Hey everyone! I'm a 22 year old Christian with brown hair and eyes. I've lived in Tennessee my whole life but have always wanted to travel. Especially to Europe. I've just become a certified pharmacy technician and plan to go all the way to being a pharmacist so hopefully that dream will come true.
I'm a very big supporter of secession and states' rights so, needless to say, I'm Southern to the core.
As far as religion goes, I was born and raised Church of Christ but now consider myself nondenominational. I love to learn about other religions, living and dead, and I find them all fascinating.
My best friend, Xzavier, got me interested in physics and I've always been pretty good at math so I love reading about Einstein's theories. This has only been a fairly recent development so I've got a lot to catch up on. Lol. If anyone would like to help me in educating myself on physics just let me know.
I look forward to hearing from some people and learning what I can about the site.
** I don't mind stamps and I know people pay to use them but please, don't use a stamp that will stretch out my page. Thank you!**
The Real Me
I am a very open, very gullible soul. Reckless in the sense that I'll go to almost any lengths to put my trust and faith in someone even though I almost always know I shouldn't. And I almost always prove myself right. I hate people with a passion and they disgust me beyond comprehension but a part of me yearns to be able to trust and help at least a few of the people I open myself up to. It's a vicious cycle I'm working diligently on breaking.
I have a child's mindset with an adult's comprehension. Acknowledging the fact that I know virtually nothing, I crave the guidance of someone older and wiser. Those positions have been filled by God and Xzavier but the latter, despite his occasional silence and riddles, is more forthcoming with answers. I absorb anything taught to me like a sponge and my only current limitation is the possibility that I might not apply what I learn.
I'm ruled by my emotions and the dominant one is fear. Fear of people. Fear of being hurt. Fear of change. Fear of being known by others and of knowing, really knowing, myself. Fear of being thrust out into the open and no longer having a safe place to hide. I'm swiftly hurtling toward all of these things and I am the one letting it happen because I know, despite my doubts, that it needs to. I suppose it could be said then that my fear, while great, isn't cowardice at least since I'm not allowing it to hinder what I'm trying to accomplish.
I am a chameleon, able to assume the guise of whatever it is that someone needs me to be. Never really myself but not quite lying, I am a master manipulator of me, able to talk myself into any role for whatever reason. I can be your mother, sister, friend, therapist or lover. The only one I've ever completely let my guard down for is Xzavier because he can spot me through any mask I might wear around him. By me, I mean the grain of truth each mask is built on. The ability to portray myself as anyone capable of doing anything is a great strength but while I'm unable to separate myself from the masks I wear , it can only slow my progress.
Despite all the tumultuous chaos and confusion in me, I feel a stillness residing in the deeper parts that seems so out of place to me that I can't even begin to explain its presence. It's kind of like the eye in the storm that makes up the rest of me. Fear. Anger. Love. Pain. Regret. Hope. I feel things so strongly that even in my least stressful moments I have so much nervous energy that it manifests itself physically in my constant fidgeting. When I'm at the end of my rope and on the verge of a breakdown, it feels as though this eye, this core of calm is the only thing keeping me grounded. It is, in my perception, the only true beauty about me, inside or out. It shows itself to be the only truly neutral part of me and the rest of me strives to reach that point.
(I thought about putting this in the poetry section but decided not to. It's one of the only things I've written that's only about me so I figured that earned it a place on my profile where everyone would see it.)
I have the gay vamp stamp on my page and that means I'm bisexual. That may sound like it clashes with my faith but I try not to let it bother me too much. My sexual orientation and several other factors are what make it impossible for me to be very judgmental of other people because I don't feel that I have much room to talk.
I'm not a pillar of virtue by any stretch of the imagination though I am striving to be a better person than I have been. Feel free to talk to me about anything because I pride myself on being a pretty unbiased individual. One of the things I'd wanted to pursue as a career was a psychiatrist and though I've chosen to do other things, I still love listening to other peoples' thoughts, feelings and problems. I can live with being the resident therapist to anyone who feels like they need it and I don't charge!!! lol
Alright. Let's see. Likes and dislikes.
I like to read and write. I'm very much a geek and a nerd. I've just been too old fashioned to post anything on the internet up until now. I love to sing. I was in choir for 7 years. One of my discarded career choices had been a choir director once upon a time. I like hiking, camping and taking walks. If it were up to me I'd be living in a cabin in the BFE with a couple of dogs and a sawed off shotgun, the city slickers be damned! Hillbilly all the way lol
I dislike people who are too busy pushing their own opinions and thoughts to listen to anyone else's. I dislike people who are biased without reason.
