The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Wanted-- babysitter for druggies



Date: 2009-12-04, 11:59PM EST



My boyfriend and I like to experiment with various recreational chemicals, but sometimes when we're coming down (like now) we don't want to go out, but we really really really want some sort of obscure, horrible fast food item. We used to have a friend that would bring us stuff and not expect much in return, but he moved away. We would like a replacement for him. We don't want to DO drugs with you, but we are perfectly willing to hook you up or bake you cookies (when we're sober) or listen to you whine about how no girls like you (as our old Tender of the Druggies did). We don't want you to stay overly long, either. Bring us stuff, chill for maybe fifteen minutes (longer if we aren't obviously exchanging looks or hinting about how tired we are or how NO WE DO NOT WANT A CUDDLE THREESOME), be on your way. We are chill people and really would like to be your friend, but this works better if you are some sort of unlikable loser, eager to please and be accepted, have lots of spare time and few friends, and are socially retarded in some other manner-- thus you are fine with an abusive, exploitative relationship of you fetching us NOMS.



Anyway, hunger is becoming a serious problem after all this 2c-i so we are off to fix that. Please let us know if you would like to assist us with this endeavor in the future. We are conveniently located in downtown Ann Arbor.

COMMENTS

-

---

DeadHeir
02:06 Feb 08 2010

hahahaha wow, that's great

---

POST COMMENT