on to fix them and not brought them into the online world

lady_kaetar: online is cruel

lady_kaetar: as are the people in it

lady_kaetar: and lies are told all the time for sympathy, attention or to gain something from someone else

lady_kaetar: when all the things you said started to twist and turn and contradict one another

lady_kaetar: How could I not start to think you were lying to gain my trust and sympathy

j_13_79: i paniced it was stupid i admit that

j_13_79: you can't think otherwise

j_13_79: i'm sorry for intruding.....its all me

lady_kaetar: I think you made a serious mistake Jama

lady_kaetar: you should never have told this story in delphi

lady_kaetar: I learned myself not to bring rl into offline

lady_kaetar: it's not worth it and someone always gets hurt

lady_kaetar: and to lie to cover a mistake just compounds the problem

j_13_79: i know....

lady_kaetar: and makes people think even less of you with each passing lie

lady_kaetar: you hurt a lot of people Jama

j_13_79: i got scared

lady_kaetar: they trusted you and liked you and wanted to help you

j_13_79: its not right and i know that....

lady_kaetar: and they feel betrayed

j_13_79: i know

lady_kaetar: can you fault them for thinking everything you said was a lie when it was all set side by side and really looked at and seemed to be so contradictory?

j_13_79: i'm sorry you're right they have no reason to bother with me

lady_kaetar: even if it did start as the truth hun

lady_kaetar: by the time you were done, did even you yourself really remember where it all began and why?

j_13_79: the mistake was asking jon to come up with some newspaper passage to satisfy ryan.....and from there they wanted more and more when i thought all along they were going to let it drop and fade

j_13_79: which is what i wanted

j_13_79: i was naive, stupid, and there's NO excuse

lady_kaetar: look at this from an outsiders point of view

j_13_79: but i can't satisfy anyone's demands for an apology it will never be enough

lady_kaetar: stories of abuses that changed depending on who they were told to...falsified news stories...pics that ended up not being of even the same person in some cases...

lady_kaetar: Jama no one could look at all that and not think it was all a lie from the start

lady_kaetar: if you saw those things given to you by someone else

lady_kaetar: how would you have reacted honestly?

lady_kaetar: when it came out that large parts of what they said where not true could you trust that any of it was?

lady_kaetar: I never asked for an apology

lady_kaetar: the most I ever cared to hear was why?

lady_kaetar: Why come to me and to others and gain our trust and friendship

j_13_79: did you know i never went to ryan and kathy.....did you know they came to us???

lady_kaetar: have us trying to help you

j_13_79: no no

j_13_79: i'm not doing that

lady_kaetar: and then lie to us?

lady_kaetar: that hurt Jama

lady_kaetar: We thought you were a friend and yet you lied to us even if not all may have been a lie

lady_kaetar: still enough was to make everyone feel that you betrayed the friendships and the help they tried to give you

j_13_79: you think i could make up the shit, the pain and fucking hurt those son of a bitches did to me!!!!!!!!!????????

j_13_79: after what you told me yourself you had been through???

lady_kaetar: Could you?

lady_kaetar: I don't know Jama as I am not the one in your head

j_13_79: like sees like you cant tell me that

lady_kaetar: Some people can do that

lady_kaetar: some people can't even concieve of it

lady_kaetar: I believed you were in trouble believed you were in an abusive sitution

lady_kaetar: I tried to find ways to help you to get you legal resources, counciling and help info for you and your children

lady_kaetar: and then

lady_kaetar: then next thing I know

lady_kaetar: it's coming to me that it's not exactly as you said it was

lady_kaetar: even you were changing the details as you talked to me

lady_kaetar: I didn't know what to think at that point

j_13_79: but that's like everything else too rumors always change crap you know that

lady_kaetar: and i could not image any woman in her right mind making up a story like that

lady_kaetar: I wanted to believe you Jama

lady_kaetar: I wanted to believe that you were not the sort of person who could lie about something so horrible and traumatic

lady_kaetar: but even I had to start to doubt after awhile as to how much of what you said to me was true

j_13_79: and i dont blame anyone for that

lady_kaetar: the more I heard the more I wondered what was real and what was lie

lady_kaetar: and why

j_13_79: and i'm not asking you to believe me now

j_13_79: hell i dont know what i'm doing

j_13_79: i know 90% like always of what kathy and ryan are claiming is Bullshit

j_13_79: hell you've been on my end you know how they are

lady_kaetar: Maybe so

lady_kaetar: but even if it was

j_13_79: i guess thats why i came to you

j_13_79: that and you've always told me straight no bs

lady_kaetar: it's not just them that had issues with the legitimacy of the stories

lady_kaetar: it was everyone you told them to

j_13_79: all it takes is a couple of people to put doubt in someone's mind the lies mount....like anything

j_13_79: hell we admitted to giving them the false newspaper article because we couldn't trust them

j_13_79: the pics and shit....who knows

lady_kaetar: but don't you see Jama

j_13_79: forget it....it was my fault for not just keeping quiet in the first place

lady_kaetar: if your story at the start WAS real...

lady_kaetar: those things

lady_kaetar: for whatever reasons they were done

j_13_79: i know they make it all look like one big lie

j_13_79: I KNOW it

lady_kaetar: only damaged your credibility

j_13_79: i know

j_13_79: god dammnit you swear you'll never cry over fucking delphi again then what......

lady_kaetar: honestly if it was me

lady_kaetar: I wouldn't have said it all and if I had and it had blown up on me like that

lady_kaetar: I wouldn't want to be around the people who thought such things of me

lady_kaetar: I wouldn't be able to handle it in your place

lady_kaetar: guess you are braver then i am

j_13_79: well i know you dont think i'm brave

j_13_79: i know i'm not

lady_kaetar: But you still go back to the place this all happened

lady_kaetar: you go where you know you will encounter the people that got so pissed at being lied to or having their trust broken

lady_kaetar: you didn't just walk away

j_13_79: why should i

j_13_79: i know what i went through

j_13_79: fuck kathy

j_13_79: fuck ryan

j_13_79: i know the hell i went through

j_13_79: even if no one else ever believes me i know it in my heart

j_13_79: and the very reason i can say that is why linda, mia, meg, the rest i dunno they can understand and know it

j_13_79: who knows they dont deserve the worry i know that much

j_13_79: but they all know i would drop everything for them

j_13_79: and have and will do again

j_13_79: i'm not saying you should ignore what they've said

j_13_79: i'm not asking for forgiveness either

j_13_79: not asking or saying anything really

lady_kaetar: Well I am glad you have someone who believes and is there for you, I am just sorry that after everything I can't tell you honestly that I can be one of those people Jama

j_13_79: hell i dunno guess this was my mistake i'm sorry for taking your time

lady_kaetar: there is just too much hurt and too much doubt for that

j_13_79: i'm not asking that

j_13_79: at all

lady_kaetar: You betrayed my trust and my faith in you when you lied to me and I can't get over that. I tried to honestly help you and got burned for it

lady_kaetar: things like that are slow to forgive and forget for me

lady_kaetar: guess that makes meg and the rest better people then me but it's the way i am

lady_kaetar: when my trust is broken

j_13_79: if i thought that would i be here now

lady_kaetar: it's hard to just give it again

lady_kaetar: I have been burned too many times to forgive easily

j_13_79: i understand

j_13_79: i'm sorry for taking up your time

lady_kaetar: Just because I don't attack you or flame you on it doesn't mean I didn't get hurt and pissed

lady_kaetar: Maybe some day

lady_kaetar: but not yet

j_13_79: no its ok really you dont have to explain

j_13_79: you have every right and maybe someday....you'll see it for yourself too

lady_kaetar: I called you a friend once so yes I do feel you should know my position.

lady_kaetar: I am sorry if it hurts you but it's what I have to do for me.

j_13_79: no its ok

lady_kaetar: I won't flame you or bash you all over the boards in delphi or out

lady_kaetar: it's not worth it

lady_kaetar: but i can't forgive and let go yet either

j_13_79: there's little anyone can say or do to me anymore that hasn't been done at least once

j_13_79: i'm sorry again for taking your time

j_13_79: be well

lady_kaetar: be well Jama




Confronting Jessa pt. 1

05:14 Apr 25 2006
Times Read: 797

I am posting these logs of us confronting Jessa. I know SeleneTremere would like to see them - maybe others would as well..

These logs are a combo of things from both Ryan and I - the times will look as tho they don't match, but that's because Ryan is one hour ahead of me. My logs are from Yahoo, his are from Exodous. I've cut them up a bit to keep it as chronological as possible.

In this post, the logs are from mine and Jessa's one on one yahoo chat and a Delphi chat with Ryan,Sire, me and sometimes Jessa. Anything within the ***stars*** come from my IM box during the chat - remember Ryan is on Mountain time, I am on Pacific.




In Yahoo between Jessa and I:

Jessa (10/2/2005 7:54:41 PM): jon's on IM to me

Jessa (10/2/2005 7:54:56 PM): he wants to know if he can have yours??? i told him no, but he said to ask anyway lol

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 7:55:05 PM): I don't care

Jessa (10/2/2005 7:55:14 PM): lol damnit ok

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:00:48 PM): you said he could come in chat??

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:01:04 PM): you can tell him to stay out, I don't care

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:01:12 PM): not like we talking about anything

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:01:25 PM): lol

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:01:26 PM): ok

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:03:03 PM): he didn't know he fell out lol

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:04:41 PM): that's been happening a lot lately

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:05:07 PM): the ninja stuff or falling out?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:05:13 PM): well, both really

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:05:19 PM): but the ninja shit is always going on

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:05:35 PM): long as the monkey stays out of it we're cool

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:06:45 PM): lol ok

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 8:07:38 PM): he's waiting to come in?

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:07:51 PM): well

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:08:01 PM): ok....gods lol i'm such a baby hold on


In Delphi chat, Sire, Jessa, Ryan and I (Jessa leaves at about 9:13):

[9:02 PM] Ryan has entered the room.

[9:02 PM] Welcome to Shadows Of The Abyss.

[9:03 PM][Kathy] I thought we bored you out

[9:03 PM][Ryan] just pensive tonight

[9:03 PM][Jessa] wb

[9:03 PM][Ryan] thanks

[9:03 PM][Jessa] why pensive?

[9:04 PM][Ryan] oh you know, the ninja secret shit

[9:08 PM][Kathy] just keep the poison gas out and you can do all the secret ninja shit you want

[9:08 PM][Jessa] lol

[9:09 PM][Sire] Greetings

[9:10 PM][Kathy] Hey Sire

[9:10 PM][Sire] ACTION hugs his Kin

[9:10 PM][Jessa] hi

[9:10 PM][Sire] Greetings Kathy.

