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I will never be "perfect"



My scars and imperfections define me to a certain degree... each one a reminder of a pain I have made it through.



I will never be "Skinny" or "Beautiful"



And that’s OK. I kick ass... I have something better than skinny and beautiful... I have character. And Class. And those are two things you don't see much of these days. I can live with that.



I traded having a flat stomach for having beautiful children... I never looked back.



I have moments of intense vulnerability... The likely hood of ANYONE knowing when these moments are is slim to none. I keep them to myself pretty effectively. I realize this is a defense mechanism... I also know its not one I will ever be able to move past.



I am more complicated than I would like to be... I have depth, and I have facets that could drive a lesser being into madness. I hate it... I love it... I can be completely consumed by it, and some days, completely repulsed by it. None the less... I accept it.



I somehow manage to be very wise, and very youthful all at once. Even I’m not sure how I pull that one off!



I will never forget who I was... but I will never stop redefining who I am becoming.



I have a very hard time trusting anymore. I had all of the trust within me flushed down someone else’s drain. But... I manage to trust those few truly important people. And I’m pretty sure that’s what counts

I once had a friend in high school tell me "You can tell the girls who put out by the way they walk"



I looked at him for a moment and asked him how. He said that their hips sway a certain way. When I asked him if *I* walked like that, he looked at his feet...



"No... You walk like you'll just take what you want."



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I think I have always been trouble of some sort or another. Always going to this extreme or that... It is an honest urge though, to drink fully from the cup of life.



I have had many people misunderstand that.



After I have had my fill of flesh and blood and ecstasy... The thing I have missed the most is kinship.



To not be alone in all this is something I prize highly... But it is not something that I have ever found easily. I *KNOW* how hard I am to deal with an a day to day basis... Im a bit overpowering, a tad silly around the edges, and I say things (And honestly mean them) that make most people wonder about the true state of my sanity.



I think too much... I feel too much... and quite often, I share too fucking much with people that have no fucking idea what I really mean... what I am REALLY about.



Hrmm... More coffee... Less thinking!

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
14:10 Mar 25 2011

I'm on the same page with you (this morning at least)!

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Yes, I'm easely amused, shut up!

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LS
03:30 Mar 22 2011

LOL!

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I see you you know... sitting at your blinking computer screen, seeking something, ANYTHING, to take you mind away from the howling emptiness inside of you. You wander these halls, like so many others before you, trying to find a bit of truth, a little magic, or a tiny bit of darkness to call your own.



You are seeking secrets, chasing shadows, and it's not getting you anywhere is it? Yes I know... You feel the answers about you, you sense that the truth is right around the corner, but it keeps slipping away into dark.



So many offer "truth" here... So many try to push their own brand of "truth"



The truth is, what your seeking will not be found within the pages of a book, the ramblings of the Internet, or in the mind of some guru. No, what you seek is much closer than you think... It is right within you my friend... a seed that you must sprout and grow yourself.



THAT is the big secret... the fact that you, and ONLY you, are in charge of your fate. You and only you can see what you want to become, and take hold of it, and make it reality.



You.



The truth you so desperately seek is within you. The real question is...



Are you brave enough to Become it???

Is my F5 button is possessed???



Most of the time it works fine... but sometimes it sticks and freaks what ever web page I am on right the fuck out.



I use to pop the keys out of my old keyboard and fix stuff like that myself, but Im not sure that's an OK thing to do to a laptop.



Its annoying as hell!