To Serve Man

"Why Eat Sentient Creatures?"

I know you are asking it. Why would you want to eat another human being, or a vampire, or werewolf even. Well I could explain all that here....But....lucky for Me. This guy makes a pretty good arguement Here

Folow this link to learn more.

Eat People

To Serve Man
& Anything Else We Can Catch

Preparation and Cooking.

Unfortunately, most modern stores still do not carry the exotic meats that we will be discussing in here, so it will be up to you to butcher and clean the carcass. For those of us who are unfamiliar with butchering their own meat we may want to consider paying the local butcher shop to do it for you. If you are up to doing the job yourself, there are many great reference books, such as Grey's Anatomy, to help you along.

While some organ meat is quite good, the organs of most humanoid creature's are just too foul to be safely eaten. Under no circustances should you ever eat the brain or parts of the central nervous system of any humanoid creatures as this can cause a serious and terminal disease. Avoid eating the liver as humans (and a few other creatures such as Vampires and WereWolves) tend to abuse their livers and thus they are full of lethal toxins.

Like other large animals, the average humanoid creature will yield quite a lot of meat of various qualities and types. Typical cuts are bicep steaks, rump roasts and thigh hams. Ribs are very popular for the bar-b-q and fingers are great when tossed in a nice buffalo wing coating and baked. Toes can also be a delicious treat, less healthy but much sweeter than fingers.

It is important to cook any of the meats here in this book thoroughly, as they tend to be filled with a wide array of viruses and bacteria, especially the meat of Vampires and WereWolves. None should not be consumed unless it has been cooked to an internal temperature of at least 160°F. With that in mind, you can pretty much substitute most in any of your existing beef or pork recipes. Humans, Vampires, and other humanoids tend to easily replace pork, WereWolves for beef, and most Aquatic Creatures are good for replacing fish. Slow cooking tends to be the best way to bring out all of the natural flavors while optimizing the texture of the meat. As with all meats, you never want to over-cook it. A general rule of thumb for oven roasting is 15-20 minutes per pound, but cooking times vary according to the recipe you are using.
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Butchering the Vampire Carcass for Human Consumption.

Vampires are not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the vampire is neither built nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). You will not achieve anywhere near such a generous ratio from a vampire. The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades of the vampire also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to butchering vampires, however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds and is easily manipulated by even a small person with sufficient leverage.

Culling the Herd: Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully maintained. Vampires are not. Thus not only is the meat of each kill of varying quality, but kills are also subject to an enormous range of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as a vampire ages, the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years, much less three hundred. Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering point for domesticated animals. You will obviously want a youthful but mature physically fit vampire in apparently good health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful quality to the meat.

Workspace: The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an interior location IS suggested), and a large table for a butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.

Body Preparation: Acquiring your vampire is up to you. For best results and health, freshness is imperative. A living vampire in captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the vampire has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier.

Hanging: Once the vampire is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands; let the head hang down. This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the butcher's head.

Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the vampire's head. With a long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side. This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and brain. If the vampire is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly and allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing, "pumping", the stomach. A mature vampire will contain almost six liters of blood.

Beheading and Trophies*: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck, from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then separated with a saw or cleaver.

*The merits of keeping the skull as a trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a vampire skull may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to remove without opening the skull. The brain is NOT good to eat and can in fact cause serious disease. Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers, such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.

Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down. Because there is no major market for vampire hides, particular care in removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction. Reflect the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective tissue. You need not bother skinning the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne pepper.

Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass. To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cut into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress. Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver, stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body. For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may be detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and trachea. Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way of cutting this portion is to cut a way the deltoid muscle from the upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk) before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and break apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are now ready for carving servings from.

Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and I find it more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, my preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate, and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the time to begin thinking a bout how you would like to serve the flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly , which may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even "bacon" strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.

Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest way is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it before cutting the ribs. In the female vampire the breast is composed largely of glands and fatty tissue and, despite its appetizing appearance, is rather inedible.

Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, vampires being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from the back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful, thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the pelvis.

Remember, Vampire flesh should ALWAYS be thoroughly cooked before consumption. So, on to the recipes...
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First, be careful to kill the vampire using a method that will spill as little of the necessary blood as possible. I suggest an ice-pick to the base of the skull. You may then dress and drain the vampire at your leisure later.

