The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

By Stanley Collymore



Recognition by your peers, workmates, friends or even family

members can be and very often is a favourable fillip to one’s

self-confidence, personal empowerment or, significantly,

the fulfillment of much cherished career ambitions.

Acknowledgement however of one’s capabilities

and the explicit gratitude for them by those

who freely and selflessly annunciate

them is correspondingly an even

greater achievement.



And you Debbie have not only impeccably realized them

all, thanks to your consummate skill, professionalism

and unblemished sense of duty at all times, but also

and most importantly as well have achieved

this through your caring and empathetic

nature, itself juxtaposed with a

matured, composed and

compassionate

humanity!



© Stanley V. Collymore

30 May 2013.





Footnote: Debbie Iveson is a Scheme Manager with Crawley Borough Council’s Housing Management in West Sussex.

By Stanley Collymore



Please don’t ask me to sleep with you

well aware as you evidently are that

deep inside I’d very much like to;

for at this precise moment

in my life an intimate

relationship with

anyone is the very

last thing on

earth that I

want to

have!



© Stanley V. Collymore

14 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



I think long and hard about your

opinions, but to be truthful

with you I would never

conscionably act on

any of them!



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



In our rather belated, obssessive

and self-serving preoccupation

with human rights, when,

I wonder, will we also

hear talk of human

responsibilty?



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



All right! I accept that

you’re gay –but it’s

a queer situation

to be in!



© Stanley V. Collymore

8 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



You’re the graffiti in my life –

garish, unsightly and

bloody hard to

get rid of!



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



The test of true friendship isn’t how much satisfaction or

profit one can derive from a relationship in the shortest

possible time and convince one’s self that all

is well, but rather how patient one can be

when divers problems beset that

relationship, threaten and even

traduce personal reputations -

sometimes beyond repair;

and yet, the loyalty and enduring bonds that

that first moment of respect inspired stay

constant and implacably sincere –

never doubting the wisdom of

it all and, crucially,

always there.



© Stanley V. Collymore

15 November 2006.

By Stanley Collymore



Education is unquestionably the

salvation of all enlightened

countries – appalling

curricula, however,

can be and invariably

are the curse and

ruin of them!



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Your friendship means the world to me and will remain

unalterably as solid as any friendship could possibly

be, unless of course unwittingly or deliberately

you get yourself into any difficulty that’s

likely to prove uncomfortable

or embarrassing for me;

in which case I reserve the right to unilaterally

change my mind, then either flow with the

tide of those who condemn and despise

you or simply sit uneasily on the

fence of time, waiting for an

outcome before deciding

which way I should

jump, as any self-respecting,

fair-weather friend will do.



© Stanley V. Collymore

25th March 1998.

By Stanley Collymore



Please, don’t get too carried away with

your good fortune at having fucked

me, for I was at a loose end then

and candidly couldn’t think

of anything better to

do with my

time!



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Have you any idea what love really is

or is it just a handy tool for you to

devilishly work your way into

the unsuspecting lives of

others, which you then

premeditatedly and

most callously

set out to

destroy?



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Pussies are the same the world over;

stroke them lovingly, feed them

when they’re hungry and

everything will be

just purr-fect!



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Your words are so much hot

air, and I was thinking

could you possibly

cool it for a

moment?



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Because I don’t have a clue as

to what I’m talking about is

no reason at all not why I

shouldn’t be allowed

to give an expert

opinion on

what I’m

saying!



© Stanley V. Collymore

7 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



I don’t want a fight with you,

so I’m doing the civilised

thing and dumping you

out of my life –

forever!



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Do you have any perception of what the

truth is really about or, for that matter,

even care? Or does your obsessive

fascination with all things

prurient comprise your

one and only true

interest in life?



Therefore, whether or not the story

you’re after actually fits the bill

you always seek to make it

so; and the reason why is

very clear, as every

intelligent observer knows.

For the bigger your daily

circulation is the more

adverts you can sell;

so integrity and

fairness can

all go to

hell!