[9:10 PM][Kathy] how's it going?

[9:10 PM][Ryan] Long time no see Derrick

[9:10 PM][Sire] I am well, and yourself?

[9:10 PM][Sire] Greetings Ryan.

[9:11 PM][Sire] And please, Jon is fine.

[9:11 PM][Kathy] I'm good

[9:11 PM][Ryan] to be quite honest I was hoping I would catch you and Jessa

[9:11 PM][Sire] Oh?

[9:11 PM][Ryan] there has been something that has been eating at me for a bit

[9:12 PM][Jessa] ok

[9:12 PM][Ryan] if you two don't mind we could go over that?

[9:12 PM][Sire] Of course not.

[9:13 PM][Ryan] Ryan has changed the subject to Invite only please.......

[9:13 PM][Ryan] I think I have as well as Kathy have been good allies have we not?

[9:13 PM][Ryan] looked after you and yours

[9:13 PM][Sire] Indeed.

[9:14 PM][Ryan] gone above our duties in order to establish a trust

[9:14 PM][Sire] Indeed.


In private Yahool box with me and Jessa - I ignored it:

Jessa (10/2/2005 8:14:33 PM): what is going on???


In Delphi chat, Sire, Ryan and I:

[9:15 PM][Sire] What was said?

[9:15 PM][Ryan] I wouldn't engage her privately

[9:15 PM][Sire] I see.

[9:15 PM][Ryan] http://www.comstock.com/web/search/KTCAI/AskAngelaKTCAI.asp?Keyword=male&page=2

[9:15 PM][Ryan] you seen that site before?

[9:17 PM][Sire] No, it doesn't seem familiar to me.

[9:18 PM][Ryan] I think Ryan got more work on this page

[9:18 PM][Ryan] than Bane did

[9:19 PM][Ryan] Jessa forgot to change the name of the picture she sent to me

[9:19 PM][Sire] Which was what?

[9:19 PM][Ryan] I was surprised to find Bane's picture there too

[9:19 PM][Ryan] among several others she claimed as her own

[9:20 PM][Enrica_Giovanni] Good Eve all.

[9:20 PM][Sire] Greetings Enrica Giovanni.

[9:21 PM][Ryan] Jon I think it best if Jessa comes back

[9:21 PM][Ryan] because you know me

[9:21 PM][Ryan] this isn't all I have

[9:22 PM][Sire] ACTION nods

[9:22 PM][Sire] Let me try her.

[9:22 PM][Ryan] and I would ask no lies

[9:22 PM][Ryan] I am pissed enough as it is, note I said pissed not irritated

[9:23 PM][Ryan] now I don't want to seem like I am hounding you

[9:24 PM][Sire] No, if there is a mistrust happening, I wish it solved.

[9:24 PM][Ryan] La Lumierre

[9:24 PM][Ryan] catholic school you folks teach at

[9:24 PM][Sire] ACTION nods

[9:25 PM][Sire] We are part of the organization.

[9:25 PM][Sire] Is there another issue at hand?

[9:25 PM][Ryan] middle school you all have your own deal there

[9:25 PM][Ryan] this is correct yes?

[9:26 PM][Sire] Jama and I are in the middle school level, Stephen teaches at Lu Lumiere's high school facility, but we are covered under the same diocese.

[9:26 PM][Kathy] my understanding is that they don't do middle school

[9:26 PM][Ryan] and yet each one of you aren't listed on the faculty

[9:27 PM][Sire] The middle school facility is seperate a seperate position, and only the department heads are listed as the faculty.

[9:27 PM][Sire] If you are speaking of the website.

[9:28 PM][Sire] Sacred Heart Diocese out of South Bend is where all of our funding comes from.

[9:28 PM][Sire] Yet our campus is on the La Lumiere facility grounds.

[9:29 PM][Ryan] the last piece which is the most problematic for me

[9:30 PM][Sire] Yes?

[9:30 PM][Ryan] we contacted the south bend tribune in search of that article

[9:30 PM][Ryan] they told us someone was pulling one over on us

[9:30 PM][Sire] Indeed.

[9:30 PM][Kathy] so why would they tell us that?

[9:31 PM][Sire] Because it did not come from the South Bend Tribune.

[9:31 PM][Sire] At this time you must remember, Perceive had just pushed everything she blinded Jessa and all of Tremere out in the open.

[9:31 PM][Kathy] then where?

[9:32 PM][Sire] Ryan, someone we have been warned causes more harm than good, at the time, comes to us and says he wants to aid.

[9:32 PM][Sire] You must understand, what was I supposed to do?

[9:32 PM][Kathy] so you created it

[9:32 PM][Sire] Give you more ammunition to hurt her?

[9:32 PM][Sire] No, it came from a paper, but I repspected her privacy far too much to simply hand it over.

[9:32 PM][Ryan] had I not given you any reason to not trust me?

[9:32 PM][Kathy] ok, I can understand it being passed to Ryan months ago

[9:33 PM][Sire] And if you are angry with me for that, I cannot change the fact.

[9:33 PM][Kathy] what paper was it from then?

[9:33 PM][Kathy] because there are some serious inacuracies in the article

[9:33 PM][Sire] Such as what?

[9:33 PM][Kathy] such as the rape shield law

[9:33 PM][Sire] And the paper is a small local paper. The towns in Indiana aren't very large.

[9:33 PM][Kathy] do you know what that is?

[9:34 PM][Sire] All I am certain of, during the recent Grand Jury testimony, was that her previous sexual history couldn't be introduced?

[9:35 PM][Kathy] yet in the article, it claims the Rape Shield law protects her identity

[9:35 PM][Sire] At least this was what explained to me.

[9:35 PM][Kathy] there is no law saying it's illegal to share the information of a rap victim

[9:35 PM][Kathy] rape

[9:35 PM][Kathy] it's a media thing, not a law

[9:35 PM][Kathy] and it's not called the Rape Shield law

[9:36 PM][Sire] Of that I have no idea.

[9:36 PM][Sire] The article did not come from the South Bend Tribune.

[9:36 PM][Sire] I admit to such.

[9:36 PM][Sire] I was weary of Ryan's trust, and such a thing as him posting it would have proven that.

[9:36 PM][Kathy] if you were wary, why give it to him?

[9:36 PM][Sire] And I didn't want him to have a link to anything that others could use to further hurt Jama.

[9:37 PM][Sire] Because it was the best way to test his word.

[9:37 PM][Kathy] the article claims that this story received considerable attention

[9:37 PM][Kathy] yet the South Bend Tribune knew nothing about it

[9:37 PM][Kathy] conciderable attention in Northern In

[9:38 PM][Sire] Considerable attention in Northern Indiana means that more than on paper carries the story.

[9:38 PM][Kathy] you know Jon, I want to believe you guys, I like Jessa

[9:38 PM][Kathy] but nothing adds up

[9:39 PM][Sire] ACTION nods

[9:39 PM][Sire] Too be honest, there are some things I had been concerned with as well.

[9:39 PM][Kathy] all these pictures she's sharing, I've found them scattered across the net

[9:39 PM][Kathy] with a story for each image

[9:39 PM][Sire] I cannot comment on such things.

[9:39 PM][Kathy] and they're all on comstock

[9:39 PM][Kathy] her ex

[9:39 PM][Kathy] Bane

[9:39 PM][Kathy] all of her's

[9:39 PM][Sire] Comstock.com?

[9:40 PM][Kathy] except her tat pics, which were somewhere else

[9:40 PM][Kathy] yeah

[9:40 PM][Sire] You would need to ask Jama, but I can only say I know she's involved with some art sites online, she uploads images too.

[9:40 PM][Kathy] well I would if she hadn't taken off

[9:41 PM][Kathy] so she and Bane and her ex all pose for this place?

[9:41 PM][Kathy] because I haven't seen a cast like this since Friends went off the air

[9:41 PM][Sire] No, she is part of the photography end.

[9:41 PM][Sire] I know that she is paid some amount for the images she takes.

[9:42 PM][Kathy] so she's an english teacher/photographer?

[9:42 PM][Sire] No, this is something small.

[9:42 PM][Sire] Its something that she submits I believe, and they choose from the images.

[9:43 PM][Kathy] I'm going to say, that with the line of work I'm in, I make very few assumptions about women and their past histories with abuse

[9:44 PM][Kathy] I know it exists, and the worst thing that could happen is that they are called a liar

[9:44 PM][Sire] Indeed....

[9:44 PM][Kathy] I want to know, straight out, if that article is real

[9:44 PM][Kathy] and if so, why has no one heard of it

[9:45 PM][Sire] You understand that precarious position I am do you not?

[9:45 PM][Kathy] sure, but I'm not exactly worried about it

[9:45 PM][Kathy] I have spent much time with Jessa

[9:45 PM][Kathy] and put a lot of energy into trying to help her

[9:45 PM][Sire] And?

[9:45 PM][Ryan] that is why I asked

[9:45 PM][Ryan] have we done you wrong?

[9:46 PM][Ryan] ever during all this?

[9:46 PM][Kathy] and if it's bs, I want to know

[9:46 PM][Ryan] have we leaked out anything that has hurt you?

[9:46 PM][Sire] No, but the trust I give out, is probably lessened due to the fact of my experiences here.

[9:46 PM][Sire] No, you have not.

[9:46 PM][Ryan] you have been dealing with me for how long?

[9:46 PM][Ryan] and even under the scenes

[9:46 PM][Sire] And I wasn't aware that you had spent time with her Kathy.

[9:47 PM][Kathy] I have spent hours and hours with her talking about this

[9:47 PM][Ryan] she got the same article I did

[9:47 PM][Kathy] and it all comes back to me, when I check, as complete bs

[9:47 PM][Ryan] from Jessa

[9:47 PM][Kathy] Jessa gave me the article

[9:47 PM][Kathy] she claimed there were many

[9:47 PM][Kathy] yet I haven't found any

[9:48 PM][Sire] Jessa knows not what articles have been published.

[9:48 PM][Ryan] then how did she get yours?

[9:48 PM][Kathy] but this doesn't answer my question

[9:48 PM][Sire] She's been in Pennsylvania, but there were enough to worry if she came back to Indiana.

[9:48 PM][Kathy] why is none of this verifyable

[9:48 PM][Sire] So we cautioned her.

[9:48 PM][Kathy] if 4 police attacked a woman, it would hit the news

[9:49 PM][Sire] She has that article because she was very very angry with me, when she apparently was told by Ryan, that he was given an article by me.

