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Tiny and small. Trapped within theses four acurssed walls. I need to call Jacob. The sound of his voice chases away all my demons. But....he is at school. Stupid college who steals my loves precious time. So I still bask in my sea of ever ebbing lonliness. I do thank the goddess every day for bringing him into my life and each day that we breathe is only better than the last.

He is the only one who will not only put up with my insanity but tells me when im being a bitch. =)

He is odd and we are soooo different and yet alike. The fighting. It sucks but I would never want to fight with anyone else. Its only been a couple of days since we last saw each other but I miss him the moment he leaves my sight.....



Lonliness shall banish in the wake of the amazing man I am proud to call my boyfriend for two years.

Always the one cast aside. Born into the shadows a figure that wishes for the light. Yet I have come to bloom beneath this shade. Other more boastful than I shall always claim the spotlight. Their success praised and their failings for all to see. I have a light within my gloom.

A light so delicate it is often lost to those who share the same fate as I. To wait and grow. To see and listen. To shine with a dull brillance. Waiting for the sun to shrival those who soak in the golden rays. When all is dead and done they will slink to the shade and find us waiting.

We will walk with a serine grace. A quiet knowing of all the breathes. We are the quiet The silence. The air that whispers behind closed doors. Voices silent but strong of heart and mind. Our posion has been sitting for long and shall sink deep into the roots. Taking back what we wish and surging forth with a wild abandon.



I find myself sitting within my shade. Admist the pools of sorrow and hate and feeling content with my place. For I can see you and all you flaws. Just as you can see mine. The only thing that sets us apart.....I see mine as a strength. >]

You know...being forced into church doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Dull and useless..maybe but you can have some fun. At least I do.

Mother would flip if she ever actually listened to me sing along with the hymns. For I do sing along (I dont have much of a choice on that) but I change the words God to Goddess and him to her. Useing my time to thank the Goddess while I am forced to endure another religion that continually bashes my own.



But still.....I cant help but smile and hold in a chuckle or two. :]

Oh today...today.

Twas surprisingly fun though the beginning was a bit rocky.

Got a lot done. My room is nearly packed and tomorrow I have the bathroom set in my sights. I shall finally be rid of the excess clutter and shall hopefully keep it that way in this new place.



Dancing around to music I used to listen to as mom got ready when I was but a tot was good. (Its the only music we agree on) There was much pauseing in work to dance around singing loudly and off key. Ah what a wonderful pair are we!



Still looking to sell that junk of a car(engine is pretty decent though) for 500 dollars but no one is biting. No one wants a car that needs the interior replaced. I shall be rid of that demon soon! hopefully =p

Could use the extra cash. Need paint for my room. Its a ghastly ugly green...why someone would paint a room that color....I have no idea.



Alas....I should crawl into bed. Dont want to...but need to. G'night one and all.



Incubi Dolce!

(Sweet Nightmares)

Hehe. I am such a slow packer. Every little note I come across or journal I have to sit down and read it. Then procced to laugh histerically because I realize how much of a dork I was/am back then. Its really kinda great to read them....though bittersweat when you find things that were between you and your ex-best friend......

Blah...



Totally rocking out to the eagles, steve miller band and styx. Dancing around my room and singing off key while trying to stop the cat from eating random shiny ribbons that are in my room.

I have a lot of crap....I have school books from my first elementry school I ever attended....im such a pack rat. =p

Just dont want to forget things i suppose. Gesh I have over a hundred books scattered in here and even more in the garage. Love my books!



Gonna miss this place though....the first place mom and I have ever had with just the two of us. No living with granny or my aunts. No step father. Just us. Its been a good run though. Three years is a long time to live in a spot for us. We always end up moving somewhere else.....



Well my mini break is over. Gotta get bac to work!

Sucker Punch.



That movie was absolutly amazing and just when you are positive you know what is going on the whole plot twists again.

If the wicked cg effects dont get you the plot and the hot girls will. An added bonus is the music tracks they put in. This is such an amazing movie...

I actually started crying in the theater as well did my boyfriend. It took all we had not to yell; "Rocket no!"

(if you watch it you'll see what we mean)



hehe. Cant wait until this comes out on DvD!

This always make me chuckle....





Wake up in the morning feeling like Winehouse. (Hey, what up girl?)