© Stanley V. Collymore

3 April 1998.

By Stanley Collymore



Come! Let me breathe again

the fresh air of optimism,

which you’ve blown

into my life!



© Stanley V. Collymore

31 July 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



I’m a born again

virgin. I have a

refurbished

fanny!



© Stanley V. Collymore

28 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



The truth is as alien

to you as every

other decent

thing in

life is!



© Stanley V. Collymore

14 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Personal hygiene is as

alien to some people

as good manners

obviously are!



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Some say that sex is over rated,

while others swear there isn’t

enough of it about – I say:

just get on with what

you’re doing and

cut the bloody

talking out!



© Stanley V. Collymore

30 July 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



Are you seriously suggesting

you want your vibrator

to move in with us

when we’re

married?



© Stanley V. Collymore

6 January 2002.

By Stanley Collymore



You’re like a wild fire in bed -

raging, incandescently hot

and completely out

of control. I

like that!



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



I want so much to be a central

part of your life –that’s

why I try so hard

to get inside

of you!



© Stanley V. Collymore

15 August 2001.

By Stanley Collymore



How stupid can you be? In a hotel where smoking guests

are overwhelmingly catered for and 99% of the entire

hotel is given over to them, you deliberately come

into the small non-smoking area, sit down, see

no ashtrays around, which to any sensible person

ought to have been a dead give away, get up,

go into the smoking area, fetch

an ashtray from there and then return

immediately to the non-smoking area to foul the

air there; as well as inconvenience and more

importantly put at risk the lives of each

non-smoker present, including that

of my own with your damned

obnoxious habit! How

bloody stupid and arrogant

can one get? And did you expect

too that I would simply sit there,

passively allow this to happen

and do nothing to prevent it?

For if you did then, as

you were found out,

you were badly

mistaken!



© Stanley V. Collymore

3 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



It’s neither necessary nor important that during my

vacation at this hotel that you, or any other female

guest for that matter who’re staying here, sleep

with me. It’s not why I’m here, what I expect

or actually want and, importantly, I shan’t

feel as though I’ve missed out on the

experience of a lifetime if this

supposedly pleasurable

occurrence weren’t

to happen.



But please, don’t turn my indifference to this

confused state of affairs into a weapon

against me and use it to deliberately

and disingenuously give the false

impression that the situation

which you and I find ourselves

together in is other than what it really is.

That in reality I’m just the same as all

the other sexual predators, of both

sexes, who you personally

know here and readily empathize with but with

one crucial difference: namely, that my intentions

are the same though my methods are wilfully

more sophisticated to mask this fact. Sorry;

but you couldn’t be more wrong about

that, as the perceived interest by me

in either you or the other slappers

here like yourself is from my

perspective unquestionably

and quite decisively

totally imaginary!



© Stanley V. Collymore

4 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I’ll not put up with any situation in which you

think you can treat me as an afterthought:

someone who you evidently and

condescendingly opt to spend your time

with only when there’s no one else around

or available that you’d much prefer to

be with. For your information I

too have a life of my own

and intend to keep it

that way; so do me a huge

favour, stay away from

me and permanently

leave me alone!



© Stanley V. Collymore

28 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



It beats the hell out of me really why you ever

bother to come home at all, for when you

do you obviously have no time for me

just as you keep saying that the

kids get on your nerves and

never afford you any

peace of mind or

tranquillity.

What’s more, when you’re actually here all

you ever do is loaf around on the settee,

stuff your face with burgers and chips,

smoke like a demented chimney

while additionally guzzling

down umpteen cans of

beer repeatedly.



Which evidently begs the obvious question:

“What on earth ever possessed you to get

involved in matrimony in the first

place and, more importantly,

with someone like me?”

For realistically we’ve nothing positive

going on between us, no suitable life

together or any kind of meaningful

social intercourse really worth

speaking about; that’s why

I want out and shall, of

course, be filing for

a quick divorce!



