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Battles won but mostly lost.... battles on going.... wars to come....



Why is it when we are growing up are we not told how.... well.... not nice or how un-nice life can eventually become?



I smashed through the bottom of the barrel years ago, and kept right on going.... my issue with having night terrors continue.... the past two years most likely did not do anything to help my cause.



Firstly - almost 2 years ago I made the choice to marry someone it turned out to be a big awful mistake. Not only with in the first year of marrage did I get cheated on multiple time's.... but was told I was hated and needed to be hurt.

Also told that since we got marryed in Canada she was not marryed in her home country and could do as she pleased there. Following all this I was asked if we could have a open relationship to that I declined.... and then communication stoped.... so I'm listed as marryed to someone who I have not had communications with now in almost half a year. We did agree to a devorce, and that I would have to just take care of it.... alone....



On top of this the war over my home that I had sunk so much cash into, and its fate was left up in the air.... mostly due to the fact that my mother not only had developed dementia.... but cancer as well. Watching my dad lose his mind, and watching as life slowly sunk into chaos to the point where I could not longer work. I had to spend all my time at home cleaning, cooking and doing house work.



Eventually it was determend by the health care people that moving my mother out of the main floor of the house to some place she would not know was not a good idea. Thus I guess I have become the home care for my own parents.... my dad being to cheep to hire anyone to help. I get to sit put my life on hold, and watch things get worse. Thus.... drinking has become a solution.



In the middle of all this I did manage to gain a new friend.... and shortly after meeting she moved in. I admit I needed the company I did yes very muchly. In the end the house, and things will be completely left to us. She's probley the only thing keeping me going at this point.... and I am bearly going.... more like crawling.



Yes I am defenitly on my bloody knees, and crawly