Grab my breezer, I'm out the door

I'm gonna be really loud,

Cuz I don't care who I piss off

Yeah, I'm a real big sinner.

Sometimes, I eat my dessert before my dinner.

I'm talking odd socks on my toes, toes

Taking off all my clothes, clothes

Feeling overexposed,

So, I put all of my clothes, uh, back on...

Flush before I wee, wee.

Get arrested daily, ly.

Tryin' to get a peek of some titties...

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss my butt,

Cuz I'm bloody fucking nuts.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah Woah oh oh, Woah Woah oh oh.

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss the nut,

Cuz it sells to be a slut.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah Woah oh oh, Woah Woah oh oh.

I stay out till eleven when my curfew is ten.

"Goodnight, sweetie. Sleep well."

"Shut up, Mum! I'm on MSN!"

Now, the girls are lining up

Because we're pussy sailin'

But we punch 'em in the mouth if they're not Sarah Palin.

Talkin' 'bout doing things we'll regret, gret,

Menthol cigarette, rette

Butt plugs in his pet!

Woah, woah, woah...

Text sex on my Samsung,

Not telling Dad Mum rung, rung,

Have sex with Alexa Chung

By telling her I'm well hung.

(Erm, Erm, I'm quite well hung.)

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss my butt,

Cuz I'm bloody fucking nuts.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah oh Woah oh oh, Woah oh Woah oh oh.

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss the nut,

Cuz it sells to be a slut.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah Woah oh oh, Woah Woah oh oh.

This is the part where the rap breaks down,

This is the part where drums go POW,

This is the part where your balls sag down,

This is the part where you pants go brown,

This is the part where your dad goes out on a cold Christmas Eve to

get some more milk but he never comes back and then seventeen

years later you find out he's had a whole freaking family with some

Spanish bitch and he doesn't even know your fucking name anymore!

Shut the fuck up!

(Crying) I'm sorry...

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss my butt,

Cuz I'm bloody fucking nuts.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah oh Woah oh oh, Woah oh Woah oh oh.

I'm mad, really bad, but don't tell my mum and dad.

Pucker up, kiss the nut,

Cuz it sells to be a slut.

Hear the bass, skinny waist

Now let's copy Pokerface like

Woah oh Woah oh oh, Woah oh Woah oh oh.

(Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah)

Just Dance!

Bad Romance!

Now let's copy Pokerface like,

Woah oh Woah oh oh, Woah oh Woah oh oh.

(Laughing)

It shouldn't bother me...but it does.

Things that slither under my skin. Well I suppose a lot of things bother me but this statement really gets to me.

"Your face is pretty but thats just about it...."

I mean really?

You had to point that out?

Like I am unaware of my body......or the fact that you said it as if you were trying to help me. Yeah... well fuck you.

I am nor shall I ever be a model and you know wha? I kinda accept that.

No. I am not super proud and it sucks at times but no matter what I have tried throughout my life....nothing works.

I am loved by my boyfriend and he thinks me perfect the way I am. So please..keep your mouth shut and walk away.

COMMENTS

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Army
01:12 Mar 25 2011

Tell it, girl! His opinion of you should really be the only one that matters beside your own. So who gives a fuck what others think. :) I think you look just fine though. Granted, I haven't seen you naked but still. *laughs* You look nice enough to me! ^_^

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NocturnalMistress
01:13 Mar 25 2011

Beauty comes in all shapes and forms.



Ancient Greeks and Romans portrayed their women as curvy and thick. Aphrodite- the Goddess of Love was portrayed as a thick woman with curves and was not slender.



People now a days base a woman (in most cases) on how tiny her waist is and not how big her heart is.



The person to tell you that, tell 'em to fuck off.



:)

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HecateProxy
01:17 Mar 25 2011

^^

Thanks for the comments.

It usually doesn't bother me about my size until ignorant people pick at it. I know there are those who will hate me and think me disgusting and others who accept all that I am.



It is heart warming to read such kind words though =)

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How....irksome.....



There are breathing souls upon the planet. Twisted little beings obessessd with the vision in the distorted mirror. Our paths shall never cross and I pray that we never do. Your meger words are nothing but a whine in my ears. I am not your friend nor am I your mother. My shoulders taken by those who I love dearly.

To show a kindness to a stranger is one thing. To pull out the pity card in attempt to sway my pools of affection.

