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8 entries this month
Existence (2/25/09)03:15 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 869
Tick.. tick.. tick.. that's all I
hear inside my head
sudden thought of dread
flowing through me
is leaving me with the feeling
that my soul's being torn apart
by lead
My mental state about to suffocate
while my physical form
suffers the retaliation of an inner
storm
one that was caused by the lack
of innovations to sleep
which has left my mind in
wondering in a stage of psychosis
no longer be able to get it's
own memories on track
So I now sit here pondering thoughts like
if to live is to die and to die is to live
then in which life can someone evaluate
that they truly lived out their lives with out
sin..?
has my time spent in this existence
only been a manifestation that
originated from an hallucination that
was conjured up by the imagination
of someone else's mind..?
So as I sit here contemplating
retaliating all the inner thoughts
I have about living through
an unforgiving state of mental
stress that refuses to regress
I'm left to ponder the meaning
of my existence
Gun Shot (2/25/09)21:58 Feb 25 2009
Times Read: 873
Where should I begin..?
my life now resides in
a place that's full of sin
broken down by the
sands of time
with it's history lying
in a broken and twisted
line..
the peacefulness that once
filled the air
left without a sound
yet no one seemed to care
there's an uneasy silence
that now fills this rooms
a sense of doubt and gloom
is all that I'm left to know
broken glass is scattered
all around
family portraits lay
shattered on the ground
I can no longer find
who I am
or why I was damned
it's now been 21 years
and yet I'm still here
you may say or ask
how is it that I would stay
but in all actuality I have
where to go
I'm force to live in this
god forsaken hell
for you see this is
my eternal resting cell
for you see one night
I came home to see
blood on the walls
my inner thoughts slowed
to a crawl
stunned by what I found
I didn't even have any time
to turn around
that last sound I heard was
screams
my life was torn apart
at the seams
it's not like what happened
to me was something
that I forgot..
it's just that last thing that
I remember hearing was a single
gun shot
so here I am
left to spend my days
in this god forsaken place
that I used to call home
trapped inside, left all alone
I (2/23/09)02:38 Feb 24 2009
Times Read: 892
Some how lately I've seemed
to have lost myself
I've left my heart
lying on an empty shelf
not belonging here or there
my mind was left to wonder
yet I no longer care
I no longer care for what
happens to me
for it seems that I only bring
nothing more then pain
and misery
I wish that some people
would just speak their minds
but I guess sometimes the words
are just to hard to find
leaving me to feel like I did
something wrong
I sometimes wonder if
I even belong
I don't know what to say or
think anymore
if I open my mouth will I be
shown to the door..?
am I here for a reason
or am I just waste of space
just waiting to pass like
a change in season..?
as more time passes by
I just want to break down
and cry
I only wanted something meaningful
something to make me happy
but I guess I was just to blind to see
that some thing are meant to be seen
through torment and misery
is there anyone out there that
can honestly say that I'm wrong..?
or is it true in every point of view
that I was just never meant to belong..?
The Last Thing She Ever Saw (2/22/09)18:49 Feb 22 2009
Times Read: 904
There once was a couple
that held their love dear
even though their families
hate for each other was
shown very clear
They'd spend time with each other
hidden in the shadows
every time they could spare
letting their families know
is something they would not
dare
As they looked into each others eyes
the rest of the world just faded away
they would talk about how they wanted
life to be, all they wanted was to be happy
But neither of their families
would have it
they said their love
wouldn't fit
So in one breath
they planned
to fake one's death
The plan was for her
to take a drink
that makes her sleep
so their families
would see their misery
profound
But somewhere along
something went wrong
she didn't wake up in time
thinking he lost his
one true love
he took his poison without
a sound
Awakening from her sleep
she sees his fate
a sight her mind couldn't
take
having lost the one
she loved above all
she picked up a knife
it was the last thing
she ever saw
One Day (2/21/09)05:54 Feb 21 2009
Times Read: 908
If you took two steps back
from where you're at
do you think it would be
possible to get your life
back on track..?