© Stanley V. Collymore

6 May 2013.

By Stanley Collymore



Courtesy and unbounded respect for others

come naturally to some individuals although

regrettably not so I must say to the overwhelming

majority of people nowadays, as is most unhappily the

case. And as for altruism this particular nomenclature

is like wise a notable characteristic that sadly too

one must honestly express the obvious point of

view that these purblind jobsworths would

and invariably do find it quite impossible to

recognize, logically acknowledge as the

laudable concept which it undoubtedly

is, let alone be able to personally

or in any way even remotely

empathize with anything

directly associated

with it.



But even the most seemingly barren,

speciously empty or acutely forbidding of

human deserts with their fiercely hostile

terrain of incompetence and

mediocrity are nevertheless known,

if one is sufficiently accomplished

at spotting the telltale signs amidst this

evident desolation they calculatedly

harness and sponsor, to reveal

of their own a flourishing

oasis of excellence

and consummate

productivity.



And you Katie Marl with an impressive and astute

combination of shrewdness, skilled discernment,

composed discourse and unassailable commonsense

concomitantly and unassumingly overlaid with

a perceptive insight and comprehensive

understanding of the needs of others,

are in every sense: professionally

as well as individually, a

singular asset to your

employer and a

blessed gift to

humanity.



© Stanley V. Collymore

6 May 2013.



Footnote:

Katie Marl is an employee of MoneySupermarket.com.

By Stanley Collymore



It’s only a week since I first met you, and although it

wasn’t the most auspicious moment in my life I must

nevertheless confess that given the circumstances

under which I did so you’ve none the less made

a lasting impression on me which has steadily

grown into something a lot more significant

than what even in my wildest dreams I

could have imagined let alone hoped

for would be the case; and so I’m

deeply grateful for that, because

I know that despite that most

dreadful of beginnings for

the two of us I’ve still

managed, in spite of

myself, to fall quite

inexcusably and

hopelessly in

love with

you.



© Stanley V. Collymore

18 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



Love isn’t a commodity that can be bought, sold

or bargained for, and were that to happen it

would immediately cease to be love and

instead become something that’s wholly

irreconcilable, at odds with and

completely dissimilar in every

way from the generally

accepted notion

of what love is

all about.



I rather prefer the authentic version of love

myself, which I wholeheartedly support

and thoroughly recommend; and

therefore don’t have any

desire let alone any intention

whatsoever of ever being

a willing party to

anything else.



© Stanley V. Collymore

14 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



You came wholly unexpectedly into my life doing so

with the force of a major hurricane that thoroughly

dislocated the highly disciplined and well

ordered world I’d scrupulously planned, built,

nurtured and had subsequently surrounded

myself with, creating in the process

huge panic and a sense of deep

consternation within me; because

my much valued independence

was now for the first time

ever genuinely

threatened.



A situation made all the more alarming for me

because the ensuing conflict that was engendered,

and of which you were undoubtedly the solitary

catalyst, had become one of very powerful forces

intrepidly striving to gain the ascendency over the

other in the ultimate decision as to whether or

not you were allowed to stay in my life or

else be forcibly driven out completely

from the arena of my private

domain. It’s a dilemma which

there’s no easy solution for

until I know precisely

where I stand

with you!



© Stanley V. Collymore

17 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



I want nothing else from you other than your love and

respect without which there can be no relationship

worthy of being called meaningful let alone

one that could ever survive between us;

even so, I shall never demand these

qualities from you, but were they to

be forthcoming then that positive

outcome has to, I believe

from your perspective, be

the genuine result of a

willing nature and

a voluntary act

on your

part.



© Stanley V. Collymore

1 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I am you and you are me; together we

are us: proud, independent and with

a strong and enduring love that

has no restrictive borders

imposed upon us; and

frankly I like that

very much!



© Stanley V. Collymore

5 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I took my dreams and carefully wrapped

them up in cotton wool very much afraid to

expose them to the harsh realities of life. But

by doing so, while I doubtlessly protected

them and me from every semblance of

adverse scrutiny that I perceived then

might be in the offing, the virtual

world I’d effectively created

around me as a consequence

was anything but real, or

even conducive to the

betterment of my

life generally.



