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i have two kids whom i usually adore. but lately it seems the oldest is picking on the lil one for no good reason. i am about to kick her fucking head in! i have asked, told and whipped til i am tired of putting forth the efforts. in other words if she doesn't start listening she is going to pick her teeth up off the floor. i love her but enough is enough you lil bitch!

POW! right in your damn face. maybe then you will fucking learn!

well last night didn't go as expected. i was still embarrassed since this is all new to me. i dont know if i can. i want to but i have feelings of its bad or wrong. Damn growing up in the south! they said a woman cant be touched unless its for bearing children. whatever! boy were they wrong! i like this slave thing but i have to overcome being so ....naive, embarrassed, etc.

i dont know what else to say

i have been asked to look at contracts for being my husbands sex slave. i am not sure what to say. it seems very exciting. and dreary- yet exciting



i do not comform to the whole master slang. but i am intrigued by the sheer exoticness of the thought. i like to dominated but idk if i am ready to take it this far. i like sex, a lot. i like toys - alot. i like to be loved, and i love the attention- god knows i love the attention. my morals say no but my body says yes. he is very excited at the idea.

i do not like the thought of asking for permission for basic duties- bathroom, bathing,

i do not like the out of the bedroom rules.



we were having some issues but will this make it better? will he be trustworthy enough? can i trust myself with this decision? do i give in to my lusts and let him be in control? do i say no and disappoint ? i dont want to do the wrong thing, if there is a wrong thing. i am scared and excited at at once. what to do? what to say?



please don't judge if you read. this is a big part of my life now. and so is he. i really want to make him happy. but i want to be happy. oh, geez.



let me make the right decision.

today we went swimming at the community pool. we ran into some kids that go to the school i work with. it was fun and hot! 95 degrees! but my lil boy was jumping off the diving board and slipped, hit his head and chest. luckily he just scraped his chin and chest. he was scared and upset to the point of tears. so we took him straight to the lifeguard station to get cleaned up. thank goodness he is ok!

i posted this in forum but i am really proud of what info was given to me so i will put it here as well



For some time now I have been trying to research my family history. Occasionally a family member will give me some info. I wanted to share what i have found.



I was given my history on my mothers mother side dating back to England in the 1700's. I was trying to find out if they were in the royal court or if they were commoners like i presume. i wouldn't think that they would leave a life of luxury to come to America to make a life. but i am not sure.

the best info that i was given came from my father.



On my fathers father side i was given data that also goes back to the 1700's. however some of this family was from Ireland. Where I received my maiden name dates back to 1820. When my great, great, great, great , great grandmother married my great x5 grandfather. they did not have much and worked on her fathers farm housekeeping



however, my great x 5 grandfather served in the Revolutionary War under General Washingtons' command. He crossed the Delaware River in 1776 with the Patriotic Army and helped capture the Hessians at Trenton.



He also went with Major Clarke down the Ohio River to destroy the Western Indians. He helped to kill and run off several Indian groups.(which this I am not proud of)



He was detached from his unit to help Colonel Lee capture Fort Watson by night.



His military career ended in 1786 when he was honorably discharged and moved back to Tennessee.





My great x 3 uncle served in the Confederate Army during the Civil War.He enlisted in Bell County,Texas 1862 . He died at Camp Douglas as a Prisoner of War 1863. This was the largest prison camp in the north at this time.



This has given me great joy to know how my family lived and fought and died for us. i hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as i have researching and putting it all together.

ok, i used to have a best friend- who also is my cousin. but over the last 2 years she has slowly left me out of her life. no phone calls or letters. we used to keep in contact at least once a week, then it was ever couple weeks, then once a month , then every couple months. now its once every 6 or more. i even sent her a registered letter to make sure she was getting my letters. but no response. the last time we spoke, she said she was working 2 jobs. she has 2 kids and she is married. but c'mon! she could even text me- but she doesn't. wtf!?

i guess she has left just like everyone else. it just took her 30 years to do so. *tears*

last night i got together with old friends. they called it a family reunion...which was nice of them to say. my daughter stayed with their daughter for the night. i went to pick her up today to go shopping. she declined and i took their son for the afternoon to play with my son. its been pretty good. i am glad it has been drama free.

boys are much easier to deal with.. how will the evening go after i pick her up? lord help! lol

has anyone heard of the post office going to a 5 day work week? well, if not, its being discussed and because of it my husband may lose his job. fucking great! he is in a panic, which makes me panic. i cant understand after 280 something years they would do this now. what a bunch of idiots! if he loses this job, it will create the biggest burden on all of us, not to mention the kids. i hate the government! wtf are they thinking? this will eliminate jobs across the u. s.

~GOOD GRIEF~!

yay! im almost a level 16! whoot!!!





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today has been very nice. however, i am very lonely. and a little sad. i am sitting here wondering if this feeling will go away. there isnt any reason why i feel this way but i do. i feel like i am alone and noone cares.

i feel like an old shoe that has been tossed aside. i know i am not, but i am still very sad. i also feel like i dont matter to much of anyone besides my kids. they are my life and i appreciate them greatly. its just they cant give me the attention and love i need and deserve.

sadness and loneliness consumes me.........

i made some new friends today. they are super great and very insightful. they even help me out when i needed it. which totally made my day.

thanks LordVlkodlak, and vampchica and Birra! hugs to all!

why do i bother? why do guys like looking at other girls? do we not have feelings? i know i sure as hell do!



why is there so much porn everywhere? i know its a popular pasttime. why does it bother me? why do i care? do i not satisfy your needs? i have tried like hell to, thats for damn sure.

QUIT LOOKING AT THEM , DAMN YOU! I HAVE FEELINGS!