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A new month.
A new start.
A new beginning.

4 assignments left in Life Coaching.
8 weeks left before I become certified in Graphic Designs.

I decided not to go into the associates course. My main focus is going to be on starting the journey in Life Coaching. I will use some of the Graphic Design things in my LC business for personalized touches. I'll do that as a side project.

I am good at both things. Screw those feelings I've been having of being worthless, undeserving, a burden and just not good enough. Because it's so far from true. I'm going to brag on myself for a minute:

DESIGN PRINCIPLES & COLOR THEORY Total: 100% (A)
DESIGN TECHNOLOGIES Total: 93.85% (A)
IMAGE MANIPULATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Total: 97.72% (A)
Typography & Hierarchy Total: 99.9% (A)
Page Layout & Composition Design Total: 98.5% (A)
STUDENT SUCCESS & TECHNOLOGY FOUNDATIONS Total: 96.3% (A)

Life Coaching score is 100% with super positive feedback from my instructor.

I feel like Life Coaching is something that would give me a sense of fulfillment. Clients who seek out Life Coaches are doing it because they want the support and guidance a Life Coach brings. They want to get on track in their life.

I refuse to feel those things I've been feeling. I refuse to feel guilt. If I do something/act some way there is a damn good reason behind it. There was/is a damn good reason for me to do these classes. I made sure I was going to be good. I made sure the dots were connected. While I have no issues with admitting when I'm wrong, I won't just throw myself out there without the proper foundation to make sure I don't look foolish. Life has taught me a lot of things... that being one of them.

COMMENTS

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LunarTides
19:02 May 06 2025

You’ve so got this!

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MooniePie
21:45 May 06 2025

I do! I'm pretty excited. Even more so since I can't believe I am pulling a 4.0 all the way around!

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Morrigon
20:32 May 07 2025

I would destroy my underwear if I got scores as good as yours. You're on a roll!

Fuck those feelings, fuck the slag that tries to convince you that you aren't a diamond.

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MooniePie
00:03 May 08 2025

Rolls... make me think of butter... make me think of thighs.. mmmmmmm butter thighs.

For real- Fuck those Fucking Feelings. I refuse to let them weight me down and whisper to me untruths. If I've survived all this shit that has happened to me.. then you bet your ass it's going to take a lot more to break me.

I'm a fucking survivor, baby!

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That saying of 'Why can't I just catch a break?' keeps bouncing around in my mind. It feels as though I catch one for a brief moment and then bam.. there is a mountain in the road. I have to call next week to see if they received the order for my cat scan. While I know it isn't going to be a 'life or death' outcome, it's still going to be another thing I have to add to the list of 'Fun things about Moonie that make her too much to handle'. or 'Let's add another device to the list so she can actually function like a fucking person'.

At least all my blood work came back great. They set me up for a mammogram since the last one I had was when they had to do the biopsy. Then I thought I'd get to be able to move away from colonoscopies' since I've hit the age where they can do the test. Nope! Since my mom was diagnosed at 38 with colon cancer, they will continue the scopes.

There is that little part of me that just can't stop wondering. I dunno maybe at some point it will fade. It starts to, then something will trigger it. Just.. why? what's the point?

COMMENTS

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LunarTides
03:05 May 02 2025

Every year at the mamo it brings up bad feelings but it seems to get a little easier every year. The first year after my Mom’s death I needed calming medication but last year I didn’t need it. I guess it’s time to stop putting it off and schedule this years. *hugs*

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I was thinking at one point to just kind of fade away from here. To take steps back until it was at the point where I was 'forgotten'. Then I really considered just being done because the 'ick' had just gotten to that point.

Therapy has been so eye opening. It has made me realize that my thoughts and emotions about situations were/are valid. Situations from my mom passing, my dad's accident, me becoming disabled, the broken trust in friendships, unsuitable relationships, so on and so forth. Everything I feel is valid and it's not just me 'overreacting'. While no one has really told me I was overreacting, I am my own worst enemy and tend to be cruel to myself.

Things started to trigger and I could feel myself sinking into that hole of insecurities, self loathing, feeling like a burden, not feeling good enough, not being enough, not being worthy of many things (Love, time, kindness, being important, being chosen, etc.)

I have some recent medical problems going on that has added to those feelings above. On top of those medical things I switched Dr's. So, I had to retell my whole history (my mom's cancer, my mom's death, my dad's accident, my disability, my dad's cancer, his death) to someone new was... I can't describe. As I told her the story you could read the shock on her face. She looked at me and said "How are you even here right now?" All I could say was "I'm held together with duct tape, popsicle sticks and glue".

As I talked with my therapist last night, she decided we should try an exorcise that helps process thoughts and emotions by 'balancing' the right and left side of the brain to see situations a bit more clearly. It was a real eye opener to see just how much clarity it brought. Without it I think I would have been stuck in that cycle of dwelling and those feelings would have gotten heavier and heavier. That is not a place I want to be.

While a bit of those feelings have eased up because of the clarity of last night, I know I still have a ways to go.

I have been though so much and yet I'm still here. I have faced so many thing that would have broken another person, but I'm still here. I will bounce back from these new problems and situations as well. It will just take time. I will get through all these things. I always do.