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You left without ‘goodbye’,

Perhaps to avoid seeing me cry.

You knew, yet you didn’t tell,

That your life was shorter than your will.



So many things I had to tell you,

So many things I wanted to be.

Deep down I know,

You’re always watching me.



You called me ‘yours’,

Yet there was no blood between us,

The pain I’ve been through for you,

Made me stronger,

Made me honest.



I’ll you ‘mine’ as well,

Because you gave all that one could.

You saw me safe,

Saw me true.



Never really gone,

I can’t help but think,

‘Maybe this isn’t real,’

‘Maybe I’m just dreaming.’



It is real though,

Even if my heart won’t believe it,

And as tears fall on this page,

Know that I was trying to be brave,

For you.



“Be strong for me. You have years left yet,” You’d say,

“You’ll make it.” I said,

But I’ll never forget,

“I’ll watch you grow up, have a family, be happy.”

You knew all along we’d never meet again. Ever.



So with these words I’ll tell you,

All that I feel, all that I couldn’t.



You’ve made me into someone, strong, honest and true,

Kind, grateful and full of hope.



I’ll be happy,

You watch.

I’ll be me, through and through.

Although I don’t have you there to guide me,

I’ll search for you in my dreams.



You were strong, honest and true.

Know that you mean the world to me,

I regret nothing,

Hold no grudge,

I appreciate all that you’ve done.



Thankyou for my life.

Thankyou for making me a part of yours.

Thankyou for helping me find myself.

Thankyou for making me your own.



I’ll be happy, make you proud.

I’ll be myself,

Let no one drag me down.

You taught me that.



I love you.



You’ll never be forgotten.

You’ll live through me.



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For Lyndy, my step-mother – 19/6/06



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Written by me 21-6-06

Empty. Hollow. Pointless. Damned



Don’t say a word,

Don’t let me hear you say it.

I’ve forgotten already,

You know damn well I’m too easy.



“Always give a second chance,” I’d say.

This is the 43rd

And what do you know,

My words came round to stab me in the back.

I’m surprised,

Really, I am,

That they haven’t killed me yet.

Came ‘oh-so-close’ though.



Empty, hollow, pointless promises,

Damned as soon as they left your mouth,

Burned as soon as they touched my ears.



Of course,

Forgive the confusion,

I’d give you every chance to cut my throat again,

“Trust me.” You’d say, “I’ll make it okay.”

“I promise.”

You lied.



There’s one problem though,

Like a needle in the eye,

Hot cross along my chest,

I love you, more than I ever card to express.



After all you’ve done,

All you made me feel,

I never worked out how love came into it.

Don’t worry,

I have plenty of reasons to hate you.



Empty, hollow, pointless promises

Hardly a reason to feel betrayed,

Be me for a day though, look up to you like I did.

Feel it now?



I lived on damned promises alone,

A grip so tight, I choked in my sleep.



You’d form a new one when I needed,

When I was cold, hungry, alone.

It took no effort at all for you, to take those words,

Form my noose.



I have to say,

You did it well.

Not sure if I’ll get it back,

All that trust.

I have so much more to give,

But my heart is…



Empty, hollow, pointless promises

I’m the fool,

It’s my fault,

I’m…



Empty, hollow, pointless, damned.

Fake and betrayed.

Thankyou.



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My rather cynical outlook on promises.

Written by me, on 22-3-06