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Since you've been gone

Your whisper still lingers in air

Your laughter echoes through the wall



Oh, I can still hear your cries

Oh, I can still hear your cries



Since you've been gone

I hear your running footstep

I hear your giggling



Oh, I can still feel your bubbles of joy

Oh, I can still feel your bubbles of joy



Since you've been gone

Your smell fills the room

Your aura fills the room



Oh, I can still smell your lilacs and roses

Oh, I can still smell your lilacs and roses



Since you've been gone

I see your blond streaking by

I see little girl running by



Oh, I can still see your smile

Oh, I can still see your smile



Since you've been gone

I hope you still remember me by

I hope you still remember me, your mommy



Oh, I've misses you so

Oh, how have I misses you so



Since you've been gone

I saw you in my dreams

I held you in my dreams



My little sunshine,

My little lilac rose



Oh, since you've been gone....

Cuddling in the dark, crying



Suffocating...

choking me so that I cant breathe



Blackness...

I see nothing...

darkness is closing upon me..



Death is creeping.....

Creeping.....

Creeping.....

And Creeping up my back...



As I stood alone

And in completely dark

I stare into darkness...

Not realizing the pain....

Pain in my heart...



the Aching in my heart,

Ripping it apart,

Torn down,

Cracking down,

Breaking in halves,

Shattered into million pieces.



Going crazy...

Gone insane...



Cutting myself,

Not knowing where...



Juz cutting myself...



Enjoying the feeling of pain...



Pulse throbbing, blood flowing..



Deep, deeper, and deeper..

Deep as I can, I cut....

Feeling numb, Deeper I go,

Until I feel the stab of pain....

I let pain flow into me,

Into my heart, going crazy...

The thickness of blood flows...

The reek of blood intoxicating me...



So intoxicant that I forget who I am,

Tears rolling down my cheeks,

More tears to come,

Swimming in a sea of tears

Trying to find the path...

But I keep drowning in tears

So lost and confused,

So alone in darkness,

Swimming and drowning in tears...



Waves after wave,

Waves of guilt, confusing me,

Waves of pain, angering me,

Waves of lost, alone,

Waves wash over me...

Not knowing what to do..

Guilt, Confusion, Pain,

Anger, Alone...



Washing over me..

As I stop swimming, I float...

I float forever in a sea of tears, forever in my sleep..

A face that are made of stone

Made by heartless hands

A face of mask,

So flawless



Heartless hand put it on my face

I walk around, wondering

Wondering why no one notices me

No one sees me



You may not see frowns

You may not see tears falling

You may not see the trace of anger

You may not see loneliness



But Im sad deep inside

But Im crying deep inside

But Im fuming deep inside

But Im lonely deep inside



You may not hear me screaming

But Im screaming deep inside

You may not notice me bouncing around

But Im zigging and zagging around



Emotions bounded deep inside

Bounded by cage

A cage that created by a mask

A mask of stone emotion



Stonefaced mask

Bounded to stonefaced mask

A mask that cloned face

A face of mine



A face that are made of stone

Made by heartless hands

A face of mask,

So flawless



Stonefaced mask

You told me you went crazy,

I asked why,

You told me you couldn't talk to me anymore,

I asked why,

You removed me out of your friend list

I asked why,

You said it's 'cause of me

I asked what did I ever do to you

You said nothing

I asked then why all this?

You said 'cause you are still in love with me

My heart sank, realizing this is it.

You told me good bye,

I told you don't say good bye

Never say good bye

Say you will hit me up again one day,

Say you will remember me forever

As I remember you, my dearest friend

You were the first real gentleman friend

A first real guy friend I ever had,

I will miss your ol' dumb ass

My sweet friend

COMMENTS

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---

Hypocrisy
21:08 May 12 2009

Im still here.....no worries....



er......it wasn't for me right?



geez.......hummm....



Nice written....."10"....ok.....hummm....

---

POST COMMENT

I dont know,...

I dont know what to say,...

I dont know,...

I dont know what to do,...

I dont know,...

I dont know what to think,...

I dont know,...

I dont know what to dream of,..

I dont know,...

I dont know who you are,...

I dont know,...

I dont know who I am,...

I dont know,...

I dont know anymore,...

I dont know,...

I dont know nothing, NOTHING,...

No, I dont know,...

I dont know,...

I dont know,...

Heart is crying, what do I do?

Heart is breaking, what do I do?

Heart is shattering, what do I do?

Heart is dying, what do I do?



