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There's a lot on my mind right now and I thought I would use this thing to keep track of it all.

If that's even possible.



I feel very very sick.



The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say this on here is that there are only two people who know anything about who I am.



I recently developed anorexia.

I can't eat without feeling/being sick.

I've taken to drinking a lot more than I have before.



My spine feels like it's twisted and it's getting unbelievably painful.



I've been having dreams that I am unable to wake up from. A lot of them seem to go on forever.

Most revolve around me being tortured or killed, being cut, kicked, drowned.

I've been told I convulse in my sleep a lot.

It's nothing too dangerous but can scare a lot of people.



Recently my insomnia has developed to the point that I will be awake for days at a time.

Then, when I do sleep, I will sleep for at least two days without waking up properly. When I sleep I run a fever or have cold sweats, and talk sometimes.



It's like my head won't stop spinning.

I think about everything all at once.

I think about how I'm going to die, and how everyone I know will die.

Everything I know will die.



It's all gunna end and there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it.



I feel lightheaded, so I'm going to stop typing and crawl into bed.

Where I can lay on my side and sob uncontrollably for hours.



I can't keep this up.

I'm falling apart.

COMMENTS

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MidnightDarkness
04:14 Aug 07 2010

my dear, i really hope you feel better soon. i'm troubled by your pain. if you need to talk anytime i'm here.

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