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In this dream;



Me, and a hand full of everyone Ive held close to my heart in life are all fishing in a lake. There are docks everywhere, more than there should have been. It was ridiculously crowded. It doesnt make sense. But there we were.

My boyfriend decides its too crowded and takes a small two person boat out a little ways. He fishes there for awhile until it starts to get dusk. He comes in closer to where we can see him, and continues to fish for awhile.

In the meantime i get caught up in a conversation with my Uncle Ivan and Uncle Roy about fishing when I was a kid. Time flies by, and soon its dark. I look around and start calling out my boyfriends name. He doesnt answer. I start asking everyone if they had seen him. Some one points out his boat.

Its by the dock but not tied up. Its just bouncing along the edge, scraping, bumping, empty. I start to get worried, and looking around in the water. I find him 20 feet from his boat, between two docks. He's about 4 feet below the surface. Still, un-moving save for the gentle push and pull of the current.

I scream his name, hoping for a response, already in the midst of shock and denial. His body slowly twists with the current, until he was facing me, eye wide in panic, mouth gaping for air...that never came. He was dead, but I couldnt except. I dove in and wrenched his body away from tangled mess of weeds and drug him onto the dock, by myself. Everyone around me was suddenly gone. Nothing mattered but him,and he was gone. I screamed his name over and over between the frantic moments of CPR. He was so cold. I clutched him to me, and screamed him name until nothing came out but a guttural snarl of denial and defeat.

(this part makes no sense)

As I hold him, his head falls over and rolls across the deck, and I discover he had fishing line around his neck the whole time.

An unearthly shriek escapes my throat as I frantically try to put his head back on.

Then I felt hands on me. Several different pairs of hands pulling me away from him. I fight them at first, until I realize its the hands of my loved ones, trying to comfort me. My uncle Roy holds a syringe in his hand and tells me;

"This'll help you sleep until we can get you to a shrink." I shake my head violently.

"No, I'll dream about this. I'll see him dying in every moment of sleep. I dont want to dream about this." My uncle Roy grabs my chin and makes me look away from the decapitated body of my lost love.

"But honey, your already dreaming." I stare at him for a moment before looking back at my boyfriend. His head is attached to his body again, and I realize for the first time that I am dreaming. Right when I realized it. I was awake, and clutching to my boyfriend as if life depended on it.



I titled this drowning done two ways because the amount of grief I was feeling in the dream was like drowning. The pain in my throat and chest felt like I was being dragged under with no escape. I was drowning in despair.



I never want to have a dream like that again.