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Im quitting school and moving home. Mostly because I have started fantasizing about dying again, but also because Im a stupid person. I should never have thought I could take a long education.. that I could cope with it. Im abandoning hopes of a proffesion now and trying to settle my dreams into something doable like working in a store..



I have this deep fear in my stomach and my chest so I cant sleep. Im terrified and there is no friend I can call because they dont get it. They'll say "aw hunny, you're being silly, now go to sleep" so I sit here and ponder how nice it would be if I could sleep, and just sleep for months and months and not have to be me, and not have to be in my head. Im so tired and my thoughts scare me, I get these pleasant feeling impulses about how nice it would be to die, and I know I dont want to die.. not really, but the thought is so compelling cuz Im just so tired.. so tired

I cant do this anymore, but what can I do when nothing helps?

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Angelus
22:23 Nov 01 2012

stop over-anylysing.

Hell... you're one of the brightest people I know of.

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We have so many dialects that we have insanely many words for one thing. Like the word I: Formal: Jeg. Eastern: je, jæ. Northern: æ, i. Western: Eg. Southern: E. How many languages have 7 ways to refer to oneself? lol



Because of the mountains covering up in snow, during the wintertime all the towns and cities were seperated from eachother and so for 8 months of the year the language developed individually, every town and city has its own twists and turns. The eastern norwegians were influenced by the sweedes so there are many similarities. The Southern norwegians were influenced by Denmark so their language is softer and more like danish. The west was influenced by the british so their norwegian is more musical, and has the english flow to it. And finally the north of norway was influenced by Finland, so their language is hard, fast and most like the old norwegian.



The samish were influenced by no one and still talk samish. Samish are our "natives" and they roam the north of Norway herding reindeer and sell skins and artifacts. And do trades. In the old days the samish were a hated people, and still its taboo to say that one is samish or part samish.



That was today's educational about Norwegian lol For more fun facts, stay tuned lol

I think I am officially dating a greek god! How does that even happen?? Went out last night and I figured he'd see I obviously am not in great shape, Im more a shape lol, but oh no here he is asking me out again.. I have no idea how to process this, guys like that dont date girls like me. He's a fucking ritch kickboxing pilot for crying out loud! Im a weirdo and thats about it lol. He is possibly a fake, but who the hell cares? He's the most beautiful man I have ever seen, this is for once a time Im willing to risk it! I didn't think people like that exsisted in real life, seriously I didn't. So calm, collected, healthy and very much on the posh side, and he takes pride in it. Hell cant blame a guy for being proud of his lifes ritches. This day is obviously a win for me, yet I feel slightly ill. I have no idea how to act around guys like that, and yet my girly sides are screaming at me so I guess Im going for it, whatever happens *grins*



This is for once not an entry about my sucky date-life, enjoy it folks, these are pretty rare lmao! Though I hold no hopes of us ending up happily ever after, I stopped believing in farytales years ago lol Its still fun to give it a go though :D

I have had the worst day. For some reason I got really depressed in school, and I wanna quit school I dont think this line is the right choice, so Im sad and I try to get help from the school advisors/psykologists, I get there and Im told theres a whole month you gotta wait before they can see you. And I just break down. Cried all the way home, on the bus wich was luckily empty-ish, Im distant and red eyed by the time I get home and what do I see waiting for me in my inbox on facebook?

Im gonna have my own art-excibit! A whole gallery filled with my babies for all the world to see! That is a dream come true, and on a day like today?? This shit is crazy!



Aparently a friend of my dad's was at the house last night and he'd seen the pictures my mom has bought from me, he asked for more when he heard they were mine, so my dad, bless him had gone into my room and just started grabbing pictures of the walls, I mean my room looks like a horders art gallery so he just grabbed as many as he could carry and showed them. The guy was so impressed he said he's gonna check with the gallery when they next have an open slot and give that slot to ME, not for a few pix, but for all of them. A whole excibit all to myself! My depression is telling me that its never gonna happen so dont even hope for it. But aparently he left his number for me to call when Im home next time.. its hard not to hope under such praise, my dad seems so proud. Maybe I can take a chance on my art after all *smiles*

COMMENTS

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ladySnowStrixx
14:23 Oct 16 2012

Congratulations hon, it is good news , enjoy it .

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ColaDvergen
14:25 Oct 16 2012

Thank you! I cant even believe it yet lol. This has been a dream of mine for so long :D

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MasterMel2
18:31 Oct 16 2012

i hope you get this exhibit and it gives you the artist exposure you've deserved. You're a talented person, and gifted. Besides that you're a real sweetie.

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ColaDvergen
18:32 Oct 16 2012

Thanks Mel! Thats so sweet of you to say :D

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petedarkness666
18:40 Oct 16 2012

I'm glad it turned around for you. AND, AWESOME..an art exibit!!! ALL YOUR OWN!!! I'm proud of you and our Dad has EVERY right to be proud aswell

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ColaDvergen
18:43 Oct 16 2012

Thanks hun! :D Today has to be the best day in a while I think ^^,

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sniper50cal
20:10 Oct 16 2012

well a congratulations is in order

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I hate people so much sometimes. you show someone your trust and they immediatly show you 50 reasons why you should regret that trust. You tell someone a secret that they are involved in and they immediatly give you reasons to regret lletting them know in the first place!



And people wonder why I dont trust and complain why I dont let them in, they wonder why I dont tell them whats wrong when something obviously is. Well people here it is: YOU DONT DESERVE IT! plain and simple. Fuck all of of you, except the online ones, I mean, you cant tattle on me even if you want to right? Heres what i GET for trusting people, fuck all, they blab their mouthes in spite or just ignorance and it makes them fucking useless, fuck you jan arne, burn in hell.