....

Unacceptable.

Sleep?

Who needs sleep when you can power nap for a half hour.

Hehe...going on two days straight with said power nap. Can't sleep.

From body refusing the notion and needing to be up to clean and move new couched into the home; sleep is just a far off dream.

Might be comeing down with something.

Feeling heated and woozy...eye burning no matter how long I close them....

Or....Proxy just can be overtired.



I don't want to move. For the sheer fact that we were just barely able to squeeze these massive couches in the door....now picture that with a small home.

Uuuuuggggh



-dies-

Cleaning.

Packing.

Moving objects larger than I.

More cleaning.

More packing....

The mindless session continues as days move on.

Moving day....moving day...where to you ask?

Damned if I know.

There is no garentee that we got the place and thus my lazliness is activated.

Shoving a six foot couch out the door in the middle of the night and in the rain was very much so not my idea of fun. Only to be topped off by the horrible ending/game play of Fable three. There went 26 hours of my life I shall never reclaim.

The positive is....I moved a six foot couch. :D

Five foot two with strength like a limp noodle and I moved a huge couch.

Out many a time I thought it was over. Its mass bulk caught within the narrow doorway and yet I prevail!

Oh happy days?

Still more cleaning. Must stay awake to recieve new couches and sweeping and dishes.....joy oh joy.



Someone save me?

Merf.....You have once again attacked my lungs. Tightening the airways and stealing away my breath. I have lived nineteen years without you and now I cannot not function.

No inhaler to rescue me for I do not own you and soooo I must suffer.

How annoying.

On the other hand this movie is both cute and amusing. Therefor I am a happy little kitty.

:3

My tummy....it lies....

It keeps growling and acting like it's hungry.

But thats a lie.

I just fed it noodles two hours ago.

>/



Hehe. There is really no point to this journal...but I don't suppose that matters to much. I just feel like rambling somewhere and this seems like a good place.

Once again hit the limit for messages.

D:

I talk too much!



-Proxy

Once more I am met with ignorance! Surrounded in the vast sea of arrogant stupidity. Parasitic? Psychic vampirism is always met with a wall of inept claims but this is the most highly acidic to my veins. A book! Someone let this fool publish a book about psychic vampires. That we are parasites that gather to inflict malicious harm upon the masses!

A man with a degree at that! Simple common fool! His lack of knowledge is only multiplied by the fact someone allowed this...this....drivel to be published! Uneducating the masses with your idiotic rantings.



Foolish people who walk with their noses so far deep into the rotten garbage that they cannot lift their heads to see. See the fact that yes, there are things they can't explain. So fixated by fictious books and films that all is labeled in their eyes. Black and white. The world shall never be painted in black and white! It is a place of many shades and we take only one but small shade of such a grand scale.



Do your research! Talk to others! Network!

Don't spread the seed of ignorance to the simple minds.



Ranting over.



-Proxy

So last night was bathed in odd. Shadows flitted before my sight and Lika's personal demon was in my home. It's been awhile since I seen him. She used to send him to me when things were going bad. I had to resist the urg to call Jacob...being that it was two in the morning.

-_-

But this morning is rather quite. I get to pick up my friend's x-box and babysit it until he comes home. :D So I am rather excited. This site is becoming less perlex by the minute....though the damn portfolios section still eludes my mobile web grasp!

I have run out of messages though....

That is annoying because it makes me feel like I am ignoring people. ;_;

Well......I think I am going to end this musing for now until I have something interesting to talk about.

-Proxy

Seems I find myself stumbling across another strange site. This time of my own chooseing. I wonder if I am to be met with the common stupidity that I have grown to tolerate and even at times find comical. Or shall I find a mind that can match my own. A few with a pool of knowledge that one can delve into. It would also seem this place has a point system?



How queer....perhaps it is because I am new that I find odd. The site seems to reject my system as well but alas I still keep worming back here. This may prove to be interesting enough to- there is a strange sound that I cannot place going on. It is almost like the sound of scraping metal like a snow plow but there is no snow on the ground and it is almost two am......something is very off. Hmm not good tidings at all......shit.

COMMENTS

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chatterBite
15:46 Mar 19 2011

this place has proved rather interesting ...and yes the point system, though lame, keeps idiots at bay and you wont find to many here....and on that note, welcome to VR, i hope to see you around

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