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Though i find that i like serving. for it is my lot in life and i do not dispute this fact. i find it hard to bow my head lightly. since i have joined the lady Empress i have met few that didnt know her. and though i feel i swell of pride to be serving such a figure i still cant bring myself to fully comit myself. i know not why this is. i have not but respect for my lady and yet thet mear fact that i am a wolf and my pride forbades my from conforming is in conflict with my duties. i only wish i knew of a way to serve without becoming what i would consider no more then a lap dog. forgive me my lady. i mean not to anger or disrespect you.

I cant figure out what the hell is going on around me. i keep triing to make sense of it but i cant. im in a place full of crazy people and it feels normal. and when i go home i feel like an alien. i just wish that someone could tell me why i cant find the peace i long for so dearly. and why no matter how hard i try i cant break free from the memories that plague me so. these memories of the people ive lost. and of the times i wish for nothing more then to forget.