Yield: approximately 10 lbs.


vampire stock (Not available in stores! Make it early and store in refrigerator)

4 lb meat (thigh, triceps, biceps or gludius maximus)

3 lb liver

3 lb unsmoked bacon (adds fat to the lean vampire meat)

3.5 oz salt

1 T black pepper

3.5 oz onion

1 T dried marjoram

1 pt vampire blood

2 t prague powder #1 (16 oz NaCl : 1 oz NaNO2)

natural casings from the kill

1) Cook the meat in a vampire stock until tender. Save the broth.

2) Grind the meat, liver and bacon through a 1/8 in. or 3/16 in. plate.

3) Add the dry ingredients and mix until evenly distributed.

4) Add the broth and blood and mix thoroughly.

5) Stuff the prepared casings about 15 in. long, leaving 3-4 in. of empty casing on each end. Tie the sausage into a ring.

6) Place the sausage into 170F water. Cook until the internal temperature is 160F.

Enjoy with a dark beer or full bodied merlot. Dinner is served suckers!!

By Rastaferal
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Fanger-Lickin-Good Vampire Ribs
Its the fourth of July so I thought I'd give an update that all patriots could benefit from...RIBS! Thats right, haul out your worst cut of the vampire carcass and fire up the charcoal because its grilling time. Now, where I come from theres always a debate going about which is better, a dry rub or a mopping sauce...I say fuck it, why not both?

Dry Rub:

1/2 cup paprika

3 tablespoons ground black pepper

3 tablespoons coarse salt

3 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons chili powder

Moppin sauce:

12 ounces beer

1/2 cup cider vinegar

1/2 cup water

1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

2 tablespoons minced jalapeño chilies

You will also need about 5 lbs. of charcoal and about 4 cups of hickory or oak wood chips soaked in water.

First thing, mix dry rub ingredients in small bowl to blend.

Transfer 1 tablespoon dry rub to another small bowl and reserve for mop. Spread remaining dry rub all over ribs. Cover with plastic; chill overnight. Next, mix wet rub ingredients plus reserved dry rub in heavy medium saucepan. Stir over low heat 5 minutes. Pour 1/2 cup mop into bowl; cover and chill for use in sauce. Cover and chill remaining mop.

Bring smoker up to 200 to 225 F and cover coals with about 1/2 cup of the wood chips. Place the ribs on rack in smoker and cook until tender, about 5-7 hours...or even longer if the vampire was an old tough one. Every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, add enough charcoal to maintain single layer and to maintain 200 - 225 F. temperature; add 1/2 cup drained wood chips. Brush ribs with chilled mop in pan each time smoker is opened. Let rest for a short time before cutting and serving when done. A meal that has been waiting centuries can wait a while longer.

For a quick way of stretching your sauce at the end I'd suggest mixing about a cup of storebought (I like cattlemans)

sauce with a little vinegar and chili powder along with the 1/2 cup of reserved moppin sauce.
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Garlic and Wereling pot roast

3 lb eye of round Wereling, rinsed, pat dry -- (3 to 4)

5 cloves garlic, cut into 15 pieces

1 cup self rising flour

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon rosemary leaves

1/2 teaspoon parsley flakes

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 red bell pepper, thin sliced

2 onions, sliced into thin rings

2 rib celery, chopped

2 cloves minced garlic

1 bunch green onions, chopped -- green

8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced

5 medium potatoes, cut into chunks

1/2 bag small carrots

2 envelopes dry onion soup mix

1 1/2 cups water

1/2 cup red wine

2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

1 teaspoon lemon juice

Preheat oven to 325ºF. Combine flour with spices (except for garlic). Heat olive oil in a large skillet. Meanwhile, cut 15 slits into the top and sides of the roast. Add one sliver of garlic into each slit. Cut the slit large enough so that the garlic cannot be seen. In a large plastic bag place the roast and the seasoned flour. Make sure that all of the roast is coated with seasoned flour. Add the roast to the heated olive oil and brown on all sides. Remove the roast to a platter.

