notyoursaviour's Profile at Vampire Rave.

Like me, this description is a work in progress.

You can all call me Ezra. The user name, Not Your Saviour, refers to a recent shift in my mindset about the majority of the human race: I am not your saviour because I don't even know how to save myself.

I am unsure about when I Awakened, but suspect it to be about seven years ago. I officially recognized the change as vampirism around three years ago with the help of some friends who would become my Family here in Indiana. I entered the Darkness on August 10, 2003 with my first sanguine feeding. We are not, nor do we neccesarily wish to be, a 'recognized' House but we refer to ourselves as House Sanguine Sangrada, or 'House of Sacred Blood'. The majority of my Brothers and Sister, as well as our Father and figurehead, all reside in Richmond; we have two members living in Muncie, as well as two that have moved away to Oklahoma. You may find Dioz at the link a few paragraphs down, but other members of my Family on VR are Spookie and Wolfman Wayne.

After leaving the Christian faith in 2001 I spent several years studying other religions and doing a lot of soul searching... I knew that there had to be something out there that made sense. I studied alternate Christian faiths such as Urantia, polytheistic faiths such as Buddhism, and finally began to study Paganism in early 2004. I officially entered my first degree on Beltane 2005.

I am a member of a Coven with the members of my Family, and we come from all different ideologys in Paganism and Wiccan practice. Personally, I follow the Celtic/Druidic path and have immersed myself in study during this first year. It's hard to find the time to devote, but I make time because that is what the faith demands; Paganism isn't like Christianity because there is nowhere to go on Sunday to make you feel everything is alright. Living with your faith, and living in your faith, is a constant process not a once a week kind of thing. My High Priest (Lord Dioz) and High Priestess follow Norse and Greek respectively.

My form of magickal theory is the belief that all around us are energies, provided by all the physical and metaphysical entities in the multiverse. These energies can be petitioned and manipulated through ritual to help you, and I find it best to obey the laws of karma when performing magick. All things you think and do have a karmatic reaction that will effect you in some way at some point in your time on the wheel of life. I believe that each spirit's goal in existence is to, essentially, discover the meaning of life... to live life from as many angles as it requires to see the whole picture. In between lives the spirit can observe until it feels the call into another life to learn another lesson until it has finally earned it's rest.

The basics of my physical features: I stand at an even six feet tall, and weigh a bit more than I'd like. I think I'm fat, most people disagree; I think they're just being nice. I have red hair that gets brighter when I'm forced to expose myself to the sun, but gets darker in the winter and when I can avoid the big ball of fire in the sky. My eyes shift between blue and grey both seasonally and with my mood, but the changes are fairly subtle... I've only noticed it recently myself.

If you are reading this and feel the need to apply labels, I guess the one most suited for me in the Rave is 'goth-punk vampire'. I don't believe in limiting people by applying labels, and I hardly fit into the label of 'goth-punk', but I suppose it would be most suiting. I dress how I feel comfortable, which doesn't include dumping out money on leather pants and boots. You're more likely to find me in a black t-shirt, a well-worn pair of jeans, and my Chuck Taylor All-Stars than a fishnet shirt, vinyl pants, and industrial boots.

And, of course, the usual personal information: I am 21 years old, and was born and raised in the same Indiana town. For years I used to say I hated this place, but I've learned that everyone feels the same about their hometown no matter where it may be. This place still bores me to tears, but I've come to think of it as my home and always will.

Although I don't have much talent with any instrument, I love music and I truly believe that if it wasn't for some of the connections I've made with particular songs I would've succumbed to the self-deprecating, self-mutilating impulses of my thoughts long ago.

My favorite band is AFI... they were one of the first punk bands I got into, and I feel like the band and I have both kind of evolved along the same line now that we both have darker edges. Other favorites include Deadsy, 30 Seconds to Mars, Nirvana, Our Lady Peace, silverchair, nine inch nails, The Offspring, Alkaline Trio, The Doors, The Anniversary, Wolfsheim, Voltaire, :wumpscut:, The Silence, Divinity Destoryed... the list goes on and on, but I'll leave it at that. My favorite albums are Nirvana's Unplugged in New York and AFI's The Art of Drowning.

My major in college was telecommunications, and it's something I've pursued ever since fifth grade in elementary school. My dream is to be a screenwriter/director and I'm considering a dual major when I go back in English. I would also love to combine my love of film and music by doing music videos, which I have done for several local bands and as independent projects just for the fun of it. I've also learned a bit about audio engineering and sound mastering, which I've also used to help out bands in the local scene. I still hold to some of the punk values to which I prescribed when I was younger, which includes supporting the local scene. I purchase the majority of my music at a locally owned shop as well.

