The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Diving through an open door to escape the cold I found myself in an oriental eatery near the Lonsdale Public House. The chill was chafing away at the tips of my fingers and also my nipples due to the lightweight black fetish top I was wearing on this chilly autumn evening. The Police van at the end of the street struck me as quite intimidating, guarding the spot marked with flowers that had 16 hours earlier been the final resting place of a possible murder victim. The forensic team had long since combed the grass for evidence of foul play and taken their findings back to the laboratory for analysis.



I surveyed the items on offer in the Chip Shop that were passed off as edible though the niggling doubt in the recess of my mind was urging me back onto the cold, dark street. 5 red ribs sat in an off white bowl behind the glass of the heated compartment. They looked vaguely familiar too big to be pig, too small to be bovine, too old and dry to buy.



The animated hunchbacked man behind the counter scuttled back and forth like a roach, obsequiously pandering to the needs of the little boy in front of me, fawning over his order and every word. Sweat visibly glistened on his pale yellow skin as the salt from the shaker bounced off the evenly portioned potato chips like a snowstorm in an oval glass jar. A need to fulfill the boys every desire was evident in his actions as he licked his lips whilst folding the white paper wrapping over two pert puddings, muttering common courtesies repeatedly over and over.



His skeletal accomplice in catering was shifting awkwardly behind the hot glass, arranging dry pies and sour sausages in an aesthetically pleasing exhibition that disguised the untold damage that the alleged edible display would afflict on the human stomach. He cautiously removed the top sausage for the rotund bulbous wide-eyed man I had not previously noticed to the left of me. 1 sour sausage, 1 dry pie and an assortment of yellow/green crispy chipped spuds, coated in a plethora of sodium crystals and alkali liquid derived from the vine was the order of the evening for this portly chap.



"What will be your order..s-s-s-sirrr?" Hissed the Cockroach Hunchback.



Panic gripped my throat and choked in an instant, removing my capacity to speak and the shock of stark realisation washed over me in a cold, damp sweat.



It was blatantly apparent that salad was out of the question.