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I'm not going to be anyone's doormat again. I have come to realize that I have allowed myself to be exactly that for the biggest part of my life.



I guess part of it stems from my childhood and feeling like I needed to please everyone else in order to feel loved. I'm not trying to place any blame here but trying to understand where this behavior came from and why so that I may be able to put a stop to it.



I am 41 years old and tired of playing these bullshit games just to feel loved by someone. Whether it be my parents, siblings, children, friends or lovers. It stops here and now.



I just don't need this in my life anymore. I have been trying to fulfill everyone's needs except my own. In doing so....everyone gets what they want and I am left hung out to dry! No more! Now it is my turn to get what I want.



It is nice to feel desired by someone but it always comes down to this....they desire what they can't have and once they get it...they throw it away. They no longer want what they had desired. It outlived it's usefulness. Just like children when they want a new toy...they beg and they plead until they get it. Then, once they get it, they will play with it for awhile until they get bored with it. After that it is found at the bottom of a toybox forgotten.



I am not someone's toy to be played with at their whim. I am a human being with needs and feelings of her own. No longer am I going to lay back and take it. I am going to take control an get my needs nd feelings met for a change. However, one difference, I won't do it at someone else's expense. I care about how my actions might affect someone else's feelings.



If the people in my life can't accept this then it is their loss. I need people in my life who can extend their wants and needs to include mine. From now on it is a two-way street. If someone wants me to fulfill a need they have then they better be prepared to do the same for me. It is a give and take. I am taking control of my life.......I refuse to be someone's bitch or whore!