© Stanley V. Collymore

14 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



You lied to me in order to have me make love to you

when it wasn’t at all necessary for you to do so, as in my

case you must have known that you were pushing at

an open door; such was the intensity of the feelings

which I had for you. Besides, what I wanted for

us was much more than just an ephemeral

or unemotional extravaganza of carnal

expectations and lustful realization.

However, your intentions, effusively

characterized by your unseemly

behaviour, were obviously

intentionally different

in their character

and purpose

from my

own.



© Stanley V. Collymore

14 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



You wouldn’t recognize love let alone be ever

capable of appreciating its laudable overtures if it

were to conspicuously land on your twisted nose; for

love is not a part of your lexicon of words or for

that matter any salient feature of your warped and

licentious lifeforbidden. With you there’s absolutely

nothing that’s vaguely redeeming or noteworthy

where you’re concerned except to say that

you’re a first-rate slapper whose brains

are in her fanny and what minimal

thinking, the only sort you’re

really capable of, which goes

on in your pathetic life

only happens there.



© Stanley V. Collymore

20 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



How can you purposely look me in the face,

openly say and, what’s more, seriously expect

me to believe that crime doesn’t pay, when

clearly you know as well as I do that apart

from perhaps the armaments industry

the legal fraternity is arguably and

consistently the one ongoing

as well as the fastest and

possibly even the only

growth industry

currently in

the UK?



Tsch man!



What an absolute and calumnious misrepresentation

of the facts. And anyway, why on earth would you

want to go out of your way to say something as utterly

preposterous as that to me of all persons, fully aware,

as you apparently are, of the masive accumulative

contributions in terms of revenue and the recurring

prospects of ensuring that, which my criminal

pals and I, despite your seeming attempt to

blacken our name, just like those among

the barrister and QC lot, constantly

make to all that and, of course,

our flourishing criminality?



© Stanley V. Collymore

1 May 2013.

By Stanley Collymore



The two major and arguably the most

important ingredients in a relationship

between two people regardless of

whether it’s a romantic or platonic affair

are mutual respect for each other and trust.

Without them that relationship is analogous

to a car in motion but without it having

either a steering wheel or brakes to

regulate its advance or reversal

and with the inevitable result

in such circumstances of

a catastrophic crash

occurring.



That however is not the least likelihood in

your case as respect for yourself and others

isn’t just complimented with deep love

for those whom you value but is also

self-evident and inspiring too,

creating the ideal partnership

between us that is a joy

to observe and a

pleasure to

have.



© Stanley V. Collymore

20 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



I surely know what my place in life is but it’s

not what others who perceive me as less

than a human being think it ought to be,

nor will their bigoted and ignorant

assumptions of me become reality on my

part. For I’m a highly intelligent person

with a fully functioning brain in my

head who thinks for himself and

then consciously makes his

own decisions in relation

to what’s best for his

individual life.



© Stanley V. Collymore

20 December 2010.

By Stanley Collymore



Since meeting you you’ve literally

put my entire life in a complete

turmoil; the funny thing is

though that with you I

won’t have it any

other way!



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I’ll be perfectly honest with you and say

that I always go to bed around 11 pm at

the latest; but if for some reason or

other that fails to happen I collect

my personal belongings, say

goodnight to the date I’m

with, call a cab, if I’m

not driving myself,

and without any

fuss make my

way home.



© Stanley V. Collymore

9 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I sleep and I dream; but asleep or wide awake

my thoughts are constantly with you, for

that’s the impactful effect that you

obviously have on me; and to be

quite honest with you it’s an

exceptionally beautiful

experience for me to

voluntarily go

through!



© Stanley V. Collymore

5 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I want to paint a massive and quite picturesque rainbow

in the sky not as a warning sign of any inclement

weather to come or the after effects of such,

but simply as a personal expression of

my enduring love for you and a

prominently visible and tangible

sign both to yourself and the

rest of the world of just

how vitally important

you are and will

continue to be

in my life.