In a Reynolds' Plastic Cooking Bag, add: 1 T. flour, shaking well, and all listed veggies and mixed garlic. Combine dry onion soup mix with water, red wine, balsamic and lemon juice. Put the roast on top of the vegetables and pour the soup mixture over the top. Cut six 1" slits into the top of the cooking bag. Place the cooking bag with the roast and vegetables on an aluminum foil lined pan. Roast for 3-3 1/2 hours. The meat will be tender and juicy and the vegetables will be cooked to perfection.

on a side note It is Best not to serve to vampire's as they don't find garlic in their food funny unless they are forewarned. they can find it rather offensive.

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Dwarf Flesh Stew

2 pounds de-boned Dwarf Flesh * , cut into chunks

1/3 cup flour

1-1/2 teaspoons salt

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

4 large onions, ripped and shredded

1 clove garlic, slashed and crunched into very very small bits

1/4 cup parsley chopped to bits

1 teaspoon caraway seed

1 bay leaf

1 bole (14 oz.) chicken broth

1 mug (12 oz.) beer

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 tablespoon packed brown sugar

Coat Dwarf flesh* with combined flour, salt and pepper. Heat oil in warm oven; brown meat over hot stove. Add onions and garlic. Cook and stir 5 minutes. Pour off stinky drippings. Stir in remaining ingredients. Bring to a boil. Cover; cook, stirring occasionally over warm heat 1 to 1-1/4 hours or until the Dwarf flesh is very tender. Stir occasionally.

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Unicorn Soup

2 lb. unicorn meat

5 carrots, peeled

3 celery stalks, washed & chopped

1 large onion, sliced

1 parsnip root, peeled

1 bunch parsley, washed & checked

1 bunch dill, washed & checked

1 zucchini (optional)

1 yellow squash (optional)

1 Tbsp. salt

1 tsp. pepper

Put all ingredients into 10-12 qt. stock pot. Parsley & dill can be wrapped in cheesecloth for easy removal. Bring to a boil (about 30 minutes). While boiling, scrap off “scum” with a large spoon. Turn to “low.” Simmer for 6-12 hours.

Strain soup by pouring into another pot, through a cheesecloth. Keep whatever vegetables that you want to serve with the soup and throw out the rest. Keep the unicorn meat (throw out the skin) for other recipes, if anyone wants to eat “boiled unicorn.” It makes very good knishes.

For those of you who received your Unicorn in powdered form, here is a recipe for "Unicorn Balls"

2/3 c. powdered Unicorn

2 Tbsp. olive oil

2 Tbsp. water

2 large eggs

Mix eggs, water and oil. Add Unicorn powder and make a paste. Form into balls and drop into boiling soup.

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Fried Elf Testicle Recipe

(Submitted by Tunka the Ogre)

1 pound ov testicles*

1 cup ov beer

1 egg, beaten good!

3/4 cup ov flour

1/8 cup ov yellow cornmeal

A little salt and ground black peppa

Vege oil**

1 tablespoon hot peppa sauce

Some ov dem papa towel dings.

* Ya can use Elf or Dwarf testicles. Dwarf testicles are da size of a walnut and are more tenda dan da slightly larga Elf testicles. Squeamish humans can use Calf or Bull testicles if dey want.

** Use 'nough oil ta cova da testicles, ba fill your frying containa only halfway ta da top ta keep dem from bubbling ova or splattering ya.

Wit a sharp knife, split da tough thin muscle dat surrounds each testicle. Remove da skin (you can remove da skin easy if da testicles are frozen and den ya peel while thawing). Slice each testicle inta thick ovals. Toss da slices in a bucket ov beer and let'em sit far 2 hours.

In a shallow bowl, mix da eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt and peppa. Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in da flour mix. Ina large, deep pot, heat da oil to 375°F. Deep fry 3 ta 4 minutes or until golden brown (will rise ta da surface when done). Drain on da papa towels.

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No looking back after digging into this special Medussa fondue. We recommend guests wear blindfolds or use mirrors to dip their Medussa meat.

To prepare: gradually stir in aged cheeses into the fondue pot, then add severed Medussa snake hair pieces. Chop up Medussa meat into small squares, then provide guests skewers and dip.

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Unicorn Shish Kabob

Served from the severed head of this most majestic and rare horned beast, Unicorn Shish Kabobs are sure to delight your guests.

