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and yet again i find myself wishing she were her. wishing she were in my arms. wanting nothing more than to be hers. but i dont know how to make it happen. shes 1000 miles away and a lifetime apart. i cant get her voice out of my mind. like an angels voice or the wind on a spring day. it feels as though my heart has left me to be with her and left me void. the pain of being without her is almost to much. what am i to do?

last night i finally got to hear her voice. and how sweet it was. i only wish i could have seen her face. but i am none the less filled with great joy to have heard her none the less. my impression of her was limited due to the fact that she was as nervous as i was. but unlike me she gets quite when shes nervous. i feel in my heart a great pain over this though. if for nothing else because i cant rap my arms around her and comfort her in her time of need. and because i have been seeing someone else. i have consulted a very dear person on this matter and was told that since i have made no comitment to this other person that its okay to want to be with my lady wolf. i was told that since i could not be with her in person that it was only natureal to want companionship. but i feel pain in my heart none the less. i want to tell the other person that though i care for them deeply, i simply cant love two women. but how do i say it. how do you tell someone that your in love with someone youve never met. and dont even know what they look like. i know it cruel to hide the truth. but i also know that if i break it off with the other person that it will devestate her. and i cant in good consence do that. and nor can i in good consence continue to try and love to women with room for only one. i dont know what to do and this, though somewhat calming, isnt giving me any answers. im lost iny own heart and i can find the way out.

all i can think about is talking to her. and all i want to do is feel her skin. taste her lips. and all i can do is talk to her through this site. i love her more than anything else. and ive never even met her. some would call this insanity. but to me. its the only thing that matters.