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So guess what?



I'm back from Arizona. Heh.... yeah...



Well, the trip was pretty good. Both of the sweats were very good, and very enlightening.



And a really cool thing was that I met a fellow lycanthrope there! He asked me: "So you're an hombre lobo, too?"

Well, I think that means he was a lycanthrope. But hey, more than likely he is. Lots of lycan traits.



But the main thing is I missed a lot of you guys. It's good to be back.

I'd just like to wish all of my Christian friends a happy Easter. Is wishing someone a happy holiday which you don't celebrate heresy or something like that?



Well, anyways, I'm at my aunt's house right now. Using her new computer. Her computer screen is much bigger than mine, but she has Vista, so I guess the good evens out the bad. She gave her old computer to my grandmother, but I want it, even though it's a Windows 95 edition and very old. Why do I want it, you ask? Doom 95. Doom 95 is on the hard drive and I absolutely love the grand-daddy of all FPSs. I would be willing to own a crappy computer as long as I could play that great, great game.



Now then, I'm going back downstairs with the family. Have a nice day, all.



Oh, and I hope I'll be in your thoughts when I'm in Arizona. I'll miss you guys.



Especially you, Brother.

COMMENTS

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NITEOWL47
02:01 Mar 24 2008

Happy Easter to you as well, little bro.

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Ravens... more ravens. Just this Tuesday one of them swooped down on a baby rabbit, took it up into a tree and started eating it... alive. The ones closest to the incident heard the rabbit utter a bloodcurdling scream... I wasn't there, but they brought it into my Wildlife Biology class. We tried to save it, but it was just too far gone. It was dying slowly and painfully. We had to put it down.



And today, ducks... Ducks on the campus. Never seen them on the campus before... What do they mean? The ducks, what do they mean? There was a young adult male and a young adult female... I don't know. So many signs around...



And my head... hurts... it's hard to type correctly. I have to go out and buy dinner but I don't know if I can...



And earlier, I got a sick sensation in my stomach, and the feeling that something was wrong...



I feel tired, but not enough to fall asleep...



My head...

Ever felt like as you get closer to some friends you grow farther away from others? I kind of have that feeling.



There's one friend I miss in particular.

So it looks like the trip to Arizona is next week, during Spring Break. The 27th to the 30th. I'm really looking forward to going back. It's just really great there. The sights, sounds, smells, all the togetherness... It's just really great.



Oh, and I had my last mid-term today, for Anthropology. I think I did... alright. But I'm falling behind in that class, so I need to do some extra credit work. Speaking of which, I should probably go look on the site for information on that...

So some child on WH just admits to me and someone else that she's 10 years of age. You have to be at least 13 to use the site. And then she went to say that she knew many others using the site that were also under age.



Stupid children, going into sites when they're under the age limit. They think they're sooo slick, think they're sooo great that they can just break the rules and not expect to get caught.



Dumb kids. Those rules are there to protect them from the freaks out there. But no, like all children, they think they're smarter than they are. But they're just children. Foolish children at that.



Hmmm... this sounds like a good topic for my Bitch-About series on YouTube!

Oh, wow. My mood just dropped drastically. I should've anticipated it.



I can't hold it in much longer... But, I can't let it out right now. It would be inconsiderate. I have to wait... Just have to... wait...

So I woke up, got out of bed, brushed the comb across my head. Went out, put on my hat, made the bus in seconds flat. Ha. No. Although I'm not feeling as depressed as I usually am, so I guess that's good.



Although, I do have a math exam today, so that's one thing I'm not looking forward to, and an exam tomorrow in biology, so I'm not too sure if I'll be on tonight. Though my phone will be on, if anyone needs anybody to talk to.

Things... have not been easy for me lately. I've been dwelling on things, mostly. Thinking about things. But it has been quite hard. I think I've cried at least twice a day or something for the past week, and I've been running out of ways to vent, as well...



There are so very many conflicts going on now, internal and external. It isn't easy. But then again hardly anything ever is. Often times, it quite literally feels like something is eating me from the inside.



Plus, there are the omens. Haven't seen any ravens lately, but there's always that feeling of a presence, etcetera.