[9:49 PM][Ryan] so she asked to see it

[9:49 PM][Sire] Yes.

[9:49 PM][Ryan] which leads us to the initial

[9:49 PM][Ryan] where did you get it?

[9:49 PM][Kathy] you put a link into the email you sent Ryan

[9:50 PM][Kathy] which is what went back to the SBT

[9:50 PM][Ryan] and then claimed you didn't know why it didn't work when I commented on it being dead

[9:50 PM][Kathy] apparently half the link is missing

[9:50 PM][Sire] As I said, I knew this way I would know if he posted that link, it would come up without anyone else here knowing what happened.

[9:50 PM][Kathy] so I contacted the archives woman

[9:50 PM][Sire] Again, Ryan, at the time I knew not to trust you.

[9:50 PM][Ryan] and so you built my trust on a foundation of deciet

[9:50 PM][Kathy] then please, tell me which paper it came from

[9:51 PM][Sire] I hesitate to do so.

[9:51 PM][Kathy] why?

[9:51 PM][Sire] I hated myself for even giving that information to you.

[9:51 PM][Ryan] little late to pull back

[9:51 PM][Ryan] that information fyi helped me talk to her about things you folks couldn't or wouldn't have

[9:51 PM][Sire] You see her here, you know of her here, yet you did not see what this did to her.

[9:51 PM][Sire] The recovery she went through.

[9:51 PM][Kathy] I am not so low as to exploit a woman's rape

[9:52 PM][Kathy] perhaps I've been through it, and know what that's like

[9:52 PM][Ryan] what if we told you we had this kind of thing for say now a month?

[9:52 PM][Sire] No offense, but that is what Perceive told me.

[9:52 PM][Ryan] and yet at every turn

[9:52 PM][Kathy] fuck Per

[9:52 PM][Ryan] we have done nothing but good to you folks and just in every way

[9:52 PM][Ryan] how long do you expect blind trust to last?

[9:53 PM][Sire] I know Ryan, I just wish to do the last thing I can for her.

[9:53 PM][Ryan] for someone like me?

[9:53 PM][Sire] Not long, too be honest, I have sensed the distance for some time.

[9:53 PM][Sire] I want to protect her.

[9:53 PM][Ryan] I had hoped in time we could prove ourselves to be given it in return real trust

[9:53 PM][Ryan] but clearly we weren't worth that

[9:53 PM][Sire] That isn't it at all.

[9:54 PM][Sire] She was devastated, and angry as I have ever seen, when she was told that I had given you that article.

[9:54 PM][Ryan] so much for keeping her cool

[9:54 PM][Sire] If you were given free reign to seek more information?

[9:54 PM][Sire] Pardon?

[9:54 PM][Kathy] I can do that without your aid

[9:54 PM][Ryan] she outright asked me

[9:54 PM][Ryan] and I felt lying to her was worse than breaking my promise to you

[9:55 PM][Kathy] I'm asking for you to to give me something that shows I'm not wasting my time

[9:55 PM][Sire] I know I've put myself in this position, but what am I to do?

[9:55 PM][Sire] I value her friendship deeply.

[9:56 PM][Kathy] that is your call

[9:56 PM][Sire] This would forever mar that.

[9:56 PM][Ryan] yeah yeah we all know you dig her and would do anything

[9:56 PM][Kathy] but I will be asking myself the same question

[9:56 PM][Ryan] so you get to make another judgement call

[9:56 PM][Ryan] this is her haven

[9:56 PM][Sire] Excuse me?

[9:56 PM][Ryan] how do you want it to look like for her?

[9:56 PM][Sire] It shouldn't have to look like anything for her.

[9:56 PM][Sire] Thats the issue.

[9:56 PM][Ryan] this is Delphi

[9:56 PM][Ryan] and it doesn't work fairly

[9:57 PM][Sire] Indeed.

[9:57 PM][Ryan] this is the same thing we did in the beginning

[9:57 PM][Sire] What would you need, she cannot lose what little trust she's obviously built in you.

[9:57 PM][Ryan] you making the judgement call

[9:57 PM][Sire] She barely trusts anyone, and if she trusts you as you say.

[9:57 PM][Ryan] her trust in me isn't so big, it is that I need to trust you folks after all this

[9:58 PM][Ryan] the piece of evidence you gave me is now false for the most part

[9:58 PM][Sire] You know her not then Ryan.

[9:58 PM][Sire] I understand.

[9:58 PM][Ryan] there has always been some level of cover up

[9:59 PM][Ryan] some level that has has always been hidden

[9:59 PM][Sire] It was me.

[9:59 PM][Ryan] and I am tired of it

[9:59 PM][Sire] I understand.

[10:00 PM][Ryan] I gave you folks a hundred percent

[10:00 PM][Ryan] my sympathies my care

[10:00 PM][Ryan] my trust on this level

[10:00 PM][Ryan] that doesn't come free forever

[10:00 PM][Sire] I understand.

[10:00 PM][Kathy] I can vouch for that - it wasRyan who got me to give you guys a chance

[10:00 PM][Ryan] I made sure that when you needed it you would have a side to come back to and be welcome in

[10:00 PM][Kathy] and I thought he was nuts

[10:01 PM][Sire] And has Jessa or myself, or Bane in any capacity betrayed that?

[10:01 PM][Kathy] but I ended up liking Jessa

[10:01 PM][Ryan] and that jessa would have a comfortable return

[10:01 PM][Ryan] the foundation betrayed it'

[10:01 PM][Sire] That is mine.

[10:01 PM][Sire] Has Bane or Jessa betrayed you?

[10:01 PM][Ryan] other than posting something without telling me a few times

[10:01 PM][Kathy] that what I'm asking you

[10:02 PM][Sire] What do you want, the pictures of her in the hospital?

[10:02 PM][Sire] Do you want to speak to her mother or father?

[10:02 PM][Kathy] oh come on

[10:02 PM][Sire] What?

[10:02 PM][Kathy] I just want the paper that article came from

[10:02 PM][Sire] She's been through a hell I can't even imagine.

[10:02 PM][Sire] And I will choose her over you.

[10:03 PM][Ryan] it is very simple I want a concrete article

[10:03 PM][Sire] You will have it.

[10:03 PM][Ryan] that I can verify and then forget about

[10:03 PM][Sire] But not because I wish for either of yours trust, because she obviously trusts you.

[10:03 PM][Ryan] and then you have my word

[10:03 PM][Kathy] I don't doubt for a moment that she was attacked

[10:03 PM][Kathy] and I want that clear

[10:03 PM][Ryan] my fucking word that it will be over on all counts

[10:03 PM][Kathy] what I doubt is the fake pictures

[10:03 PM][Kathy] the fake stories to go with these pictures

[10:04 PM][Kathy] the article that leads nowhere

[10:04 PM][Sire] You MUST understand what kind of position this leads me to.

[10:04 PM][Kathy] the poor writing in the article

[10:04 PM][Sire] I feel as if I'm betraying her.

[10:04 PM][Kathy] and you need to understand that I would like Jessa even without fake pics and stories

[10:04 PM][Sire] I have no doubt.

[10:04 PM][Sire] As to the pictures, I do not know.

[10:04 PM][Ryan] you folks intrigued me because you had an education and level of ability that isn't common here

[10:05 PM][Kathy] and I can't see any good reason for them to have been passed along unsolicited

[10:05 PM][Ryan] you don't need exciting stories about fake pictures to keep me cool with you

[10:05 PM][Sire] You need to take that up with her Kathy, I have given you all I know.

[10:05 PM][Kathy] she has left

[10:05 PM][Kathy] you ahven't, I'm asking for the paper

[10:05 PM][Kathy] no more

[10:05 PM][Kathy] no other articles

[10:05 PM][Kathy] no names or phone numbers

[10:06 PM][Kathy] no hospital pics

[10:06 PM][Sire] And you will be satisfied?

[10:06 PM][Kathy] yes

[10:06 PM][Ryan] if I can verify it your damn right

[10:06 PM][Sire] She's asked me what this conversation entails, I have told her nothing.

[10:06 PM][Kathy] the last thing I want to do is call Jessa a liar

[10:06 PM][Sire] Is it important for her to know.

[10:06 PM][Sire] She's enough to deal with.

[10:06 PM][Kathy] especially over a rape

[10:06 PM][Ryan] so I will tell her

[10:06 PM][Ryan] no more coverups no more lies

[10:06 PM][Sire] She's speaking to you?

[10:07 PM][Ryan] cards straight down on the table

[10:07 PM][Kathy] we have said nothing about this to anyone

[10:07 PM][Sire] ACTION nods

[10:07 PM][Ryan] considering that article stayed only with me this whole time

[10:07 PM][Ryan] you should be able to trust it

[10:08 PM][Sire] I knew you would sooner or later track it, but it was how you handled that would have told me whether or not I could trust you.

[10:08 PM][Sire] At the time, I knew you two barely at all.

[10:08 PM][Ryan] we have known for a while

[10:08 PM][Ryan] I just got impatient

[10:08 PM][Sire] I understand.

[10:08 PM][Kathy] I wasn't even told about it until Jessa showed me the article and said Ryan had it too

[10:09 PM][Kathy] and then I asked him about it

[10:09 PM][Sire] As I said, she demanded I give it to her, and I knew if she had been told by Ryan, she would compare.

[10:09 PM][Kathy] and looked over the link

[10:09 PM][Kathy] I'm telling you that Ryan didn't even pass the article to me

[10:09 PM][Sire] I understand.

[10:09 PM][Kathy] and it was only discussed between the two of because Jessa told me Ryan knew

[10:09 PM][Kathy] and had the article

[10:10 PM][Sire] It was a ridiculous thing to do, but I had to know I could trust you.

[10:10 PM][Sire] Can't you not agree given what Perceive and the rest did.

[10:10 PM][Kathy] and what did you find out from the way it was handeled?

[10:10 PM][Sire] When we had trusted them?

[10:10 PM][Kathy] most definitely

[10:10 PM][Ryan] sure, but that was four months ago

[10:10 PM][Sire] I'm speaking of the time this ocurred.

[10:10 PM][Kathy] how did Ryan's handeling of it come across to you

[10:11 PM][Ryan] haven't we earned alittle more trust from then?

[10:11 PM][Sire] Yes, but you must understand, how was I to approach such?

[10:11 PM][Ryan] cards down

[10:11 PM][Ryan] you know that

[10:11 PM][Ryan] I am a blunt SoB

[10:11 PM][Sire] When Jessa leaves me messages of how much she has built trust in you two?

