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Late at night when the day is done night deepens and so do his feelings.
He tries to forget but he still dreams about her after all this time. The void lengthens between them. She is beginning to forget about him. He is haunted by all he’s done but he is unable to change who he is. It torments him in the deep of night.
I waited until this morning to bake the jalapeño and cheddar sourdough. I wanted to see how the flavors would differ with more than 12 hours in the fridge.
My kitchen smells amazing the loaf baked up like a dream. I’m salivating and extremely impatient to allow it to cool.
I think the next loaf I will make a pumpkin cheesecake loaf.
Ingredients
475 grams all-purpose flour, 3 1/2 cups
_ 100 grams starter, active and
bubbly (1/2 cup)
• 325 grams water, 1 1/3 cups
• 10 grams salt, 2 teaspoons
I mix until the dough is shaggy. I wait an hour. Afterwards I do about 3-4 stretch and folds every 30 minutes to start. Then I let it go until is rises about 40% it depends on the temperature of your room. Then I add the jalapeños and cheddar cheese I think it’s called a coil fold. Then I shape it put it in a banner on. Then put it in the fridge for 12-24 hours. Then bake it at 425 until in a Dutch oven for 30 with the lid on and then 20 minutes with the lid off. I make sure that I stick it with a food thermometer to make sure it reaches 205-210 degrees inside.
Well I only thought I was going to make one loaf of sourdough but I made two. One plain and one jalapeño and cheddar cheese. They were jalapeños from my garden that I had pickled. I will bake the plain one in a few hours. Then the other later this afternoon.
I would say for the past year or so I have been getting that is only closely described as Hiraeth. I have probably cried more this past year missing a place that will never exist again. It’s weird maybe it means I’m not long for this world and I can feel the other side of the veil calling my name. This doesn’t feel like that world anymore. Nor do the people feel the same either.
While I do agree. Grieving is not just for death of loved ones. I had to grieve things that I never thought could be grieved that never crossed my mind when I was a child. My childhood was shit but it also was a vastly different place in time than how things seem to be this day and age. I guess what I’m trying to say is I long for the simplicity of life then. I didn’t have to worry then what some Chad across the ocean thought of me. All I had was my small circle and bubble in my ass crack of a whole in the wall town. Ya know? Now that bubble extends further and I’m not so sure that’s as good a thing as I originally imagined as a child.
To me it's the same principle. Longing for a culture and way of life we had in the nights of yore just was shaped by many people at a stage in time. The middleclass sure had a lot more going for them then or at least the illusion of it seemed more substantial. Now there's a shrinking middleclass with the wealthy and poor dichotomy. Maybe after WW3 and another depression the Government will bail all its citizens out and re-establish one again and we can live in a future incarnation. The power of AI agents could be used for good and not just as a corrupt tool to profit from others.
...or Maximum Overdrive. lol Seriously I wonder who's teaching these robo-taxi's how to drive. I'll be at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change and they stop with the right of way and hold up traffic then I have to psyche them out and pretend I'm going another direction to get them moving. *SMH*
That’s crazy. I live in the country every once in a blue moon I’ll see one of those ugly ass Tesla cars driving in the city when I’m out shopping.
14:08 Aug 24 2026 Times Read: 357
Making some sourdough bread. Pulled Bertha out of the fridge last night and woke her up.
Getting ready to mix up some dough to let it rise and then let it ferment in the fridge overnight to bake in the morning tomorrow.
It sucks it takes so damn long when I want a loaf now. lol
It was a good day. We hung out with her Mother and Step Father, Uncle and Aunt. The Aunt was an older woman she said about 20 some years ago she grew up in Great Britain. She had to correct herself and say well now it’s the UK. She is a very proper woman. I could see even though she has been in the states that things are different over there but that was 20 years ago a lot of things can change in even that short amount of time.
Later we stopped at an outlet mall and went into some shops we bought some Halloween themed shirts and hair accessories. Then we went to karaoke and had a late dinner there. Then went home. She’s doing better but still having some pain in her abdomen where the tube drains into her stomach. Her hair is growing back the scar is pretty much healed. Cognitively she seems more stable. Her mind seems sharper and I asked her if she was having less headaches now and she said yes. I can also tell she has less swelling in her head in general I could tell that after her surgery.
I wished I would have known the signs better but now I’m probably going to annoy her to death with it. lol We talked a lot cried a little. I think she is still processing everything she said she doesn’t remember some stuff from the night they ended up taking her to the hospital. Anyway..it was a good day. Glad I didn’t lose my bestie. Not sure I would have been able to continue on without her.
Going to be gone all day today hanging with my friend. I’ll get to see how she’s adjusting. Will be nice to go somewhere other than work, the gym and the store.
I may delete for a while because it seems like some dumb fuckery is winding up to happen.
It’s a sacred silence of sorts it holds the cracking energy of what’s to come. It will live on in the hearts and minds of others. He is as close to immortality as one can be. He will live on because of his music.
16:11 Aug 16 2026 Times Read: 598
I’ve had to buy a new pair of pants yesterday because my other pair was falling off even with a belt. I’m 4 pounds away from my first goal.
I’m starting to see some definition in my abs I’ve been at it a year and 5 months now. Lost about 51 pounds and I’m down three pants sizes.
03:51 Aug 12 2026 Times Read: 687
I took some time away to deal with my mental health. A lot of things were happening at once in quick succession and I needed space away.
Yes I had said I was leaving that still may be the case. I don’t need to explain my life to anyone but I just need to speak it.
I had explained my brother passing that is not something that affected me much just grieving what could never could be. In my mind I exsist as an only child because he is not my sibling.
My friend is healing well and adjusting to her new circumstances. She has also been released to go back to work.
My soul dog passed in the end of June that was the final straw.
Anyway that has been my life.
I wish certain individuals would stop trying to find me…I don’t want or care what they have to offer. How they send others my way to fish for information. If you’re involved with them you can leave me alone.
It's been my experience everything is interconnected. Apart from that I don't think I'm in with that fruit bat someone awakened and created a blood bond with and must deal with their stalking otherwise they will continue to make the same mistake and not learn from it and everyone on this site has to deal with it.
You talk to their girlfriend…. Like I mean that WHOLE CIRCLE not just him anyone but that finds “friendship” with him. Do what you want otherwise but I don’t want to talk to others that associate with that whole thing over there.
I'm ronin. Hell I don't even want to deal much with any leeches on this site which is why my coven is created by me and for my referrals alone. Other uber vampire lords think they're the shit for using others that are already loyal to the site. No fresh springs to drink from and the site now suffers. I understand what you're expressing because there seems to be some narcissists on this site that empaths depend on by stroking their ego and then they find peace in it. In like plenty of solitude to sort out what comes from me and others to maintain my sanity.
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