What do I do, I ask

You ingore me

You saw me asking again

Yet, you ingore me still



So I cut, so I cut

I cut to feel

I cut to know

I cut to see



I cut, I cut

To feel alive

To know Im alive

To see Im alive



I cut, I cut

I cut to feel the pain

I cut to know it is real

I cut to see the blood flows



I cut and I cut

I cant stop cutting

Why, oh why wont it stop?

Blood still flows



I cut and cut

The cut is getting gashy

The cut is getting deep

I cut and I cut again



Tears is flowing

Sweats is flowing

Im getting cold

Colder, and so cold



Im getting dizzy,

Darkness surrounding me

My body is getting weaker

Falling, I feel myself falling



Falling and falling

What is that?

I feel huge impact of pressure

I think I hit the ground



The room is getting darker

The light is dimming

The world is fading

I feel sleepy



So sleepy,

I close my eyes to rest

Juz to rest for while

Suddenly, blackness creeps in



Blackness is all around me

I shivers from coldness

I feel my body shaking

Shaking from fears



World is fading,

Blackness creeping in,

Freezing to death

Thinking this will finally ends



Finally, darkness settles in

Finally, coldness is gone

Finally, shaking has stopped

Finally, I lay still



Yes, finally at last-

At last no more brokenhearted

At last I stuffer no more

At last I cry no more...



No more, no more

At last I feel peace

At last I feel warmth

There I lay, forever smiling

Sitting in front of computer,

Typing up new poems on notepad..

Trying to think up of good words

Good word to describe my feeling



Sitting here and typing..

Trying to think, but is lost

I cant find one single word

I cant even describe my heart



Sitting here and typing..

Oh so lost, not knowing what to do

Not understanding why

Why is this happening to me



Sitting here and typing..

How can this happens to me

Why do I have to suffer?

When will it finally end?



Sitting here and typing...

Calling out for help

Screaming out for someone

Oh juz hold me tight,



Just hold me tight,

Never let me go..

Please tell me everything is ok

Tell me you truly love me so



There is no words I can describe

I only can show you my heart

I cant "tell" you how I feel

I only can show you



But you wont know until its too late

Oh no, you wont know

For I will show you after Im gone

Yes, I will truly be gone



So, hold on to me for now

Hold me tight and never let me go

For you wont know when

I will turn into stardust in your hands



Love me for who I am,

Don't you see, Im crying

Crying for love I need, not want

For I will be gone forever...

Hanging on the end of rope

It sways as I struggle to climb up

Burns and blisters form on both palms

Palms of my hands, calloused by rough textures



Hanging on the end of rope

Swaying around in bottomless pit

Surrounding by molded and roughed up rocks

Looking up at the outside of hole of bottomless pit



I see you standing on the edge of the hole,

Holding another end of rope

Another end of rope that I hold on to

Swayin to and fro



Burning, bleeding

Between my thighs

Rubbing, and rubbing

Forever, I sway on the end of rope



You stand on the edge of the hole

Holding the rope, not letting it go

Oh, let me go-

I beg you, let me go



Forever, I sway on the end of rope,

Calloused palms on my hands

Forever I sway on the end of rope,

Burning and bleeding thigh...



Oh forever swaying on the end of rope,

Waiting for you to let me go,

Waiting to fall forever into bottomless pit

Waiting for the day I can be free



Oh forever swaying on the end of rope,

Waiting for entire of blackness

Waiting for darkness to consume me

Waiting for the good-byes



Oh forever I sway,

Forever I sway, waiting

Waiting for you to let the rope go

Oh, let me go, I beg you



Oh forever I sway

Forever I sway on the end of rope

Oh, holding on the end of rope, waiting.

Forever I sway on the end of rope, waiting.

Nightfall is falling-

World is sleeping-

I lay wide awake-

Thinking and dreaming-



Oh, thinking and dreaming of you-

I stand in this pitch black blackness,

Surrounding by darkness-

I see you-



I see you standing there,

Shining, and glowing radiantly-

Walking toward me-

Your hand reaching out



You calls me out-

Whispering to me-

"Come, Come to me"

"Come, my darling"



I took your hand-

Looking deeply into your eyes-

A window to soul-

I took your hand, and stood by you-



I hear a song-

Our song-

I begins to dance

Dancing with you-



Im in heaven,

At the night-

Where all stars dance-

Where the moon sings song-



Im in dreamworld of heaven-

I smile in my sleep-

Dreaming of you-

Waiting...



Waiting for you,

Waiting for you to wake me-

With the morning kiss-

As morning sun rises-



Kisses us on cheeks-

With warmth as dream fades-

Holding you in my arms, smiling-

Yes, Im smiling..

You are running or walking

First thing to go is legs

They begin to feel wobbly

They go numb in a second

Your body begin to go numb

But you can feel yourself falling

As you watch yourself slowly falling

You screamed to yourself "STOP!"