[10:11 PM][Sire] You would have been irate and leaned on the pressure on her.

[10:11 PM][Kathy] how were you to approach what?

[10:11 PM][Sire] When she would have had no answers.

[10:12 PM][Sire] To explain that the link and paper were not valid.

[10:12 PM][Ryan] as well as the inaccuracies in it

[10:12 PM][Kathy] ok, well it's being discussed now

[10:12 PM][Sire] Yes.

[10:12 PM][Kathy] I looked up the PA Homeland Sec. Councilman too

[10:13 PM][Kathy] there was no such title that I saw

[10:13 PM][Kathy] only a director, who graduated law school in 95

[10:13 PM][Sire] I am not ceratain what his actual job title is.

[10:13 PM][Sire] Let me ask you something.

[10:13 PM][Kathy] well that's what was in the paper

[10:13 PM][Sire] Is Jessa's friendship worth finding out? Does she mean enough to know?

[10:13 PM][Ryan] I won't build friendship on a lie

[10:14 PM][Kathy] if a friendship is based on bullshit then I need to reevaluate

[10:14 PM][Sire] I understand, but there are no other motives behind asking?

[10:14 PM][Kathy] if it was given to me staight up with no further bs, then I could move past it

[10:14 PM][Ryan] yeah I plan on taking over the fucking Chantry?

[10:14 PM][Ryan] please, my past behavior shows what my intentions have always been

[10:14 PM][Sire] I'm a dickhead, fine, but I want to be sure.

[10:14 PM][Sire] Alright then.

[10:15 PM][Sire] I will get it to you.

[10:15 PM][Kathy] all I want is the paper's name

[10:15 PM][Kathy] no article

[10:15 PM][Sire] I understand.

[10:15 PM][Kathy] you should be able to give that now

[10:15 PM][Sire] I need to speak it over with Jessa first, if cards are on the table as you say.


In a private Yahool chat with Jessa:

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:16:23 PM): you there?


In Delphi chat, Sire, Ryan and I :

[10:16 PM][Ryan] can you blame us for wanting some reassurance?

[10:16 PM][Sire] No.

[10:16 PM][Sire] Can you blame me for wanting to speak with her first?

[10:16 PM][Sire] I owe her that much.

[10:16 PM][Sire] After she already feels I betrayed her from the first time.

[10:17 PM][Ryan] where you have filth pretending to be other than what they are, pretending to die and coming back to fuck with people, using fake sicknesses to garner sympathy

[10:17 PM][Sire] I understand, Ryan.

[10:17 PM][Sire] I do.

[10:17 PM][Kathy] Jon, I can find out on my own

[10:17 PM][Kathy] I'm asking for you to give me something

[10:17 PM][Sire] I owe her to speak with her, Kathy. You can wait until tomorrow morning, yes?

[10:18 PM][Kathy] I will find the paper near the school and ask

[10:18 PM][Ryan] if she comes back as she said she would I will ask what the local paper is

[10:18 PM][Kathy] and then I will spread out

[10:18 PM][Ryan] that is the one you said it was

[10:18 PM][Kathy] all of that is easily located on google

[10:18 PM][Kathy] but I haven't gone there, because I was hoping for some honesty

[10:19 PM][Sire] www.timeswrsw.com But it does not have her name in it. It was kept out of the papers.

[10:19 PM][Kathy] I don't want her name

[10:19 PM][Sire] I'm just explaining.

[10:19 PM][Sire] The Times Union

[10:19 PM][Sire] Its a small local paper here.

[10:20 PM][Kathy] thank you

[10:20 PM][Sire] This is my fault, not Jessa's.

[10:20 PM][Sire] I need to be going for the day tomorrow.

[10:21 PM][Kathy] take care

[10:21 PM][Ryan] Night

[10:21 PM][Sire] I apologize for the mistrust, it was uncalled for.

[10:21 PM][Sire] Good eve.


In a private Yahoo box between Jessa and I :

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:28:52 PM): i am now

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:29:35 PM): why did you leave?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:29:57 PM): i felt a little ganged up on and no one would tell me i'm sorry

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:30:12 PM): no one was ganing up on you

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:30:45 PM): i'm sorry felt that way i guess

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:31:12 PM): we can go into another conference if you like, so it can be explained without all the back and forth

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:31:23 PM): a yim conference I mean

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:31:32 PM): ok i'm sorry whatver i've done wrong

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:31:35 PM): I'm really not ganging up on you

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:31:50 PM): but i can feel that your mad

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:31:54 PM): and i dont know what i've donw

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:31:55 PM): done

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:31:56 PM): I'm not mad

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:32:05 PM): I'm asking

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:22 PM): asking forw hat

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:29 PM): ryan keeps saying verification and i dont know what he means

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:32:32 PM): hang on

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:41 PM): i'll get the stupid wbesite id's if you need them

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:44 PM): its not a big deal

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:53 PM): i've used those two sites




Confronting Jessa pt. 2

05:12 Apr 25 2006
Times Read: 798

The beginning of this is a Conference on Yahoo between me, Ryan and Jessa and then a private convo between Jessa and I. Anything within stars is taking place simultaneously in the one on one chat between me and Jessa... (Everything is in Pacific time and from the same night)

In a Yahoo conference with myself, Ryan and Jessa:

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice (10/2/2005 9:32:48 PM): Jessa has joined the conference.

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice (10/2/2005 9:32:51 PM): Ryan has joined the conference.

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:32:55 PM): oh

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:33:11 PM): brb I need a drink myself

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:33:18 PM): hb

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:33:37 PM): the reson for all of it wsa because I looked into a few things

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:33:46 PM): all of what

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:33:49 PM): like the pictures

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:33:53 PM): jon didnt tell me what happened

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:33:55 PM): the chat

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:34:24 PM): why send pictures from a website?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:34:36 PM): they are pics i upload on a site

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:34:41 PM): i've used those two sites forever

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:34:58 PM): is that what is all this is about

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:35:02 PM): no

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:35:07 PM): oh

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:35:12 PM): what then?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:35:15 PM): the tattoo picture you sent me was on some other site

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:35:17 PM): cause i can tell ryan is really pissed off

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:35:20 PM): deviantart?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:35:46 PM): and once you told me about that article and that Ryan had it, we did discuss it - altho not to check up on anything

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:36:07 PM): wait

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:36:11 PM): this is about

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:36:15 PM): nooo

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:36:17 PM): this is about my exy husband?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:36:19 PM): just hang on a second

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:36:40 PM): I'm saying that a lot of stuff doesn't check, like the pictures

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:36:49 PM): and the school not having a middle school

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:36:58 PM): what school??

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:37:01 PM): LaLu?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:37:07 PM): yeah

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:37:12 PM): it does too i work there

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:37:13 PM): or did

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:37:14 PM): altho Jon already covered it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:37:21 PM): I'm recapping

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:37:24 PM): oh sorry

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:37:33 PM): but the real deal is the whole thing with my ex though

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:37:34 PM): so then I clicked the link Ryan had

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:37:55 PM): back

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:37:56 PM): the real deal is that with Jon's fake link - none of it added up

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:38:07 PM): what fake link?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:38:14 PM): i'm lost sorry

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:38:14 PM): the one I told you he sent with the article

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:38:15 PM): a link to the article

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:38:24 PM): oh i didn't remember the link

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:38:29 PM): he says it was to the wrong paper tho

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:38:48 PM): i got that article because i was super pissed at him and i wanted to know what he was passing around

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:39:02 PM): is that what your mad about???

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:39:14 PM): no, I wanted to know why nothing at all seemed to fit

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:39:37 PM): he told us it was inaccurate, and not from the paper he listed

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:39:38 PM): but why doesn't what jon sent you add up

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:39:40 PM): i dont get it

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:39:44 PM): oh

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:39:51 PM): wait the same thing i have???

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:39:53 PM): because the paper had never heard of the story

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:40:06 PM): and they said we were having one pulled over on us

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:40:13 PM): but I left it alone

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:40:23 PM): the same thing i showed you kathy?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:40:25 PM): that article?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:40:28 PM): because I know small town politics, I was in one

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:40:30 PM): that same one

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:40:31 PM): yes

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:40:41 PM): why would jon do that

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:40:57 PM): everything I had based my helping you folks on

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:41:02 PM): he would have to answer that

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:41:09 PM): was built on deceit

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:41:45 PM): but you need to understand, with a lady at the SBT saying the story was bs, the pictures being on one site and the tattoo on another site - questions came up

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:41:53 PM): i know

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:42:00 PM): but you are also doubt something else

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:42:01 PM): and I had had enough

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:42:05 PM): i dont care if you dont believe what i look like

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:42:06 PM): screw that

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:42:09 PM): I don't doubt any attack

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:42:10 PM): or what sites i use

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:42:13 PM): that's fine

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:42:58 PM): but when nothing else added up, I wanted to discuss it

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:43:18 PM): i'm not per i wouldn't lie about that

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:43:24 PM): so you showed Kathy the same article that was false too

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:43:26 PM): i'm not those assholes

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:43:49 PM): all i have is fucking irish cream


Jessa and I talking simultaneously with the conference in a private Yahoo box:

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:44:19 PM): honestly i wouldnt lie about that

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:44:25 PM): jesus i wish i could

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:44:27 PM): trust me

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:44:34 PM): I didn't say you were lying about that

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:44:48 PM): I believe you on that point

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:45:15 PM): I just don't understand the fake pics

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:45:27 PM): the need for them

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:32 PM): i have an account on comstock

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:36 PM): those are mine i uploaded


Continuation of the Yahoo conference with myself, Ryan and Jessa:

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:44:55 PM): he said he was white knighting more or less and didn't want to go wrong

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:17 PM): yeah he has a thing with that getting the way of everything

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:45:27 PM): so here we are four months later

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:45:37 PM): and everything is built up from that one piece

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:46 PM): wait

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:50 PM): all of the trust you gave me

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:45:56 PM): was because jon would give you some article about me?

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:46:07 PM): we weren't talking then were we?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:46:17 PM): I think it was that Jon showed trust in giving it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 9:46:26 PM): so trust was given back

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:46:32 PM): and there you are using the same article which was false from back then

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:46:40 PM): jon gave it to me

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:46:47 PM): i didn't feel the need to check on it too be honest

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:46:49 PM): i trusted him

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:47:04 PM): he never even told me which paper it came from just that he had given it to you

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:47:10 PM): and i was mad at him for doing that

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:47:15 PM): yeah he said

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:47:18 PM): got on me for telling you

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:47:36 PM): another piece of trust I gave you and you went to him even after saying you wouldn't

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:48:04 PM): well its not like this asking me to keep that you hate someone a secret ryan

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:48:15 PM): i broke my word but my anger got the better of me

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:48:24 PM): i wanted him to answer and show me what he felt he could pass around

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:48:28 PM): its kind of personal

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:48:35 PM): did I not tell you I gave him no choice?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:48:58 PM): so this is all my fault?