Simply break the horn off the Unicorn, slice up small bite-sized pieces of the meat, add bell peppers and onions, then skewer the ingredients with the Unicorn horn. Grill for 15-20 minutes, then enjoy a meal that is said to cure cancer.

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Pan-seared Mermaid with California Trolls

The best of "under the sea" meets "under the bridge." This decadent delight wets the pallet of seafood lovers. Made with 100% organic California Trolls farmed under the finest bridges in Northern California Troll Country. Beware... trolls may be unsettling and difficult to find out of season.

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Skinless-Boneless Rumpelstilt-skins

First anger Rumpelstiltskin, wait for him to tear himself into two. Promptly skin him, and make thin slices of Rumpelstiltskin meat.

Bake in the oven for 25 minutes at 350 or until thoroughly crisp. Salt to taste and serve with any meal.

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Sloppy Sasquatch

You'll come back for sloppy seconds of this myth dish. First shave Sasquatch (save shavings for garnish). Then slow cook meat for 24 hours. Serve between sesame buns and enjoy the gamey outdoor taste.

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Cheese and Krakens

The sight of a Kraken is enough to scare most people away, but you'd be surprised what happens when you chop it up into smaller bits and throw some cheese in with it.

To visit the website for the Soup recipe please use this link.

Unicorn Soup

To visit the website for the Dwarf and Elf recipes please use copy this link: http://www.orcmagazine.com/

To visit the website for the other Mythical Creature recipes please use this link.

Mythical Creature Meals

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Corned Human and Cabbage

* One 3-pound human brisket, soaked in brine

* 16 cups cold water

* 2 bay leaves

* 2 teaspoons black peppercorns

* 2 whole allspice berries

* 2 whole cloves

* 1/2 large head green cabbage, cut into 8 thick wedges (about 2 pounds)

* 8 small new potatoes, halved

* Freshly ground black pepper

preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place the corned human in a colander in the sink and rinse well under cold running water. Place the corned human in a large Dutch Oven with a tight-fitting lid; add the water, bay leaves, peppercorns, allspice and cloves. Bring to a boil, uncovered, and skim off any scum (many humans are full of scum). Cover and place in oven, then braise until tender, about 4 hours. Remove meat to a cutting board and cover with foil to keep warm. Add vegetables to cooking liquids and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for about 20 minutes. Carve the human into thin slices and serve with the vegetables.

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Human Stew

* Vegetable oil, for searing

* 2 1/2 pounds shoulder meat, cut into 2-inch cubes

* Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

* 2 tablespoons unsalted butter

* 2 medium onions, cut into 6ths

* 5 cloves garlic, crushed

* 1 tablespoon tomato paste

* 1/3 cup all-purpose flour, or to cover

* 10 cups cold water, or chicken or human broth, homemade or low-sodium canned

* 6 sprigs parsley

* 6 sprigs fresh thyme

* 2 bay leaves

* 1 1/4 pounds medium red potatoes, quartered

* 4 medium carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces

* 2 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces

* 7 canned whole, peeled tomatoes, lightly crushed

* 2 to 3 teaspoons red wine vinegar, or to taste

* 1 bum's hairy nutsack, lightly battered

Heat a large Dutch oven with a tight-fitting lid over medium-high heat. Pour in enough oil to fill the pan about 1/4-inch deep. Season the person generously with salt and pepper, and add to the pan. Saute half the meat, uncovered, stirring only occasionally, until well-browned, about 8 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the person to a plate. Repeat with the remaining meat. Discard the oil and wipe out the pan.


Spice your meal with some pepperoni to give it that extra piece of delicatacy and flavo(u)r

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Return the pot to the stove and melt the butter over medium high heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring, until lightly browned, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring, until lightly browned, about 1 minute more. Add the reserved human and scatter the flour over the vegetable and human mixture (enough to lightly coat) and cook stirring until lightly toasted. Add the water or broth, and bring to a simmer. Tie the parsley, thyme, and bay leaves together with a piece of kitchen twine and add the bundle to the pot. Season with 2 teaspoons salt, or to taste. Cover and transfer to the oven. Cook the meat until just tender, about 1 1/2 hours. (This can also be done on the stove at a low simmer.)

