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For Christmas, I recieved a Vento piccolo. I am a flute and piccolo player so this was a nice gift. I honestly am only talking about this because I cannot think of anything else to write at the moment.

Blackness surrounds me. It is eating me up. I try so hard to escape but I know it is overpowering me, dragging me into the depths of oblivion. The darkness, such an abstract thing has suddenly become a very real, concrete threat. All I can feel is pain; excruciating pain that eats away at my body, at my very soul. I keep fighting, being pulled in by this monster, this horrible darkness eating me. The pain stops. For a moment, all is still, but the darkness keeps pulling. Now, without the pain, I have no strength. Without it, I am numb. I cannot fight without the strength, without the pain. I call for help. Why does no one come? They stand on the edge of darkness; I can feel them, their presence. Why does no one help? Will they not try? Will they not help pull me from this dark abyss, this oblivion which tears at my soul? “Will thou not help? “ I cry. “Will you all, monsters, simply watch as I am pulled to my certain demise? Will you surrender my soul, the soul of a fellow human, an innocent, to this darkness? Why do you not help?” No one moves, I still feel their presence, but no hand is reached out to me, still, no one pulls me out of this hate. I close my eyes, knowing that I can no longer fight. I’m exhausted; I can’t move or even try to call out again for help. The darkness suddenly seems so inviting. At least now I can sleep. I drift into the darkness and now the evil, the cold hate, is my only companion.

Why does my heart hurt so? When you are not around, I feel as though my life is in turmoil. Reality spinning around me, leaving nowhere for me to run, to hide. I feel as though I'm screaming for everything to just stop, or even just slow down to give me time to catch up. Then I see you. Finally, time stops, giving me time to catch my breath. But it's no use. You leave me breathless anyway. My heart races as you pull me into your embrace. For that moment, all is well in the complex teenage life. This is why I need you. I love you.

Well, my fiance found out that I was cheating on him. I guess it sucks but it's my own fault. I shouldn't have done it. I was wrong. Actually, for me, Troy finding out is a good thing. I know that sounds crazy. Let me explain. I was changing, turning into something that I'm not. I bacame selfish and cruel. I began to hate myself without knowing it. When Troy found out, it damn near killed me. (You don't want to see my arms)

His pain. . . It was the wake up call I needed. I'm becoming a real person, with real thoughts and feelings for others. I stopped caring what other people think of me again, which is something I'd always prided myself on. I guess seeing the way I could hurt someone I love really made me just go back to being myself, which is good enough for me. I just wish like hell I hadn't hurt Troy in the process. Things are never going to be the same now, but then, maybe we can make them better. Maybe we can make something good out of this. I believe we can. Troy is willing to stay with me. That alone makes me the happiest woman alive. I just hope I can still make him happy as well.

I am an idiot. A few months ago, I slept with my ex boyfriend. The problem is, I'm engaged. My fiancee found out today. He called me a whore and we ended up almost breaking up. He chose to stay with me, but that almost makes it worse. I deserve pain. I don't deserve a soulmate, much less one as wonderful as Troy. I hate myself so much.

COMMENTS

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slipknotbabe356
01:44 Dec 14 2010

People make mistakes, thats what us human. Your lucky to have such a great fiancee to stand by you.

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MyArmyLife
05:08 Dec 14 2010

Major fuck up on your part. Good thing he's staying with you. If it had ended though, you could only blame yourself. Do better next time, huh? If he's that good a guy you don't want him to leave.

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Lblood
22:02 Jan 03 2011

You guys are both right.

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When the sun falls down, the stars burn out, and eternal darkness consumes our world will you be ready? I think not. The world will be chaos. Humans will panic. Fear will overcome andresult in doom. My heart is already submerged in drakness. My soul longs for love, but flees from happiness. I look around and see only blackness as my tears of blood flow freely. Eternally condemned to wallow in my bloodlust, I prey on the innocent and triumph in cries of pain. I will make your world black, as is mine. You will see the grey world through my eyes and you will know true pain! But you are weak and my pain will swallow you. It takes true strengh to fight the demons which have made me this monster. You are denied strengh and will perrish alone in darkness.