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:49:05 PM): no

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:49:30 PM): this is mine for not talking about it sooner I guess and just being an asshole and wanting to make sure that others are being as sincere with me as I have been the entire time with them

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:49:50 PM): no i dont think your an asshole

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:49:56 PM): jon is for lying to you

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:49:58 PM): and me

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:50:26 PM): i dont understand why he would do that

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:50:27 PM): the craziness that love inspires

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:50:37 PM): oh screw that

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:50:40 PM): this is friendship

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:50:42 PM): basic trust

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:51:27 PM): as I said before I can't ask that you understand that we have some security in knowing

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:51:42 PM): if I were you I would tell me to fuck off for even suggesting you had to prove anything

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:52:02 PM): what business is it of mine?

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:52:13 PM): well its crossed my mind, but if i didn't like either of you, i guess i would have

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:52:24 PM): but I vouched for a lot of people when the rumors started

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:52:45 PM): and I told them they could trust me that I wouldn't put them in any situation that leeched from them their cares and concern

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:52:56 PM): on some charade

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:53:04 PM): and so I asked for that at the very beginning

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:53:23 PM): looking for a trust that I was willing to give back in order for my support

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:53:34 PM): i cant believe people think i would want this hanging over me if it wasn't real

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:53:45 PM): I couldn't believe that Elly wasn't a man

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:53:52 PM): or that she didn't have a beard

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:54:19 PM): or a stocky build that could kick ass while courting numerous women

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:54:35 PM): one lie and the house of cards came down

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:54:48 PM): the one thing I asked for and never anything else

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:54:58 PM): of which I based my loyalty to

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:55:01 PM): and grew to really like you

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:55:06 PM): turned out to be false

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:55:15 PM): so because of jon's lie

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:55:22 PM): whatever

Jessa (10/2/2005 9:55:28 PM): i dont even know what to think right now

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:55:39 PM): you and me both eh?

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:58:38 PM): if I give friendship and loyalty it doesn't go halfway

Ryan (10/2/2005 9:59:38 PM): I have never lied to you, if I couldn't answer I have told you why

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:00:00 PM): anything you have ever wanted to know it has been completely open

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:00:11 PM): you think what i've told you is a lie ryan

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:00:26 PM): having that same article passed around that was made me wonder

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:01:24 PM): I was good to leave it all alone until everything else starting compounding on it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:01:34 PM): no its fine really ryan

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:01:37 PM): believe what you want

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:01:53 PM): it was stupid of me to think

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:02:01 PM): yeah you want my pity now?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:02:06 PM): no

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:02:06 PM): you want me to apologize?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:02:09 PM): just believe what you want

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:02:11 PM): its fine

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:02:13 PM): keep playing it up

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:02:17 PM): have a good night

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice (10/2/2005 10:02:19 PM): Jessa has left the conference.

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:02:22 PM): bitch

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:02:27 PM): well

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:02:41 PM): I see nothing on this site

Ryan (10/2/2005 10:02:46 PM): it is false

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:02:47 PM): I've looked now too

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice (10/2/2005 10:04:46 PM): Ryan has left the conference.


Jessa and I, continuing the chat once the conference with Ryan ended:

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:03:32 PM): good night

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:03:54 PM): take care Jessa, I'll see you later

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:18:37 PM): maybe i'm a dumb idiot what am i missing here

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:18:51 PM): what do you mean, missing?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:19:21 PM): i dont know what i did to betray ryan so badly, am i just that blind??

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:19:54 PM): ok Jessa here's the deal - and how it was seen

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:20:10 PM): well first, Ryan got involved with your guys

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:20:15 PM): I had no idea at the time

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:20:32 PM): had no clue about anything, including the article and everything around it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:21:03 PM): I'm assuming here, that his trust began when Jon trusted him - with a fake link

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:21:39 PM): and after many many other things, at least how it has looked a lot of what was said didn't seem to be true

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:22:13 PM): like I said, I'm not questioning the attack

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:22:33 PM): but I think Ryan feels it was all based on bs

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:23:09 PM): ok

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:23:25 PM): all the others adding to the one big thing

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:23:31 PM): i get it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:23:47 PM): i should so call up jons ass and chew him out right now

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:24:56 PM): I want to know, have you lied about anything - no matter how big or small

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:25:50 PM): no way, the links i gave you were from some websites i've used, those are really my kids i showed you, i mean i dont know what else to say i'm sorry

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:06 PM): I haven't seen your kids, just the dog

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:15 PM): but the pics sent to Ryan

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:19 PM): and the tattos

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:26:37 PM): hang on let me show the dev.art account of mine if it will help

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:44 PM): one was on some message board posted by some chick who's time zone was like 10 hours ahead of mine

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:52 PM): this wasn't on dev art

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:26:56 PM): it was on comstock

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:27:05 PM): right i have one on there too

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:27:57 PM): and the tattoo?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:28:03 PM): the one on the hip

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:28:19 PM): my hangul tat?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:28:27 PM): it was posted by some chick, according to the timestamp, in Europe somewhere

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:28:31 PM): what???

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:28:39 PM): that's not right

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:29:33 PM): http://forum.digitalpanic.net/index.php?showtopic=2694&st=20

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:29:40 PM): look at post 23, the link there

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:29:56 PM): digital panic? i've never heard of this

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:30:02 PM): hold on let me lok it up

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:30:08 PM): apparently it's a german chick

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:30:19 PM): click the link, there's your pic there

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:31:26 PM): what i get is some html junk [img]http://img114.exs.cx/img114/8419/Han_Gul_tattoo.jpg%5b/img%5d

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:31:35 PM): click it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:31:40 PM): ok

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:32:04 PM): http://img114.exs.cx/img114/8419/Han_Gul_tattoo.jpg

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:32:22 PM): We couldn't find any results containing [img]http://img114.exs.cx/img114/8419/Han_Gul_tattoo.jpg%5b/img%5d. Search tips: Try similar words. For example, some sites may use "film" instead of "movie". Make your search more general. For example, instead of using a specific product name, try typing the generic product category or manufacturer. If you cannot find a page that you know exists, send the address to us.

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:32:38 PM): you've copied more than you should have into the url

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:32:43 PM): oooooooh i see it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:32:46 PM): wtf??????

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:33:06 PM): I dunno Jessa

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:34:43 PM): ok let me grab it out of my scraps into devart this is nuts

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:37:15 PM): http://lucylover13.deviantart.com/scraps/

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:37:54 PM): I don't see any pics

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:38:01 PM): hmm click on the thumbnail

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:38:43 PM): weird

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:39:06 PM): it says it was uploaded today

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:39:16 PM): yeah i had it deleted and dug it back out

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:39:29 PM): they only let you have so much file space

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:40:51 PM): well, all the pictures were scattered over the web

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:40:57 PM): the link and paper didn't check out

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:08 PM): i understand

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:41:14 PM): so of course, where would that lead you?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:16 PM): right

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:21 PM): i'm not even mad about it all

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:22 PM): jesus

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:44 PM): i'm upset that you might be disappointed in something i had no control over

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:41:50 PM): and i'm not at all very happy with jon

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:42:15 PM): well, the story doesn't show up anywhere Jessa

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:42:48 PM): i understand

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:42:52 PM): i guess

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:43:08 PM): I'm not about questioning someone's personal experience

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:43:18 PM): i haven't been back to indiana since then except to go to a hearing

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:43:25 PM): i dont know what the papers have said

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:43:28 PM): my parents keep them from me

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:43:34 PM): i dont know any of that

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:43:34 PM): they haven't said anything online

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:43:40 PM): i dont know

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:43:53 PM): and the lady at the newspaper said that someone was pulling one over on us

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:44:01 PM): too be honest i didn't even know the paper we have was even online its so small

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:44:09 PM): well it looks like jon was

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:44:11 PM): i dont know

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:44:20 PM): it was the Tribune something

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:44:21 PM): but what i dont know is why

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:45:03 PM): South Bend Tribune

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:45:10 PM): that's way over in st. joe

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:45:14 PM): why would he use that?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:45:19 PM): they wouldn't have known

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:45:42 PM): i was honestly kind of surprised at the article jon gave me

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:46:06 PM): the prosecutor we have, is way ultra conserative and barely gives any detail at all

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:46:08 PM): well the article said it had gotten conciderable coverage

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:46:09 PM): to the paper

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:46:17 PM): in Northern In.

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:46:28 PM): what did jon say about that? did you ask him?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:46:47 PM): he said 'conciderable" meant two papers

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:47:08 PM): but it said in N In., not this county

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:47:30 PM): well i'm surprised the paper near where i work would have anything on it, i leave an hour away from work

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:47:40 PM): i drive 45-50 min.