But no respond of movement came

No reflex responded

There is nothing you can do about it

But watching yourself helplessly falling

And soon, you hit your head on ground

Everything go black,

All alone, and scared

You wonder to yourself,

"Where am I? What is happening"

"Why is everything black?"

"Am I just blackening out?"

"Is this world of coma"

"What if....... I died"

"Have I died yet?"



You start to realized that life is so precious

Your story of life flashes in your mind's eyes

You start to decide if your life is worthy to live

Is it worthy to live a life or worthy to die

Let it all flush down the toilet without a fight

Where you wouldn't know if you will success

Where you wouldn't know if you are strong enough

To face the world of damned, to face the hell

And to win the war of thousands battles.

You decide, you live or you die..

As cold water runs down on me,

I could taste delicious peachy lips of yours

Wanting it to touch my lips, brush against

My lips softly



I could taste cold water, imaging it's your lips

I tilted my head, so you could kiss my neck,

Nibbling on it,

Bites it.



My breasts were getting firmer,

My nipples were getting hard,

It was aching,

Aching for your touches.



As my nibbles were so hard,

Longing to feel your lips on it,

Playing with it with your tongue,

I can feel my nipples growing harder,

And aching for your touches, hmmm



My shoulder and arms are waiting,

Waiting for your touches,

Waiting for your hot, and sizzling touches,

Makes my heart beats so hard and fast!

Fastest as it can!



Waiting for your kisses,

My lips quivers,

Wanting to taste you so badly,

Tasting your peachy flavored lips



Wanting to feel your warmth,

My shoulders and arms shudder,

Your sizzling, and hot touches

Sending goosebumps all over my body.



My legs is trembling,

As it is longing for your lips on it,

Longing to feel your burning lips,

Longing to be squeezed by your hands.



My breasts is aching,

Aching for you to caress it,

Aching for you to squeeze it,

Aching for you to hold it,



My nipples is so hard and aching,

Aching for you to caress it with your fingers,

Aching for you to caress it with your lips,

Aching for you to suck it,

Aching for you to nibble it.



My body is

Shivering,

Trembling,

Shuddering



Wanting you to touch me,

Wanting you to hold me,

Wanting you to kiss me,

Wanting you to caress me,



Oh tender, gently, gently,

make me squirm,

Make me go wild with craze,

Make me SCREAMS,

Screams your name!



Come home,

As my body is waiting for you,

So, come home,

To me



To my shuddering,

To my shivering,

To my trembling,

Body

On the road in my good ol' camaro

Going miles and miles

Getting further and further away

Further away from the pain

Further away from the tears

Further away from the sorrow

Further away from everything



Im on the run,

Trying to hide

I don't want to face you

I don't want to face me

I'm hiding away from you and me

'Cause I don't want you to SEE



I don't want you to see my tears

I don't want you to see my sorrow

I don't want you to see my pain

I'm building barrels around my heart

Miles and miles have passed by

Miles and miles to go



I'm leaving everything behind

I'm forgetting everything

I won't know you anymore

I won't care about you anymore

I won't love you anymore

And it happens all over again



Heartbroken is mending

But still forever scarred

The pain is going away

But still pushed deep inside

Buried and barred,

The tears falls no more

But the tears still falling on inside

My heart still bleeds



I'm on the road in my good ol' camaro

Miles and miles have passed by

Waiting to crash into something

Waiting for someone walking along the same road

Same road that I'm driving on

Going too fast and faster

Hoping I will crash

And it all will ends

And it all will ends



Waiting for it to end

Oh, when will it ever end

Going to fast and faster

Seeing the lines on road falling under my ol' camaro

Going too fast and faster

Seeing trees swinging by



Going too fast and faster

As I drive over the cliff

Hoping it all will ends

And it all will ends

And it all will ends...

A heart break,

What a word, what a feeling.

It variety from around the world

From noisy as exploding bomb

To silent as baby feather falling

From harmless as a fly

To deadly dangerous as Oleander

A devil in disguise..



You glanced at my way



I glanced at your way



You smiled slyly



I smiled shyly



You gestured toward me



And I responded back sweetly



You spoke with silver tongue



You swept me off my feet with your charisma



Intense eyes with a honey hue piercing into my deep hazel blues



You stole my breath, and my heart



But, now you're sucking my soul dry, just like a vampire



A devil in disguise..



Trapping me with your deceiving webs



Trapping me with your lies



Bounded me with chromium chains



Bounded me as a slave



Forever slaving to you



Forever binding your bids



A devil in disguise



Yes, you are my devil in disguise