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Something is sucking me dry. An invisible force. I feel like a car with slashed tires. I'm driving on worn-out rims. It's taking away all my drive. My two weeks of vacation are now over. I haven't accomplished anything. I haven't been away. The past vacations I used to fly far away, and then I felt better. It's as if what's draining me loses power through global distance. My suspicion that my soul has been tapped into by a vampiric presence seems to be increasingly confirmed. I've tried a lot: self-therapy, things that are good for me, confidence, simply everything. And yet something is sucking at me. I feel like I've sunk into quicksand, sunk so deep that nothing can help me to get out anymore. It's more than just depression. No matter how positively I motivate my mind, I sink deeper and deeper. I no longer see sunlight. I can't pull myself up. I just want to reach the sphere where there is nothing. Away from this world. I'm longing for an encounter, the embrace of a vampire, and the bite that comes with it. A sharp pain before everything goes black. For the other part it's feasting on a mortal, for me it will be a sensual liberation from everything.

I feel only depression, darkness and emotional anguish, while outwardly I pretend to be strong and well. Anyone who sees these lines as an invitation can try to embrace me. If I allow it and seem like outstreching my neck, I'm ready. Then it's an invitation to dinner. If I resist, or if I just pull in my neck, it's a resounding no. I couldn't say yet what it will be. This is my way of being about to make a bad decision.

No, this text is not a cry for help. Consider it mind sharing. Or actually, I'm just writing it down for myself because it feels liberating. You can think what you want, but after all, it's my own journal.