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:47:47 PM): its three counties over

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:47:51 PM): here is my email

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:48:00 PM): I was given this link ( http://www.southbendtribune.com/stories/2005/04/21/community.20050421) that supposedly went to an article about police allegedly sexually assaulting a woman. I have looked through your archives but haven't found anything. Is there a story you can direct me to? The incident supposedly took place sometime between Jan and May of this year. Thank you for any help you can offer,

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:48:21 PM): Kathy - You are missing half of that URL. Do you know who gave that partial link to you? The only story I could find that was even similar of the date of that link (4/21/05) is this one:

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:48:28 PM): April 21, 2005 Area Briefs Staff Reports SOUTH BEND 47-year-old victim reports attack in SUV A 47-year-old woman who was forced at gunpoint to watch pornographic movies inside a sport utility vehicle, then pistol-whipped by a man demanding sex, was transported to the hospital for treatment of her injuries. The victim told police she accepted a ride from the man about 3:20 a.m. Monday in the vicinity of Olive and Orange streets. The man parked the SUV in a nearby alley, pulled out a gun and ordered the woman to take off her clothes as he put the video on one of the SUV's two television sets, police said. When the woman resisted the man's demands, he beat her in the head with the gun, the woman reported. He reportedly let her go after seeing how much blood was inside the

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:48:46 PM): If this is not the correct story, I would need more information or words I can use for "key words" to do a search for you. Sincerely, Debra Riemer Trowbridge Newsroom Librarian South Bend Tribune 225 West Colfax Avenue South Bend, IN 46626 Library 574-235-6347 or General toll free 1-800-552-2795

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:49:26 PM): Thank you for the quick reply Debra. I will copy the article as it was given to me by a friend in the local area - it was during an attempt to find the author's name on your site that I realized the link didn't work. I am a student at Cal. State University, Chico and writing a paper on a topic in line with the article below, but I need to reference it. This article that was sent to me via email by a friend in the LaPorte area (I do appreciate your help):

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:49:31 PM): followed by the article

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:49:43 PM): Kathy - I'm sorry, but I can't find any story like that in our records. It sounds very unlikely that something like that would even happen. You better check again with your friend - I think they are trying to pull one over on you! Sincerely, Debra Riemer Trowbridge Newsroom Librarian South Bend Tribune 225 West Colfax Avenue South Bend, IN 46626 Library 574-235-6347 or General toll free 1-800-552-2795

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:50:00 PM): and that was the end

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:50:20 PM): well there was a few things wrong in the article jon gave me

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:50:28 PM): but i assumed it was a newspaper error

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:50:33 PM): like?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:50:50 PM): All four of the former LaPorte County police officers

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:04 PM): there is only two that are police officers and one of them is former

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:13 PM): only sean was still on the force

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:32 PM): The LaPorte County special prosecutor's office

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:49 PM): they have a State's Attorney's Prosecutor working on it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:50 PM): from Indy

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:51:54 PM): not anyone local

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:52:16 PM): The teacher's estranged husband

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:52:25 PM): well the rape shield law is wrong

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:52:30 PM): the time stamp is wrong

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:52:40 PM): and to my knowledge no one knew that we were divorced

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:52:41 PM): the title for your father I couldn't find anywhere

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:52:49 PM): let me see the title hold on

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:52:55 PM): councilman

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:52:57 PM): no its not

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:53:01 PM): he just works in the office

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:53:25 PM): why would jon do this, i mean everything else is accurate except like small details?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:53:31 PM): to test i dont know

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:53:40 PM): this really hurts you know??

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:54:03 PM): are you suggesting he created the article?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:54:09 PM): well i dont know

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:54:19 PM): unless he's copied/pasted several different ones together

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:54:20 PM): not sure

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:54:24 PM): but it doesn't add up

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:54:45 PM): i mean you would think the prosecutor's thing would be right for a paper

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:54:50 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:54:58 PM): that is the paper he gave us tonight

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:55:02 PM): ok

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:55:10 PM): and said that is where he really got the article from

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:55:29 PM): oh jesus there's not going to be anything there, they are some podunk little office

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:55:41 PM): the paper is free, you dont even have to pay for it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:55:48 PM): why wont he tell you the truth?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:56:01 PM): I don't know

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:57:09 PM): weird i mean if anything happens in that area, its given like a small mention and then passed over

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:57:16 PM): they dont like anything like this to be out

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:57:22 PM): it ruins their 'image' you knwo

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:57:28 PM): this has all the court records on it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:57:33 PM): and other rapes

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:57:39 PM): earlier ones

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:57:46 PM): what does??

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:57:51 PM): and one in um, Sept I think

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:57:55 PM): that site

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:58:00 PM): oh i didn't even search it

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:58:03 PM): its in another county

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:58:13 PM): this paper is in another county?

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:58:20 PM): yes what keyword search did you do

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 10:58:48 PM): I went to the archives

Jessa (10/2/2005 10:59:41 PM): where is that? all i see is search

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:00:24 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/backi.htm

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:00:43 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/DAYS.HTM

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:01:30 PM): these are selected articles uploaded its not the whole thing, but still there should be something if it was in this paper

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:01:42 PM): my dad told me not worry about it

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:01:51 PM): that they wouldn't have printed anything

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:01:55 PM): that's what i dont understand

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:02:04 PM): there wouldn't be your personal info

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:02:15 PM): ok

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:02:45 PM): there's just nothing around the beginning of this year

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:05:48 PM): no there's nothing the day it would have appeared except some man on tiral for some shooting....

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:05:59 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/T032805.HTM

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:08 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/T032805.HTM

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:17 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/T033005.HTM

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:26 PM): http://www.timeswrsw.com/T033105.HTM

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:31 PM): that would have been when

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:39 PM): unless they just chose to cover this instead not sure

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:06:53 PM): but there's nothing

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:07:07 PM): so there have been no lies at all from you?

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:07:13 PM): on any of these things

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:08:12 PM): no but i cant see how it changes the doubt it all looks bad

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:09:09 PM): ok

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:10:30 PM): i live in syracuse indiana

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:10:49 PM): i'm kinda pissed off i have to explain my life but i'm not pissed at you

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:11:03 PM): you don't need to explain your life

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:11:16 PM): yes i do

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:11:20 PM): because i hate doubt

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:11:23 PM): or deceit or lies

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:11:40 PM): i dont know how i'm supposed to prove it and i am pissed off that i'm put in this position

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:11:51 PM): you don't need to prove it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:11:57 PM): I asked if you lied, you said no

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:12:06 PM): I will go with it

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:12:27 PM): i'm sorry kathy

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:12:35 PM): i dont know what to do or say

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:12:47 PM): me neither really

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:13:19 PM): i will get answers from jon though

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:13:20 PM): count on it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:14:18 PM): good luck

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:15:56 PM): ok i need to know something, because i'm kinda confused i guess

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:16:02 PM): ok

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:16:19 PM): you keep saying you dont doubt my ex

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:16:22 PM): what happened

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:16:25 PM): why

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:16:34 PM): i mean, i dont know why you wouldn't

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:16:46 PM): after all the shit you've piled up it makes sense you would doubt me there too i guess

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:17:01 PM): why would I question it?

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:17:40 PM): i dont know just seems that to me, that you would if everything else was going in different directions

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:18:02 PM): oh, I missed the ex part

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:18:13 PM): I don't doubt that you were attacked

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:18:19 PM): that is what I said

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:18:36 PM): i guess i dont know why you dont doubt it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:18:52 PM): because who am I to say you're lying about being raped?

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:19:02 PM): ok

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:19:12 PM): true or false, I'm in no position to question that

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:19:17 PM): and I wouldn't

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:20:31 PM): it makes me angry the struggle i have each day, and to find out this

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:20:37 PM): from someone i've known for a few years

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:21:13 PM): yeah

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:23:09 PM): does jon know i showed you the article he gave me

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:23:51 PM): he does now

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:23:54 PM): after the chat

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:24:26 PM): well good

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:24:32 PM): i hope that son of a bitch cant sleep

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:26:29 PM): he didn't know you'd shown me?

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:26:41 PM): no i didnt tell him

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:26:43 PM): why would i?

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:26:48 PM): i didn't think it was anything

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:26:50 PM): good point lol

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:26:57 PM): i thought i was sharing something with you and that was it

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:27:25 PM): yeah

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:27:28 PM): you know

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:27:35 PM): he totally deserved that slap

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:36:07 PM): did jon ask what you knew or anything?? or did you already cover that with him

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:36:15 PM): no

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:36:29 PM): just what's in the article - and we didn't go over details

xanthe_3 (10/2/2005 11:36:34 PM): just that I had the article

Jessa (10/2/2005 11:36:39 PM): ok

...silence for awhile

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:15:34 AM): i'm sorry that you felt badly, i think you are a great person

xanthe_3 (10/3/2005 12:15:52 AM): felt badly about what?

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:16:05 AM): or felt upset

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:16:09 AM): or angry

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:16:14 AM): i'm sorry

xanthe_3 (10/3/2005 12:16:33 AM): about all this?

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:16:49 AM): yeah i can tell you're angry

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:16:52 AM): and i'm sorry

xanthe_3 (10/3/2005 12:16:59 AM): shit happens

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:17:27 AM): yeah

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:17:43 AM): but this is ridiculous, and i want it over

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:18:43 AM): ok i have to go before i get pissed off again

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:18:48 AM): have a good night

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:18:50 AM): be well

xanthe_3 (10/3/2005 12:18:57 AM): you too

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:19:27 AM): thanks, are we good?

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:19:32 AM): or ok

xanthe_3 (10/3/2005 12:19:37 AM): we're ok

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:19:43 AM): ok

Jessa (10/3/2005 12:19:51 AM): good night




Message to the Tremere:

05:29 Apr 24 2006
Times Read: 816

I wasn't going to put this here, but someone happened to think it would be cool if I cross posted it from the Castle in Delphi.. Enjoy.

So Jessa, when the fuck are you going to learn? Why do you think that everyone is dumb enough to keep falling for your bullshit? You underestimate at all the wrong times. I told you you'd learn not to fuck with me - but if you care to keep it up, I will continue knocking you on your mutant little troll ass. So bring it on, bitch.

Lamia, you know what's up, you're worse than Jessa. You aren't even getting anything out of this. You lie for her and cover up her bullshit and get nothing for it. Or is it just the fact that someone is willing to talk to your boring, non-personality having self? You feed into her bullshit, helping her lie and hurt people just so you can pretend to have a friend. Well let me tell ya, she's not your friend, she calls anyone who will talk to her, she bends over backwards so that people will like her - and you sit in the background all quiet and smiling because you think you have a friend. You're a complete fucking waste of flesh and air, I can only hope you never got around to producing any spawn so that when you finally keel over the world will be rid of your weak and pathetic, clingy ass.

SeleneTremere, you're a fucking liar too. You went along with Jessa saying that Ryan and I were harassing you in VR so Sebastion would rescue you from Madadh. I don't know if you're just that fucking stupid, willfully ignorant or in on Jessa's lies. Since it was you who gave up the name of the Jail that her pretend ex-husband was in, I am more inclined to believe you're remaining willfully ignorant - life is easier when looking at it through rosey little glasses isn't it? Or you're playing Jessa's game and passing around bullshit info to discredit the entire thing - if that's the case then you fall in line right behind Lamia. You used to be so nice and fun - but now you're this gross vile little bitch, oozing a nasty vibe. What a change.

WanderingTremere, you don't actually deserve anything, as that's what you truly are. I've talked to DX I know your whole story - yep, that's right, he gave your ass up. What a tale that was - at least we got a good laugh out of it.

