WHAT UNDYINGSCHOLAR IS DOING
si vis pacem para bellum
I remember being on here back in the late 2000s. That was a time when I wasn't nearly as aware of my own self as I am now, and it was not a time when I could appreciate what was being offered in regards to knowledge and camaraderie.
But here I am, almost 13 years later. The website itself has not changed mine, but my outlook on it definitely has.
So, what brought me back? Perhaps a rekindled interest in the vampire community? A sort of nostalgia for that which was part of my identity at some point? My outlook on vampirism has shifted over the years --- when I thought of myself as a ‘psi’ vamp---and then thinking of myself as more of an aficionado; An admirer of sorts.
I can’t honestly say at this point where I fall. The allure of the nature of the vampire has always been undeniable to me. In my earliest years I recall watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula and being in awe at the very image of the vampire; One as inviting and seductive as Gary Oldman in his younger years. During that time my own queerness had not been awakened fully, but I had a sense of it. Later on I would come across Interview With The Vampire and my obsession would deepen.
Oddly enough I have always been scared of blood. I would have fainting spells and get woozy at the sight of it. Today I can look at it rather clinically --- though it certainly frightens me to some degree; The brightness of it, and the taste… so very overpowering.
I have read my fair share of vampire-related books from Anne Rice to Bram Stoker, watched most Blade films, and even binged The Vampire Diaries, though I could not get into The Originals. Real-life vampire accounts have always fascinated me most --- hence one of my most prized copies is “Vampires in Their Own Words: An Anthology of Vampire Voices” by Michele Belanger. Getting to read the experiences of these individuals and not the misguided tales of some delusional person made a difference.
Regarding this emotional person, all I have to say was that at the tender age of sixteen I was very much malleable, and whilst browsing through gothic forums I came across individuals purporting to be real vampires who only perpetuated damaging stereotypes and ideas.
When I got older I joined more serious communities, and even Discord servers like Black Rose Society, where the vampire’s nature and condition was delved into with the utmost seriousness.
Indeed I have always been fascinated by all things preternatural; From ghosts to some cryptids and the real belief in the spiritual realm. Even though I call myself a skeptic, I have seen evidence for all of the aforementioned things...or rather experienced them to a degree.
I call myself a Hellenic Polytheist given my adherence to the religion of ancient Greece and some of its traditions. I will respect beliefs and paths and I expect mine to be respected.
I love science and the study of the universe from an unbiased point of view, but I also wonder at our own experience--- questions about the existence of the soul and the life-essence which some do not have such a strong link to---and which could explain part of the vampiric experience.
When I am not philosophising I am reading Greek classics, listening to murder podcasts, or teaching myself one instrument or another.
I am a Spanish speaker, and I also speak relatively okay French. I am partnered and have been in a relationship over the last two years.
I am a vegan of 11 years and I love to cook.
I identify as a non-binary individual; I do not ascribe to the gender roles of 'man' or 'woman'. I prefer he/they pronouns, and I would like for you to respect that.
This is a space where no racism, queerphobia, transphobia or ableism will be permitted.
Quick caveat: I rate a ten by default. I don’t see a reason to boost down your level. However, should you decide to rate less than ten, rest assured you will receive an equal rating. Quid pro quo.
|Member Since: ||Sep 24, 2021
|Last Login: ||Sep 17, 2023|
|Times Viewed: ||4,389|
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An incredibly interesting read. 10.
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