The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

we each have our own unique life, we have our own problems to deal with on a daily basis. yet we do just that we deal with them, some people are just not strong willed or strong minded enough to do this. We each suffer the consequences of our actions throughout our life. Mine is a different perspective on the way I have come through struggles and idiotic decisions that I have made. I was Raised in KY. A daughter of a Coal Miner, there were 8 of us in our rural living family, 2 parents and six kids. Mom never worked outside the home, as they were raised up to believe that a woman should stay home and raise the kids. I was the youngest of the six, with a head full of dreams to one day be a lone soldier in the world, to be a help to others, whether they be human or animal, i found out at an early age that I had a gift with communicating with animals, through actions more than anything, I could get even the wildest animals to calm down, so i raised various cats and dogs, bringing home strays to take care of. They became loyal pets and I would grieve when one would die of old age, or they would be given away to another home. living as the youngest of the six, well it was a known fact that I was the baby, as as such the brothers and sisters spoiled me with attention not gifts mind you because it was a struggle each day to have food on the table. No I didn't walk to school and back in three feet of snow I rode the bus. I developed friendships throughout my growing up years that were more like acquaintances then true friends, Because I would never let myself get close to anyone, this was a thing inside of me that I reasoned in my head, if they get close and I lose them then where will I be. so I learned to step back from people and closeness pretty young. Our family in spite of me was close-knit, and stayed that way until my mother passed away about 16 years ago, she had been in fact the glue that held us all together, then when Dad passed a couple years ago, once again I felt as if my heart had a piece die with it, thinking about them now even sets off a rush of tears, and heartfelt grief.

they were both so very special. I don't know how it started I don't know why i made some of the decisions I made in life, but I did, these decisions are the things that have shaped me into who I am. I started dating at 15 years old, my mom's reasoning still astounds me, she was old fashioned but she felt I was safer on a date then out with my friends, go figure, I did have to be back home by 9:30 so no time for other stuff, yeah right, when I turned 19. I ran off and got married because they wouldn't approve of me getting married. as it turned out they were right as parents can be.It lasted a year and a half, abuse was the root of that happy ending, I had just enough sense to get out. Then with a divorced stigma attatched to me I ended up in a relationship so in love, became pregnant and had my first child, of course he left me, wouldn't have anything to do with the baby and still hasn't after 21 years. well I met another married settled down for about 6 years, yet another mistake. this one was seeing women he worked with, although I had grown up near him thought I knew him. during that time I was in church and the second child had come along, that divorce ended when the second child was three, my reasoning i wouldn't live with a cheating SOB. so now I have two marriages behind me and two kids. then after about a year or so I met another who promised love. Once again I was gullible and stupid and fell for the lout, and then number three was born I had my tubes tied at this point, was working full time

and didn't watch the signs I should have known would be there by now, you have got to remember I thought I could change the world, He was taking drugs and who knows what else, but guess how that ended number 3 divorce. I was so fed up and at the point I wondered if life would ever get better, then I met number 4, we have been together for 12 years now and yet again the signs are there. I am positive he is bi-polar, I had to take a gun away from him the other day it is hid well now. the kids are all but grown, and here I am lonely inside, no pity for myself, because I made the choices i made, so now I must reap the consequences. I don't know how it will end. but I know in my heart of hearts that I will survive, the things I have heard, the things I have seen, the feelings I have felt, no one can truly imagine what hell on earth I have lived. I have grieved for lost loved ones, i have grieved for friends, i have grieved for lost love, and I have grieved for myself, but when my life some day comes to an end I will grieve no more, I just hope that someday is when I am old and wise. I can give advice to someone else and not blink an eye now because i have lived through it all. Through it all I have sheltered my children from as much as humanly possible and unbelievably they are great people, I try my best when it comes to them and always have and always will, i guess although I have have a bad past I am the glue that holds them together now.

The power inside is increasing. I feel it all around me now, just waiting and silently watching to strike at the most opportune moment. I am also waiting to see how it will all end. Will I survive, will I be ready when it comes, I think with my mind that I am ready, I feel in my soul it was meant. Will death be swift and resurrection be just a slow awakening into the new world where there is a heightened sense of awareness all around, touch, feel, smell, ah the smell of a single drop of blood. The taste, that bitter metallic, yet sweet sensation on my tongue, that life giving flow as it glides inside me to bring forth a great wanting, wanting more. Now it comes stealthily. It is finally here. like seduction, like rain, now it is time to sleep and prepare for the night.





Night has come once again, weeks, month's have passed, the resurrection came like a wind driven storm, the hunger that came with it was so fierce that I could not contain myself, those first drops of blood were like the sweetest rain caught upon my my tongue. I felt energy shoot though me, where my soul should have been, there now was emptiness, that nothing but the blood could reassure, what once was, is now an empty vessel

a faint memory, now no heart is beating within my breast, there is only stone cold silence, I am hollow like a shell, where there once was emotion, now there is nothing, but a raging urge to feed. only this to sustain this thing I have become. The rest that comes with the breaking of the dawn, is the only respite I have. How powerful are the acts in which I commit upon mankind. I am my own master now, the turning was the beginning and the end to humanity. There is no pleasure in being, pleasure is only found in the blood and in the bed, the luring into my lair. and the thought of what eternity holds, I will have many experiences as this thing. I will watch and wait for those who would abuse, I will watch and wait quietly, an when they least expect. I will strike. But only for the blood and the bed. no tears will fall from regret for the actions I commit. what a waste. and I thought my emotion would join me on this journey. there is no emotion, but the senses are so heightened, it is unimaginable to the mortal mind. I cannot be comprehended thus far. I am the night. Therefore, I am.



Maybe I have gotten over myself a little, For 111 years and 196 days, I lived like an avenging angel, wrecking havoc, on the worst of the lot, the hunt was seemingly fierce at first, yet the hunger was quenched, it was like a game, I played it out like a superhero in a bad movie. But I do guarantee, I am no such thing. My travels have been ceaseless, always moving so the light ones will not know what I am. I gave the humans that name, to distinguish the lines between life and this deathless body, this soulless being that I am, So my journal of sorts begins of my exploits thus far. my random jaunts through immortality. Maybe they will make you understand why I have come to where I am now. I am at peace with being vampyre, I prefer it spelled this way, less like the movies. and being female, ha you shall see as you read, How stupid mortals fall like the dreary rain.