Callalilly, despite the fact that you're (supposedly) offline indefinitely, I have no doubt it will reach your ears. You were worried that Jessa defaulted to you after Ryan and I outed her because you were seen as the naive, trusting stupid one of the bunch. Well you were right, you were just stupid enough to take the bait and thrown away everything you had here in Delphi. Perhaps that doesn't mean too much to you at this point - but you hurt real friends, friends you've had for over 7 years in some cases. And you don't even care - yet you claim that Ryan and I are the assholes. You tried to play the victim card but we never gave a shit about you. No one attacked you, you lost your privs because you took mine in your forum, end of story. You never figured into any of it - you were a mere footnote. Yes that's right, the drama queen was outdone by her leech. You deserve whatever you get as you've done it all to yourself.

In closing, I will leave you with the immortal words of Forrest Gump..

"And that's all I have to say about that.."




Final Thoughts

03:56 Apr 24 2006
Times Read: 824

I have purposely waited to say anymore about JessaTremere, I guess because I’ve said so much over the last 5 or 6 months that I wasn’t sure what there was left to say.

Walking into VR I knew the deck was stacked against Evangius and me – but I don’t think either of us are big on walking away from a challenge so we made ourselves comfortable. We were both aware of everyone’s less than favorable opinion of us – it never needed to be said, we could feel it. Really tho, as I’ve mentioned to some of you, we didn’t blame anyone for it.

We were in your shoes last year, I spent months talking to Jessa, walking her through things, listening to her, cheering her up, etc. The difference for me was that I never allowed myself to trust her fully. I thought her story was bullshit from the beginning. I will admit, once again, that I did question my disbelief many times – but she never had 100% of my trust or loyalty, therefore I was not hurt when she was outed for being a liar.

I did see my friends hurt tho, and that pisses me off. I think I actually get more defensive when someone is messing with my friends than I do when they’re messing with me – much to the dismay of some of my friends.

There is one thing I owe to Jessa, and that is being given a second chance with some people who I hadn’t spoken to in a good year or two. Through the hurt and lies, everyone dropped all or our past issues and discussed it all.

I won’t bore you VR people too much with all of that since you don’t know any of the Delphi people really. But, to those of you in VR, I’d like to echo Evangius’s sentiments and apologize for not keeping this contained in Delphi.

We never imagined that she would stick to her bullshit on another site. I guess I figured maybe she wanted a fresh start with no more bs, but that wasn’t so. When Deity took over Madadh she did shy away from us, finally in chat she brought it up and we told her some of it. She digested that for a day or two and then we talked again and gave her more info. We spoke with anyone who approached us and asked us about it – but we never initiated the topic and we never spoke about Jessa. Evangius and I have never messaged her, we never harassed her, we never added her profile or journal to our favorites so we could keep tabs on her – we did, however, rate her a 1 after she did it to Evangius.

Late last week I finally got a real name for her, it was the one thing we were missing. With that information, Sapphire and I were able to do some searches; one site offered the background check so she bought it.

You all need to understand that all of this information, sans the background check, was obtained months ago, all since last August. The article has been in circulation since last May – she admitted to writing it for Evangius so he would believe her story.

I guess the one lesson I’d like people to take from this is to not take someone’s word on something – just because they say it doesn’t make it so. I know Deity was discredited for even talking to Evan and I. You guys have known her for a year and Jessa for a few months. Some of you need to reevaluate – the way you treat your friends. I can understand your distance with us, but not Deity. I hope that any damage done there, no matter how minor, is in the process of being undone.

Finally, I am not looking for any apologies, no new best friends, etc from this, I don’t even need public recognition by any of you – but since this is my journal, I will say that it was Evangius and I who did the footwork here. I appreciate that Sapphire brought it to everyone’s attention in VR – it’s something Evangius and I could not do. I’m also grateful for the background check she purchased as it’s given us a little more info into Jessa’s character.

You all need to understand that this wasn’t about Evan and I having a hunch and waiting for people here to prove it right or wrong. We provided the info to those who asked us for it – Sapphire was the first to take it and run. We proved it months ago in Delphi; we just didn’t have the power to bring it here, where Sapphire did.

And now that I feel like I’m repeating myself I’ll stop typing – but first, a note for Jessa:

Checkmate – you dirty little cunt.

Deity Edit:

Cunt-- understatement of the fucking year.




Talking to the South Bend Tribune

19:45 Apr 21 2006
Times Read: 853

This is the email I sent to the South Bend Tribune last September questioning an article that has apparently been passed around to just about everyone. It was said to be Jessa's story and it's the article in question in the logs I posted earlier today.

If anyone doubts the authenticity of these say so and I'll send you the original emails - or you can contact the South Bend Tribune yourself, the link I used is down ther with the article.

Kathy ***** to library

Sep 16, 2005

I was given this link (http://www.southbendtribune.com/stories/2005/04/21/community.20050421) that supposedly went to an article about police allegedly sexually assaulting a woman. I have looked through your archives but haven't found anything. Is there a story you can direct me to? The incident supposedly took place sometime between Jan and May of this year.

Thank you for any help you can offer

Kathy *******


Sep 16, 2005

Kathy -

You are missing half of that URL. Do you know who gave that partial link to you?

The only story I could find that was even similar of the date of that link (4/21/05) is this one:

April 21, 2005

Area Briefs

Staff Reports


47-year-old victim reports attack in SUV

A 47-year-old woman who was forced at gunpoint to watch pornographic movies inside a sport utility vehicle, then pistol-whipped by a man demanding sex, was transported to the hospital for treatment of her injuries.

The victim told police she accepted a ride from the man about 3:20 a.m. Monday in the vicinity of Olive and Orange streets. The man parked the SUV in a nearby alley, pulled out a gun and ordered the woman to take off her clothes as he put the video on one of the SUV's two television sets, police said.

When the woman resisted the man's demands, he beat her in the head with the gun, the woman reported. He reportedly let her go after seeing how much blood was inside the car.

The victim ran to a nearby pay phone but then flagged down a passing officer for help. Medical staff told police the woman's injuries were not life-threatening.

If this is not the correct story, I would need more information or words I can use for "key words" to do a search for you.


Debra Riemer Trowbridge

Newsroom Librarian

South Bend Tribune

225 West Colfax Avenue

South Bend, IN  46626

Library 574-235-6347 or

General toll free 1-800-552-2795


Kathy ******* to Library

Sep 16, 2005

Thank you for the quick reply Debra. I will copy the article as it was given to me by a friend in the local area - it was during an attempt to find the author's name on your site that I realized the link didn't work.

I am a student at ******* and writing a paper on a topic in line with the article below, but I need to reference it. This article that was sent to me via email by a friend in the LaPorte area (I do appreciate your help):

"This is the article I told you about:


Posted: 05:09 pm Last Updated: 21:19:18 am

LaPorte- All four of the former LaPorte County police officers accused of raping a LaPorte teacher have turned themselves in at the LaPorte County authorities. The brutal rape and assault of the teacher has gained considerable attention throughou Northern Indiana the past few days. The teacher's estranged husband is also allegedly involved in the assault and rape. Those charges are still pending for further evidence. The woman, who's identity is protected under the Rape Shield law, is now in St. Joe Regional Medical Center for her injuries suffered in the attack.

Some speculation surrounds as to whether or not the recent Pennsylvania State Home Land Security Councilman's visit was in connection, however there is no official comment from their office as of press time.

The process was longer and more difficult for some than for others, but in the end, all four were released on $3,000 bond after winning bond reductions.

The first officer who is charged with rape, sodomy,  conspiracy to commit rape, criminal deviate conduct and sexual battery, had the largest bond reduction. His bond was dropped from $50,000 to $3,000 cash. His jail stay was limited to the time it took to be fingerprinted and processed.

The second officer, who faces charges of rape, sodomy, conspiracy to commit rape and sexual battery, was the first suspect to turn himself in today. He spent about four and a half hours in a holding cell awaiting a  court hearing. His bond was reduced from $10,000 to $3,000 at the hearing this afternoon.

A commanding officer also faces charges of rape, sodomy, conspiracy to commit rape and sexual battery. It was at the victim's home that the alleged rape  occurred. He was also released on $3,000 bond.

Late this afternoon, the final suspect also surrendered to the authorities. He is the only one of the accused men who does not face rape charges, although he still faces the felonies of criminal deviate conduct, conspiracy to commit rape, assault,  and sexual battery. He was still inside the jail at the time of this report, but he is also expected to be released on $3,000 bond.

The LaPorte County special prosecutor's office did not object to the bond reductions."


Library to me

Sep 17, 2005

Kathy -

I'm sorry, but I can't find any story like that in our records.  It sounds very unlikely that something like that would even happen. You better check again with your friend - I think they are trying to pull one over on you!


Debra Riemer Trowbridge

Newsroom Librarian

South Bend Tribune

225 West Colfax Avenue

South Bend, IN 46626

Library 574-235-6347 or

General toll free 1-800-552-2795




Picking the Article apart..

19:33 Apr 21 2006
Times Read: 855

This is a copy of an email I sent to Evangius dated September 17, 2005 (Only slightly edited to change the names to VR logins) where I've picked apart some of the above article.. I'm sure I missed a few things, but whatever

Ok, I've been looking through shit again, since that chick said the story was "unlikely".

First, look at the times on the story - "Posted: 05:09 pm Last Updated: 21:19:18 am". That's not right. If anything the AM/PM stuff is backwards. 21:19 is 9:19 PM - and really, what reporter is sitting around putting this stuff up about a week(?) old rape at 9 PM? Even MSNBC stops updating the site unless there's *breaking news* - a rape that has already received lots of attention (as the article states) would not keep someone up late. A major storm warning, a train accident, an explosion, or a missing child - those would do it.

Not to mention this story had "gained considerable attention throughout Northern Indiana the past few days" - yet the men turned themselves in on the day the article was printed (at this point the times of the article are interesting). You legally have your arraignment within 48 hours of arrest (not counting weekends of course). How would this have "gained conciderable attention" by the arraignment 4 hours after an arrest? And do you really think they'd announce that cops did it prior to any sort of arrest or confession (they did turn themselves in)? The time line seems screwy here and the language they use is highly unprofessional, "He spent about four and a half hours in a holding cell awaiting a court hearing." About? That's not what a real writer would say. They'd say something like, "The suspect turned himself in to the LaPorte City Police and was later released on bail."

Next would be the "Pennsylvania State Home Land Security Councilman's visit." Here is the website for the Pennsylvania Homeland Security Director, and then the page for the Deputy Directors

None of these guys seem old enough to be Jessa's father - altho I could be wrong. But the Director graduated from the Naval Acadamy in 86, by then Jessa was what, 7? Then he graduated from the U of Wisconsin in 95? If Jessa's family was as well off as she says then I'm not sure how it is her dad was in Law school then - especially if she was graduating High School and headed to College herself in 96/97. Also, nowhere on this site have I seen anyone called the Home Land Security "Councilman" - and it's Homeland, not Home Land. A reporter (or editor) should know this.