My favorite directors include David Fincher, Stanley Kubrick, Alex Proyas, Mark Romanek, and Tim Burton. Favorite movies include A Clockwork Orange, SLC Punk, The Crow series (the first is by far the best, City of Angels wasn't very good, Salvation & Wicked Prayer were both pretty good), Fight Club, and Igby Goes Down.

"The Sky is a Landfill"
Jeff Buckley

Circle around the park, joining hands in silence
We watched the evil black the sky
The storm has ripped the shelter of illusion from our brow
This power is no mystery to us now.
Leave your spirit genocide, the cancer you won't
remove.
We cast our funeral rose inside and bury the need to prove.
Well, our mutilation is to gain from the system.
Turn your head away from the screen, oh people,
It will tell you nothing more.
Don't suck the milk of flaccid Bill K. Public's empty promise
To the people that the public can ignore.
This way of life is so devised to snuff out
the mind that moves,
Moving with grace the men despise,
and women have learned to lose.
Throw off your shame or be a slave to the system!
We see you take another drag,
one more lost soul to raise your flag.
The sky is a landfill!
We see you take another drag,
We see you take another drag.
You like to dance to the rolling head of the adultress,
You sing in praise of suicide. We know you're useless,
Like cops at the scene of the crime,
With your steroids and your feedbag and your stable
and your trainer,
I`ve got a mail bomb for you, Mr Strong Arm.
Roll out the stones from all the cemetery homes,
For the violence of a nation gone by,
For the politics of weakness and the garbage dump of souls
That will now black the sky.
Their yellow haze and crowds of eyes
will plug up the mind that moves,
Moving with grace the men despise,
and women have learned to lose.
We'll share our bodies in disdain for the system.
Oh, we see you take another drag,
One nation bends to kiss the hag.
The sky is a landfill.
Oh, we see you take another drag, we see you take another drag.
I have no fear of this machine!

Your clan is a dysfunctional one. That is because you are a Malkavian. Something is poisonous about this clan's blood that drives all those embraced to madness. However, in this madness, you tend to have great insight. Unfortunately, people just take it as senseless ramblings. In every family there is an insane one. You're it.

What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

*What is your stand on.....*
Abortion?:	I believe in the right to choose, but I also believe that abortion is not a form of birth control.
Death Penalty?:	It's a flawed system, but so is the world.
Prostitution?:	If you choose to sell your sex then that's your decision (and if it's not you should go to the authorities!).
Alcohol?:	You find me an Irishman that doesn't like whiskey, and I'll show you a drunken Irish mob that'll kick his ass. :-P
Marijuana?:	I am a proud member of NORML, and not just because they are pro-marijuana. Read their policy papers, 95% of which I agree with.
Other drugs?:	Your life, your decision. There are several drugs I never plan on using, several I have, and several I'd like to try.
Gay marriage?:	Love pays no mind to gender.
Illegal immigrants?:	If you're going to live here illegally, the least you can do is try to fit in by, oh, I don't know, learning English!
Smoking?:	It's a nasty habit, but oh well...
Drunk driving?:	A stupid thing to do for a number of reasons.
Cloning?:	I'm still not sure about this one...
Racism?:	Hate is too strong of an emotion to feel over something as trivial as the color of one's skin.
Premarital sex?:	Once again, your life, your decision. Personally I feel that sex is meaningless without love, but I also believe that you don't have to be married to be in love.
Religion?:	Organized religion is a crutch; personal spirituality provides you with the strength to hold your own.
The war in Iraq?:	I am generally a pacifist, although I do see the need to keep a military, but I do not see the need for a war such as this.
Bush?:	Great band, horrible president.
Downloading music?:	I'm willing to bet that the money spent on finding and prosecuting people who download music is double or more than the money the music industry loses from downloading.
The legal drinking age?:	It exists for a reason, but it's not a difficult law to break.
Porn?:	In excess it is a waste of money; in moderation it can be very healthy.
Suicide?:	Suicide is the easy way out, although I'm willing to admit it had seemed rather appealing at times.
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the
figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy
physicality of the devil breeds lust. The
devil's call to return to primal instincts
often creates conflict in a society in which
many of these instincts must be kept under
control. Challenges posed by our physical
bodies can be overcome by strength in the
mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan is
also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our
material creativity. The devil knows physical
pleasure and how to manipulate the physical
world. Material creativity finds its output in
such things as dance, pottery, gardening, and
sex. The self-actualized person is able to

accept the sensuality and usefulness of the
devil's gifts while remaining in control of any
darker urges.
Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Member Since:	Nov 09, 2005
Last Login:	Jun 29, 2006
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