Remove pot from the oven. Skim the fat from the cooking liquid with a spoon or ladle. Add the potatoes, carrots, celery, and the tomatoes, and bring to a simmer on top of the stove. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the liquid thickens and the vegetables are tender, about 1 hour. Remove and discard the herb bundle. Stir in the vinegar and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Divide among bowls and serve immediately.

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Cat Braisé

* 1 cat cut in serving-sized pieces dusted in flour with salt and pepper

* 1/4 c. extra virgin olive oil

* 6 artichokes

* 2 1/4" thick slices of slab bacon, diced

* 1 small sweet onion, diced

* 4 cloves garlic, minced

* 1 carrot, diced

* 1 lemon

* 3 small tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and diced

* 1/2 c. dry white wine

* 2-4 c. homemade chicken broth

* garni of 4 flat parsley stems, 6 leafy thyme branches, 1 bay leaf tied up with kitchen twine Salt and pepper

* 1/4 c chopped flat-leaf parsley (optional)

1. Snap the leaves off the artichokes until only the tender inner leaves remain. Snap off the stem. Trim the remaining green bits from the bottom of the artichoke, and cut off the inner leaves in a bunch at the point where they are very tender. Pare the tough green outer layer off the remaining stem, pairing the stem into a point. Now cut the artichoke bottom into quarters and remove the choke with a sharp knife from each quarter. Rinse to remove any traces of foin ("hay") and drop them into a bowl of water acidulated with the juice of half a lemon.

2. Heat 2 T olive oil in a large heavy casserole or Dutch oven. Dredge the cat pieces in seasoned flour, shaking off excess. Brown over medium heat, turning regularly, until golden on all sides. Remove cat pieces to a plate and dump any oil remaining in the pan. Add 1 T of the remaining oil and the bacon dice. (Omit bacon if you only have access to the thin-sliced vacuum packed supermarket variety.) Sauté until cooked but not "crisp". Add the remaining T of oil and the onion and carrot. Saute for 5 minutes, then add the artichoke quarters and the garlic, stir one minute, and add the tomatoes and the white wine. Turn up the heat and reduce until syrupy, stirring constantly, for about 5 minutes. Lay the bouquet garni on top of the vegetables. Arrange the cat pieces on top, together with any juice accumulated in the plate.

3. Pour in enough broth to come halfway up the sides of the cat pieces. Cover and bring to a simmer. Continue to simmer over very low heat about 1 hour or cook in the oven at 350 degrees for the same amount of time. The cat should be just tender and part readily from the bone. Don't overcook or it will become dry. Check the liquid level frequently and add more broth if necessary. Turn the cat pieces once.

4. When done, remove the cat pieces to a warm platter and arrange the vegetables, removed with a slotted spoon, around them. Cover and keep warm. Strain the remaining pan juices into a smaller saucepan and reduce over high heat, skimming frequently, until reduced by 1/3. Pour over the platter and serve immediately. Sprinkle with finely chopped flat-leaf parsley if you like.

To visit the website for Cat recipes please use this link.


To visit the website for Human recipes please use this link.

Cook Humans

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Placenta Roast:


1 to 3 lb. placenta no more than 3 days old

1 large onion

1 large green or red pepper (green will add color to the presentation)

1 cup tomato sauce

1 sleeve of saltine crackers

1 tsp crab or shrimp seasoning

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp white pepper

1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Chop onion and green or red pepper in small cubes. Place in large bowl. Crush saltines into crumbs and add to onion and pepper cubes.


Placenta, seafood seasoning, pepper, garlic, and tomato sauce. Place into aluminum loaf pan. Cover and bake for 1 and 1/2 hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid. Retain liquid for gravy base if desired.

To visit the website for this recipe please use this link.

Placenta Roast

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human gumbo

pick a good human

a pot of blood

1 cup of choped onions

3 choped bellpeppers

add 2 bags of shrimp

add a few seasoningof ur choice

first bring blood to boil then chop the human into chunks and that to the pot then the choped onions then add the choped bellpepper then the 2 bags of shimp and then the seasoning of ur choice mix around in the big pot cook it on low heat for 1 hour then simmer for 30 minutes . then it ready to serve

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