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My hand on your throat, you're to weak to say no...all I wanted was for you to beg me not to...but now blood is all that can satisfy this sadistic hunger. You fueled the fire by simply existing. Why do we alwayse hurt the ones we love? you wanted this, I can see it in your eyes, you all but made me do it. Not so gentle anymore am I? your agony is my new found pleasure. With my boot carefuly placed on your throat I push down, ever so slightly...a dream come true yes? You look at me with still loving eyes...if you could speak im sure you would say that you love me. But isnt this love?..isnt this beautiful to you too? I dig my nails into you, you don't seem to care...you are talking now but I cannot hear you, I don't want to so shut your pathetic fucking mouth before I shut it for you. "what if I could make the pain go away?" I whisper in your ear...but you can't say anything anymore. You know what kind of monster I really am now, but it's ok you don't care...the abuse is as sweet as candy. Your tears like liquid passion, but it's never enough.



Lust

Over indulgance

Vengance

Excitement

I am Mechanical

I am the forgoten one

I am pure malevolence

I am decay

I am abandoned

I am lost and faithless

I am not like you

I am destrustion of the soul

I am the burning desire just beneath the surface

I am the creature that makes you decieve yourself

I am tears of regret

I am bleeding at your feet

I am still filled with love

I am Opaque

I am nothing

I am yours

Filling the void is never easy, hollow is what ive become...it's a process that takes so much out of me and destroys what little is there...knowing the things I want but knowing that no one can present them to me. Do I have to take these things? become inhuman perhaps, maybe thats the only way. Looking up at the empty sky, my head back and tears still not subsiding I wish for an escape that I cannot provide for myself. Will you grow the hate for me inside you then harvest it when the time comes? use it to end an error, a stain apon a once clean world. A now blood soaked world I see, either give me the gun or pull the trigger yourself....im not supposed to be here anymore. I cant handle a lie nor the truth and certinly not the silence, so what does this mean. Tell me every star in that otherwise empty sky was made for me, i'll believe you. What is a smile truly? what is a kiss or a tear? are these illusions, things I make myself do so I can feel. love and pain it all seems alike, I have not seen daylight in over two weeks and I dont plan to for a very long time. I refuse to see this all in the light, no one seems to even notice. What does this mean? You know me better than I do, I want you to tell me, for I am truly blind, see for me. Dont fear me I will take it out on myself and do it with a smile on my face....I am reaping what I sow for all these many sins, personal sins but sins all the same arnt they? why couldn't I have just lost a limb or gone blind?...I would rather these things than this lonely that never leaves my side,it's been so loyal to me, this despair. Like a faithful lover...it never turns it's back. My hands are so fucking cold, I know now what panic is what being truly afraid is....fear is loss. I am this stain apon a once clean earth, I am traped in a glass box as I watch helplessly as it slipps away from me...all I ask is for one promise from you...just one really. Well two....one is that you be there to promise it. I will tell you soon.