Or do you end up thinking
cause of second in life
that everything was taken
and you're now only left to
stare at a knife..?
I had those thoughts before
counted out the days
thinking that my only friend
was the floor and that there
was nothing more..
You hear people say things
like time heals all wounds
well.., I don't think so
I think time only helps you
better understand what
emotions you have
and at the same time tests
you to see what you can truly
withstand
Live your life like each day's you're
last is no longer a phrase
it's no longer just a phase
how long do you think you have left..?
can you count the years or the days..?
No one knows how long we're going
to be here
we could disappear tomorrow
or even next year
but yet you still see people
associating people with how they look
and judging everything they see
like it's an open book
Everyone has their own problems
it's true.., but it's nothing new
I've had my fair share
and at times I no longer wanted
to care
but I'm still here..
so what if someone else has
more then me
I already found something
to cure my inner misery
All I'm saying is instead
of putting putting down
someone for what they had
or lost
trying looking at them as if
you was the one who had
to pay the cost..?
what's wrong with taking the time
to understand or taking a moment
to lend a helping hand
You never know
one day
it might be you
that no one understands
why you need a helping hand..
Nightmare (2/18/09)01:47 Feb 20 2009
Times Read: 909
An angel sits quietly in despair
thinking to herself
thinking how life can be
so unfair
She sits wondering why
the world around her
is slowly going to die
after all humans were created
in the image of god
so isn't it odd
that there always has to be
two sides to every coin
that if it lands on it's side
everything on the inside
will be torn apart on the
outside
She sits there for what seems
like days
looking out into an endless grey
as her mind wonders for an answer
to salvation
the world slowly turns to damnation
she sits motionless hoping for
an answer to appear she's left
with only fear
fear of a world that only fights
underneath broken street lights,
burned houses and shattered dreams
mankind dying in the streets
as the universe fall apart at the seams
she now looks around at a world
of despair filled with toxic air
she wonders if life would of been fair
if human life didn't know the meaning of despair
as her sadness slowly disappears
in seconds she suddenly wakes up
within her own bed
and realizes that what she thpught
was a nightmare come true
was all along just a thought
within her head..
Time (2/16/09)03:49 Feb 17 2009
Times Read: 923
Did you know that it only
takes a few seconds
for your life to be knocked
of track..?
that one second can leave
anyone in tears
leave them to suffer
for years
making them wish that
they could get their life back
and forget all those
past years
but for some reason
nothing changes
like a time and season
everything just rearranges
almost like a sold out show
that no one wants to know
you're only left with choices
like
you could sit back
while your life forgets how
to get back on track
or you could go with the flow
and deal with learning
how and when to react
one minute you're living
your life well
the next you're left saying
one man's treasure
is another person's hell
you can live your life
the way you want
sometimes just sounds
like an over rated phrase
that within days can fade
away like a forgotten phase
the only thing left to say
is live your life and live it well
cause the possibilities of
of what could come next
only time will tell
Family (2/09/09)00:48 Feb 10 2009
Times Read: 958
My world once felt like
it was upside down
like I couldn't place my feet
on solid ground
it was almost like the world
stood still
leaving me with nothing
to feel
I had to drink to just to find
my inner thoughts
in the end pain is all it
brought
I've heard people say that
they drink to forget
but I was left only feeling
regret
You always hear people
say that they can think of
a million reasons to quit
I only needed one and that's
legate
my son means everything
to me
he help me see past
my inner misery
I'd walk for miles
just to see him smile
He's the reason I wake
up every day
and why I can honestly
say that I'm truly happy
He makes me look at my life
in a different point of view
almost like I got to start
my life over brand new
I've found a reason to live
and learned not everything
in life is not meant to burn
and with every turn there is
there can be a beautiful
lesson to learn..
There's more in life then misery
I've learned that lesson well
it's cause of my friends and
family that I no longer feel
like I'm living my life in hell
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COMMENTS
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TaintedAngel14
22:01 Feb 26 2009
sorry..had to sneak a peak b4 i got off for awhile..=/..its really..sad..