Next comes the Rape Shield Law.This Law only protects the Victim's past sexual history in a court case, thereby removing a Defender's ability to bring up any questionable behavior prior to the incident in question.

This article, altho written 2 years ago, addresses the privacy issues, for which there is no law - also, there has been no further articles written on this topic since that date. Looking around the net, especially the Kobe Bryant case, it seems to be a media rule, not a US Law, that a victim's name is not divulged to the public.

Then concider the fake pictures, the School that doesn't teach the grades Jessa or JWes do and the fact that Jessa told me (or lead me to believe) that her ex owned his own business (something I've never heard of a cop doing while on the force). Not to mention the idiocy we've both seen from supposedly educated people and an inability to smell bullshit even tho they're surrounded by lying little 14 year olds day in and day out.

Plus, if I were in JWes' shoes and this were my close friend, or loved one (or object of obsession) - there's no fucking way in Hell I'd have passed that shit on. That is the ultimate personal, private material - not some joke or a crappy picture. This is the woman he [supposedly] loves and he's telling people about the absolute worst type of violation anyone can go through. Not to mention he was telling Evangius - the person he hated and locked out of his forum not three months prior. If I were Jessa I wouldn't have gotten a little pissed about it for a day, or a week, or even a month - that would have been it, I'd have cut it off with him immediately. I would concider it my personal information and mine alone, if I want it shared then it's my right to do so, no one else's - and god help the person who threw *that* out there because I would most definitely be after them.




..because I know you're watching

15:39 Apr 20 2006
Times Read: 887

So Miss JessaTremere, you like playing your games, and spreading your bullshit .. and then you run away and play the victim don't you? Are you crying to everyone about how horrible I treated you? How jealous I was of you? Is that what you're telling people, Kory?

The last time I talked to you I told you, in the next few weeks you will see what happens when you fuck with me and my friends. Those few weeks were extended into months, because I hate to leave a job unfinished. You need to learn your lesson. So between Evan, your former friend Sapphire, and I, you just got fucked. How's it feel? Feels pretty good from this angle.

I'd like to direct you to Sapphire's Journal - and then I'd like to remind you that you should never underestimate me. It will never work in your favor. After all, I'm a pretty crafty bitch.. and you're not.

Next time you think about telling some poor individual about your fake gang bang by 4 sociopathic cops, or how your abusive ex husband with the multiple first names beat and raped you weekly, you remember the three of us, and think twice. If we can find you, anyone can. And the next group may not be as nice as we are.

Now that you've been found, and you're 100% fucked, feel free to get hit by a bus :)




Fuck you, suckas!

04:56 Apr 02 2006
Times Read: 963

For those of you who only read what you want to read in my posts, well, first off, don't be a chicken shit and log out first. And two, you can't hold it against me if you miss the point when you read MY journal.

If you don't like what I have to write then too fucking bad, it's original work, I labled it as fiction and you've always got the option to QUIT READING IT.

Now, some people don't like the Tremmies I hear - guess what? I don't care.

The point in these things is to let people see how easy it is to create a believable story. I could have presented it as 100% honest to god truth. And ya know what, there's a few of you retards out there that DO this. Pretend you were raped, or beaten, or cheated on for sympathy - and you wrap all these morons around your fingers and think it's a good time.

Then I see these little tarts running around acting like their all hard and gonna hand me my ass because they don't like what I wrote. Come on dear, you know where to find me. And if you need directions to that "other site" then I shall direct you.. http://forums.delphiforums.com/VampyreCastle

You come on over and give me a piece of your mind, and I'll shut you down Delphi style. You won't know wtf hit you.

Now, please, read the next entry and think about it. There are people here right now tossing these stories your way. They are lying to you. I can make up fake newspaper articles to back my Tremmie story up. I can produce pictures of some battered 15 year old to back my bullshit up. And believe me, people do it all the time. And you all eat that shit up with a spoon don't you?

Don't preach to me about attention whoring and all the *real* problems in the world - I'm in the fucking world, the REAL world. I'm not making shit up and asking you to believe it just because I say so. I'm not taking time away from the homeless dude on the street or the pregnany mom living in the shelter - I worked for three years HELPING people who REALLY dealt with these issues. I helped get them off the street, I helped them get out of the shelters - and now I'm in school so I can be MORE helpful to people with REAL problems.

What the fuck are YOU doing? I mean aside from acting like you actually give a fuck about the old guy digging in the trash can? Do you feed him in July like you do in December? Have you ever given two shits about someone in need who wasn't related to you? What the fuck are you doing to help anyone other than yourself? Because talk about it all you want - you're only real contribution to this society is that you aren't getting anyone's way while they're trying to make it a better place to live.

I'm not sitting on my ass lying to you about my FAKE problems so you'll pity me and feed my inner attention whore. I'm telling you about other people using your dumbass .. and really, I'm becoming more inclined to sit back and let them do it, because you all clearly haven't learned this lesson yet, and it's pretty fucking entertaining, to say the least.

So read below, and know that people on VR are feeding you shit just like this but not telling you it's fake. They'll lie to you about being persecuted by mean people demanding their a life on a platter when in fact, these mean people looked into the newspaper clippings and the stories and the found the pictures and when confronted the person on their lies, rather than the liar being pissed, they kissed our asses and tried to 'hook up' with us online - under various logins.

When that failed they found a new place to play with a fresh new crop of suckers - you guys.


Deity Edit: AMEN!




The Tremmies

04:01 Apr 02 2006
Times Read: 967

The following story is complete fiction. None of this happened, I made it up. I am writing this to prove a point.

Anyone you meet online can create a horror story and make it sound believable. They can use it to garner sympathy, to manipulate people or to kill a little time in their empty lives. Please read this series of entries, get sucked into it and then imagine how you would feel if I presented this as the absolute truth, my own personal story, just to make you feel sorry for me and use you.

To see other entries, you can go here, here or here.


I don’t know why I’m sharing this, well I do. But I don’t know why I am doing it here. I guess because it is semi-anonymous. I can’t take it anymore, it’s been too long and I will do anything to stop this feeling.

When I was 15 I had a child. Most would say that was pretty stupid, I know – my parents made sure I knew how stupid I was, and they are probably right. All I heard from them was, “Think of all the potential you had, all the dreams and plans we had for you – and you wasted it all.” My mother has called me a whore many times; my dad didn’t speak to me for years. As it stands, I haven’t spoken to them in 3 years

When my parents found out I was pregnant they threw me out. They didn’t care who got me pregnant or how I was feeling, all they were concerned with was the fact that I might ruin their reputation. I don’t know what they told people, I was just thrown away, it was like I never existed to them.

That was 15 years ago, I am now 30. I have a 15-year-old boy who serves as a constant reminder to me of the worst period in my life. This is something that, after 15 years, I need to get off my chest.

It is all burnt into my memory and not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. It was the second week of my sophomore year; I had gotten into a fight with my best friend and had to walk home from school. Half way home some guys I knew from around school pulled over and offered me a ride, and like a stupid kid I accepted.

I realized something was going on when we passed my street. They laughed when I told them to stop the car. There was a construction site about a mile from my house where a new grocery store was being built. Due to all the rain we’d had that year construction had been called off shortly after the foundation was put in. There were trees blocking the mess from the road so it made a great place for parties, bums or just some quiet place to hang out in while getting high.

When we got there, they dragged me out of the car. I tried to fight it, but it was useless, there were three of them. I screamed as loud as I could hoping someone would hear me. The next thing I knew I was waking up with one of them on top of me. My head was spinning, one of them was holding my hands and the other, I just remember him laughing. I can still hear it to this day.

I begged them to stop, I screamed, I pleaded, I fought. The one who was laughing gagged me and then took his turn. It seemed so unreal, I remember everything going fuzzy. Like I was there, but I wasn’t... I could hear their laughter, their muffled words, but the words made no sense, none of it seemed real. I don’t know how long it lasted; when they were done I couldn’t move, I just laid there motionless and crying until I heard the car drive away.

I don’t remember very much from that point, my clothes were torn, my shoes were gone, it was dark out and I couldn’t stop crying. I know I walked home, I just don’t remember it. The next thing I really remember is being in the shower, I felt disgusting; I had to wash it away. Even when the water went ice cold I continued scrubbing. That feeling never went away, I still feel it.

Two months later I stole a pregnancy test, which turned up positive. There was no way I could tell my parents, I knew they would disown me, and they did. It wasn’t until I was 7 months along that they figured it out. By the time I was 7.5 months pregnant I was in California, 1500 miles from home and $250 in my pocket. I always wondered why they chose California, I guess it’s because it was as far away as they could send me without paying for a plane ticket.

I had turned 16 shortly after the boy was born. I dropped out of school, was living in a shelter and working at a local hotel cleaning the rooms. It wasn’t much, but I got by.

15 years later I am still working as a house cleaner. I still struggle but the pay is better. My life is empty. This boy and those guys robbed me of my life – they took everything from me, my family, my home, my friends, my education, my self. I can’t remember the last time I truly enjoyed being me. I feel like I died that day and was forced to live someone else’s life.

Every time I look at the boy I can’t help but feel 15 years of hate and anger. There are times I’ve found myself fantasizing about smothering him in his sleep just to try and right this horrible feeling I have. If he ceased to exist I wouldn’t have to be reminded of it every day of my life. I’m in this deep black pit and I just keep falling and falling. Nobody can hear me, nobody sees me, I am alone in this dark pit. Trapped in a personal hell and I can’t get out.

I have held this in for years, it has eaten away at me. There is nothing of me left. I feel completely hopeless and alone, abandoned by my family and ignored by all around me. I don’t think I will ever be whole again. No one can see it, I still smile when I need to, cry when expected to, I can go through the motions – but they are empty, it’s like I am dead inside, just a big gaping void.

I hope that through sharing this I might gain a little of my self back. I don’t expect anyone to care; I am doing this for me. I can’t take it anymore; something must change, I can’t continue feeling this nothing. Even if it means ending it all.


Again, this is completely fake, a fabrication - nothing more than an hour's worth of creative writing. Some may say this is completely sick and twisted, and perhaps it is. But at least I told you it was fake. Not everyone will.

Some of the more desperate ones will even supply you with pictures such as these, or even these to make their lie more believable. Some will even go as far as to sharing pictures of random batterd women, bound and bloody - but I will spare you those as they are truly disgusting.



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