I've been falling apart a lot. Thank goodness I have friends. One in particular, who saved me from something. He knows who he is.



And then there is the Arizona trip coming up soon. I'm looking forward to going back, being in that tranquil place. Though, I won't have that same person to call as I did the first time...



Anyways, uh... thanks for something... And uh... Have a nice day or something...

Hm. Last time I checked, it said I was on 10 friend's lists. Now it says 9.



I wonder who took me off, and why? *shrug*



...

So, basically one or so hours of sleep last night. Then I kept going in and out, then lay awake for a few hours.



Last night was basically hell. But it would be selfish, manipulative, incosiderate, and childish to say what, so I'll just leave you with the knowledge that last night was hell.



Have a nice life. Don't let me ruin it for you.

So I talked to my friend about the raven thing.



He said it could be a sign from Morrigon, goddess of sex, death, magick, and war. He says she could be watching over me, or she likes me or something like that. He said "Dark God for dark personality".



Hm. That's sort of comforting... but kind of morbid, too. A little frightening. Although, it would make a lot of sense, what with all those visions and... Oh I can't tell you that. That's private.

So yeah. I think I saw two or more ravens today. And we usually don't have ravens around here. That's got to be an omen of some kind. But then again, I could just be overthinking it.



Heh, overthinking. I tend to do that a lot. The thoughts usually turn to people I love, and all the drama that ensues in our lives.



I sort of feel like a... bucket of shit. Or something. Sort of like, shit keeps getting put in under high pressure, but instead of letting it off in small amounts or whatever I'm just letting it accumulate until it explodes and gets over me and everyone near to me? Yeah. That's sort of how I feel. But it's my burden to bear. Plus it would be incosiderate to keep dumping on them the way I do. It's thoughtless and childish, so yeah.



But then why did I write this journal? Hm. Good question.

Friends Online Box: You don't have any friends....



I fucking hate that. That's just the thing you need to see when you're having a bad day, eh? "You don't have any friends"



Damn thing bores into my head.



I hate it...

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Menagerie
18:44 Apr 27 2008

you should click on urself to be your friend.



that way at least one person will always be there with you :P

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Well, Kat is getting everything set up for her birthday. The theme? Masquerade.



I'm quite excited about it. She's asked me to design the invitations, and I'll be making my own mask. I'm looking around the net for ideas even we speak... Well, you know what I mean.



I'm looking forward to it. A few of my friends will be there, so it should be fun.



The room we're renting out at a hotel (The Grand, in Long Beach) only holds a certain amount of people, so I dunno if there are any spots left... Might be, I dunno.



But I will get cracking on the invitations and my mask. Although not now. It's too late and none of the craft stores are open. Plus, I have no money.

So it looks like I missed a Pagan Club meeting today at the campus. Normally, I would be okay with that, but they had a sign up sheet to go to Uncle Richie's sweatlodge... dammit...



I last went to Uncle Richie's place sometime last year, and... well, it was amazing. Utterly spectacular. And I yearn to go back there. Hopefully, there are still some spots left over. I pray to the gods there are still spots left over... I just wanna go out there again so badly!



I mean, his place is beautiful. He owns about 80 square acres of land in Arizona, out in the middle of nowhere. There are hardly any signs of man there. It's practically untouched. The view, the landscape... it's amazing.



And I really am in need of a good sweat. I'd very much like to do another sweat lodge.



Oh, god, how I wanna go back!

I often wish things weren't like this. I wish things were simpler. I wish for the past, when everyone was a friend, and we didn't fight at all...

COMMENTS

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NITEOWL47
13:43 Mar 03 2008

What part of "let it go" did you not get? Whether enemy or friend, end this pitiful little feud so we can all get on with our lives. Also, make a point to read my journal. The short version though: As of now, resolving this is between the two of you. I wash my hands of the situation.

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I never wanted any of this... I never wanted to fight. I never wanted to be anyone's enemy, I never wanted it to turn out this way. Never.



I want it to be like the old times again. Back when friends were all there for each other, and worries were few and little.



I don't want to fight. I want to be friends. I want things they were...