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I have just recieved notification that a poem I submitted online, that which I also made up on the spot, is going to be published in a book of collected poetry works later this summer. I know it's not a really big deal, but, I'm still really stoked about it. It would actually be the same one I have in the poems section of my journal, titled "the fire". I didn't think it was that good, but apparently someone did.

Well, it seems that I am just as far from ever seeing the light, if not farther, then before. Still I battle with trying convince my estranged wife to return home and "try" to save our marriage, and family, but nothing seems to matter to her any more. I have begged, demanded, asked politely, threatened and everything else I could think of...nothing. My son and I miss her terribly, a little more with each passing day and night. I do hope that she soon sees the light and the error of her ways. We love you Michelle, please come home.

Yet another day and nite of this drury existance has come to an end, and still I find myself as empty and alone as everyday of my life previous. While I do love the dark, and accept her warm embrace, I sure would love to spend at least one day in the light every once in a while. Sometimes, if one spends to much time in the dark, they began to lose the ability to recognize all the colors that only the light can show. After all my struggling, clawing, scratching, and fighting to find it, I don't believe I have ever seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I am beginning to feel as though it is only a myth. But the darkness is always here to hold me close and keep safe.

I sat up for like three and half hours last night playing around with with my portfolio. adding pics, a few random thoughts, and whatever else I could come up with. I get up today and go to check something out on it....and it was fuckin gone. my profile options were not to edit or view, but to create. What the hell is up with that. I do hope that this is not a regular kind of occurance here. That just might turn a few people away.

Today my pain has shifted it's form once again. Today I hurt for someone else, instead of the self pity I have indulged in as of late. A close friend has emersed himself an ocean of despair, and dark forthcoming. After allowing himself to be swept away by a sudden inferno of emotional fire, attacked another with physical force beyond necessity. He is now being sought by law enforcement agencies for attemted manslaughter. He is a young one, merely 21, and is facing a very serious, life altering, situation. I send my blessings to him, and hope that this turns out as well as it can for him. The one he attacked did deserve a proper punishment for his actions, however, my friends methods of action were irrational and stupid. I hate the thought of him serving federal time for his transgressions, but, as they say...There is a price to pay for everything.

Today marks another passing moment in this seemingly endless existance of suffering and personal punishment. The love of my life has wandered astray, and is nowhere to be seen. My skin is turning cold from the lack of her touch, my heart is growing cold without the love she once provided. For the first time in my life something great and wonderful had been sent unto me, only to have it turn out to be another nightmare hiding beneath the surface. Of all the pain that my heart and soul have endured through out this life, none of it compares to the hurt and solice I feel from this. It has, without question, been the hardest test I have had to face, and equally the most important one to succeed at. The dark shall guide me true...as it always has.