MooniePie's Vampire Journal

MooniePie's Journal

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6 entries this month

← Jul 2025

01:17 Aug 30 2025
Times Read: 27

I've been debating on whether to share this here, but here it goes-

I’m soft launching my Life Coaching and Graphic Design business.
If you’re interested in either, feel free to reach out to me.

While I highly doubt there will be an interest from here, I figured I might as well throw it out there.

COMMENTS

05:41 Aug 25 2025
Times Read: 354

There are times that sneak out of the blue and make me wonder. Wonder what would have happened if I would have stuck to my gut feeling and listened to that little voice that said 'don't do it'. The one thing I do know for certain is that I wouldn't have those moments were I still feel stupid and foolish. Add that to list of things that still haunt me from the past. -shrug-

Enough of that.

I'm detoxing from dating sites. They are so toxic. Between the ghosting, the discarding, the games, and the people only looking for sex, I'm just so done. It's an emotional rollarcoaster that starts to roll over into different parts thinking. It started to effect how I felt/feel about myself. That struggle of not feeling worthless or that you can't do anything right. That I'm just a shit person and I deserve it. Down, down, down the spiral. It's even made me question 'what is the point' with my plans because I won't be good enough. It doesn't matter how irrational the idea is because they just don't connect, it's still a battle. I've even caught myself getting back into that mind set of 'maybe I am just good for sex and that's it'. Sharing things because if I'm desired, or if they want to fuck me, that's something, right? Maybe then I won't be discarded like trash. I thought I left that back in my 20's and early 30's. I guess not. I'm just glad that they were just feelings and I didn't act on them like I would have once upon a time. Fucking everything just to feel some form of connection, is not healthy- at least not for me.

I shut down the three sites I was on and 'walked' away.
I'm just finished. It's not worth the emotional turmoil that comes with it.
I need to put that focus back on track even if it is hard when most of your support system has dried up. I just looked up the phrase 'the only person you can rely on is yourself' to see who said it and it came up with:

"The phrase "The only person you can rely on is yourself" emphasizes self-reliance, highlighting the importance of trusting your own capabilities and judgment to navigate life's challenges. While relationships are valuable, the idea suggests that external support is inconsistent, and true independence comes from developing inner strength, resilience, and self-trust, ensuring you are never completely let down by others or circumstances.

No truer words have been spoken that the ones I've put into bold.

I can say that I haven't become bitter or jaded, just more so resigned to it is what it is.
I dunno if that's better or worse.

COMMENTS

Morrigon
12:59 Aug 27 2025

I think it's mostly true and the sentiment of self reliance can be held without bitterness. I too have struggled greatly with external validation (have you seen the characters I dated???) much to my detriment, putting my self esteem in the hands of immature weirdos who only cared about their own needs getting met. You can walk away feeling cheap or you can slo-mo walk away from that shit like Antonio Banderas walks away from an explosion and I think you're closer to the latter.

You have been busy and doing a lot to move toward your goals and I'm sorry that you keep encountering idiots who aren't doing the same but instead looking for interactions that are cheap and easy.

MooniePie
00:42 Aug 28 2025

I think once we begin to know ourselves we can do so without bitterness. That's one of the reasons why I stopped dating. Not only because I put myself on hold for family but also because I noticed a pattern with myself. I was giving love, but I wasn't receiving it. That or it wasn't healthy. While I can appear self confident, a lot of the times it's just an act. That also played a factor in shitty relationships.

I have been moving towards those goals. While it's been a fight mentally, I'm still doing it. Maybe at some point I will stumble across someone who is emotionally mature and emotionally available. hah.. that made me giggle.

Morrigon
13:16 Aug 28 2025

Everything you're saying makes sense, as frustrating as it is. I'm happy that you aren't stagnant where you cannot be fulfilled or authentic, cheers to your bravery!

18:50 Aug 16 2025
Times Read: 409

The amount of games, falseness, and lack of emotional (and regular) maturity in the whole dating scene is not only disheartening but also abhorrent.

The popular thing now appears to be 'situationships' or just fucking until you get feelings, or what passes as feelings. It's also a part of the whole ego/arrogance of thinking their genitals are magic and can cure/fix/be irresistible everyone. Throw in some midlife crisis and it's a mix.

It's gross. Those are just gross.

I used to think the term narcissist was over used. Just a term to throw on selfish people, but now I really wonder.

I can see how it would be very easy to become jaded and bitter. I could have easily stepped onto that path and walked it the whole way, but why? That ends up harming me in the end.

There are times I still struggle with self worth, liking myself physically, and think I'm too hard/too much to 'love'. I have also doubted my self worth in those low times by allowing barbs to sink beneath the skin ignoring the fact it was a them problem and not fully a me problem.

There are things for sure I've learned- I deserve more than the scraps that was/is given/thrown at me in experiences. That there are times when situations say more about a person and how they act than about me. It can be a struggle to remember this, but no less true.

Holding onto the hurt, pain, and anger can be even more damaging than the cause of them.

I won't give pity. Instead I will wish them growth.

COMMENTS

OldSoul
04:09 Aug 17 2025

Pretty sure that I'm going to be single forever and perfectly fine with that

MooniePie
02:08 Aug 18 2025

I'm honestly feeling the same way. I don't want that to be the case since I'm in a place in my life where I can freely explore someone and build something.

-shrug- I dunno. It's giving me the ick.

02:33 Aug 10 2025
Times Read: 439

I guess I can wrap that up and throw it in the bin with the rest of the past. I'd like to say say I'm surprised but really I'm just indifferent. I am suspicious by nature and shoved it down with the reason of 'oh that couldn't be', but perhaps it was. Perhaps it was like the other 'dots' floating together- illusions of truth in front of the curtain while behind is the real mixing and mingling.

Fuck pretending and the pretenders and those that hover about looking for nothing more than dirt for fodder.

..... and with that back to the tasks at hand.

COMMENTS

21:10 Aug 06 2025
Times Read: 467

When I get my blog/marketing space designed I'm going to start posting things on there instead of here. I may post some small things randomly I'm not sure. I want to be able to broaden my virtual presence and maybe some of the things I write about will resonate with people who feel similarly.

It's just not the same feeling anymore and hasn't been for awhile. There is still a very small part of me that needs to heal. Moving on to express myself in another space might just be what starts to let that happen.

COMMENTS

20:17 Aug 01 2025
Times Read: 526

Bittersweet is the only way to describe this moment.

Sweet, because I’ve laid down the fear of not being good enough. I feel proud—something I never imagined I’d associate with a step like this. For so long, it felt like just a dream, a fairytale I’d drift toward during quiet daydreams.

Bitter, because the people I would have loved to share this with—my parents, and some dear friends—are no longer here. I can only share it with them in spirit. When the process was done, a rush of emotion overwhelmed me. Tears filled my eyes, and I looked around only to find myself surrounded by silence once again. Another milestone met alone.

It’s a lonely celebration—but maybe that’s how it’s meant to be, for now.

The next step is waiting: a 10-day review period for my business submission. After that, I’ll know if anything needs to be changed.

It’s exciting, yes—but tinged with sadness.

Still, we live. We learn.
We grow. And we flourish.