© Stanley V. Collymore

5 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I do feel alone but in no way lonely; nevertheless the

rhythmic balance of assuredness that has always

characterized my life, which I’m openly proud

of, and have always quietly but resolutely

encouraged has quite surprisingly been

critically assailed by recent events:

not least of them the unforeseen

entrance of you into my life

and in a manner that only

a short while previously

I would have sworn

was practically impossible. Now with forced

circumstances causing you to be away

from me and leaving me here alone

I think of nothing else but you,

because I miss you so much.

Oh the tortuous pangs

of separation!



© Stanley V. Collymore

20 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



You haven’t been honest with me and while from

a Christian if not exactly a moral perspective

I can forgive you for the needless hurt and

unwarranted humiliation that you’ve

occasioned me, I none the less

can’t possibly forget what

you’ve done, so please

don’t ask me to!



© Stanley V. Collymore

13 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



Trouble comes in divers forms and

seeks always to do as much harm

as it possibly can; but this can

be avoided if at all times it’s

given a wide berth and

not allowed to suck

one into its orbit

of influence.



© Stanley V. Collymore

13 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



Idiots as do leopards don’t change their proverbial spots

but that’s the only thing that they have in common

with these enormously graceful and extremely

intelligent creatures whose normal conduct

behaviour, in marked contrast to the

animalistic and feral behaviour

of these pathetic aberrations

of humanity, is, to say

the very least, quite

exemplary and

refined.



© Stanley V. Collymore

22 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



Whether or not there’s actually a God is a moot point

really when it comes to assessing how we conduct

our respective lives: for example the personal

decisions we make, how we perceive or

actually intend for these to impact on

or influence the lives of others



These are choices determined primarily by

one’s moral integrity or the marked lack

of it and has nothing whatsoever to

with skin colour, race, religion,

social background, financial

status or the nationality of

the person involved

let alone their

gender.



You appear, Maria to be well aware of these

discerning subtleties of life; and that augurs

well not only for your individual future

but also that of those who’re fortunate

enough to get to know you and

fully take on board what you so

admirably represent and

conscientiously do.



© Stanley V. Collymore

12 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



When the odds are heavily stacked against

you that’s the best time to show the true

metal of which your character is

made; for regardless of how

long it takes or the many injustices

that have been gratuitously, bigotedly

or even sadistically meted out to

you, trustworthiness, truth and

character will ultimately

prevail in the end.



© Stanley V. Collymore

12 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I know that it’s only a few moments ago since

I last told you that I love you but it seems

already like ages to me; anyway, any

number of times that I say it to

you I also know would be

quite insufficient as far

as I’m concerned.



© Stanley V. Collymore

11 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



Don’t ask me to say or express in any way something

that I don’t feel or want to be a part of however

much that might alleviate the need on your

part to have me do so. For I can only act

in accordance to how my conscience

dictates and, regrettably, this is

not a situation where I can

ignore it and accede to

your wishes; and

furthermore I

don’t really

want to.



© Stanley V. Collymore

24 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



Come to me and leave behind that boring and

utterly soul-destroying existence that for far

too long you’ve ensconced yourself in.

Duty has its rightful place in some

relationships I know, but blind

loyalty none whatsoever. So,

once again, come to me!

Summon up the courage

to abandon a futile past

with no corrective

measures for a

redeeming

future. And in so doing

embrace a new and vibrant life

filled with hope, recognition of your

invaluable worth and the unflagging

encouragement for your obvious

abilities fully harnessed in a

relationship of trust, deep

respect and the genuine

and uninhibited love

that I have for you.



© Stanley V. Collymore

10 January 2011.

By Stanley Collymore



I know now why you empathize so

much with the bicycle; it’s the

same reason that your many

lovers empathize with

you – they’re all

like a good

ride!



© Stanley V. Collymore

11 January 2011.