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I feel like a dead body bobbing in a swiming pool.... not much left here I'm just floating.



I started to get my head up again started to breath. SLAM right down on the back of my neck again.... stay the fuck down where you belong or at least that is what it feels like.



These creatures are toxic.... the things around for for the most part are way to negative. I wish I had one person some where near me not full of bile and venom. I look.... I go out for hours.... I walk.... I try to find someone any one in this place I can just spend time with right now that wont make me feel gross just being around. Just someone I can talk to but no such luck.



I know I do not belong here but what makes me so sure any place else I wont still feel these feelings. Like everyone around me may look like people but there actions are so cold.... so icky.... so gross.



A friend told me to try to rediscover myself but the more I try to be me the more I feel so fucking alien next to any one else.



But there was one person.... one person who did make me feel better but shes gone now. I wish I could talk to her now.... more then any thing but that will never happen.... ever ever ever.



Worse is I have people telling me to just give up.... that both shocks and appals me.... seriously wtf.... what kind of advice is that just give up on life?



I just don't know any more I'm fucking lost.... why there is now less conflict in my life..... it almost feels like now there is nothing left at all.



I am becoming truely totaly.... lost

Change is a violent thing.... my friend Neko is coming here for a while. That's going to change everything.... from that point forwards things will never be the same. I feel very positive about this, and scared at the same time. When I let people into my life they often times being chainsaws take them out, and ruin things.



If this person is who they seem to be then it means a positive change to my life if there not things could go to hell very fast.



I'm all for change right now.... very much so.

COMMENTS

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1SilentNoise1
17:23 Dec 15 2011

Oh and no..... shes not coming now :/ My fault really I guess.... everythings my fault I'm used to it.

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