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Darkness Embraced.. How true those two words can be. The embracing of darkness, to accept the darkness within myself, to accept that the thoughts that has always been there. I am not like people, I am not like my boss, my friends, my house owner. When I walk through the streets, I see people, I see their feelings, their life's. They project themselves, they walk around carelessly, young to this world. Yes, they may have they worries, but what are they?
The fear of not having money to pay a bill, that their spouse is cheating, that the few pounds extra is noticed. Have they ever looked to the midnight sky, feeling that they are part of it all? That there is no need to worry.. We are all drops in the same eternal river.
Sounds quite thoughtful? Yet, I and many of you who read this, know too well that we are not part of that river,we are the tips of stones in the river slowly drying out. All people are energy beings, from birth to death, we all radiate energy which is like a river, ever flowing, the energy of beings, nature, the stars.
Nearly all is part of this flow.. Some see this energy as auras, some feel it, some are completely oblivious to it. And there are the ones like me, feeling like a rock in the middle of the river, needed to keep the river flowing, to create diversity. Still unable to be part.
I am hurt soul, bleeding energy.. Unable to sustain myself, I must feed of the energy around me , be it through meditation, psi feeding, or sanguine. We are the negative part in the universal equation, but nonetheless needed in the same way as everything else.
Though, I am lucky, more lucky than most.. I have access to nature, meditation, beautiful night sky, and most importantly,I have someone offering me part of her energy, allowing me to regain myself, breathing life into me.
I am a Vampire, and I wouldn`t change it for the world.
I am not like you, still a lot of you are alike me. Part of it all, still not being part. Like being water, not being in the well, but in a bottle.. We are removed from what we belong to, we are part of the universe, still not in the ever flowing energy, we keep our memories, our immortal soul, not reborn over and over, but continuing, existing..
Once we are removed from the flow, we are unable to sustain ourselves, it`s like our soul is bleeding out of the mere sorrow of not returning to our source, but lingering for eternity. The river, that we once part of, flowing along following the patterns, we are now standing on the shore looking at, every now and then leaning down, carefully filling our hand with the crystal clear water, cold, soothing, refreshing.. Have you ever felt like that? Dried out, tired, simply exhausted, wanting something you can`t put your finger on.. just to find out it is that sip from the river..
While I write this, I am on an airplane.. the guy sitting on my left, is sleeping, he is worried, job related business.. The older couple on the row in front of me, are using some of their savings traveling on business, enjoying the served meal, talking about the weather, politics, they have been together for a long time.. The girl behind me is afraid of flying, her fear is almost tangible.. Why am I so alone in feeling these things? Why do I have to feel everyone else's pain, worries and sorrow?
The music is loud in my ears, trying to tune things out.. We have to be careful when tapping into ambient energy, taking a small sip of the river so we don`t fall in and drown.. There has to be a certain distance between us and them.. If we get to close, it gets to overwhelming, consuming, addicting. Most of us are kind souls, wanting to help, to guide, which makes us even more vulnerable to the energies we get from our environment, the people we surround us with, the job we have, everything.. At some point every vampire should gain the amount of self control to just tune out, draw our energetic being into the shadow, like we do with our physical body, being the one no one notices, which people meet on the street, the nonexistent, the silent..
I am Dinäer, the silent one.
©Dinäer 2008
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