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My random Horoscope
15:31 Feb 27 2008
Times Read: 655

Sagittarius Horoscope

(Nov 22 - Dec 21)You are a study in contradiction today as your sprits soar into the highest spiritual realms of your imagination. At the same time, however, you are pulled into the shadows where you aren't as confident. Oddly enough, you can be in both places at once. Don't try to choose one path over the other. If you do, your reverie might come to and end and you'll be plunged back into the mundane world.

WTF is this??? I wander around with my head up my ass and my brain in the clouds... I guess that it has some truth in the way I'm feeling... one day... It will be ok.... I suppose my biggest struggle is accepting that Yes Stephanie... it will all work out in the end.... just have faith....



Faith is one of the hardest things in the world to have unwaivering....



I was told that my most attractive attribute is my undying... unwavering... and just overwhelming optimisim..... and I thought it was my eyes.. lol. I suppose that if you walk every day of your life knowing that tomorrow may be the end for you... that some one who only sees the bright and shiney of the world is inspiring.... he said I was amazing and I told him that he was... and he retorted "You see me as amazing more for the reason of your projecting yourself to me." I dont think that he realizes that it works both ways.... If a person can make you feel amazing... that makes them amazing.... so I would see it as a unbroken circle.... if only he knew how tho he makes me feel amazing.... my heart bleeds with the unknown... and no matter how much I know that I should just let things be and go with the ebbs and flows of what is going on right now and to just stop thinking.... I am almost completely uncapable of doing so. Though I realize that even with the heart ache and the pain and the joy.... in the end... the relationship we share will be ultimately profitable... and hopefully for the both of us.... if nothing else I pray he trusts me and loves me as a very dear friend and that life wouldnt have been the same with out his influance.

Be witness. The juncture of Change is hic et nunc!
05:37 Feb 25 2008
Times Read: 681




Behold all... the season of change is here and now.



Fate has its way of promoting change and movement. Time never stands still. No matter how we want it to... time never stands still. Things turn, things change.... We are constantly evolving, growing, and changing. There are ebs and flows of change..... Fate drops its stone in the pool of life.... some only feel the far reached ripples of its effects... some are in the center of where the stone falls.



I've felt for some time now that my time of change was at its eve. It was nigh..... soon to come.... I could feel myself speeding out of control straight for it. And now here it is. With the passing of a dear young loved one.... my life... maybe not as harshly effected as my sisters... has been rocked like a boat amist the storm.



I was fading. I was working at a place that was draining me. Though not to sound ungrateful... I was just tired.



Fate has its plans.... the cards fall into place as they should.... they always do. I eased my way from the place that I spent so much of my time.... and for that I was and still am very available to be there for those whom I had momentarily forgotten. My children had been slipping from my grasp.... my appreciation of what was given to me when my heart was torn from my chest at 15. Never have I felt my children more necessary than I did when I finally felt it ok for them to return home. That night was when it was ok for me to grieve the loss of my nephew.... and that night was the night my bed just felt too big. The circumstances in which they came home was a bit odd to me at first made me angry with a certain grand parent of theres.... but it turned out that those cards fell into place so that I would have my children to put in my bed with me. The next morning.... after not being able to rest.... no sleep.... my brain had attacked me the whole night... the next morning my children being there is what gave me things to think about that allowed me to rest when Seth got there.



During these last days.... when families realize just how much they need eachother.... Seth and I made peace with each other.... the wounds are still there... but the healing has begun. In death brings life. It has been a solid year.... and the talk him and I had the night he needed the girls and I needed the girls.... we shared eachothers company. His mother turned her snide cheek and he was angry and felt abandon. My mom, My aunt, and I had him come to our home with the girls.... He sat with me and we talked the talk that had it have happened a year and a month ago neither of us would be were we are now.



There is a plan.... for everything... Good bad or indifferent. Things happen for a reason. Never doutb that. There is a beginning middle and end for a reason. We may not know why things that we feel we need in life are torn from our bosom.... but we learn to cope... and learn to stand free of what we needed. Perhaps that is why.... why Seth and I broke free of eachother. Perhaps fate needed to show us that we can stand apart. We are strong. We will survive. We have yet to see the real purpose in the untimely death of Aaron... but that is not fates plan.... the universe unfolds as it should.... we rack ourselves with questions.... we question WHY. but the real question should be When.... When will you show me the method behind your madness?



We come into this world knowing things. As we grow we forget them... we are trained to forget them.... Fate says she wont let us forget for long.



Looking into the future is good.... until you look so far into the future you misplace what you have now. And there are somethings that are not ok to misplace... fate steps in and pegs you with a brick of reality. Often we feel that it is to late.... fate knows.... its not to late... its always right on time.



This gos out to those of you who have lost. Look around.... are you where you belong? Look around.... what is it that you do still have? Check yourself. Know who you are.... Know who is there with you and for you... Love them... appreciate them... because you nor I know Fates plan for them.... we know not the path we walk.... It is dark and takes such unexpected turns. Hold to those whom offer you the light to lead you through the part of the path that they are suppose to. We all are leading eachother....just sometimes.... we reach the part of the path that we are choosen to lead another down a different path. Each time you bump into some one new.... you never know when you'll be holding there hand and leading them.



Stephanie

To My Nephew
04:30 Feb 22 2008
Times Read: 689


In Loving Memory

Thomas Aaron Ling

October 27, 1993-Feburary 19, 2008







My nephew. My sisters youngest. The only son of my brother-in-law. At 14 he felt the world to much... Felt life no longer worth living. In my heart and in my Memories will he live on. I pray to the heavens.... that his journey to his next life be one of happiness... all that I can hope is that in the moment of his fatal desicion that he was at peace with himself and his thoughts no matter how wrong they were... were his own.... and that he had done what he truely had set out to do. I pray that there were no last moments of regret... and I pray that he left this world in comfort and not in fear. I love you my darling boy. With your beautiful soul stealing blue eyes.... and your foxlike boyish smile.... and your heart which was much to big for some one of your age. May Your soul rest in Peace.