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im so sad right now.....charlie and shay are sleeping over.......i was trying to get close to charlie. and such. and i felt something in his pocket. so i was intrested in what it was. so i was trying to get it. and he had my legs wrapped uo in his. and he was like turning trying to make me stop. and he like started hitting outwards. and hit me in the face. and just before he did that he was like" im not afriad to hit you" and such....and i made me stop and i sat in the corner. and then i crawled over by the computer and laid on the floor there. he started to goof off. with the light from his phone. making pupets on the ceiling. not very funny. but oh well.....



well it just made me think......and now i miss my ex....josh.....so i am sitting here....i was crying...for like a long time....just listening to our song...still listening to it....like it does anything. all it does is make me more sad. and i feel like crap. i just want to jump off a fucking cliff and die. its not even funny.



im not really sure what to do. i mean i wanted to get close to charlie. but now i don't want anything to do with him. i mean he has really bad mood swings. and i do not know if i can deal with that. i mean i have enough of my own.



its just strange and weird. idk....

he can be so sweet, then flip around and act like im one of "the guys" and hurt me.i mean i was doing it in a flirty kind of way. and he took it to far.



i mean...i think he was drinking. would explain why he was being so weird. but he says he wasn't that it was something he took. that made his breath like that. idk.....he is just to secreitive. and it scares me. imean people say that he does drugs he says he doesn't. but someone that was gonna hangout with im. said he gets baked a lot. idk...maybe that was before.....



im just so confused. and i want to die........