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I know I may not look fat to you... but that doesn't mean I don't feel fat. I used to be a 00 before i got pregnant. So anything bigger than a 1 is fat to me. I know none of you will understand it... just accept it. The pics in my portfolio hide my fat, hence why they got shared.

I don't usually cut. my go to way of coping is anorexia. I starve myself. I refuse to eat. i went from 180lbs, down to 120. Eating only 1 meal a day. I still do that to this day. If I eat anymore I feel sick and the need to throw up overpowers me.



I am not bulimic, I don't throw up what I eat. and I don't believe myself to be an extreme anorexia case.



Well, Maybe I am. I am at the weight I want to be at right now. But When I look at myself in the mirror, I look fat. I feel fat when I look down at my not so flat stomach, and my grotesquely large thighs. Would be nice just to be rid of the fat. I don't want to be 'a bag of bones' a little cushion is ok, but not a few inches of fat that you can pinch and stretch.



I know these things come with bringing a child into the world, but I have friends who have 3 kids and are skinnier, flatter, and healthier looking than me.

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BLOODLIFE
23:53 Feb 14 2013

So glad you see this as a problem. Now comes the next step ... please get help.

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DistastefulDesires
10:56 Feb 15 2013

Well I don't really see it as a problem worth fixing... yea i need to stop thinking im fat, but eating more than I do already will just make me get even fatter.

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Today is Valentines day. The one day a year, you are required, by relationship law, to buy dinner and flowers. Don't forget the card to let them know just how much you love them.



-Shakes my head-



This should be done year round, not all on the same day. Saying those three words isn't enough. As they say, actions speak louder than words. So why is it that everyone decides to only show their significant other that they care on this day? Don't get me wrong, the pampering is nice and all, but I would much rather have little things here and there throughout the year.



You don't have to spend money on me to make me happy. Valentines day is such a Hallmark holiday and every single one of those people who buys expensive roses and chocolates and cards are suckers for thinking that's what Valentines day is about.



Hold my hand, whisper into my ear quietly, walk with me, cuddle, hug me, kiss my cheek, tell me I'm beautiful. Those things make a woman feel much better in the long run than buying chocolate that will just make her face break out in zits and gain weight.



Use your noggins fella's! anyways... I'm done ranting on this fricken holiday. Blessed be.

Today marks 4 years that I have been married to the worlds biggest douche bag of a father. We have been separated for 3 years next month. He abandoned me at 3 months pregnant with his son. My son is 2 now. I am depressed and trying to cope with this as best I can.



I cut myself today. To see myself bleed means that I am alive and still here to be there for my son. I don't condone cutting, I don't make myself ooze blood. scratches... that's it. i feel the pain and know that I am still human.



I feel worthless in my mind. Why would he abandon me when he knew I was with child? I think too much.



I know my thoughts are all over the place and for that I am sorry. just typing as things come to mind.



Am I really stupid for cutting myself? I don't think I am. Im not putting myself at risk of going to the hospital or losing my son.



Depression is a bitch and I don't know how to deal with it. I am not suicidal. I can't give up on life, My son depends on me and me alone.



Do I need to seek a therapist? Maybe. Will I? No. Doctors get paid to tell you what is generalized as the reasoning behind your actions. They can't comprehend what actually goes on in your mind. A doctor can't help me. Only thing that can help me is to find my soul mate. And I'm not looking for them. My heart needs to heal after this episode of depression.



Don't talk shit about me for cutting. I'm not doing it for you. Don't worry about what I do to cope. Don't judge lest ye be judged yourself. The only person that can judge me, is God. So fuck off already.

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LadyN
13:54 Feb 13 2013

I too only carry on for my kids. The kids' sperm donor abandoned me as well. You might want to check the laws in the state that you are because some states have abandonment listed as a divorce. For instance in Pennsylvania if a spouse disappears for 5 or 7 years, (sorry I can't remember which number it is), then the marriage is automatically entered into divorce. So see if your state has any laws that nullify marriages. Also your kid automatically qualifies for Medicaid, if you apply for it, the state will ask you if you want to go for child support and they will do it for you. That's how I had to get child support for mine because I also couldn't afford a lawyer. Hope this helps. Sorry you're having to go through this but your kid is damn lucky to have you.

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BatsInTheBelphry
16:04 Feb 14 2013

i know all to well what thoughts go thru the mind of a cutter. The feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, wondering "whats wrong with me". I also know that the cutting can become addicting, and that quest for the easing emotional pain with physical pain can become more and more dangerous...I am here if you ever want to talk, Ive been to hospitals, been to shrinks, taken meds, i know the thoughts and dont find you any less of a person for having them.

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DistastefulDesires
23:40 Feb 14 2013

Thank you Bats and LadyN. Nice to see I have supporters

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I am a 25 year old single mother. My husband abandoned me when i was 3 months pregnant and have not seen or spoken to him in 3 years. He is the main reason i had to leave this wonderful place. I don't get child support because i cannot afford to go to court to file for divorce or for child support. I am constantly working to make ends meet but it never does. I have too much pride to ask for help but take it when it is forcefully offered. If given a choice, i will turn it down. I was raised to work for everything I own and that is how it is going to be. I steer clear of freebies because it makes me feel like a failure.



Anyways I will continue to update this as more things come to mind.



Des

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Lordpeace
20:25 Feb 11 2013

you can add me and feel free to talk

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