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I didnt expect to hit the library today but im here with mom. I did 1/2 hour of cardio and stretches today. Google says walk until you cant anymore or 1/2 hour and then 1/2 hour cardio stretches, I am miserable with my weight and acne and just depressed today period. Payday tomo and I am avoiding my so called friends who will be calling me bright adn early, cell on vibrate or ringer off for their numbers. I like Ambyr but she seems unhappy with me and nothing attached. Friends hang out we need to smoke or drink we cant just chill, ambry and I have been doing that but Jacob comes around when the green does. He hasnt contacted me through the month when he got his taxes nice friend right??? I need real friends or none at all. How will I survive alone? I can I just dont see it haoppening. Summer coming weight coming off for bikini and new acne meds online got to buy yes the dermatiologist does not help with his cream and capsules. I got to go, mom got back pain. I love Criag but we are going no where, Joshua is not propsing for years alhead and I am sick of sleeping alone. I am thinkin g of hanging with Charles cuz he's a great friend and theres lotsas more to us together than me alone...Maybe we can be fridns...MAYBE Mom says BAD MOVE I asked her opinion...G2G Alone Studies

So my last entry for March, Craig and I have been seeing each other (3x in 17 days) good comparing it to our recent relationship status. I see Charles everywhere and want to can't hangout but don't know how to' act with him, i can't kiss him and that's how we hung out...awkward. jord wants computer and i'm at janie's, seeing my kids a lot and ambry and house and body is all. studies have been abandoned due to '''sleeping and tv series on dvd sooo. jimmy is gone works and sleeps maybe just blew me off nicely...Jacob was distant til now his money is gone and ambry is nice we compromise, gave me coffee and i gave her laundry and dish soap. smoke alot up there others have bud too, her uncle is staying there (mikey's parents divorcing) so bud is shared along with boges. motivting myself life is short so live it. I got to live up to be myself, skinny and sexy and smart all three...One day...Carmella

Friday night's date with Jimmy was awesome. We went to his Uncle's Greek restaurant PJ's Pub in Naragansett and then his friend John's house who is married to a short pretty blond and 3 beautiful blond kids 5andunder, boy 5 girls 2 and younger. We had a firepit in the backyard just chatting and drinking, I didnt drink at the fire I had 2 long islanders at the restaurant. I missed Craigs call that night and called him the night after, we made plans to see eachother today daytime and he didnt call or answer his phone, dont need new marks any way. I saw Jimmy again last night we went for Chinese in NAragansett and he allowed me to do his tarot cards. He said they spoke to him alot. and I was happy. We kissed good night, he has to work at 5am and he works all week so we wil see eachother eventually. I cant see Kaitlyn anymore cuz I have a felony and none of us are happy about that. Not Carol, JAcobs mom who wants Lacey to go to NY and not come back. I want worse but jail isnt worth it for anyone or anything. Jen Hussey told Lacey everything she asked and more which caused "sam has a felony and she dont get to see kaitlyn now" Jacob is not being nice, he got lots of money ($2100) and havent seen him since but when I had my retro he was by my side. Ambry has been mean too lately like I hang out and the buds comes out then I got to go and dont get to smoke...I want to smoke. I had a breakdown Friday b4 my date cuz her friends came and told me I cnat hit their blunt they smoked in my face, but she wanted to drink my liquor before that. I hate her, ambrie's friend Jen. I was so sick ambrie asked me to leave cuz it was akward for her, but she asked me to leave and I cried. Then I waited for my date adn enjoyed my night. My Tarot cards told me BEWARE BE CAUTIOUS cuz I was going to get screwed over, mom says STAY AWAY! And I need too 2 incidents with ambrie and Jacibs neglect are the beginning of the cards, so I need to keep to me and get my school and exercising together. WORKOUT EVERYDAY, WALK DOG FOR AN HOUR, STRETCHES AN HOUR ETC SCHOOL 2 HOURS DAY!!! Sam's Life...When I get money the first and third no one is going to find me either... Watching out for myself, my only friends I cant trust or depend on and are not there for me ever. NICE FRIENDS! I am sick of this life...Got to make the most of it

Carmella

I miss Joshua. I saw Craig Saturday night cuz Anthony never called but it went great with Craig. I have a date tonight with Jimmy- canceled monday night-marks from Craig and no food and hosue full supposed to cook here together. the date is a surpruse he said so I am clueless. We laugh a lot and I lvoe to laugh sober too. SSo I cant see Kaitlyn due to my felony and im trying not to get sick over it but i Am and Jacob is like Jen did it called Lacey and said to look up the felony I dotn believe him...UGH headache, printed out kyles poems at library, happy its done. Talk to Matt alot and saw Jayonnah today, Stacy and I ran into eachother at the obgyn Rosenthals office and she gave me a ride here. Hangover from hell yesturday, rum and coke stupid me. I want Joshua here and im dating again, sex with craig again (ONLY Craig)Dating online again obviously... G2G -docs this morning so got to clean and shower and study... LATER

CARMELLA



Seans baby boy due anyday now...8lbs inside healthy due april but coming soon

Lacey's supposedly in NY and Jen supposedly told her how to find my felony and BLAHBLAHBLAH dont believ much later

hey miss Joshua drinking adn smoking a lot chores and errands get done, schooling is focus, online chatting again and may be online dating soon too, sittign Jacob tonight cuz Kaitlyn is with her mother. dating tomo-Anthony previous year date and monday night-Jimy-hot blunt senseofhumor on line, possibilities. I miss jOshua im always under the influence of sometihn whether exhaustion too or emotional influence. G2G find Jacoba & do post office errands and shopping stuff. I miss Joshua... im being unfaithful again... Matt helped me then Jacob pointed it out again the same Matt said last night Jacob said it, Matt said it before... Notihng new, cept neck shoulder and back pain need new bed, not the money for it now... HEY EVERYONE I KNOW

Nothing much cept healing, missing Joshua telling Charles about Joshua and buying him trail mix for his birthday(charles) and writing and texting joshua everyday missing him. I am growing up, letting go, moving on, swallowing some pain...school good, alone bad, friends good, bills paid food buds needs etc...buying food good no food stamps bad etc I am happy and sad, now im enjoying hitting on guys on singlesnet and looking for some fun with some different people, some say be careful, I say they need to be careful TRUTH ilovejoshua good night...