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That I could make Time have no meaning... that I could sweep away all the sand left upon my doorstop.



The oldest part of me weeps... it has known the complete and utter loneliness of the dark... it has withstood centuries of solitude... and it is tired.



Risen to the surface, malice and contempt are all it holds for this waking world. She would rip out the Sun from the sky, tear it asunder, and teach the world what it means to know darkness... she would rebirth hope for this lazy race if she could... for her master and lover are Death, and her gift a dark, spiritual rebirth.



I have a hard time balancing the woman and the monster some days... For the mortal woman that I am craves some of the very things that she detests. I find myself shifting constantly, trying to keep both satisfied, trying to merge the two, and NOT go insane.



Comfort... that is the main bone of contempt between the two.



The monster will have none of it... to be comfortable is to grow lazy, to lose the hunters edge... to lose the Hunger.



The woman... wonders why she cannot have the things that would make her "comfortable" She craves the things that would make normal women happy... commitment, stability, a known outcome... and the monster HATES her for it.



It is... complicated... the back and forth between me every day. Each part of me wants and needs such different things... and if I let one have their way for too long, all hell breaks loose within me.



If someone could feel the seething within me... see the conflict and grating... know the torment of trying to find just a little balance...



Tired. My very spirit is tired... and I wonder just why I don't give in to madness and be done with it...



The monster has not risen so strongly within me in a long, long time... The raw power alone would make most people lose it... and the violent tendencies that accompany it are very, VERY hard to not act upon. Im... walking a razors edge... and no one sees it but me...

COMMENTS

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FallenDreams
02:49 Mar 15 2011

Perhaps this sounds stupid.....but I know just how you feel.

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