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My shrink actually encouraged me to embrace my death fascination by visiting the historic "Suicide Bridge" I have been obsessing over. He was under the impression that they had found enough volunteers to man the bridge 24/7 watching for jumpers...He was wrong. My friend who accompanied me to make sure I didn't try to fly was the only one to hold my shaking legs as I stood on the ledges.



Hundreds of people have jumped to their death off that bridge and even going under it on an almost daily basis it is so much higher and more serene from the top.



Just from details in news reports I knew where certain people had landed and therefore could calculate where they jumped from, so intense.



I will post pictures later on but for now just felt like sharing...oh yeah and my shrink wanted me to write in my journal while on the bridge, this is what I was barely able to write while shaking with anticipation.

I'm an evil, wandering succubus and hell's heat has followed me here...





Why the fuck am I still awake at 5am...again?



I'm going to the bridge tomorrow. The future is not dead yet...a storm has just cut off the lights to my soul.

At least I know some things never change...I still fantasize about jumping off of bridges.



This is following the strangely terrifying realization...I am closer to 30 than I am 18...I don't know why that's so scary, or why it brought up the bridge thing.



There is this bridge here in Portland that people call "Suicide Bridge", it was built in the 1920 and hundreds of people have jumped to their deaths off of it, four people already this year...the last one was Tuesday. Every time I go downtown I go under it on the train. I've been doing all of this research and am becoming obsessed with this fucking bridge...today on the train I looked up at it and could feel this intense lurch in my stomach...like I was feeling what all those people felt as they surrendered to freedom.

COMMENTS

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Nicnic
12:50 Jul 22 2013

Don't Jump off bridges. It has a strange effect on a person. And I quite like you not being all corpsified and gross. ;p

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I just spent two and a half hours getting a gnarly Trojan Hostage virus off my computer that I got from an infected Nekromantix album I downloaded. At least amongst all the downloads and scans...and more scans...I was able to write a little bit in the journal my shrink wants me to keep. A...N...D...now I have to be up in four hours, yay.